Abandoned but Not Alone (31 page)

Aviva
thought about his words, they sounded sincere; just because her mother and
father
’
s whirlwind coming
together hadn
’
t worked,
didn
’
t mean the same thing
was true for them.  Although still unsure, Aviva made a snap decision to take a
gamble, after all you had to be in the game to win the game. 
“
Okay, I promise, let
’
s see where this goes.
”

Jason hadn
’
t realized how tense he was, awaiting
Aviva
’
s response.
“
I promise I'll look after you Angel,
you'll never have a day where you
’
ll regret
your decision
–
now how
about filling in those gaps for me.
”

His words
immediately turned her thoughts to her mother and the parallels they shared in
relation to the speed of meeting and beginning a relationship with a man.
“
My mother, Ruth met my
father when she was a naive nineteen year old. Her parents came to England,
like so many other Caribbean people in the hope of making a better life for
their families. My grandfather was a bespoke tailor and pastor and my
grandmother was a homemaker. Grandfather was offered a church of his own before
he arrived in England so he and his wife had a place of their own, unlike so
many others when they arrived in England.

His only
child, my mother was a little princess, but she was watched constantly and
expected to act in a way that befitted my grandparents
’
position within the
community, and she did all that was asked of her until she met my father
.

My father
was in the US forces stationed in England when he met my mother. I
’
m not sure how they
met, all I know is that they fell for each other very quickly, well at least my
mother did. It turned out my father was already married with a wife and child
on the way at home.  His pregnant wife hadn't accompanied him because she was
at home caring for her ailing father, so he saw no reason to not have some fun,
after all he was young, and single while his wife couldn't see him.
”
Aviva's
modulated voice had changed when her father's pregnant wife was mentioned.

Jason was
beginning to get an idea of where this story was going, which would explain her
hesitance towards their budding relationship.

“
Go on Angel, what happened next?
”

Pulling
herself away from her bitter thoughts of her father, Aviva refocused and
continued, eyes fixed on the ceiling, locked in memories.
“
As I said before, my
mother was very na
ï
ve and
protected. My father was older and experienced and she fell for him, hard.  She
had to sneak out to meet him; she got pregnant. When she told my father he
wanted nothing to do with her or me. The most he was prepared to do was offer
financial support, in exchange, my mother was never to contact him again, she
agreed.

In the
s
ixth
month of her pregnancy, my grandfather found out. My mother and her mother had
already decided it was time to tell him, but some of the older women in the
church had suspicions and rumors soon started to circulate. They took their
suspicions to the elders of the congregation and my mother overheard a meeting
between the elders and her father; they wanted him to attend a members meeting
the next week, to discuss how he, their spiritual leader could harbor a
fornicator, an unmarried mother in his home, a home that they, his flock, was
paying their tithes and offerings to maintain.

My
grandfather denounced them for their outrageous lie, demanding they leave his
home. When they were gone my grandfather called my mother and grandmother into
his study for the truth of the matter. My mother recalled
–
‘
t
hat was the
day that I broke her father
’
s hear
t
’
–
that she, his only
child, had been the one to break the only person she had ever known who had an
indomitable spirit, one who had come so far, he had left his homeland, his
parents, all he had ever known and he had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams;
only to have the very person he loved most in the world bring him to the brink
of despair.

That
meeting was the last time my mother ever spoke to her father; he left the room
with tears in his eyes. The days that followed, leading up to the members
meeting were filled with my grandfather
’
s silent disappointment, directed towards my mother and his wife
for keeping Ruth
’
s secret.
Three days later, when her parents were asleep, my mother left her parents
’
home. That was the
last time she ever saw her father alive.
”

Aviva could
sense Jason didn
’
t really
understand the full extent of what she was saying, in actuality she didn
’
t completely understand; having not grown
up under the same restraints as her sheltered mother. But she tried to explain
the depth of feelings that could cause a loving father to withdraw so
completely from his only child whom he had nurtured for nineteen years, whom he
had pinned all his hopes and dreams on.

From her
mother
’
s diaries, Aviva
pulled together a story of intense shame and a loss of status. Her mother
’
s pregnancy had taken away what her
grandparents had worked a lifetime to establish.  There was always someone
waiting in the background to pounce, denounce any wrongdoing. Her mother
’
s pregnancy was exactly the type of
mistake some members of the congregation had been waiting for. This was their
opportunity to bring the family down and to revel in their downfall.

“
My mother stayed with
one of her friends who hid her in her room for over a week; until she was
discovered by her friend
’
s mother.
Luckily for her, the woman was somewhat compassionate to her plight and helped
my mother to get established in South West London. To cut a long story short; I
had a good life with my mother, she was sometimes distant but I always knew I
was loved. We spent a lot of time in church though; I guess it was her way of
offering atonement for allowing herself to have been taken in by a man who
already had a wife.

My mother
would never tell me who my father was, even though I asked her many, many times
–
she always
refused. I only found out who he was after her death. When we realized she was
dying, she told me where I could find all the necessary paperwork, you know to
deal with her funeral and to take care of the house. I was sixteen when she
first got ill; less than a year later she was gone. Miss Cindy, the only real
friend my mother ever had helped me through the ordeal, I don
’
t know how I would
have coped without her.

I found the
papers exactly where my mother had said they would be. I also found her old
diaries tucked away with those papers and one faded photograph of her and a man
who I later came to realize was my father. Through my mother
’
s diaries and Miss Cindy
filling in the gaps; I traveled to America and located my father
…”
Aviva
’
s voice faded away at the mention of
coming to America and the long overdue meeting with her estranged father.

This was
more than his innocent inquiry had expected, sensing the emotions running
through her Jason thought she had probably had enough for the night. It had
been another emotionally charged day and they both needed to get some rest for
what was to come with the rising of the sun. Not only had she staunchly stood
beside him throughout this tumultuously day; she had never once let on that she
too had mighty burdens to bear.
“
It
’
s late; I think we could both do with
some sleep. I really want to hear what happened when you finally met your
father but I think we should leave it for another time
–
another day.
”

Grateful
Jason understood her reluctance to delve into the disastrous first meeting with
her father, Aviva readily agreed to leave the subject for another time. With
luck Jason would forget to ask and she wouldn
’
t again have to relive the sordid indignity of the event. But
she still had something on her mind.

“
How comes they're still here?
”

“
Who...what are you talking about?
”

“
The Kingdom
’
s, how comes they're still here?
”

“
It was late, they needed a place to stay
–
I met their need
–
end of story.
”

He was defensive, he didn't want to talk about it, she
got it, no more prodding for answers. Silence followed. The feel of Jason's
body heat, surrounding her, permeating her, lolled Aviva to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was again gathered in the lounge, feelings of
anticipation and dread charged the air as though waiting for something terrible
to take place. Once again Josh sat with his father on one couch, Jason and
Aviva occupied the loveseat and Jake sat alone, slightly apart from them all.

Jason looked around the room at the people awaiting the
telling of his life story; wondering how each would react, there was only one
way to find out
.
Looking around the room Jason laughed, the sound grated
along Aviva
’
s skin, it
sounded so hollow.

“
Well, if you
’
re all sitting comfortably, I
’
ll begin
”
, Jason said, using a mocking tone.

“
I grew up in a childrens home, my earliest
memory is of being sick and people in white coats pulling, prodding and
sticking me with an endless array of needles. I guess I was around three or so,
I don
’
t really
know, all I remember is putting up a real good fight, it didn
’
t stop them though. To a little kid, those
people in white coats were my tormentors. It didn
’
t matter how kind or gentle they were, I
associated them with pain. After a while I just shut down. I hardly spoke to
anyone. Not because I couldn't, I just decided there was no point, they never
listened anyway. They made my life a misery of
pain and I wanted to frustrate them as much as they
were hurting me. I was later told that I only spoke to the staff if and when I
wanted to over a period of two years. I guess it was my coping mechanism, they
were all bigger than me and I couldn
’
t make them stop hurting me so I just stopped
trying. They wanted answers and I had the means of denying them what they
wanted.
”

“
What was the matter with you
–
what was your ailment?
”
  Jackson asked breaking into, Jason
’
s narrative.

“
I had something called Wiskott-Aldrich
Syndrome, it
’
s an immune
deficiency disorder that leaves the body vulnerable to infection due to a lack
of blood clotting platelets. I would get nose
bleeds that wouldn
’
t stop, bruising that
wouldn
’
t heal
–
stuff like that
, h
ence the repeated tests in order to diagnose the problem.
Once the diagnoses were confirmed
–
that
’
s when the real
pain started. Look, this stuff is too much to go into and that
’
s not why you guys are here, suffice it to
say, I was ill for a long time and because I was so young I was fortunate
enough to undergo an
incomplete
bone marrow transplantation. Incomplete
because I was young enough not to need an exact match. Luckily for me, or not,
depending on how you look at things, the procedure worked and, here I am.
”

Aviva knew there was much more to the story than Jason
had just relayed about his childhood illness, she also knew that this was not
the time for further probing for information. It appeared they were all in
accord as nobody asked the questions they really wanted answers to.