A Witch Alone (The Winter Witch Trilogy #3) (17 page)

Marcus leaned across the table, his fingers clenched around his cup. I could almost feel his shock reverberating through the wooden table top. Then he spoke and his voice was harsh with urgency.

‘Who? For God’s sake, tell me! W
ho?
’

I swallowed. Could I really do this? Could I really voice this horrible, disloyal, poisonous suspicion to Marcus?

‘
Who?
’ he shouted suddenly, so loud that I jumped and almost dropped my cup. ‘My father was
killed
by that damn spy! Doesn’t that give me some kind of right to your suspicions?’

He was right. Of course he was right. I gripped the cup hard, my fingers damp and clammy, slipping on the china.

‘My … my mother.’

‘
What?
’ I don’t know what he’d been expecting – but that threw him. There was no faking the blank astonishment on his face. Then his expression turned to outrage. ‘No! Not Isabella – she loved … She’d never …’

He trailed off, his face blank with a shock too great to process all at once. I could almost see his thoughts whirring furiously, trying to piece together the missing parts of the past.

‘I’m sorry, Marcus,’ I said. ‘I know you loved her – but she didn’t kill herself, you know that. It was too planned, too calculated. She did everything she could to protect me and I think she went too far. I think she gave herself up to the Others. If I can track her down—’

‘Then what?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘But I have to try. It’s better than sitting here waiting for the axe to fall, waiting for another death.’

He said nothing, just sat opposite, staring down at his hands, his face like a mask. What was he thinking? I found Marcus so hard to read – he had the smooth inscrutability of all the Ealdwitan: a smooth, shining surface with fast currents beneath.

‘I’m going,’ I said. ‘One way or another, I’m going. I’m fed up with waiting and looking over my shoulder.
I’m
taking control. Do you understand? If I go out to meet this – whatever it is – it’s better, anything’s better than being hunted down like an animal.’

‘So you’re really set on this?’ he said. There was something odd in his voice: resignation perhaps. Defeat. ‘There’s nothing I can say?’

‘Nothing. I’m going.’

‘Good luck,’ he said at last. He raised his gaze from the table, his brown eyes dark and troubled. ‘You’ll need it.’

The train drew into Winter station at dusk and I sat on the bench by the road, waiting for the bus in the rain. It was hard to believe it was almost summer, with the drizzling clouds shutting out the sky. I watched the drips pattering off the station canopy and the image of my grandmother’s bleached, lopsided face rose up before me like a ghost. I shut my eyes – but it was still there, haunting me. And her voice in my head saying,
You must seize the Chair. Please Anna. Please.

‘Anna,’ said a voice. ‘Anna.’

It took me a moment to realize it was a real voice, not in my head – then I opened my eyes abruptly and found Caroline Flint standing in front of me.

‘C-Caroline!’ I was so surprised that my voice stammered and I wanted to kick myself. I didn’t have to be afraid of her, not any more.

‘Can I sit down?’ she asked. I nodded and she sat, chewing a tress of golden hair. I realized, to my surprise, that she was as nervous as me, maybe more. She pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one, drawing the smoke down deep and exhaling it with a shuddery nervous breath.

‘Sorry, you don’t smoke. Do you – d’you mind?’ she asked, her mouth lopsided around the cigarette.

‘It’s fine,’ I said, but what I really wanted to ask was,
Why are you here?

Caroline stared into the rain in a way that looked as if she was asking herself the same question. She took another long shaky drag and then spoke.

‘Look, I heard what you said – to Emmaline in the canteen. I wasn’t listening, I promise. I mean I wasn’t trying to, but…’

‘It’s OK,’ I said. My voice was level but my heart was sinking. I should have learned my damn lesson by now. What had we said? Anything compromising? I ran back over the conversation in my head but all I could remember was talking about Russia.

‘You’re leaving.’

‘Yes.’

‘Anna …’ She stopped and then said in a rush, ‘It’s not because of me, is it? Because, if you knew how bad I feel about what I did to you – shopping you to those men, to the Malleus … I’m so, so sorry. If I’d known how they’d treat you, I’d never have done it – I was just so angry, about you and Seth.’

Oh. I shook my head.

‘It’s not because of you. It’s lots of things: school, home – other stuff …’ I trailed off and the last reason hung unspoken. Caroline knew though.

‘We’ve both lost him now,’ she said sadly.

‘Yes,’ I said. I swallowed. ‘I’m – I’m sorry I came between you. I hope you know that.’

‘I think I loved him,’ she said slowly. ‘I think I really did – but it was never like it was between the two of you. He … he’d
die
for you, even I can see that.’

I fought back the urge to snap that I didn’t
want
him to die for me. What good would that do anyone?

‘He still loves you,’ she said. ‘I saw you both at Bran’s funeral. He looked … bad, didn’t he?’

He looked broken, I thought. But I kept silent.

‘Isn’t there anything you can do?’ Caroline asked.

‘No.’ I said. ‘There’s nothing either of us can do. We’re …’ Bran’s harsh voice came suddenly into my head, as clear as if he was speaking over my shoulder. ‘We’re oil and water. We were never meant to be together.’

‘But you love him!’

‘It’s not enough.’

‘It has to be!’ Caroline said desperately. ‘If it’s because of what I did…’

‘It wasn’t you,’ I said. ‘I promise. It was other stuff – problems between us.’

‘You going away – are you going after him?’

‘No. I’m going somewhere else. Russia.’

‘Wow!’ She blinked. ‘Why there?’

‘Because I think I’ve got family there.’

‘You think?’

‘I know it sounds nuts, but—’

‘Anna,’ said a voice behind us. I jumped and turned. It was Abe. He was standing just outside the tiny station canopy, the rain running down his face and throat and soaking into his already soaked T-shirt. His body looked cold and drenched. But his face looked like he was planning to punch someone.

Something uneasy twisted inside me, but I only said, ‘Hi, Abe. This is Caroline. Caroline – Abe.’

Abe ignored Caroline completely.

‘Lift?’

I wavered, but Emmaline’s words last week still echoed in my head.
Try being honest with yourself.
I shook my head.

‘No, I’m fine, thanks, Abe. I’ll get the bus.’

‘You’ll be waiting a while,’ Caroline said. She looked at Abe under her lashes and blew a draught of smoke towards him. ‘It’s half-day closing today. The last bus went at four.’

‘No! Are you sure?’

She nodded.

‘Sorry, I would’ve said, but I thought you were waiting for a lift.’

‘Oh crap.’ I looked at my watch. ‘I’d better phone Dad.’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Abe said crossly. ‘I’m going your way right now.’

I knew when I was cornered. ‘All right. Caroline, do you need a lift?’

‘No, don’t worry.’ She stood and opened her umbrella. ‘I’m only five minutes away. See you tomorrow.’

She walked away up the street and Abe watched her as she rounded the corner. As she disappeared into the rainy dusk, he turned to me.

‘What the hell are you on about?’

‘I’m
sorry
? Where do you get off speaking to me like that!’

‘Russia,’ he spat. His fists were clenched and he wore an expression that would have made me quake, a few months ago. Now it only made me sigh.

‘Abe—’

‘You’re going to
Russia
? Or do I need a hearing aid?’

‘No, you heard right. I’m sorry, I wasn’t planning to tell you like this—’

‘So you
were
planning to tell me? Or were you just going to wait until I got your dog-tags in the mail?’

‘Why would I wear dog-tags?’

‘Don’t change the subject. You know what I mean. How long have you been plotting this?’

‘I haven’t been plotting! Don’t be so melodramatic.’

‘So it’s melodramatic to care whether you kill yourself chasing ghosts across—’

‘It’s none of your business!’ I shouted. ‘Why do you care anyway?’

‘For Christ’s sake, Anna! I care because …’ He pushed his hands into his hair, the rain washing over his bare forearms and down his T-shirt. The thin material stuck to his ribs, showing every line from his throat to his belt. His chest was heaving.

We stood, facing each other and then he let his hands fall to his sides. The rain dripped down his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. If I hadn’t known better I might have thought he was crying.

‘I care because I’m your friend,’ he said at last. He wiped the rain from his face with his forearm. Then he took my school bag and we walked in silence up the road to his car.

As we drove up the hill towards my house I tried to think what to say, how to explain, but it was easier to sit in silence, listening to the drumming of the rain and the squeak-swish of the wipers frantically swiping back and forth. Abe drove grimly, his face, in the reflected glow from the dashboard instruments, pale and bleak.

As we drew up outside Wicker House I was surprised to see it was in darkness. Dad must be out. The automatic light above the porch clicked on as Abe ground to a halt, but the rest of the house was still and black.

Abe was silent as we pulled up and for a minute I sat, waiting for him to say something. Then, realizing that he wasn’t going to, I reached for the door handle.

‘Thanks,’ I said, not wanting to leave in silence. ‘For the lift.’

‘Wait.’ His hand closed around mine. I swallowed.

‘What?’

‘Anna …’ His eyes were black as oil, his face white and set. ‘Do you remember saying once that you were grateful?’

‘Of course. I was. I am. For everything.’

‘And you asked me if there was something you could do for me, in return.’

I swallowed again, and tried half-heartedly to move my hand, but Abe’s grip was firm; not painful, but strong.

‘Abe—’

‘Please, don’t. Just let me speak for a second. I haven’t ever asked you for anything – and I’ve done a lot; everyone’s done a lot. Maya, Simon, Emmaline, Sienna – we’ve all helped you.’

Helped me? He’d risked his life and his magic for me. I owed him everything.

‘I know.’ I tried to keep my voice steady. ‘Believe me I know, but—’

‘I’ve never asked for anything in return – but I’m asking you for something now.’

‘Abe—’

‘I want to come. To Russia.’

For a second I was too shocked to speak. Then the surprise was drowned in a tidal wave of fear for him.

‘No. It’s too dangerous.’

‘It’ll be far less dangerous with two. Look, you’re powerful but you’ve got no experience. Whatever you want to do there, you’re more likely to succeed with my help. And I’ve never asked you for anything, you admit that. You owe me. You owe me this.’

‘No.’

‘I’m not going to stand by and watch you walk off into the unknown to kill yourself.’

‘If I do, that’s my business. I’m not dragging you into this, you can’t ask me to.’

‘You’re not dragging me – and I’m not asking.’

‘No! You’re blackmailing me into this—’

‘That’s not fair!’

I wrenched my hand away from his. ‘You’re trying to be some kind of knight errant with a defenceless damsel – but I’m not defenceless and I’m
not
yours to protect.’

‘I know!’ he shouted. There was silence in the car, and I listened to our torn breathing, and tried to think what to say, how to make him see the stupidity of his request. Then, very quietly, as if the words hurt him, he said, ‘I know. D’you think I don’t know that?’

What could I say to that?

I was still groping for a reply when Abe spoke.

‘I’m sorry.’ His voice was very low. ‘But I … I couldn’t stand to lose someone else.’

And suddenly I wasn’t angry any more. Only heart-sick at his pain, that what he wanted, I couldn’t give.

We sat in silence, listening to the rain on the roof of the car and, as Abe’s ragged breathing grew calmer, I took my courage in my hands.

‘Abe – that girl. The one with the Ealdwitan. What happened?’

He didn’t ask me which girl. He knew which one I meant. He leaned back in his seat and, as he did so, the automatic porch light clicked off, leaving the car and his face in darkness.

‘Emmaline told you,’ he said at last. I couldn’t tell what the emotion was in his voice, only that he was holding it back, trying to keep level.

‘Yes.’

‘What did she say?’

‘Not much. Only what I forced out of her – that there was a girl. That it ended, badly. That she died. That the Ealdwitan punished you.’

‘Yes.’

‘Did you … love her?’

‘Yes.’ He drew a breath; I heard the sharp intake, and then the shuddering sigh as he let it go.

‘What happened?’

‘It’s over. She’s gone.’

‘It doesn’t help, though, does it? Not to talk about the person you’ve lost.’

‘No.’ He was silent for a long while and I thought,
That’s it, I won’t press it. He won’t say any more
. Then he began to speak. ‘Her name was Rachel. She was … she was an outwith.’

‘An outwith?’ I couldn’t keep the shock out of my voice. ‘You? I never thought …’

‘Thought what?’

‘You …’ I stumbled, trying not to hurt him. ‘It’s just – you’ve always seemed to think it was so impossible. To love someone without magic.’

‘I don’t think it’s impossible,’ he said softly. ‘I just know it is. I learned that the hard way.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘She had cancer. She was dying.’ He stopped, swallowed so that I heard the movement of his throat, and then forced himself on. ‘I was stupid. I tried to prevent it. I should have known better. I poured all my magic into healing her – and it was futile. She died anyway and the Ealdwitan punished me.’

‘How?’ I whispered. ‘Why?’

‘Why? For interfering with the outwith, of course. For not being careful. I didn’t bother to try to hide what I was doing – the doctors knew there was something up, they just didn’t know what. I’d crossed a line, I knew that. As for how – well, the Ealdwitan knew there wasn’t much they could do to
me
. I’d lost Rachel. I didn’t care any more. So they punished my family.’