Abby Finds Her Calling (9 page)

“Well, wishing won’t bring Dat back, little sister,” Sam replied. “And frankly, I’m thankful our dat’s not here to witness this disgrace.
Not so much because there’s a baby, but because
his
precious baby is putting us all through the grinder with her whims and her tale-telling.”

“Sam, please,” Barbara pleaded softly.

Abby tightened her hand around their mother’s. While it was true that Mamm hadn’t passed along much knowledge of what went on behind a married couple’s door, the preachers had made it clear enough that such goings-on were wrong outside of wedlock. Even if they knew little about sexual mechanics, Amish girls clearly understood the sin that such an act involved when they took their kneeling vows to join the church.

Truth be told, Barbara had taken them aside when they’d reached adolescence. As a midwife, she’d made babies her life’s work. So Zanna had no call to blame their mother for this predicament. The conversation had looped in this unbearable circle for nearly an hour, all because her sister refused to admit there were gaping holes in her story.

“It’s easy to point up the failings of your parents while you’re growing up,” Mamm said in a low voice, “but let’s not accuse your dat of playing favorites, Samuel Jacob. Especially because, as his only son,
you
were the apple of Leroy’s eye. You never saw it that way because he expected more of you, preparing you to take his place at the head of this table.”

A surprised silence enveloped the kitchen, because Mamm rarely stood up to her son, just as she’d never challenged her husband—or at least not in front of them. Abby was pleased by their mother’s remark. It meant Mamm was seeing beneath the surface of this murky situation to what really mattered: the bedrock of love that held them together as a family, through sunshine and shadow.

Their mother sat straighter then, addressing her youngest child across the table. “Go to your room without your dinner, Suzanna, until you can tell us the truth,” she said firmly. “That’s how we dealt with you when you were little, and it seems you still have some
growing up to do. Having a baby won’t suddenly give you any more smarts, or rights and privileges, believe me.”

Mamm gazed directly at Zanna then, so there would be no dodging the rest of her lecture. “And don’t believe for a minute that you’ll be staying in Cedar Creek while you’re pregnant, or keeping the baby after it’s born.”

Zanna’s mouth opened and then closed quickly. Dropping her napkin on her plate, she rose and walked stiffly toward the stairs, then paused in the doorway and turned toward them. “Come get me when you’re heading home, Abby,” she pleaded. “Do you see why I can’t stay here anymore?”

“Enough out of you!” Sam stood up so fast his chair fell backward. “Your sister and the rest of us have taken all the sass we’re going to handle!”

The sound of weeping drifted behind the upset girl, in a kitchen so charged with tension that Abby’s heart constricted painfully. Without a word, she and Barbara and the girls fetched the dinner Sam had banished to the oven. The tuna noodle casserole looked brown and too crisp, while the green beans had shriveled in their bowl. But there was no fixing things that had gone wrong this past hour—these past few days—until the right answers came along, at the right time.

It was the quietest meal Abby could ever recall, as though their silent grace beforehand continued while they ate—although the atmosphere in the kitchen felt more frustrated and miserable than grateful. When everyone had finished picking halfheartedly at the meal, Sam and Matt headed outside for the last round of sheep chores. Phoebe and Gail began stacking plates while Ruthie busied herself with the broom.

Barbara let out a long sigh. “All right, then,” she murmured, gazing at Abby and Mamm. “It’s time we took a closer look at this situation. Best to take Zanna over to your house, Abby. I’ll be right there with my medical bag.”

.   .   .

“Are you sure you’re pregnant, Zanna? Could be that the pre-wedding jitters are keeping you from your monthlies,” Barbara said in a quiet voice. “Happened to me, matter of fact—first couple of months after I married Sam, what with all the stress of setting up housekeeping and fitting into a new family. I didn’t have any sisters, and with my mamm already gone…”

“I used one of those home pregnancy tests,” Zanna answered in a tight voice. She was lying on Abby’s guest bed, undressed beneath a sheet, as her sister-in-law prepared to examine her. “
Two
of them. Same result.”

“And where’d you find out about
those
?” Abby blurted out. What a blessing that their mother had stayed home rather than endure any more startling news from her youngest daughter. Another blessing it was that as a midwife, Barbara knew of store-bought English mysteries and miracles that the rest of them had never encountered, and she was handling the situation with the relative calm of her experience.

“It’s not like the mercantile’s the only store on earth, you know.” Zanna sounded exasperated and angry, like a little girl who’d been tricked into doing something she detested. “And here again, had our mother told us about the—”

“Don’t be blaming Mamm for your trespasses,” Abby countered with a frown. “It wasn’t her fault that some fella went beyond your limits, either, Zanna.”

“And speaking of limits, I’ve about reached mine.” Barbara raised an eyebrow in warning to both of them. “If you two can’t be in the same room without clawing like cats, one of you has to leave.”

“Sorry.” Abby sighed, well aware that she was behaving almost as badly as her sister. “I won’t say another word. I promise. Not until you’ve finished with her, anyway.”

“Gut.” Their sister-in-law focused on Zanna, folding back the sheet and then patting the girl’s leg to soothe her. “This will sound
way too personal, but we’ve got to know some things if we’re to help you have a healthy baby and stay well yourself. When did you conceive, Zanna?”

Her sister looked mortified. “I—it only happened once, I swear! Back in July.”

Barbara nodded, unruffled. “About three months, then. Scoot down a bit more… There you have it.” She placed her hand on Zanna’s thigh, smiling kindly. “This speculum might startle you, but it won’t hurt you. Relax, now. We’re almost done.”

Abby turned away. It felt too much like gawking, seeing her little sister in that awkward position, even if Barbara acted like it was an everyday thing. Zanna’s face looked flushed, and it was no time to let another critical remark slip out. From what Abby knew, being around other women who were having babies, things were pretty well set inside them by the time they were three months along.

And how had she—or Barbara, or Mamm—not seen the signs, ever since July? How had she not noticed anything different about her sister… who, as Abby thought back, had spent a busy summer helping at Mamm’s greenhouse and cleaning homes—and riding out with James after singings and every other night she’d had the chance. Not once had anyone doubted that Zanna was head over heels in love with the man who had lived across the road all their lives… a man Abby knew nearly as well as her own brother, because James had confided in her so often. Abby sighed. She’d never had reason to believe James Graber would give in to his physical desires at the risk of ruining Zanna’s reputation.

Barbara cleared her throat as she removed the speculum. “It’s not James Graber’s baby, is it, Zanna?” she asked softly.

Abby turned, noting her sister’s stunned expression. Despite the tension in the little room, her heart fluttered.

“You can tell that from
looking
?” Zanna said in a high, tight voice.

Barbara didn’t respond right away. She busied herself tending to
her equipment. “What you
didn’t
say at the dinner table was more revealing than what you
did
say, young lady,” she began sternly. Now that she’d completed her examination, Sam’s wife seemed intent on getting to the heart of the matter. “Seeing the way James took out looking for you after you disappeared before the ceremony tells me he cares too much for you to dishonor you—or to have premarital sex, breaking the vows you both took when you joined the church.”

Zanna sat up, yanking the sheet over her bare legs. “Why’s everybody so set on defending James?” she demanded shrilly. “How can you be so sure he’s not the reason for—”

“Because he’s never given us cause for doubt or second-guessing.” In the late-day shadows of Abby’s spare bedroom, Barbara looked older, tired of answers that didn’t add up, and weary of this young woman’s way of dealing with her problems. “You only make this harder on yourself by dodging the truth, Zanna. When you put this baby up for adoption—”

“Who said anything about that?”

“—you’ll need to write a father’s name on the birth certificate,” Barbara continued. She stepped closer to the foot of the bed, so Zanna couldn’t duck her intense gaze. “If you don’t
know
who the father is, you’ve not got morals enough to deserve this child—a gift from God—or to saddle your family with your irresponsible ways. And if you do know, you’d better tell him sooner rather than later, Zanna. Paternity issues get sticky in hospitals these days. We don’t want a lawsuit—”

“So
you
can deliver it, Barbara. That way I can keep her—I promise I’ll take gut care of her,” Zanna pleaded. “I
love
this little baby! You’ll see what a fine mother I can be.”

“You’re missing my point.” To emphasize her words, Barbara placed her fingertip on Zanna’s chest, leaning lower so their eyes were on the same level. “Your brother will have none of this thinking—especially considering how you’ve already lied to us tonight. And you broke your mother’s heart again. That’s twice in three days!”

Zanna sat silently. She knew better than to sass back.

“And then there’s James, living right across the road,” Barbara went on in her no-nonsense tone. “Where’s he going to fit into this picture, Suzanna? If you don’t marry him, if the baby belongs to another man—”

“She belongs to
me
!”

“—you’d best be confessing it right quick.” Barbara stepped back, grasping the handle of her black bag in both hands. “If
my
questions upset you, you’ve not seen anything yet. When the preachers get wind of your situation, they’ll put Sam on the spot—and you know how he’ll take to
that
! You’ll be shunned, at the very least, not to mention all the talk this will cause in the store. And since I’m the one who has to live with Sam, I’m telling you, Zanna—”

A loud knock on the front door made them all suck in their breath.

“If they’re looking for me, I’m not here,” Zanna whimpered.

Barbara let out an exasperated sigh. “See there? When will you learn that you can’t hide, little girl? When will you realize you can’t tease your way out of this one? Too many lives have been affected by it. We’re already tired of paying for this mistake, Zanna—especially since you won’t admit you made one.”

Again someone pounded on the door. Louder this time.

“I’ll get it.” As Abby left the spare room, her heart felt like a rock in her chest. They had all figured a runaway bride was the most serious situation they’d ever faced—but that was on Thursday. Now, on Saturday, the stakes had gotten so much higher… and it would be spring—another six months—before this baby came. Who could predict what might happen by then?

Abby paused to peer out the little window beside her entryway. She closed her eyes, knowing she must open the door and say what had to be said.

“James.” Abby gazed at the angles of his face, sharper and more pronounced beneath the shadow of his hat.
Lord, please don’t let me
say or do anything to hurt this man any more than he’s already been wounded.

“Abby,” he murmured. His eyes looked sad, like an old hound dog’s.

“I can guess what you’re here for. Come on in, then.”

O
ne look at Abby’s splotchy face told James the rumors were true.

And just like that time he’d ridden the roller coaster at the county fair, his emotions flew into a wild spin. From the rising exhilaration of his wedding morning, to the rapid plunge into fear when he went looking for Zanna—and now, his heart raced out of control as he careened around yet another blind corner, hearing about Zanna’s return and her alarming news. How many more surprises could he stand?

He stepped into Abby’s front room, looking around as he removed his hat. “She’s here, then?”

“Jah.”

Abby’s tone told him she knew more than she would tell—which was only fair, but so exasperating. “Emma told me—they’re saying Zanna’s in the family way. And so help me, if I get my hands on the fella who did this to her—”

“James.” Abby grabbed his clenched fists. Her eyes, usually so shiny bright with cheerfulness, had clouded over. “It’s not my place to speak for my sister, but I’m not hearing that the fella forced her into it. And… well, she’s saying you couldn’t wait—”

“
Me?
I
couldn’t wait? Abby—” Once again his feelings spiraled into free fall, as though the roller-coaster car had jumped the tracks at its highest point. His throat squeezed so tight he could hardly talk. “Please tell me you don’t believe I’d do that to your sister.”