Above the Noise (49 page)

I locked my eyes on the back of Dr. Shevaz’s white coat and followed him down what felt like a never ending hallway. I didn’t want to see anything happening around me. I didn’t need to see other people’s pain when I had more than I could handle on my own. I pressed my hand into the side of my protruding belly and rubbed her gently.

“He’s in here. Now, I need you to know—”

I pushed right passed Dr. Shevaz and stepped into a small room that squeezed the breath out of me. I slowed my pace and took a couple deep breaths. I followed the beeping sounds and rounded the curtain. Two nurses looked up at me, then behind me at Dr. Shevaz. They left Calon’s bedside. I didn’t look any further than the foot of Calon’s bed. I was terrified of what I’d see.

I turned toward Dr. Shevaz, who stood at the edge of the curtain. He spoke in a quiet, calm voice.

“When the OR is ready, we will need to take him for surgery immediately.”

“Can he hear me?” I thought of what Dr. Stevens had said about Buzz.

“We can’t be certain, but it wouldn’t hurt to let him know you’re here. Just a couple minutes, Miss Mowry.” He turned and left the room. The beeping of the heart monitor split my ear drums, but I silently begged it to keep beeping. I started to shake, but I wasn’t about to let myself lose it. I had to hold it together.

I kept my eyes down and walked around to the other side of the bed. The first thing I saw was his hand, poked and threaded with IVs. A gentle hand that knew every square inch of my body lay still and lax against the white sheet. I took his hand in mine and prepared myself to see the extent of his injuries. I said his name quietly as I lifted my eyes.

“Oh, God.” I grabbed the bedside with my free hand and then reached up to touch his hairline. His head was wrapped in gauze, and it covered the scars from his previous car accident. I remember Calon telling me the doctors reconstructed part of his face because it had been peeled back from his hairline when his head went through the window. He lost his memory for a short time. I sucked in a gasp at the thought.

“Calon, baby, don’t go anywhere, okay?” I touched his face lightly. The right side of his face was swollen, and there was significant bruising around his right eye and down his cheek. “It’s Becki… and Abigail. We need you, Calon. They’re gonna take you to the OR and fix you, okay?” I sobbed. “But you hang on! Do you hear me? Calon James, you do not have our permission to leave.”

I broke down; my soul weak and my heart preparing itself for an irreparable wound. I couldn’t even process the emotions that raced through me. I was sad, angry, lost, hopeful, nostalgic, lonely, and terrified. I needed Calon to be okay. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. The connection we held was primal and its depth vast.

“Calon, listen to me. I don’t care what bright light shines your way, your life here… with me, with us… is just beginning. Don’t you dare pick that light over us. Love us enough to stay here. Samantha needs her brother. Abigail needs her daddy, and I need you. I need you so much it hurts.”

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, gently. I held our kiss and whispered.

“You’re my absolute, my forever. Please, don’t go.”

“Miss Mowry, I’m sorry, but the OR is ready.” I looked up and two nurses stood at the curtain, seemingly hesitant to come closer.

I carefully took Calon’s face in both my hands and pressed my lips to his again.

“I’ll see you soon. I can’t wait to see those beautiful eyes… open. I love you, Calon James. I’ll see you soon.”

I stepped back against the wall and nodded. Tears streamed down my face, and I covered my mouth with my hands to try and subdue the sobs I’d lost control over. I didn’t want him to hear me crying.

The song he sang to the crowd at the end of their very last show at Mitchell’s slowly dragged through my mind. The lyrics of Sum 41’s “Crash” gutted me as I watched them wheel Calon’s gurney out of the room.

Please, don’t go.

I LOVE YOU,
too, Becki.

I could hear her voice and feel her touch and her kiss, but my eyes refused to open. My body void of response. I didn’t want her to leave my side.

I wasn’t aware of the time of day or even where I was. My head throbbed and the sharp, stabbing pain in my leg made me nauseous. There were voices, but I couldn’t make out what they said. Nothing was as clear and audible as Becki’s voice had been.

I felt a rush of cool air, and there was music. Another voice spoke as clearly as Becki’s had.

“Calon, I’m Dr. Shevaz. I’m going to fix you up so you can go home with that beautiful woman waiting for you. So, you stay with me, and we’ll get this done. Deal?”

A sensation entered my body that made me feel like I was floating. I became less and less aware of my surroundings. The pain slowly seeped from me, voices became more like white noise, and soon even the music blurred out into nothing.

Nothing.

“MISS MOWRY?”

Dr. Shevaz’s voice and gentle nudge spooked me, and my legs shot to the floor. I sat up as straight as I could. The clock on the wall said twelve-fifteen, and I struggled to make sense of that. I looked around and saw Jake and Gracie asleep, propped up against each other on a bench seat near the corner of the waiting room. We were the only people there.

“I’m sorry to startle you. It’s just after noon, and Calon’s surgery went very well.”

“He’s okay? Gracie! Wake up!” I called out. She stirred a little then sleepily rushed to my side. Jake followed.

“Well, he hasn’t woken up yet, so we are still monitoring him very closely. The next few hours are the most crucial. He’s got thirty stitches in his head and a concussion from the impact of his head on the widow when the truck hit the cab, but there’s no bleeding on his brain, so when he wakes he’ll most likely just have a bad headache for a while. We had to remove his spleen to get the internal bleeding under control, but that’s pretty routine for a car accident victim.”

“That’s it? A headache and a scar on his side?” I was wide awake.

“Well, no. There was extensive damage to his right leg. It was broken in three places, and the muscle in his thigh was basically shredded by a projectile from one of the vehicles.” Dr. Shevaz took my hands. “We had to remove a large part of the muscle, so he will need rehabilitation services to get him back on his feet again and rebuild the muscle that’s left.”

I reached for Gracie, never taking my eyes off Dr. Shevaz. She squeezed my hand with both of hers.

“But, he will be okay.” I purposely said it as a statement and not a question, willing it to be truth.

“Like I said, the hours after surgery are always the most crucial and sometimes touch and go, but we are keeping him closely monitored. I’m not expecting any complications. He may even be awake now, if you’d like to see him.” He smiled. “Usually I only let family in, but you two must be pretty close friends to still be here.” He stood and motioned for all three of us to follow him.

Walking into Calon’s room this time was easier than the last. Gracie and Jake lagged back a little. I couldn’t get to Calon fast enough. I took my spot on the window-side of his bed and thanked God he was still alive. His eyes were closed, and he just had a small piece of gauze over his stitches. He looked so peaceful. Dr. Shevaz peeked inside his chart, then smiled, and left the room. I forced my worries of amnesia to the back of my mind.

“Calon. Calon, can you hear me?” I took hold of his hand and squeezed. “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.” My smile faded when his hand remained limp in mine.

“Becki, just keep talking to him. It’s probably just the anesthesia. He just needs to come out of it.” Gracie walked over to her side of Calon’s bed, tilted her head, and sucked in her bottom lip with a frown when she saw all the bruising on the side of his face, which had gotten darker and more colorful since before his surgery.

“Calon? Wake up. Please, open your eyes.” I guess I expected him to wake up as soon as he heard me. When he didn’t, I started to panic. My heart pounded, and I broke out into a sweat. My stomach tightened again, like Abigail yanked the walls of my stomach toward her from the inside. I bent over a little and instinctively tried to breathe even breaths. I squeezed my eyes shut and put my head down on my hand that held Calon’s.

“Becki!” Jake was at my side and holding onto me before Gracie had taken her eyes from Calon’s injuries. “Sit down. There’s a chair right behind you. Careful.” He helped me into the chair. Now
he
looked like he was going to pass out.

“Jake, are
you
okay?” I laughed a little.

“I’m fine. You’re just freaking me out with all the gasping and those damn Braxton Hicks contractions.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes, probably embarrassed that he knew more about pregnancy than most college seniors. He sat in the chair next to mine. “Sorry, I freaked. I’m exhausted.”

“We all are.” Gracie spoke but was frozen at Calon’s bedside, seemingly not knowing what to do for Jake’s and my sorry asses.

“Gracie, I need to catch my breath for a second. I just got super nauseous, and I really don’t want to stand up and puke all over the place. Can you talk to him for a minute?” I focused on anything but how sick I felt.

“Hey, Calon, so… we were hoping you’d wake up. So, wake up.” Gracie looked at me and shrugged.

“Good lord, girl. That was awkward. Could you at least sing to him? Something?” I put both hands on my belly and patted it when I felt Abigail move. I didn’t want to say out loud that I was nervous he wouldn’t wake up. But, I was.

“Uh, sure. What, though? What song?”

“Gracie! This isn’t American Idol. Just sing something. Preferably something that will make him wake up.” I smiled. I needed something to calm my nerves, and Gracie’s voice would do just that. So, maybe it was a selfish request, but I knew we’d all draw something peaceful from her voice.

Gracie closed her eyes and instinctively started to pat her leg and keep time with her foot on the floor. Something I’d seen her do a million times. Calon, too. She cleared her throat and closed her eyes and sang “Accident” by Emily Wolfe in perfect Gracie style. Her voice was beautiful from the first syllable out of her mouth. She had the perfect voice of folk-style music, and the song wasn’t really about an accident. It was about accidental love. I glanced over at Jake, who just grinned.

I looked around the room as Gracie sang the last couple verses and realized how beautifully blessed I was. The most important people in my life were always by my side no matter how far the distance or how dire the situation. We had a bond that I truly believed would never be broken. I didn’t trust the sincerity of most people, and I knew that stemmed from my dad leaving, but I trusted Calon, Gracie, and Jake with every fiber of my being. I never questioned their motives or their advice. In our friendship, I knew there were no secrets, and there would be no surprises or admissions of things held back. This was true family. My friends were the family I’d hand-picked for myself, the people who would never let me down.

“Becki?” My mom’s voice pulled me from my sappy reflection. She looked over at Calon and covered her mouth with a gasp that hung in the air.

“Mom, he’s okay.” I carefully got up, making sure I didn’t move too quickly and cause another cramp. “He has a concussion, is missing a spleen, and will need rehab for this leg. But, he’s alive. He’s still here.”

Dammit! There was something about being in my mom’s presence that turned me back into a little girl. As soon as I saw her arms open toward me, I rushed to her and fell into her hug and wept. All the emotions of Buzz’s death, the accident, Calon’s surgery, the fact that he wasn’t awake yet, it all tumbled down on top of me, and I could no longer handle the weight.