Absence of Faith (9 page)

"Accept what?"

"The occult," she replied. "I've
always been fascinated with life after death and the
occult."

"You mean devil worship?" he
asked.

"Well, that's part of it, but most
people don't know that there are good devil worshippers and bad
ones," she explained.

"How could there be good devil
worshippers? Isn't that a contradiction? Come on - you're
worshipping evil - a figure that represents evil in its purest
form," Kyle replied.

"Listen, it's really not devil
worship. It's called New Age and it emphasizes human potential.
Unfortunately, none of the established religions will recognize it
so it sits alone. The good devil worshippers have embraced it and
incorporated it into their beliefs so many people now mistake it as
devil worship. We now have the good and the bad in the same group,
and it's ready to split apart," she explained. "Anything that
people don't know about, they condemn. It's their ignorance and
fear of the unknown!"

"I see you’re really into it,” Kyle
replied. He sipped his drink and Chantress did the same. They
looked at each other.

"I am," Chantress
replied.

"I still don't know the difference
between good devil worshippers and bad ones," Kyle said. "It just
doesn't make sense."

"The good ones embrace only the New
Age philosophies, while the bad ones have black masses, animal
sacrifices, blood rituals and other disgusting things like smearing
blood on each other," she said. "The good ones break no laws and
believe in a non-conventional religion."

"Well, then it's pretty dumb to
associate with the devil worshippers," Kyle said.

"That's because New Age has no
formal organization and no money to promote its beliefs. The devil
worshippers have power and money. I suspect in time the New Ageists
will split and form a separate group," she explained. "The New
Ageists are mainly people who feel that their church, their
religion, and their god have let them down - they can no longer
find what they need spiritually from their religion so they put
more belief in themselves and the human potential."

"They're going have a hard time
shaking the devil worshipping image. I don't foresee it as a
mainstream religion with a lot of followers," Kyle said.

"I think you're wrong. Look at all
the books on the bestseller list that have to do with human
potential and new age beliefs, personal success. I think it's going
to be the next big wave," she said. "Every decade has something -
in the fifties it was alcohol and sex; in the sixties and seventies
it was sex and drugs; in the eighties and nineties it was the
Internet and now it has been and will continue to be spiritualism
and the human potential."

"Discontent..." Kyle
said.

"What?"

"It's because people are restless.
It seems that all of these things are fueled by discontent. You may
have something here," he said. "I think there are a lot of people
out there who are not happy, not happy about their jobs, their
marriages, how their children turned out, how they are going to pay
their bills, not happy about their lives in general."

Kyle sipped his beer
again.

"You look spaced out. Are you ok?"
Chantress asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking. What's
the purpose of worshipping the devil? Worshipping evil and hoping
for bad things to happen - doing bad things?" Kyle asked. "What are
the benefits?"

"Power," she answered. "The leaders
are usually losers with big egos who can't get what they want out
of life, so they turn to Satan and begin worshipping him. They find
they can manipulate people in the process."

"Do they get what they want?" Kyle
asked.

"Yes, at first."

"What do you mean?"

"The leaders get their followers
and their power, and they begin to believe that they are truly
Satan's messenger, but the followers are different. They begin to
see the leader as another manipulator. Eventually they begin to
realize that Satanism is just like any other religion, but with a
different god and a different viewpoint," Chantress explained. "New
Age is different - it's the worship of human potential - a full and
genuine belief in one's self and self worth. There are no false
promises because you promise yourself that you will achieve your
potential, and if you don't, you have only yourself to blame for
not making it happen."

"So who are these devil
worshippers?"

"Many are soul searching types with
strong religious backgrounds, fundamentalists, who feel frustrated
by the restraints of their religions like the taboos on sex,
cursing or whatever. They also feel that they won't go to heaven if
they do anything bad. They have a hard time accepting a God who
does not forgive, does not accept mistakes, and does not accept the
human condition."

"So you're saying that most of
these people have given up on God?"

"Yeah, some can't understand why we
live in an unjust world, why God lets the good people die and the
bad ones live. Why so much tragedy and suffering befall good
people," she explained. "These are usually doctors, nurses and
others in service professions. Medical people see a lot of
injustice in life and death, and many are deeply concerned about
it."

"You sure know a lot about it. Did
this happen to you?"

Chantress hesitated.

"Yes, it did."

Are you one of the leaders?" Kyle
asked.

"No, never. I've always been
interested in psychology. I got involved as a way to rebel against
my parents. They are Catholics and sent me to Catholic school - the
whole bit. I just couldn't buy the Catholic religion - too
unnatural for me. I believe the Church misinterpreted Christ's
teachings to benefit their own ends with all this suffering they
propose everyone should do to gain entrance into heaven. It just
seems unnatural to me. I think God intended us to be happy,
fruitful and fulfilled in what we do in our lives. I don't believe
God intended for us to suffer, put ourselves down and be humble. So
I joined the Satanists hoping to find those things," Chantress
explained.

"Did you?"

"Yes and no. Satanism is the exact
opposite of the Roman Catholic Church. Its ceremonies mimic the
Catholic Mass only in reverse. It was great at first. I had found a
group that put down the Catholic Church and its teachings and they
maintained that you should do what you believed to make yourself
happy. Do what you believe is good for yourself with little regard
for rules and regulations...and others," she said. "The lure of
Satanism is that there is no wrong. It's very powerful. We can have
whatever pleasure we desire. Do whatever we want."

"That would cause total chaos,"
Kyle said.

"Yes and no. They didn't say break
any laws; just do your own thing. Focus your energies on doing what
you wanted," she added.

"So what happened? You sound like
it didn't work for you?"

"It didn't. I realized that
Satanism is just another religion and its leaders use it as a means
to gain power over other people...a power trip for the leaders. I
also don't like Satanism’s disregard for others. Do what you want;
what makes your happy even if it hurts others."

"So you quit?"

"No. I organized a few members -
ones that thought like I did - into this New Age group I was
telling you about, but it's not working," she said.

"Why not? Just quit, hold your
meetings somewhere else and forget about the devil worshippers,"
Kyle added.

"It's not that easy. Many have a
bond with the Magus and if they leave misfortune will strike," she
explained.

"Magus?"

"He's the leader, the high priest.
The bond is like a curse, and many won't leave for fear of personal
tragedy, even bodily harm."

"What a bunch of bull!" Kyle said.
"He has that kind of power over them?"

"Without a doubt," she
said.

"Does he have this over
you?"

"No, because I'm not as high in
rank as the others," Chantress said.

"Well then just have one of your
meetings and invite everybody," Kyle suggested.

"No one would come. They're too
scared, but if I brought you to one of the Black Masses, they would
see that I was gaining support. Would you come?" Chantress
asked.

"Yeah, why not. Are you sure I
would be allowed?"

"Sure. They're having a Black Mass
this Sunday at the Magus' house. I'll set it up," she told
him.

The two remained silent until the
waiter dressed in black approached their table and asked if they
needed anything. Chantress ordered a cinnamon herb tea, and Kyle
ordered another beer.

"DWI you know and I'm driving
tonight," Chantress said. "I did all the talking, now it's your
turn. Do you work? Go to school?" Chantress asked.

"I'm a bartender at The Drunken
Pelican three nights a week," Kyle replied. "I tried some courses
at the county college, but I just couldn’t get into it."

"Oh," Chantress said.

"Tell me more about the Black
Mass," Kyle explained.

"I'm not supposed to...you'll have
to see it for yourself if they allow you to come," she
said.

"Allow me to come?"

"You have to be approved by the
Magus. I have to bring you to his house in the afternoon and he
decides," she said.

"I have to be approved? What kind
of crap is that? Either you want to be a member or not.
Approved!"

"There are reasons."

"What? What reasons?"

"I can’t tell you now."

"Let's go to my place. I have a
bottle of wine, and I'd love to share it with you," he
said.

Chantress looked deep into Kyle's
eyes searching for something, just anything that would tell her it
would be a mistake. The clearly defined pupils surrounded by a
radiating blue with their unfocused, random movements set off
ancient and primitive alarms in her subconscious. But the alarms
remained unheard - an emotional fog that seeped into every crevice
of her consciousness silenced their message. Once the voice did
come through and caused her stomach to twitch slightly, but the
wetness between her legs caused her to ignore this all-important
message.

"Sure, I'd love to. Let's go," she
said.

As they left the table, Kyle
noticed a man staring at him from the table next to theirs. The man
had piercing black eyes, black hair, ruddy dark skin and a long
narrow face. The man was motionless like a photograph.

"What's the matter? Chantress asked
also seeing the man. "Do you know him?"

"No, it's something about him. I
think I know him, but I can't place him. His eyes seem to look
right into my soul and grab hold. His eyes are hungry like he was
after something...anxious," Kyle explained turning to
leave.

"And I'm the devil worshiper," she
laughed.

"His stare gave me a strange
sensation. That's all," Kyle said.

"Like the ones you have been
having?"

"No, this is different - I can't
explain it," Kyle said.

Kyle looked back and the man was
gone.

"Did you see him leave? Where did
he go? He was just there a second ago!" Kyle said.

"Come on. We probably didn't see
him leave," Chantress replied grabbing his arm. "I have to catch up
with Yanni and Krista and give them my keys."

Kyle looked around the dim
cafe.

"He just vanished," Kyle said.
"Weird."

* * *

Kyle's garden apartment was typical
of the apartments of the 1980s - built cheaply and quickly and now
after almost twenty six years, the red brick was weathered and
chipped, the wood trim cracked and begging for more paint.
Chantress didn't notice the run-down appearance of the multiple
housing units - she had only one thought on her mind, and it
ricocheted around her head like a wild bullet with endless energy.
They entered the main entrance and walked through a maze of
hallways to his apartment. He opened the door, and turned on a
light, and they entered a tiny alcove that led into a single, large
room. The room was sparse - a black velvet couch, a lounge chair
that leaned to one side, a glass-topped coffee table covered in
pizza boxes and empty beer bottles, a TV, stereo and naked wooden
floors, and equally-naked walls.

"The furniture was leftover from my
parent's house," Kyle said. That's why none of it
matches."

"Oh, it's wonderful because it's
all yours...your place," Chantress replied. "I would love to have
my own place, but I can't afford it yet."

Chantress sat down on the black
velvet sofa and rubbed her hand over the top. She let the smooth
sensation excite her hands and run down to her toes.

Kyle went into the tiny kitchen and
returned with a bottle of wine and two long-stemmed wine glasses
with gold trim around the tops. Kyle filled the glasses and handed
one to Chantress. She took a few sips and then moved closer to
Kyle. She kissed him pushing his head down on the sofa, and then
slowly moved the rest of her body on top of his. He smiled inside
as her hand found his belt, and then his zipper, and eventually
made its way inside. After several minutes, she sat up and slowly
moved her hands over him. He peeled the black tube top off,
revealing her large red nipples, and round, firm breasts. Kyle's
hands then grabbed each one and squeezed. She pushed his hands away
and pulled up on his shirt. He raised his arms and she pulled it
off. Then she stood and motioned to Kyle to peel off her jeans.
First, he ran his hands over her hips, then slowly towards her
groin. He stopped after a few seconds, then moved up and grabbed
the waist of her pants and slowly peeled them down. When he pulled
the pants down past her groin, she shuddered. He stopped shortly
and smiled to himself again, and then he stood up and pulled his
pants off. He was anxious now and moved like a snake about to
ensnare its prey.