A Year to Remember (2 page)

For some reason, everyone just calls him Goldman.

“Tell my mom we’ll be right there. And if you ever open the door again without knocking while I’m getting dressed, I’ll kill you.”

Goldman smiled sardonically and nodded before closing the door. I chastised myself for feeling annoyed, when I should be used to it by now.

A year younger and two years behind me in school, I had had a huge crush on him in high school. Whenever my brother excited the room, leaving us alone, he’d ask me questions about school and who I liked. As soon as my brother returned, he’d act as obnoxious as my brother, making crude jokes and bodily function noises.

I thought maybe he liked me and didn’t want my brother to know. One night, when he slept over, my brother fell asleep on the couch while we watched the original “
Nightmare on Elm Street.
” At the part where Freddy Krueger kills Johnny Depp in his waterbed, I buried my face in Goldman’s chest. While I waited for the scene to be over, he began petting my hair. I tilted my head, sure he’d kiss me. Instead, he said my hair felt like his poodle’s, abruptly ending my crush on him.

I turned to Missy, taking her hand in mine. “Promise me no matter how drunk I get tonight you won’t let me embarrass myself.”

Missy laughed and put her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “I’ll do my best, but it won’t be easy,” she teased.

She and I left our dressing room and entered a conference room filled to capacity with five bridesmaids, five groomsmen, four parents, two siblings, one bride, one groom, one wedding planner, and one seriously ancient Rabbi.

All heads turned to me.

“I’m out of here,” muttered Missy, running out of the room.

“Traitor!” I said, under my breath.

Apparently, I spoke louder than I thought, because Goldman gave me another one of his smiles and added a chuckle.

Let’s just hope my mother didn’t hear.

I tried to take a seat at the conference table, but I couldn’t sit with all the Spanx. The bridal party glared at me, surely wondering why I awkwardly rested on the back of the chair, straddling rather than sitting in it.

I smiled and gave them the only excuse I could think up on such short notice. “I don’t want to wrinkle my dress before the ceremony.”

After a few uncomfortable seconds, the Rabbi began. “Even though you have three hundred people waiting in the sanctuary to watch you marry, the marriage actually occurs right now as we sign the
Ketubah
. For those of you who may not know, the beautiful
Ketubah
chosen by Emily and Seth is a Jewish marriage contract which explains that marriage is not only a physical and emotional union, but a legal and moral commitment to one another. As Emily’s husband, Seth promises to provide her with food, clothing, a home, and my personal favorite, physical pleasure. Note it says nothing about Emily’s obligations to Seth.”

Everyone laughed, as the Rabbi had intended. I’m sure he told the same joke at every wedding.

“Emily and Seth will now sign the
Ketubah
, followed by their witnesses, Adam and Sara,” declared the Rabbi.

After signing the
Ketubah
, I joined my parents, while the parties signed the marriage certificate for the State of Michigan.

“Technically, Seth and Emily are now husband and wife. But since your guests are waiting to see you two get married, I suppose we shouldn’t disappoint them.” The Rabbi paused, waiting for the laugh. I forced one, so he wouldn’t be offended, but honestly, I started to feel a little sorry for the old guy.

“Now for the
Badekan
, Seth will put a veil over Emily, just like when Rebecca married Isaac. This reminds us that however attractive physical appearance may be, the soul and character of a person are more important.”

Hmm, maybe I should wear a veil from now on.

After Seth and Emily repeated a few things in Hebrew I didn’t understand, the Rabbi led us to the lobby of the Sanctuary for the “unofficial” wedding ceremony. The party planner lined us all up like cattle and the music began to play. My mother insisted on standard Jewish music, but Emily and Seth chose to walk to “Wind Beneath My Wings” played by a live harp player.

I walked down the aisle with Caleb Young. Too bad he came with a date, because for a friend of my brother’s, he seemed to be a decent guy, not to mention good-looking.

Unlike the men I’m usually attracted to, Caleb had light brown hair with natural golden highlights and blue eyes. I preferred my men a little on the heavier side or at least tall and muscular, but Caleb was lean and only a few inches taller than my five-foot five inches. I’d bet my life savings he ran for fun. I never understood the point of running, unless someone chased you. Plus, I only dated Jewish men and judging by the cross around his neck, Caleb was a nice Catholic boy.

We took our places around the
chuppah
as the ceremony began. My feet swelled from my high heels and it would be another half-hour before I could attempt to sit. Hopefully, Missy would figure out a way for me to sit without popping out of my Spanx.

Halfway through the ceremony, something fell into my eye. I tried to ignore it, but it hurt too much and I couldn’t keep it open. My eyes watered uncontrollably and I prayed Ophelia used waterproof mascara or else I’d end up resembling a wet raccoon before the service ended.

After what felt like an eternity, Missy rescued me by discretely passing me a tissue. God, I love that woman. It’s really too bad I’m not a lesbian, because she’s exactly what I’ve been searching for, minus the penis, of course.

As I dried my tears and removed the source of my discomfort, a clump of mascara, I peered into the sea of guests, who should have been watching Seth and Emily drinking from a cup of wine. To my absolute horror, six hundred eyes focused on me.

I choked back the urge to run off and check a mirror. I raised an eyebrow at Missy who then pointed to her smile. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Her whole body shook with repressed laughter.

I leaned over to the bridesmaid standing next to me. “Caitlyn, is there something on my face?”

She barely glimpsed at me. “No, you look fine.”

“
Mazel Tov
!” Seth stepped on the glass, completing the ceremony and kissing his bride.

The wedding party exited exactly as we rehearsed earlier in the day. As soon as I could, I ran into the bathroom to see what had everyone riveted to my face. Other than smeared makeup, nothing appeared too interesting.

“Hey, girlfriend! Want a drink?” Missy came into the ladies restroom with two glasses of champagne.

“Missy, why was everyone staring at me?”

She put her hand on my shoulder.
Oh dear, this couldn’t be good.

“Everyone thought it was beautiful you were crying at your brother’s wedding.”

Okay, that didn’t sound too bad. I could live with that. Then, a troubling thought occurred to me.

“They thought I was crying because I was jealous, didn’t they?”

Missy grimaced. “I don’t think everyone thought that.”

“Oh, God.” I took a glass of champagne from her and drank it all without stopping, before snatching her glass and finishing that off, too. “Mmm, this is really good. I never drank Kosher champagne before. Let’s go find some more.”

Arm in arm, Missy and I went to face the crowd.

An hour and two more glasses of champagne later, Missy and I listened to Emily’s parents welcome everyone to the wedding. With Missy’s assistance, I finally sat for the first time since getting dressed. She and I sat at the table with both sets of parents and Emily’s brother, Jon, and his wife, Susie.

I hadn’t eaten anything since the four donuts for breakfast, and the champagne made me feel warm and relaxed. A little bit tipsy, I had no intention of getting up from the table anytime soon. Unfortunately, my brother had other plans for me.

“Seth’s sister would like to say a few words,” Emily’s father announced over the microphone.

Horrified, I turned to my mother.

“I’m sure I told you,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

No, Mom, you failed to mention I’d have to get up and make an impromptu speech in front of an audience, who believed I cried during the ceremony out of jealousy
.

Missy gave me a light jab on my shoulder. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

I shot her a dirty look and seized another glass of champagne as I made my way to the stage.

I should have made it quick and to the point. But the lack of food and the abundance of alcohol surging through my system gave me another idea.

I grabbed the microphone, pleased to know I didn’t have one ounce of stage fright.

“
Shalom
, I’m Sara Friedman, Seth’s sister. I’m really happy to be here today to celebrate this momentous occasion with everyone.” I should have said
l’chayim
and ended it there. No, I kept on talking.

“They say we each have a
beshert
, a soul mate, the person God has chosen for us. We spend our lives searching for it, many of us never finding it, and many of us failing to recognize it when it might be right in front of us. It’s clear to me Seth and Emily are
beshert
. Not two halves of a whole, but two whole souls that belong together.” So far, so good.

“You’d think with all the resources at our fingertips these days, it would be easier to find your soul mate. After all, with the Internet we can meet people from all over the world without even leaving our house. Not long ago, we married the person our parents chose for us. Times changed, and with it we earned the right to choose our own mate. No longer requiring our family’s approval, we could get married to whomever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We could run off to Vegas to be married by an Elvis impersonator without even leaving our car.”

I started to get weepy, a sure sign I’d consumed too much champagne. It was as if I stood outside of myself watching the fiasco unfold and unable to stop it.

“Today, I turned twenty-nine and I wonder if I’ll ever meet my own
beshert
. Did we already meet and fail to recognize we belonged together? Did I lose my chance already?”

I stopped and pondered my own profound musings for a moment, before remembering I still held the microphone.
Oh dear, what was I saying?
I decided I better wrap it up, since the room started spinning.

“I’m jealous of my brother.”
Crap, did that really just come out of my mouth?

“I mean, I’m not jealous just because my younger brother got married before me and I’m twenty-nine with no possible prospects in sight,” I stammered.

The audience giggled, and I wondered if they believed me, because I sure didn’t.

“I’m happy for my brother, because if he can find his
beshert
, it gives me hope that someday, I will, too.”

Before I could stop myself, the words I would live to regret flew out of my mouth. “Even without a significant man in my life at the moment, I promise you by the time I turn thirty, I will be married.”

Oh my God, did I really just say that?
“With that, I’ll end by saying
Mazel
Tov
, Seth and Emily.
L’chayim
!” I held up my empty glass of champagne.

Everyone clapped as I returned to my table. I hoped the videographer could edit my speech out of the wedding video, or ’I’d never live it down. My brother would play it at every holiday just to torture me.

Missy gave me a sympathetic smile. “That was a great speech until you blew it by admitting you were jealous and swore to marry by your thirtieth birthday.”

I groaned and put my head in my hands, terrified to think the night just started.

The waiters brought some rolls to the table and I grabbed one, eating greedily to soak up some of the alcohol in my system. After the salad, I began to feel normal again.

The bandleader asked the bridal party and their partners to join Emily and Seth on the dance floor. I get the privilege of slow dancing with Goldman. This should be fun.

Since Goldman didn’t bring a date and Emily considered it inappropriate for me to dance with Missy, she requested Goldman and I dance together.

As we met on the dance floor, the band began massacring the Bangles “Eternal Flame.” Goldman placed both hands on my waist, and I hung my arms limply around his neck.