A Wild Ride (20 page)

“Yeah. My head doesn’t hurt like it did. Do you think I can try standing up?” Ryan asked.

“Maybe. Let me ask the doctor what he thinks, and if he approves, I’ll be back to help you,” she said. “But you wanting to move is a good sign.” She smiled at him and went about her work. “Where’s your rugged friend?” she asked, looking at the empty chair that Dante usually used.

“He went home,” Ryan said levelly. He left out the part about how he’d been telling Dante to leave for days and he’d finally taken him up on it. “He has a ranch to run and he also takes care of his grandfather.”

The nurse straightened his bedding. “It looked like he was also taking good care of you.” She continued her work. “You see all kinds of people in this place, folks who come up once in a while to see their kids or their parents. Sometimes they don’t come at all. Folks lie in bed for days with just themselves and no one to sit with them.” She tugged on the bedding and the wrinkles that had started to bother his legs smoothed out. “I hope you know how lucky you are.” Ryan would have rolled his eyes, but he was afraid his head would start hurting, so he simply kept quiet. “Is that more comfortable?” she asked before helping him slowly lean forward and then fluffing his pillows. “There.”

“Thank you,” Ryan said, feeling comfortable and almost cradled in the bedding.

“You’re welcome, honey. I’ll ask the doctor about you taking a walk,” she said, and Ryan thanked her again. She left the room, and Ryan yawned, closing his eyes. He must have really slept, because when he woke, he felt floaty and happy, like he’d actually rested and didn’t want to really wake.

“You finally decided to open yer eyes,” a voice he didn’t immediately place said, and Ryan turned toward the chair beside the bed.

“Hy,” Ryan said. “What are you doing here? Did Dante bring you up?” Then a scary thought occurred to him. “You didn’t try to drive yourself, did you?”

“No. The roads are safe. A friend was coming into town and he gave me a ride. Dante’s working back at the ranch, or at least he was when I left,” Hy said.

“Oh,” Ryan mumbled.

“So how are you, young man?”

“I’ve been better,” Ryan said, and Hy chuckled.

“Join the club. At least you’ll heal and not fall to pieces in front of everyone you know.” Hy shifted in the chair. “Now that we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, what did you say to Dante? He got home from the hospital this morning looking like he lost his best friend. Did you two have a fight?”

“No. He was always here, and I told him to go home. He has you and the ranch to take care of. He didn’t need to be sitting up here with me,” Ryan said. “It isn’t like I’m going anywhere anytime fast, and I know he has things to do.”

“Uh-huh, you keep telling yourself that, but I know a bunch of hog slop when I hear it. You been sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself and you didn’t want Dante to see it. I know—I been there before too.” That wasn’t exactly what was going on, but Ryan kept quiet. Hy could think whatever he wanted. “Know something? I never thought a disease could teach me anything, but this crappy ALS taught me something. I can’t do as much as I used to, and sometimes people got to help me. And you know what? I gotta let ’em. There ain’t nothing wrong with letting folks who care about you help. Yeah, sometimes it’s hard to take, especially when it’s something like being able to drink a beer or eat your dinner. But, boy, it won’t be forever, at least for you. So let the folks that care help. It’s sometimes how they show they care.”

“But being helpless really sucks,” Ryan said.

“Yeah. But you won’t be helpless for long, and you certainly know who your friends are at a time like this,” Hy said. “Let me ask you this. Once this is over and you’re on your feet again, are you going to be most grateful for the people who were here to help or the ones who stayed away?” Hy stood up and began to slowly walk toward the door. “I gotta go because my friend, Grace, is going to be picking me up soon, and that woman don’t wait for no one.”

“You’re leaving already?” Ryan asked.

“Well, I been here for two hours and you slept through most of it.” Hy shuffled toward the door. “You get better, and we’ll sit on the porch and have a beer together. I’ll even let you help me if I need it.” Hy waved and then left the room. Ryan thought about calling Dante to see when he was coming back, but he’d pushed Dante away and he couldn’t very well call and ask him to come back.

Jacky buzzed into his room a little while later and talked nonstop about everything that was happening. Ryan couldn’t keep up, so he simply listened to what he could and was thankful for the company. “Where’s Dante?” Jacky asked after he took a breather from his litany of gossip and happenings.

“He’s at the ranch,” Ryan said without providing further explanation.

“Is he coming back tonight?” Jacky asked.

“I don’t know,” Ryan answered. His head was beginning to ache and he closed his eyes.

“More pain?” Jacky asked.

“Yeah. It comes and goes sometimes. My folks were here before they had to leave town. It was a surprisingly good visit. Mom was Mom and Dad was more like Dad and less like ‘The Reverend’,” Ryan told Jacky with a smile.

“Do you want me to get someone about the pain?” Jacky asked.

“No. It’ll most likely pass.” God, he hoped so. He was getting very tired of being doped up until he could barely see or think straight. “So have you got your tickets for next season?”

“Yeah. Do you know if Dante’s sponsorship was renewed?” Jacky asked, but Ryan didn’t have an answer. They hadn’t done a lot of talking since the accident, and Ryan realized he didn’t know much about anything that had happened with Dante other than the fact he always seemed to have been at the hospital.

“No. I remember Harvey saying it should be a done deal and seeming pretty confident about it, but I don’t remember Dante saying any more about it.” He’d have to try to remember to ask when he saw Dante, but his current memory seemed fuzzy sometimes.

The nurse walked in, all smiles. “The doctor says you can take a short walk if you feel like it. He did stress that you aren’t to be alone in case you get dizzy.” Ryan pushed back the covers and slowly moved his legs off the bed.

“God, it will be nice just to be able to walk to the bathroom,” Ryan said as he continued slowly shifting on the bed. The nurse helped him up, and Ryan stood on his own legs for the first time since the accident.

“Are you dizzy?” the nurse asked softly.

“No,” Ryan said. He was exhilarated and out of that damned bed.

“Good. Stay where you are,” she said, shifting Ryan’s IV to a wheeled stand. “Okay, you can take a few steps if you think you can.” Ryan walked a little bit, taking it slow, glad everything seemed to be working.

He paused when Jacky snickered from behind him. “Nice butt,” Jacky called, and Ryan realized his gown was open in the back. The nurse helped him tie the gown closed, and he continued walking.

“You okay?” the nurse asked as they reached the hallway.

“Yeah. My head feels okay,” he said. It felt good to be moving. “Can we go back now? I want to use the bathroom.” He’d been peeing through tubes and into jars for days and he was
so
ready to use the bathroom.

“You’re out of bed,” Dante said as he approached from down the hall. Ryan stopped and stared because, damn, Dante looked good: tight jeans, black T-shirt, and he was even wearing his hat and boots.

“We’re heading back to the room,” Ryan explained. He was not about to tell Dante he needed to go back to use the bathroom. Things inside his hospital gown were suddenly interested, and Ryan had been starting to believe that the one thing that his brain had forgotten about was his dick. Well, now he knew that worked, and thank God hospital gowns were baggy.

“I’ll take him back,” Dante told the nurse, and he took her place, gently leading Dante back to the room.

Jacky was waiting for them. “Did you have a good walk? I see you picked up a cowboy along the way.” Jacky made a show of peering out in the hallway. “Maybe I should get hurt and one will come visit me.” Jacky stepped over to where Ryan was leaning against the bed and gently gave him a hug—then stepped back with a surprised expression on his face.

“Sorry,” Ryan mumbled, and Jacky laughed.

“At least things are working,” he said. “I’ll get going and leave you two alone.”

“Okay,” Ryan said, and he slowly pulled open the bathroom door. Jacky left, and Ryan went inside, standing over the toilet. God, who would have thought something as normal as peeing like a real person could be transcendental, but Ryan felt more human right at that moment than he had since the attack. Ryan sighed and finished up, before washing his hands. Then he pushed his rolling IV stand back into his room, and Dante helped him back in bed. A nurse came in a few minutes later to make sure everything was okay.

Dante settled in the chair next to the bed and took off his hat, setting it on his knee. His leg jittered, hat bouncing. “What’s gotten into you?” Ryan asked.

“Not sure. What got into you?” Dante pressed. “I’m not some child; I know what I need to do, and I know you know that. So what’s with the whole thing about getting me to leave? If you don’t want me around, all you need to do is say so, but you don’t need to beat around the bush like I’m helpless and can’t think for myself.”

Ryan swallowed, and a dull ache began in the back of his head. He knew this headache had nothing to do with his injury, though. This was tension, coupled with a touch of regret. “I never thought that,” Ryan said as he shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable, but it wasn’t working.

“Then what was it?” Dante demanded.

Ryan looked toward the door, anywhere except at Dante. “You were taking care of me all the time, and I guess I was feeling helpless.” Ryan slowly turned his head so he could see Dante. “I don’t want you seeing me like this, and feeling like you have to be here because I couldn’t even eat or go to the bathroom on my own.”

“Sometimes you’re a plumb fool,” Dante said.

“Gee, thanks,” Ryan countered.

“You want me to talk to you about how I feel, but you can’t even do the same thing,” Dante said.

“I know,” Ryan admitted. “Hy was up here today and he gave me quite the talking to.”

“So this is where he disappeared to. The old cuss said he and a friend were going into town. I should have known he was up to something,” Dante said. “So what did he have to say?”

Ryan waited until Dante turned his way and their gazes met. “He said that sometimes people tell you how they feel by what they do for you.” Ryan waited.

Dante nodded slowly and picked up his hat, twisting the brim nervously. “When you were in surgery, we didn’t know if you were going to make it. They said your skull had been cracked and that pressure was building on your brain, and then I sat in that waiting room for hours hoping that because they didn’t tell us anything you were still alive.” Dante swallowed hard, and Ryan felt a lump forming in his own throat. “Then they brought you up to the room and you looked so small, almost broken, and I knew all of this was because of me. You wouldn’t have been hurt if it weren’t for me. Those men who attacked you only did so because you were with me. The police said that they were waiting for me and attacked you because they waited behind your car. Your being hurt was an accident, and then afterwards you were in the hospital bed and I realized I’d never told you how I felt.” Dante’s hat dropped to the floor, and he took Ryan’s hand.

“It’s okay. I know how you feel now. Hy helped me figure it out,” Ryan said.

“Maybe, but that’s not good enough. You almost died, and all you asked was for me to say how I felt. We don’t talk about our feelings much, and I guess Gramps has been busy, because he read me the riot act this morning before he left… and I thought the women back home were busybodies.”

“Dante….”

“No. I need to do this. I was here all that time, taking care of you and making sure you were as comfortable as possible, because I love you. I don’t know when I first realized it, but I think it became really clear when I realized you spent the entire evening on the phone the night of the signing, calling everyone you knew to get them to come down and show their support.”

“How?”

“Jacky spilled the beans, but he didn’t mean to,” Dante said, squeezing Ryan’s hand a little tighter.

“The man never could keep his mouth shut,” Ryan said with mock frustration.

“It doesn’t matter. I know how much you would rather I not ride bulls any longer, and you had the chance to see that happen. If I lost my sponsor, I wouldn’t be able to join the circuit next year and you’d get what you wanted.” Ryan opened his mouth, but Dante shook his head to keep him quiet. “But you got on the phone and called everyone you knew, and they all came down, bought hats, got autographs, and filled the place. Dunbar’s renewed their sponsorship for another year, and Harvey even got them to throw in the money for a few promotional stops at gay rodeos. How he did that I’ll never know, but Harvey is one devious bastard sometimes.”

Ryan tugged Dante closer, touching his rough, unshaven cheek. “I love you too, and I wanted you to be happy. I know that means you being able to ride bulls. It scares the shit out of me, but it also makes you happy, and that’s what I want.”

“I know.” Dante moved the chair closer to the bed and then leaned closer, resting his head on the pillow against Ryan’s. “Maybe there’s something to this talking about your feelings thing.”

“Hey,” Ryan whispered. “And sometimes talk is overrated.” Ryan slowly caressed Dante’s cheek. “I first realized how much I loved you when you went out of your way to make sure the kids got their autographs at the store and after the rodeo. You have a good heart, Dante, and I’m just so damned lucky.”

“But you didn’t even know me then,” Dante said.

“I know. It’s your heart I fell in love with. The way you looked out for those kids, the way you care for Gramps, and now me. You shouldn’t have had to say how you feel, because you show it all the time. I just needed to be able to see it.” Ryan stroked Dante’s hand over his cheek and felt him jump slightly. “What’s wrong?”