Absorption (11 page)
Authors: John Meaney
Xavier watched them but did not approach.
I didn’t figure you for shy.
In fact, Carl had been impressed by the low-key strength of the man. If anyone had achieved their goals today, it had been Xavier Spalding.
‘I’ve got the afternoon free,’ Treena went on. ‘We could spend it in Tranquillity Park, if you like.’
‘Love to, but I’ve so much work on at the moment.’
‘And a wife at home. Never mind. Give my love to Miranda.’
‘I thought for a moment you wanted to give it to me.’
‘Naughty, naughty, darling. But you are so right.’
She drifted away. Carl was about to head over to Xavier, but his tu-ring chimed, indicating a private call. He double-blinked his smartlenses, and Miranda’s face appeared in his vision.
‘
Hello, sweetheart. Are you carrying on this afternoon?
’
Hello, sweetheart. Are you carrying on this afternoon?
’
‘No,’ he subvocalized. ‘We wrapped the whole thing up already.’
‘
So you’re coming straight home?
’
So you’re coming straight home?
’
‘Maybe not. I know Treena Cassell wants to talk to me about something.’
‘
She’d better stick to talking only, Carl Blackstone.
’
She’d better stick to talking only, Carl Blackstone.
’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘
See you later.
’
See you later.
’
‘Later.’
The image cleared.
I didn’t lie to her.
But neither had he told her about already rejecting Treena.
There are risks worth taking, and risks that aren’t.
The thing was, what he was about to do in secret was one thing, but the habit of lying to everyone about everything was a dangerous temptation in his profession. You had to erect layer upon layer of false personae to move through the everyday world; but Miranda deserved better than that.
Perhaps if she had known him earlier, at the time of his most public shame - when he was only three years older than Roger was now - she would understand the temptation he was giving into.
The year was 2580 Earth-equivalent, and he was one among a hundred and seventy-three Pilot Candidates filling the silver waiting-hall. Most were newly graduated from Academy training, but that was literally academic: the real test was almost upon them. That was why the whole group was shit-scared.
Clothing played a part, indicating preference. Carl wore pure black like the majority, as if determined to gain a ship. Commander Gould had insisted on it.
But I’m going to fail.
Others wore yellow, green or red patches: those who wanted to live on a planet (usually because they were raised on a realspace world among ordinary humans); those who wanted to remain in Labyrinth, shipless; and those who professed no ambition but to accept judgement.
It’s going to be awful.
For a second, he fantasized about faking sudden illness. But the local scan nodes would check him over without even contacting MedCentral; and besides, half the Pilot Candidates looked ready to throw up.
‘Look at chickenshit Anderson.’ Riley, bluff and square-jawed, gestured towards a candidate with scarlet epaulettes. ‘Accepting judgement, my ass. He doesn’t deserve a ship, no way, and he knows it.’
‘Who can know what will happen?’ Soo Lin looked calm. ‘Perhaps acceptance is wise.’
‘Yeah? So how come you’re wearing black, my friend?’
‘I know who I am.’
‘And you know you’re going to fly, cos you is a
Pilot
, right? Exactly my point. Even Blackstone agrees, don’t you, pal?’
Pilot
, right? Exactly my point. Even Blackstone agrees, don’t you, pal?’
‘Er, sure,’ said Carl.
‘You could be more positive.’
‘It’s just—’
But then Lianna was walking towards them. Riley fell silent. Most of the males nearby were looking.
‘Are we all supporting each other?’ Her voice was gentle in the way a whip is soft. ‘So where is Eleanor? Who’s watching out for her?’
From the tearful conversations of the past few days, Eleanor’s confidence was lower than anyone’s, her stress levels higher.
‘Come on, guys.’ Lianna, as she turned around, looked lean and very fit. ‘Can’t anyone see her?’
She was the fastest runner in their year, but dismissed all compliments on her athleticism, respecting only academic achievement. Around her, the air was only faintly amber, the distortions from Euclidean reality scarcely apparent.
They might almost have been in realspace, instead of an annexe of Hilbert Hall in the heart of Labyrinth.
No pressure, making this a public ceremony.
If only he had remained on Molsin, or some other human world. Some of those young Pilots never even came here, believing that Labyrinth and the rest of mu-space held nothing for them. They might be wrong, but at least they would avoid the humiliation about to be inflicted on him.
A message reverberated through their minds.
=Pilot Candidates, make ready.=
Soundless, it thrummed inside them.
=Fifteen minutes remain in which to compose yourselves. =
Riley rubbed his face.
‘Another fifteen shitting minutes. I want my ship
now.
’
now.
’
But the shakiness in his voice was obvious, and the words finished with a rising note tending toward a squeak. When Lianna put her hand on his shoulder, he blushed.
Carl blinked. She was his best friend, sort of, with long conversations and him treating her as an equal. It was only at night, alone, that he had dreamed other kinds of thought, but the thing was that none of them could come true, not with his impending humiliation.
And she was the instructors’ favourite, destined for a proud future, already favoured with access to certain restricted sections of the Logos Library. Meanwhile he was the quirky one with odd views, so often out of step with his classmates, self-sufficient and possibly too stubborn.
‘Oh,’ said Lianna. ‘There’s Eleanor. Come on, you three.’
Riley and Soo Lin followed her, with Carl trailing. But he was the first to stop, realizing what Eleanor was up to. By the time the others reached her, the air around Eleanor was filled with sliding shards of glass-like nothingness, spiralling through rotations that could not occur in realspace.
‘So she’s impatient,’ said Riley. ‘Do we blame her?’
Now only a shivering distortion remained, as Eleanor was outside normal timeflow, sidestepping the least-action geodesic, experiencing the tense remaining minutes in a few subjective seconds.
Riley looked envious. Carl wished he’d thought of Eleanor’s ruse himself; but he didn’t think he could summon the concentration, not now.
So they passed the remaining time in the normal way, with nervous murmurs here and there among the waiting candidates. Finally, Eleanor rotated back into normal timeflow and smiled at her friends.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘Was I the only one to—?’
=Pilot Candidates, move out.=
‘I think you were,’ answered Lianna. ‘And we’re jealous as hell.’
‘That makes me feel better.’
Jostling, they lined up four abreast, before the massive sealed archway. Then the great doors began to open, furling back into a myriad polygons, revealing a shining walkway that led down to the magnificence of Borges Boulevard: the most notable thoroughfare in Labyrinth, contained within the city bounds yet infinite in length.
Then they began to walk out, all one hundred and seventy-three of them, every one of them scared. Even the downramp, short though it was, felt infinite as they descended its length and finally, in formation, stood on the boulevard proper, gleaming sidewalks and rails on either side, and then a drop, for Borges Boulevard ran on mountain-high buttresses in this part of the city. Far overhead, the city’s ceiling was a complex mosaic of dwellings and the city’s own physical self; while off to one side floated several tiers of spectator seats, currently occupied by several thousand Pilots who had specifically arranged their schedules so they could be in Labyrinth at this time.
As if Graduation were not intrinsically bad enough, the Pilot Candidates were beneath the gaze of those who had passed the test with ease.
How do they feel?
Perhaps the mature Pilots did not really see their younger counterparts. Possibly what happened inside their heads was merely vivid memory, as their minds took them back to their own triumphs, to the nova-burst of elation when they met their ships for the first time. For these were the true winners: the Pilots who lived for voyaging.
I can’t do this.
But of course he had to.
Beside him, Lianna’s face was shining with pride and excitement, her obsidian black-on-black eyes filled with the certainty that today was going to be the most notable day of her life.
Mine too.
Not in the same way, however.
Fuck it.
Sickness was building up inside him. However much he had trembled and dreaded this moment earlier, being in the moment was so much worse.
Then the massed Pilot Candidates began to walk on, heading toward judgement, to the end of their cosy years in Labyrinth, the beginning of real adulthood.
Not long now.
Call it a walk of shame.
There was a rhythm to their walk, as the candidates marched in time -
left, right, left, right, fail-ure, fail-ure
- while the tiers of watching Pilots hovered over them, and the worst thing was -
Gods, no
- the observers included Carl’s parents, though he had begged them to stay away.
left, right, left, right, fail-ure, fail-ure
- while the tiers of watching Pilots hovered over them, and the worst thing was -
Gods, no
- the observers included Carl’s parents, though he had begged them to stay away.
A watery haze of shame and stress filled his vision. Hadn’t Dad already apologized for his commitments in the Halberg Nebula, and Mum for being with him on board?
I can’t endure it.
Could he simply break formation and run?
No, I can’t.
‘Relax.’ Lianna had fallen in step beside him. ‘You’ll be all right.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Yes, you will.’
He could have argued but that would be stupid. Everything hurt. Commander Gould was a monster, forcing him to go through this.
After an unreckonable time spent marching on that gleaming surface, they exited Borges Boulevard, and descended to a wide platform that overlooked a bluish chasm. On the far side was the cliff-like Great Shield, an outer wall of Ascension Annexe.
Along the titanic wall, scallop shapes were arranged in rows, each a doorway that was tiny-looking from here, but in reality huge.
=Make ready.=
They spread out along the platform, all hundred and seventy-three of them, separated by psychological more than physical distance: they were each on their own.
For this was it: Graduation.
He remembered his childhood on Molsin, the wonder of its sky-cities and the harshness of its underworld and acid seas, followed by the youthful return to his birthplace. Rediscovering Labyrinth had been a joy. And then the growing sense of purpose, the learning and the internalization of discipline, the notion of his destiny in life. A cascade of memories tumbled through him, making him want to cry.
This is impossible.
High up on the Great Shield, one of the scallop-doors moved.
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