Absolute Truths (18 page)

Reaching Waterloo station at half-past twelve I took a taxi to the
Athenaeum and retired to the cloakroom in order to change into
my uniform. By 1965 senior churchmen were abandoning this
traditional ensemble of frock-coat, apron and gaiters, and I was certainly willing to travel in a plain black suit which guaranteed
that the other occupants of the train did not waste time staring at
me, but I was meticulous in wearing my uniform at any ecclesiasti
cal gathering. I felt that in an age which was marked by declining standards and rampant iconoclasm, bishops should be resolute in
respecting the symbols which pointed to traditional values.

The thought of declining standards and rampant iconoclasm
depressed me, but I cheered up when I found the editor of the
Church Gazette
hunched cosily over a pink gin.

Lyle had once said that Jack Ryder reminded her of Babar the
Elephant, and although I had pointed out at once that he was
much more fun than the serious, innocent Babar, I had had to
concede that Jack
was
indeed very large with small, narrow eyes
and unusual ears. We had been up at Cambridge together. He too
had taken a degree in divinity but had decided not to be ordained,
and for a time it had seemed that our careers would take us in
different directions. Then shortly after he had obtained his first
job as an ecclesiastical journalist, I had become one of Archbishop
Lang’s chaplains.

Firmly linked again by our involvement with the Church of
England, we found our friendship had continued and now after
forty years I had to acknowledge, to my surprise, that Jack was my oldest and closest surviving friend. I write ‘to my surprise’
because Jack and I had little in common except the Church, a
subject about which he knew even more than I did. His memory
for
obscure scandals was prodigious and
his no
se for ecclesiastical
gossip unerring. At one
time
he had written a series of sound
freelance articles on theology for the serious secular press, but since
he had become the editor of the
Church Gazette
he merely reviewed
the occasional important biography.

By 1965 he was married to his third wife, but since he had been
twice a widower and never a divorcé these matrimonial ventures
had been entirely respectable. It was true that his third wife had
been his mistress for some years while his second wife was dying
of disseminated sclerosis, but he had behaved with great discretion
and never mentioned the matter to me. I had only heard about it
from Lyle and Lyle had only heard about it from Dido Aysgarth,
that dangerous woman who always knew the gossip before anyone
else had dreamed it could exist. Sometimes I wondered if Jack’s
refusal to confide in me meant that I had failed him in some way,
but when his friendship never wavered I came to the conclusion
that he had merely been afflicted by a typically British reticence about his private life. Englishmen, after all, would rather discuss
c
ricket than adultery.

‘
How’s the family?’ I said to him that day at the Athenaeum
after we had exchanged greetings and I had ordered a Tio Pepe.

‘
No idea, old chap, haven’t seen any of the offspring lately, but
no news is good news ... How are your boys?’

‘
Oh, fine ...’ Having written off our offspring, we established
that our wives were well and agreed that the weather had been dismal. At that point the waiter arrived with my drink and Jack
proposed a toast in the slang of the 1920s. This was all very
soothing and kept my depressed thoughts about the 1960s at bay.

‘
How’s the west front?’ enquired Jack, referring to the ailing
section of Starbridge Cathedral. ‘Still standing?’

‘
Just. But according to Aysgarth, the appeal’s coming along
remarkably well.’

‘How u Aysgarth? Still swilling?’

‘
No, no — he’s got all that quite under control. In fact the
Cathedral seems to be running very smoothly at the moment.’

‘
Think so?’

My heart automatically produced an extra beat. ‘What do you
mean?’

‘
Oh my God,’ said Jack to his pink gin. ‘He doesn’t know.’

‘
What on earth —’

‘
I did suspect during our brief phone conversation that you were
still in a state of blissful ignorance, but I clung to the romantic
hope that against all the odds you had that gangster at the
Cathedral under control. You know I told you to brace yourself
for a shattering piece of gossip?’

‘
Yes, but I assumed that was mere journalistic hyperbole. Are
you trying to tell me —’

‘
I had a drink yesterday with a young antiques dealer who used
to take out my younger daughter before she was so foolish as to
ditch him in favour of the chap who’s now my son-in-law. You
almost certainly know this young man — not only is he the grand
son of one of your neighbours but he’s also the brother of your
Michael’s friend Marina.’

‘Douglas Markhampton.’

‘
Precisely. Now, Douglas has a new girlfriend who works at
Christie’s — and when I say ‘works" I don’t mean she’s just a
typist. She’s one of those wonderful American girls who can be
tremendously high-powered while still looking radiantly sexy —’

‘
I didn’t know you liked that type.’

‘
Admire it from afar, old chap — too terrified to do anything
else. Well, this American girl, whose name I can’t quite remember
but I think it’s Marilyn or Merrilee or maybe even Mary-Lou, told
Douglas that since his grandmother lived in the Close at Star
bridge, she might be interested to hear that a number of rare books
from the Cathedral library were coming up for auction.’

‘
What?

‘
W
ait,
it gets worse. Douglas was sure Mary-Lou had made a
mistake, so he phoned another chum of his at Christie’s who said
yes, it was true but the story was top secret at present and Mary-
Lou should be shot at dawn for pillow-talk. Douglas then phoned
me out of sheer curiosity to ask if I’d heard anything on the ecclesiastical grapevine — with the result that I rushed hot-foot to his
antique shop in St James’s, lured him to White’s and plied him
with drink until finally he divulged the most top-secret top secret
of the lot: according to this other chum of his at Christie’s, the
star turn at the auction is going to be none other than that fabu
lously rare manuscript which you always get so sentimental about
– the one containing the margin-painting of the cat with a mouse
in its mouth.’

‘
Great Scott, the St Anselm masterpiece!’ I sprang to my feet.
‘Whoa there, Charles, calm down –’

‘
But Aysgarth can’t possibly sell that! Good heavens, if he’s
trying to sell off the Cathedral treasures behind my back, I’ll –’

By this time Jack had flagged down a passing waiter. ‘A brandy
for the Bishop, please.’

I just managed to remember my afternoon committee meeting
and amend the order to a second sherry. Jack ordered another pink
gin and begged me to sit down again before I had apoplexy.

Sinking back into my chair I said: ‘I simply can’t believe Aysgarth
would do this.’

‘No? But if he’s strapped for cash –’

‘
If the Cathedral’s so strapped for cash that he needs to sell the St Anselm manuscript, I should have been told there was a major
financial crisis. Why, it’s as if the Queen had decided to sell off
the Crown Jewels in order to repair the Tower of London! What
on earth can be going on?’

‘
Maybe Aysgarth’s being blackmailed by some gorgeous popsy with the result that he’s embarked on a criminal career to make
ends meet.’

I tried to smile but failed. I could only manage to comment:
‘I’ll say this for Aysgarth: he’s no fool. Or in other words, I don’t
believe he’d ever get in a financial mess which could be described
as embezzlement, and 1 don’t believe he’d ever cultivate a friend
ship with the sort of woman who’s capable of blackmail.’ I stood
up again. ‘I must get hold of Malcolm.’

‘
I do wish you’d have a brandy, old chap. No bishop should try
to survive this sort of crisis on sherry alone,’ said Jack solicitously,
but I was already rushing off in search of a telephone.
Malcolm proved to be out. I phoned Nigel Farr in Starmouth
but he was out too. Finally I tried to speak to Lyle but without
success. In frustration I returned to my host.

‘
Maybe I should talk to Christie’s and try to arrange for the
books to be held back,’ I said. When’s the auction?’

‘
I don’t know, but it can’t be imminent because Mary-Lou’s still
working on the catalogue. Look, toss back the Tio and let’s eat
before you pass out as the result of shock and lack of nourishment.’
We took our places in the dining-room. In the interval between
the mulligatawny soup and the roast beef I retired to the telephone
again and this time I found Malcolm at home.

‘
It can’t possibly be true,’ was his reaction to the news.

‘I’m afraid Jack’s sources really do suggest this isn’t just a pre
posterous rumour. What do you think’s going on?’

‘
A financial mess a mile high, but what beats me, Charles, is
how Aysgarth imagines he can get away with this scheme! Does
he really think he can sell the St Anselm manuscript on the quiet?
As soon as the catalogue’s issued, all the art correspondents will
be trumpeting the news in the press!’

‘
Meanwhile I’m baffled by the Canons’ silence. Do you think
they know nothing of this? I mean, is such ignorance by a Chapter
actually possible?’

‘Must be. If they knew, they’d have tipped us off.’

‘
But how can he keep them in ignorance when under the
Cathedral statutes he can’t do anything without their consent?’

‘
Oh, he wouldn’t let the statutes bother him! Think of how he
commissioned that pornographic sculpture single-handed in 1963
– the sculptress only had to bat her eyelashes at him over the dry
martinis, and immediately all memory of the Cathedral statutes
was wiped from his mind! The truth is Aysgarth’s quite capable of acting on his own and then bullying the Canons into ratifying
his actions later.’

‘At least there’s no woman involved this time.’

‘What makes you so sure?’

The operator intervened to ask for more money. ‘Talk to you
later,’ I said to Malcolm, and replaced the receiver.

Returning to the dining-room I found the roast beef waiting
for me alongside a glass of claret. ‘Sorry,’ I said to Jack. ‘I’ll now
stop wrecking our lunch.’

‘
I rather think I was the one who did the wrecking. How many
strokes did the Archdeacon have?’

‘
He somehow managed to stay conscious. Look, Jack, can I ask
you to sit on this story for a day or two while I find out exactly what’s going on? I suppose it’s always possible that there’s an
innocent explanation.’

‘
You mean maybe there’s no financial mess and that Aysgarth’s merely taken a dislike to priceless medieval manuscripts?’

‘
I mean,’ I said severely as he shook with laughter, ‘that Doug
las’s chum at Christie’s could have got hold of the wrong end of
the stick. Someone might have said to him: "Forget the St Anselm
manuscript," and he might have thought the sentence was: "We’ll
get the St Anselm manuscript." Maybe the Dean and Chapter are
only disposing of a few books of minimal importance.’