Absolute Zero (49 page)

“She had an abortion. She was sick because of an infection,” he added. “They told me because I was her husband.”

Anne’s breath left her abruptly.

“She…aborted your baby?” she breathed out. It made no sense…

She watched as his head shook slowly from side to side.

“Not mine. I…can’t have children, Anne.” He opened his eyes and fixed them on her.

“When we tried and failed, we both got checked out. It was me.
I
was the reason we couldn’t,” he added.

That would explain the strange conversation about kids
, she thought.

“I’m sorry,” she started, not exactly sure what to say.

He gave a small shrug. “I went back to Scotland after…well, we had a bit of a…confrontation about it. I was going to come back at some point. We needed to…figure it out. I was willing to at least try and make it work, I guess. She had a malignant tumor and it didn’t seem right to… I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do but I didn’t think it would be right to divorce her, you know? Does that sound crazy? The whole situation seemed crazy to me at the time. Anyway, I never
did
get the chance. A week later, I received a call that she…was gone,” he trailed off.

“Wow,” Anne breathed out.

“Aye, well…now you know why it’s so difficult to come back here. Or at least it
used
to be. Of course, that was before
you
came. Now I’d be happy no matter where I am as long as I have you, Annie,” he said softly.

Her mouth opened and closed. He reached out and grabbed her hands, holding them gently, his thumbs rubbing her knuckles hypnotically.

“So, I’ll only say I’m sorry once more. Don’t torture me, darling. I’ve already done that enough to myself. Tell me we’ll move on. Tell me we have a chance.”

His words sobered her immediately, lifting her from the fog she seemed to be in as he continued rubbing. His gaze was even more intense at that moment and the words she wanted to say were stuck in her throat.

A chance.

They might not even
have
a chance. How could they? He lived across an ocean. She was being bombarded with calls about…she didn’t even
want
to think about that at the moment.

She cleared her throat.

“Did you walk here?” she asked after a glance toward the front windows confirmed the darkness outside.

“Aye.”

“Come on, I’ll drive you back to the house,” she stated quietly as she disengaged their hands and stood.

“Annie…”

“Ian? Please. I just need some time, Ok? Can you give me that?”

“You know I would give you anything you asked for. Are you sure you want to be alone?”

“I’m sure,” she stated.

*****

“You know, you’re handling this extremely well,” he commented as they pulled up in front of the huge house.

“What did you expect, Ian? There’s nothing I can do about it now. You know. It is what it is, right? Geez, I hate when people say that, but it’s true,” she added under her breath as she stared ahead. “Besides, Sam wants me to wallow in grief and guilt. Everything I do, everything I accomplish; I do that just to prove that asshole wrong. I can’t let him get to me. He’s there, though. No matter what I do or how I justify things in my brain? There’s always that spot in there reserved just for him,” she stated without turning to him.

“I don’t feel guilty anymore, though. I try and tell myself that death was probably better for Mom and Sophie because if they lived? It would have been hell on earth for the two of them. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I underestimated Sam, underestimated his lack of sanity. I fucked up. I’ll live with that for the rest of my life but I won’t let him win. I can’t. So if you’re wondering why I handle this so well…now you know.”

“Come in. Stay with me tonight. Please, love?” he asked softly as he turned toward her as well as he could in the tight confines of the car.

“No. First of all, I’m still pissed. Second, I need to think and I can’t do that with you pounding into me,” his loud groan interrupted her before she continued on, “and last, I’m feeling a bit…exposed, maybe a little vulnerable and that’s something I don’t quite know how to deal with. So, if you could just remove yourself from my car…”

“We don’t have to have sex. I won’t even touch you, wait no, that’s a lie. I
have
to touch you,” he amended as his palm found its’ way to the side of her face.

“No. Just give me a little space, Ok?” her eyes fluttered closed as his thumb rubbed her cheek lightly. His lips brushed against hers like the touch of a soft feather.

“Space. I hate space. I hate this. Look at me,” his voice whispered against her lips.

“I love you, Annie,” he breathed out as her eyes locked with his.

“I love you too,” she blurted and watched as his eyes widened. A shot of pure adrenalin, or maybe that was dread, burst within her.

“What? You…Aww, Annie,” he moaned out. “Now ya
have
to come in,” he stated loudly.

“I take that back. Can I take that back? I don’t know where that came from,” she shook her head quickly.

“
NO!
You can’t take that back,” he said forcefully. “My lass loves me. I’m so damn happy right now. Let me show you…”

“Nah. I’m an emotional wreck on the inside right now, I know I seem calm on the outside but…you just need to go.” She pulled back and righted herself in the car seat, her face turned toward the front of the car and her hands gripped the steering wheel.

“You suck,” she heard him huff out before a giggle escaped her throat. It sounded like ‘sook’ with his accent.

“I know I sook. Now go, please?” She took a deep breath and revved the cars’ engine for the hell of it.

“Tomorrow, then.”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever,” he mimicked her before blowing out a frustrated breath. He reluctantly opened the car door and unfolded his frame. He was taking his sweet time, she noticed.

“Turn the car off,” he commanded just for the hell of it as he leaned down and shot her a piercing look. She revved the engine in answer.

“Pshhht,” he blew out as he shut the door maybe a little harder than necessary. He stood and watched the red taillights of the sports car vanish behind the trees before his feet finally decided to move.

She loves me. Annie loves me. My girl loves me.

My
broken
girl. My beautiful, smart, mouthy girl loves me. Me.

Me
.             

He let out an involuntary groan as he let himself into the empty house.
My stubborn, standoffish, close-minded, did I say stubborn? Feisty, difficult girl
loves me
.

Tomorrow.

It was going to be the longest night of his life.

“What do you mean, ‘she’s not here’?”

“I’m not sure. Mr. umm, Sir…” Ryan stated with nervous eyes.  “She may be with Rand?” he fidgeted with his pen as he practically shrunk under the weight of McClellan’s gaze.

“Well, where’s Rand?”

“I…I’m not sure?” Ryan answered dumbly, kicking himself mentally for even bringing up that possibility.

Ian huffed out an agitated breath.

“Thanks,” he muttered, before turning from the cubicle.
For nothing
, he added in his head as he walked the few steps to Anne’s empty desk.

Just as the last time he looked at it, it was completely devoid of any kind of knickknack, picture or any personal effect; so different from the other cubicles. There were, however, stacks of stuffed manila folders piled on the desk near her keyboard, a few notebooks stacked to the side and some papers placed near the front of the small desk. Walking around it, he sat down in her office chair and grabbed the receiver of her phone before dialing Andrea’s extension.

As soon as the call picked up on the other end, Rand’s assistant spoke.

“Hey, girl! You’re here? I thought you were sick today?” she asked in a rather chipper voice.

“So that’s where she is,” he answered back in a low tone.

Complete silence on the other end.

“Hello?” he asked after a few moments.

“Umm…ahh, Mr. ahhh, McClellan?” she seemed to finally stammer out.

“Oh my god, he’s here. He was in here looking for Anne,” he could hear Ryan’s voice drift from beyond the cubicle wall.

“Ugh, seriously?” a woman’s voice added to his. Apparently they didn’t seem too thrilled based on the inflection of their words. Apparently neither one of them realized he was still in the office.

“What the hell?” the new voice stated, clearly annoyed, clearly unaware he was still present in the room.

“I’m still in here!” Ian stated loudly after covering the receiver with his hand. A small smile appeared on his face at the ensuing silence. He could imagine the look on their faces.

“Mr. McClellan? Sir? You have a call in five minutes…” he could hear Andrea’s voice in his ear.

He was
so
selling this place.
What a circus.

“Fine. You said Ms. Bennett called off sick?”

“Ahh, yes.”

He pulled the cell phone from his pants pocket and pressed Anne’s contact number.

“Fine. Where’s Rand?” he asked as he placed his cell next to his other ear.

“He’s…I think he said he had a meeting? Off-site?”

“Why would he have a meeting off-site?” he asked irritably as the ring tone filled his other ear. It rang three times and the next one would result in her voice mail message.
Dammit.

“I’m not sure,” she responded after a moment’s hesitation.

“Does he have off-site meetings regularly?” He asked as Anne’s canned message filled his ear. He punched the end call button on his phone and concentrated his focus back on Andrea.

“Lately? Yes. But, umm…I’m not sure, ahh…Did you want to take that call in your office?” she asked quickly.

No. I would rather go see Anne.
He fingered the papers on her desk. Faxed clinical trial sheets from Temple University, standard fare, but…his eyes scanned the text on the page. It was stamped ‘Confidential’ and yet someone just threw it on the top of her desk. He knew it wasn’t Anne. Anne was a big proponent of keeping secrets…

“Sir? I…you have three minutes then, I know you hate to be late,” she added quickly. He immediately dropped the paper and punched the button on the desk phone before pushing away from the desk.

He would check up on the fax later, at the moment, he was going to have to run hell bent through the building to get on that call as it was…

No problem, really. It would only add to the ridiculousness that was this facility, anyway.

*****
 

“Dumbass,” she mumbled under her breath as she gripped the kitchen counter and tried to regulate her breathing. She had run a mini marathon at least and she still couldn’t seem to shake the thoughts that plagued her.

She told him she loved him last night which of course, would only serve to make him pursue her even more. Did she mean it?

Yes.

Did she regret it?

Yes. Yes.
Yes.

She regretted it
so
much; she called off sick just to avoid him, which was silly and completely out of character for her but at least it would net her a few hours more to think.

Her cell phone disrupted the relative silence surrounding her.  She let out a groan of frustration as her head lifted and her eyes wandered to the phone on the kitchen table before wandering to the mail situated next to it. A few bills and one off to the side. The one that she dreaded but almost expected.  If they couldn’t get her on the phone, they would try by mail.

I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know.

*****

He finished typing the email and sent it off with a firm click. The paper on Anne’s desk nagged at him. The small bit he was able to read was slightly confusing. It was probably nothing, he thought, but he would make sure. Maybe Temple University would think it was strange for the owner of the company to request a full accounting of all funds and which projects they were applied to, but he didn’t really care. Better
they
tell him. If he contacted his own finance group, the request would make its’ way to Rand. For some reason, he didn’t want to give Rand the opportunity to talk his way out this –
if
it even turned out to be something of concern.

Rand still hadn’t felt the need to show up yet and wasn’t answering his cell phone.  Anne wasn’t answering hers either and just as soon as he could, he would leave and go to her. One more call and he would be done for the day.

*****

He rolled his eyes and gave a snort of laughter when he saw the small gray compact parked in Anne’s driveway later that afternoon. He pulled up next to it and parked, unable to wipe the grin from his face, even by the time he had reached the front door. It was definitely going to be amusing, he thought, finally getting the opportunity to see Irene and Anne interact with each other.

His knock was answered by Irene and the look on her face brought his grin down to a grim line. She looked…worried.

“Help me,” she stated seriously as she opened the screen door and ushered him inside.

“What is it? Where’s Anne? What’s going on?” he asked in rapid succession.

“She’s upstairs in the bathroom. She’s been in there for at least an hour with the water running. She won’t open the door, Ian.”

“Maybe she takes long showers…” he started before her shaking head stopped him.

“I think it has something to do with this,” she wandered over to the kitchen table and picked up a slightly crumpled paper, his eyes scanning and recognizing the same name that was present on the phone bills that Daniel had showed him.

Dwyer Oncology.

CEA tests positive, a request that she contact them immediately for follow up testing.

“That poor thing,” Irene stated in a soft voice next to him.

“What is that?” he asked as his eyes continued to read.

“Blood marker test. I get them too. They check to see if cancer has spread to other parts of the body,” she answered knowingly. “Can you see if
you
can get her out of there? I’m really worried,” Irene grabbed his arm and gave a slight tug.

He stood immobile, letting the information sink in to his brain.

“Ian? Please?” she gave another tug.

“Right,” he finally stated absently before turning and practically bounding up the stairs.

His first tepid knocks were unanswered. He gave a few pounds with his fist and waited.

“Anne? Annie, darling? Please open the door,” he commanded in a loud voice before lowering it.

“Anne,” his forehead rested against the wood surface of the door. The only sound from beyond the door was the shower running. “Annie, please?” he stated in a calmer, more placating voice. No response. He waited a few seconds.

“Annie? If ya don’t open this door, I’ll kick it in,” he bellowed out, waiting impatiently. He chanced a glance over to Irene who stood next to him wringing her hands nervously. She gave him a shrug.

He took a step back, a deep breath and swung his leg up and kicked out, his foot planted near the knob. The door gave immediately with a sickening crack and he hoped to hell he didn’t scare the life out of Anne.

The first thing he noticed was her muted form beyond the translucent glass of the shower door. Yanking it open, he saw her hunched, naked body seated on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees and a blank stare on her face. 

“Annie?” She didn’t give the slightest indication of acknowledgement. His hand immediately turned the water off. It hit the skin of his hand as the shower head dripped. The water was as cold as ice, he noticed as he shook it off. She stayed rooted in her position, her eyes still staring straight ahead.

A towel appeared in his line of vision and he grabbed it automatically as he shifted toward her.

“Annie?” he whispered as he crouched near her, willing her to look at him.

Her face was pale, her lips no longer the soft pink they usually were, more translucent at the moment. Oddly enough, she wasn’t shaking. She should be shaking violently at least from the water temperature he felt but her body was completely…still.

“Annie? I’m going to get you out of here, love,” he stated softly as he unfolded the towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. One of his arms wrapped behind her back and the other snaked under her knees. She made no sound, no movement at all as he lifted her to his chest.

“Let’s get you in bed, eh? Annie, darlin’? You’re scaring me, please say something,” he added before planting a soft kiss in her hair.

He laid her gently on the bed, unfolding her surprisingly pliant body before covering her with the thick comforter. He tucked the fabric around her body tightly before sitting on the edge of the bed. Her eyes still refused to do anything but stare into space.

“Maybe you should let me talk to her,” Irene looked down at her. Anne’s eyes blinked for what he thought might be the first time since he laid eyes on her.

“Annie?”

“You broke the door,” she mumbled through barely moving lips.

Relief washed through him, even though she still wasn’t meeting his eyes with her own.

“Aye. I’ll buy a new one. Without a lock,” he added in a gentle voice accompanied by a small smile. Her gaze finally turned toward him as a long, drawn out breath escaped her lips.

“Are you Ok?” Irene asked, causing Anne’s eyes to turn toward the source and narrow perceptibly.

“What’re you doing here? Oh god, what is she doing here?” she groaned out as her eyes squeezed shut.

“She was worried about you,” Ian answered.

“She was probably pissed off because she wanted to clean the bathroom and I was
in the way
,” she scoffed without looking at the other woman.

A loud, amused sounding snort erupted beyond Ian causing Anne’s eyes to narrow even further.

“Why didn’t you tell me, love?”

“Tell you what? Oooohhh…hmm. I guess you found the letter, right. I’m surprised your Investigator missed that,” Anne stated through clenched teeth.

“I found it. I showed it to him,” Irene supplied.

“Wait. Were you not the one that said you don’t gossip and you keep your nose out of everyone’s business? I’m sorry. Did I hear that wrong?” Anne shifted her gaze toward Irene.

“You remember that?” she asked with a grin.

“Anne remembers everything; she even memorizes things, right darlin’?” His hand was cupping her cheek tenderly.

“Yeah. I’m a freak of nature. Could the two of you make yourselves scarce? I think I want to be alone. I
know
I want to be alone. Stop that,” she brushed his hand from her cheek.

“We need to talk,” he leveled his intense eyes on her for a moment before she averted hers to the ceiling above.

“I need to…sleep. I feel emotionally drained
yet again
,” she replied with a twist to her lips.

“Go on, Ian. I’ll stay with her,” Irene offered up.

“Oh
hell
, no. You can go hop on your broom and take off too. I’ll be fine,” Anne shifted her eyes to the older woman.

“I’m staying. I have some things I want to say to you,” she stated in a domineering voice that all but grated on Anne’s nerves.

“Trust me, there’s
nothing
you need to say to me.”

“Trust me. There
is
. Ian?” Irene said.

“Listen to her, Anne. She can help you…” he stated knowingly.