Absolution (6 page)

She had to keep busy. It kept her sane.

Her hands trembled as she took the kettle to the sink and filled it. Tea. She needed some tea to help her calm down and settle her stomach. Without turning around she sensed Luke standing in the doorway, his presence taking up all the air in the room. It always felt that way around him. Beautiful, unforgettable bastard. The sound of water rushing into the kettle filled the silent void.

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Absolution

“Is that why you left Vancouver so fast?” Luke asked. “You had surgery scheduled?”

She nodded.

“And you didn’t tell anyone?”

She shook her head, bracing for the lecture she knew was coming.

“Jesus, Em, why? Why would you go through something like that alone?”

Because she had no one to lean on besides her son and Bryn, and they’d both been getting married at the time. She hadn’t wanted to spoil all of that by worrying them because she
knew
they’d have dropped everything and rushed to Charleston to be with her. Just as they’d done by showing up for Christmas, and Bryn this morning. “I told you, I’m fine. I’m used to dealing with things on my own.”

She couldn’t resist the dig.

Luke’s quick footsteps made her swing around in alarm, and the hard expression on his face made her back up until the hard edge of the granite counter dug into her lower back. He strode over and shut off the tap behind her, caging her in against the sink with his body, his hands on either side of her.

Thinking of what had happened the last time she’d stood next to him at this sink made her heart hammer.

As if the ghosts from their past swirled up to haunt him too, he backed off slightly but didn’t move away.

The size and power of him surrounded her, and the subtle spice of his cologne rose up as he held her immobile with the magnetic force of his dark gaze.

Emily fought not to react to his nearness, determined not to weaken and let him in, but her senses were going haywire. Whatever she did, she could not let her guard down in front of him. She’d have to be certifiable to open herself up to that kind of pain again. Suicidal.

41

Kaylea Cross

Staring up into his beautiful face, she reminded herself how meticulous Luke was about his appearance. He was the cleanest man she’d ever known. His short beard wasn’t as neatly trimmed like it had been for the wedding, and his hair almost touched the collar of his flannel shirt at the back.

There wasn’t much gray in his hair, but there should have been considering what he did for a living. His slightly scruffy appearance meant he was getting ready to go back overseas again.

That evidence was enough to put the starch back into her spine and push him away with a hand to his chest. Her palm met hard, warm muscle beneath his soft shirt, and the electric tingles in her fingers had nothing to do with the side effects of her chemo treatments. Snatching her hand back when she had enough space to breathe, she glared at him, heart slamming against her ribs. “Don’t crowd me.”

He didn’t budge. “Then stop shutting me out and tell me what you meant about being used to dealing with it.”

His words stunned her. Who the hell did he think he was, barging into her life and demanding answers? He’d been the one to walk away all those years ago, not her. “Let me go.” Tense seconds passed while he kept glaring at her. When he finally stepped away, albeit reluctantly, she escaped to the other side of the room and put the rectangular farmhouse table between them. She hated this.

Just...
hated
it.

“Well? What did you mean?”

She raised a brow in challenge. “You want answers?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” She tossed her head, even though her hair was too short to swing. “I had breast cancer five years ago and they removed a lump, then because I tested positive for the genetic markers, I had a 42

Absolution

prophylactic hysterectomy done. Now the cancer’s back and I had to have a breast removed.” She said it as matter-of-factly as she could, though it scared her to death.

Luke ran a hand over his face and stared hard at her. “Did Rayne know about this?”

“Not until the other day.”

“Jesus.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Em. I had no idea.”

“No one did, because I wanted it that way.”

“You should’ve told him, and Bryn. They would’ve been there for you.”

“And they would have worried themselves sick,”

she pointed out. “Besides, it’s not like I was alone throughout all of it...I had Alex.”

At the mention of that name Luke straightened and folded his arms across his chest, the muscles in his forearms shifting beneath the rolled up sleeves.

How did he keep himself in that kind of condition at fifty years old?

His eyes delved into hers. “But he’s not here now, is he?”

The sudden burn of tears made her glance away.

She would not cry in front of him. She’d shed an ocean of tears over him, and she was done with that.

All crying did was make her ugly and give her a sore throat. Kind of like throwing up when she was pregnant. She’d thought getting sick would make her feel better, at least temporarily, but that hadn’t been the case. Same with crying. It hadn’t done a damn thing to ease her suffering.

No, Alex wasn’t here. She’d sent him away, finally, after seven years of complete devotion to her.

She’d finally admitted to herself that she’d never feel the same way he did about her, and she’d let him go despite his pleas not to. The guilt still ate at her, as did the memory of his devastated expression the night she’d broken up with him. But she knew she’d 43

Kaylea Cross

made the right decision. He was a good man. He deserved someone to love him back, and she could never do that. Not the way he wanted her to. But she hated the thought she’d hurt him as badly as Luke had hurt her. She was all too familiar with that kind of gut-wrenching pain.

She’d given her heart away over thirty years ago to the man standing across the kitchen. Much good that had done, because she’d lost him regardless of her efforts to keep him. She’d never wish that kind of pain on her worst enemy.

Gathering her emotional suit of armor around her, Emily faced him. “Well, now you know what’s going on with me, and I’ve told you I’m fine. I can’t believe you’d come all this way just to find that out, so is there something else?” Please God don’t say he was getting married or was about to become a father again. Her heart would stop right there in the middle of the kitchen.

Her sharp dismissal had his eyes narrowing.

“Yeah. Several things.”

“Like what?” Fighting always upset her, but it was always worse when it was with Luke. She just wanted this over with so she could get back to her recovery and not torture herself with dreams of him that could never come true.

“You can play this tough cookie act all you want, but you’re forgetting I know you better than that.”

He thought he knew her? “Not anymore. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m a survivor now. It’s what I do.” Because she hadn’t been given a choice.

When she’d wanted to curl up in a ball and die from the loneliness after he’d left, she couldn’t because she’d had a young son to raise. When the cancer came, she’d had bills to pay and a job to be at whether she felt up to it or not. All the money Luke sent her each month had gone into a trust fund for Rayne. She’d refused to touch any of it on principal.

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Absolution

And she’d done fine, thanks very much.

His lopsided smile was so sad it twisted her up inside. “You’re also the woman who stayed in a pullout chair next to my hospital bed all night because you knew I wouldn’t sleep if you left.” He prowled toward her like a panther, not stopping until he was across from her, and leaned his wide palms on the table. “And then you held my hand, even though you were sleeping.”

She leaned away, a hot blush stealing over her face. “I did not.” Had she?

“Yeah, you did. So don’t tell me I don’t know you.”

But he didn’t. He didn’t know the first thing about who she was and what she’d dealt with during his absence. Emily swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m really tired,” she said, running a hand through the too-short hair she was afraid of losing.

“Is there something else you came to see me about?

Because I’d like to lie down for awhile longer.”

“Yeah, there is something.”

His grim expression made her so uneasy she knew what it must be. “Something to do with your work?”

“It can wait for now.” He seemed to measure her with his stare, his eyes stripping through the defensive layers she’d built up. “You’re pale. Want me to make that tea for you?”

Damn him, for being this nice to her when she was weak. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just go upstairs.”

Away from you.

A muscle tensed in his jaw, but then he straightened to his full height. A tower of strength that she still wanted to lean against. “All right,” he said. “I’ll come by later, then.”

Do you have to?
She caught herself before she could say the words aloud. “Fine. Later, then.” With as much dignity as she could muster, she walked 45

Kaylea Cross

past him out of the kitchen and up the stairs on unsteady legs with Jake hot on her heels. She was well aware she was running away, but didn’t give a damn. Right now the only thing that mattered was getting some distance from Luke, before she fell apart or told him what she really thought of him.

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Absolution

Standing alone in the silent kitchen after Emily went upstairs, Luke let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. His head tipped back until it rested against the wall. Shit. He felt so goddamn helpless. She was way worse off than he’d feared, and he couldn’t do anything for her. She wouldn’t let him, even if he could. That much was obvious from her closed up body language and wary expression.

What did you expect? To walk back in and pick
up where you left off last time?

The derisive voice in his head pissed him off. No, he hadn’t expected that at all. But he’d thought she would be warmer, more open. Like she’d been at the wedding a month ago. There she’d made the overture of coming over to dance with him and had gone to the hospital to talk through the microphone in the CT scan machine while he’d been in there because she knew he was claustrophobic.

The selfish bastard in him reveled in the fact that she’d cared enough to be there, but the hardened, analytical part had known he couldn’t encourage her tentative overture. He’d rather die than give her any false hopes of a future with him.

He still had Tehrazzi to hunt down. The way things had gone lately, it could be years away from happening, and he might not live to tell about it when it did. No way would he leave her to face that uncertainty again, waiting those endless months or years with little or no contact from him. Never knowing where he was or what he was doing, or if he was okay.

47

Kaylea Cross

Truth was, he’d never be okay. He wasn’t the same man she’d married over thirty years ago. Hell, after the things he’d seen and done throughout his career, sometimes he wasn’t even sure he was human anymore.

He scrubbed a hand over his shaggy face. Emily had been through so much since then. It ate at him that she’d done it alone until Rayne had shown up yesterday. From the way she’d trucked up those stairs, she was glad to be rid of him, so he’d give her a few hours before having the talk he’d come to have with her. This thing with Tehrazzi was too much for her right now, plus he didn’t have concrete proof she was in danger. Only that constant unease in his gut that said she might be.

Like that’s not proof enough?

With a hard sigh, Luke stepped out onto the back porch and walked through the garden to the gate. From out in the driveway, he recognized his son’s voice and braced for more tension.

Christmas is a stressful time of year, haven’t you
heard?

Leaning against the rental car with Bryn and Christa, Rayne looked up. “Well? How is she?”

“She’s upstairs lying down.”

Christa’s face tightened. “Is she all right?”

“Yeah. Just tired, and not expecting to see me.”

He slid his hands into his jeans pockets and put on a smile for her. “Maybe you could go check on her while I talk to these two for a minute.”

“Sure,” she said, taking the hint and heading straight inside.

Rayne crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s up?” he asked with a frown.

Luke got right to the point. “You armed?”

His son’s eyebrows flew upward. “Do I need to be?” “Wouldn’t be a bad idea.” It eased him to know 48

Absolution

that with Rayne there Em had a tactical cop staying at the house for the next few days. Just in case.

Rayne scowled at him. “Christ, what now?”

Bryn was pale. “It’s Tehrazzi, isn’t it?”

Luke nodded, then stole a quick look over his shoulder to make sure Em and Christa couldn’t hear them. “He’s on the move, but we don’t know where.

Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s been targeting the women of my team members.” First Bryn, then Neveah and Sam, Neveah again...

“There’s a certain pattern emerging.”

“So you think he might target them?” Rayne nodded toward the house.

“Your mother, specifically. It’s possible, and even if it’s not probable we still have to take precautions.”

“What about Christa?”

“I don’t anticipate her being at risk, but I’ve already alerted the Team Canada staff to increase security at all venues.”

Rayne’s mouth tightened. “And what about Mom? You think those undercover officers down the road are enough protection?”

It didn’t surprise him that Rayne had noticed the extra eyes. “No. In light of her condition,” Luke said, looking at Bryn, “I think we should move her to a secure location.”

“Meaning?” his son asked.

“For her safety, she can’t be alone here. She needs to be somewhere with good security and a support network around the clock.”

“And that would be where?”

Luke’s gaze slid over to Bryn.