Abandon (12 page)

Jenna shook her head emphatically, “I don’t think feelings like that just go away, I mean, he invited you here didn’t he?”

Annalise contemplated what Jenna was saying for a second before she responded.  That was the million dollar question that had been running through her head since the night that they got here.  Did he invite her because he wanted her back?  She didn’t think so.  “The fact that he invited me here just means he wanted me here.  It doesn’t imply any sort of additional feelings on his part.  It was a logical, and smart move to bring me.”

Jenna bust out laughing which turned into coughs because of the cigarette in her hand.  “You both think too logically and need to just start feeling.  You know, Kevin and I broke up.”

Annalise stared at her disbelief.  “You didn’t!  You guys...”

Apparently Jenna realized the mistake in the way she had explained it and began to correct herself.  “No, no, no, not here.  A while ago, when we first started dating.  I broke up with him about six months into it for a couple months.  We stayed friends and I don’t think anyone ever noticed, but the relationship definitely had its rough patch.”

Annalise leaned back to let her hands support her weight.  It was hard to believe that Kevin and Jenna ever had a rough patch.  They were so obviously perfect together.  “I still don’t believe it, you guys are too perfect.”

“That’s what you think,” Jenna said raising an eyebrow and dismissing Annalise’s protests.  “We still fight, we still have arguments, and in the beginning it was bad enough it caused me to walk away.  When it’s meant to be though, it’s meant to be and I truly believe you and Cort are like that.”

Annalise finished her cigarette and threw it into the lake.  Jenna had more faith in her and Cort than she did at this point.  “From your lips to God’s ear.”

Jenna followed suit and stood up, “Not God’s ear, ‘Lise, Cort’s.” Jenna looped her arm with Annalise’s.  “I have a feeling that everything is going to be just fine.”

They walked up to the house, opening the sliding glass door and letting the dog run in before them.  Kevin and Cort were still up, both of them sitting in the living room reading by candlelight.  For a moment, Annalise could almost fool herself into thinking that Cort was waiting for her and that Katy wasn’t here.  In her mind, she and Jenna had been out at the mall, and Cort and Kevin were just waiting for their girlfriends to return.  Jenna took off her boots and walked over to give Kevin a quick kiss on the check, breaking the illusion.  Annalise couldn’t do the same thing, so she stood awkwardly by the door.

“How was it?” Cort asked, looking up from his book.  “Anything strange?”

Annalise shook her head bending over to take off her shoes.  “Not unless you count the fact that there was no moon.”

Kevin eyed Jenna next to him, “And the fact that Jenna smells like smoke.”

Jenna swatted Kevin and laughed, “Hey, if it’s the end of the world I’m allowed to indulge a little bit.  I’m going to go hop in the shower and jump into bed,” she said leaving the boys in the living room.  At the stairs, she paused giving Kevin a little eye wiggle.  “You are welcome to join me.”

Kevin grinned, but did not move from the couch.  “Maybe in a little, I’m going to finish up this book.”

Jenna gave him a mock pout and waved to Cort and Annalise.  “I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning.”  

When Jenna disappeared up the stairs, Annalise’s uncomfort grew by each second.  Cort hadn’t looked at her since asking the question and she wondered if she was even welcome to join them in their reading session.  She took a few steps towards the living room where they sat, then abruptly changed her mind.  “I guess it is that hour,” she said, waving to the boys.  “See you in the morning.”

Patting her leg, her dog came to her side and she walked back to the bedroom without waiting for them to acknowledge her departure.  While she stripped herself of various layers of clothes she pondered the conversation she had with Jenna outside.  She still thought that she and Cort belonged together, but she had no idea how to get Cort to see that.   In fact, short of stripping naked while they were scouting she had no idea how to get him to view her in that light again.  

Sighing, she laid in the queen size bed and rolled on her side.  Tomorrow she would figure out a way to get Cort to think about her in a romantic sense again but for tonight, she would sleep and dream they were already there.  

Her eyes were closed and she was softly snoring within five minutes.  

Chapter 16:  Cort

Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 21, 2012

Cort glanced up from his book and looked down the hallway where his future was laying in bed sleeping.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know which bedroom that was.  One bedroom held Katy, one held Annalise, and neither of them were providing him significant relief from the stress of both of them being here.  Sighing, he looked down at the page he had tried to read 20 times without success.

 “Is something bothering you?” Kevin asked, looking up from his fantasy thriller.

Cort shook his head denying, “No, why would you think that?”

“Well for starters you’ve been on the same page for twenty minutes, and you have a tendency to look up every five and sigh.”

Cort mentally cursed himself for forgetting how perceptive Kevin could be.  “I’ve just got a lot of stuff on my mind lately.”

“It wouldn’t happen to do with Katy and Annalise would it?”

Again, with the perception.  “Am I that transparent?”

Kevin laughed and closed his book.  “No, I’ve just known you since we could walk.  Want to talk about it?”

Cort didn’t really want to talk about what was going on his head.  No matter how he looked at the situation, he couldn’t see how he could be viewed as anything but an asshole.  Kevin might be his best friend, but he wasn’t stupid.  “Unless you can tell me how to feel I doubt talking is going to help.”

Kevin walked to the sliding glass door and opened it to grab some beers they had stashed outside when the temperature started to drop.  Popping them open, he handed one to Cort.  “You’d be surprised.”

Kevin took a sip and raised an eyebrow at Cort, prodding him to speak.  Cort took a huge gulp of the frosty beverage and sighed again.  If he was going to talk to anyone about it, it should be Kevin.  The fact that they had known each other since they could walk probably meant he was morally obligated to respect Cort, no matter the situation.

“I fucked up bringing them both here,” he stated simply, hoping Kevin would take the conservation from there.

“Why?”

“Because now I am screwed.  I’m here with Katy, but I want Annalise.”

Kevin grinned and leaned back in the chair.  “Yeah, yeah you are.”

“I thought you said talking about it would help?”  Cort could feel the frustration rising inside of him.  Kevin had offered him an ear but so far wasn’t giving any information that would illuminate the situation for him.  

“Maybe if you actually talked instead of giving me short statements it would.”

Kevin had him there.  Cort stood up and began pacing in front of the couch taking sips from his beer.  “On one hand, I have Katy, this vulnerable mess of a human being who needs protection, and I want to protect her.  I want to make sure she makes it through this okay.  There’s no one looking for out for her.”  He paused, looking at Kevin who just nodded at him to continue.  “On the other hand, I have Annalise.  She doesn’t need me for anything.  She doesn’t even need to be out here.   Wherever she went she would have survived, but she’s here because I asked her to be.  Because I want her to be.”

Kevin watched him pace for a little before responding.  Cort wondered if Kevin enjoyed this discomfort, or maybe thought it was some sort of revenge for imagined slights in their youth.  “Well, why do you want Annalise here?”

Cort looked at Kevin as if it was the stupidest question he had ever heard.  “Because it was our plan Kev, it was Annalise’s and my plan.  No amount of time or space would change that so when I put it into action I had to have her with me.”

“Is that the whole reason?”

Cort felt the frustration bubbling to the surface and kicked at the floor as he took another sip of his beer.  “Is this 20 questions?”

“Maybe, if it takes you 20 questions to come the conclusion you need to arrive at,” Kevin responded nonchalantly.  

Cort rolled his eyes, “Why don’t you just tell me?”

Kevin stood up to match him in height.  Normally, Kevin was so mild mannered he forgot that Kevin could look this imposing.  He supposed this was the act he put on in front of  opposing counsel when he was at work.  Cort realized with clarity he had never had before regarding Kevin why he was so good at his job.  “Alright, I’ll tell you.  You love Annalise, you loved her before you started dating, and you loved her when you were dating.  You loved her when you let her walk out of your life.  You fucked up by bringing them both here, but you’re living a charade if you think that you don’t still feel for Annalise all the things you felt the night you met her.”

Cort stared into Kevin’s eyes and was about to open his mouth in protest when he realized Kevin was right.  He had loved Annalise, from the moment she first came up to him outside that bar in the pouring rain to see if he had a lighter.  The knowledge crashed over him like wave, taking his breath away.  He wasn’t sure how he could have missed it entire time they were together or how he let her walk out of his life.   Deflated, he collapsed on the couch.

“Now what do I do?” he asked with no emotion in his voice.

Kevin finished his beer tossing the bottle into the recycle bin.  Funny, they were still using different bins as if the recycling was ever going to come again.  Cort supposed it was a sign that old habits did die hard.  “I don’t know, you’ll have to figure that out yourself because I’m going to bed.”

And just like that, Kevin was gone, leaving Cort alone to his thoughts and the revelation that had left him breathless.  He loved Annalise, he had brought her here because he loved her and he wanted her by his side.

Somehow, he still didn’t see how that changed the situation he was in.  He couldn’t just leave Katy for Annalise.  It would crush Katy and she was so fragile already.  He picked up the beer twirling it in his fingertips.  It didn’t matter how he felt about Annalise, until they were out of this situation he wouldn’t be able to make a move.  He had to get Katy somewhere safe with people who cared about her.  Then he would be free to pursue Annalise.

Standing up he walked to the glass panels and looked out on the lake.  The snow had started to fall and was already leaving a film of white on the grass.  He wondered if the lake would freeze.  Annalise had been a gifted skater in her youth and would probably enjoy being out on the ice.  He knew that this whole trip was hard on her.  She tried to keep it all business but from the way she had reacted when she first found out he brought Katy, to the almost professional manner she treated him now - he could tell she felt the same as he did.

Slipping on his shoes, he opened the sliding glass door and stepped out in the cold winter air.   Even considering the mess he had gotten himself in with having Katy and Annalise here - he had loved every minute of their time here.  Without the pressures of work or the tedious day to day tasks of the real world he had found himself more alive than he had in years.   He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it quickly, inhaling the smoke and letting it fill his body.  

His original plan with Annalise had been to relocate every couple months but he was starting to rethink it.  Maybe they could stay here forever, on this lake.  In the spring they could try and grow their own garden to supply food, and maybe they’d find a horse which they could build a barn for to make scouting easier.  Perhaps they would find other survivors who could join their group.   In his imagination, there was a single guy in the group who Katy took a fancy to which left him available for Annalise.  He would go to her then, and tell her his true feelings.  She would laugh, that beautiful laugh she had, and ask him what took him so long to figure out.  They would spend the days directing the group and the nights in bed showing each other just how much passion they had.  They could make up for all the lost time.

He slowly drifted down from the cloud of his imagined spring and grimaced.  The problem with dreams, he thought, was that they just got your hopes up.  Nothing ever seemed to go the way you planned it or dreamed.

Flicking his cigarette into the darkness he turned to the house and stepped in, making sure to lock the door behind him.  What a dream it was though.