Accidental Sex Goddess (22 page)

Slowly, she pushed Mark aside and approached Ben’s booth, her dark eyes shimmering. Anger? Tears? Both?

They stared at each other, and Ben could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Funny it could still do that—beat—when for the last two hours it had felt like nothing but a mass of concrete weighing down his chest.

“I waited for you,” she said softly. “Months, I waited. And then you told me you didn’t want me.”

“I wanted you.” He took in a shaky breath, shot a glare at Mark. “Everyone knew that. Mark knew that.”

“You wanted me? Is that why you told me you wouldn’t be more than my friend?”

“I was terrified, Reese.” He reached for her, but she stepped back. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

She nodded. “Yeah, and that was your choice. Fine. And I slept with Mark. Probably stupid, since I was still in love with you—”

Ben drew in a shaky breath. She’d been in love with him.

“—but it was my choice,” she continued. “I wasn’t
yours
. You. Didn’t. Want. Me. You didn’t want me until I changed my clothes and hair. You didn’t want me until I looked like this. Mark? He wanted me from the beginning. Just as I am.”

Behind her, Mark dropped his head, studied the floor.

Ben swallowed.

“So don’t talk about me like I did you wrong, Ben. Don’t talk about me like I was stolen from you.”

“I didn’t expect you to run to my brother,” he said, trying to explain, trying to get her to see how much he hurt.

“But I did. Because I needed to be wanted and
he
wanted me. I’m not some
toy
that someone
ruined
before you could got a chance to play. I made mistakes. Not telling you about what happened with Mark? That was a mistake. But you made mistakes too.”

“What did you want from me?” He slammed his palm against the table. “Every time I looked at you, I felt guilty. For wanting you when I was supposed to be grieving. For wanting you when I was with Lisa and you were just this cute girl at the bar. I felt guilty for what I’d been doing while
she
was dying.”

Sympathy softening her features and he hated it, wished she’d look angry again.

“I didn’t want to lose you too,” he said.

“I know.” She stepped back. “All I wanted was for you to be brave enough to try. I know you were scared, and I wanted to be worth the risk.” She took another step.

“Reese—” But he was talking to her back because she was on her way out the door. Leaving him. Again.

Fuck
.

Ben closed his eyes and when he opened them again Mark sat in the booth across from him.

“Fuck off,” Ben muttered, but his heart wasn’t in it, and Mark didn’t take the bait, just signaled the waitress for a beer.

They were quiet a long time, studying their beers instead of facing each other.

“Why Reese?” Ben asked finally. “Dad, the company, whatever, I can deal. But Reese?” He made a fist, as if that could release the ache in his chest.

“You’re not the only one who loves her,” Mark said softly.

Ben looked up, and the ache intensified because the truth was in Mark’s eyes.

“You know why I first fell for her?”

Ben looked away. He didn’t need to hear this. He, of all people, understood falling for Reese Regan, understood wanting her even when he set his mind against it.

“I wanted someone to look at me the way she looks at you.”

Ben grunted. “Are you kidding me? Women crawl out of the woodwork for you.”

Mark lifted a shoulder. “They want The Hawk. They want someone who will flirt with them, someone who will push the boundaries and make them blush. Some of them even want sex. But they don’t want me. They sure as hell don’t respect me.”

“I didn’t realize you wanted
respect
.”

“When Reese looks at you, her whole body goes soft. Like she’s found happiness. Like she’s come home and never wants to leave again. No woman has ever looked at me like that. I wanted what you had, and I fell for her. And I’m sorry as hell about that because I didn’t want to fall for your girl. But I did anyway. And, damn it, Ben. How long was I supposed to watch you lead her on and turn her down? I waited. You told her you didn’t want more, and I made my move.”

“And this time?” Ben said, his voice gruff.

“I asked you at Dad’s retirement. You said you were just friends and I believed you. I wanted to believe you, but when I saw you all over her on Thursday night, I let it go. Do you have any idea how hard that is? Just bowing out to my little brother? And then you act like a fucking undeserving dick.”

“I didn’t want to lose her,” Ben heard himself say again. He was staring at the door like an idiot. As if she might come back through and throw herself in his arms. “I was so scared to lose her.”

“But you did.”

***

When Lance had left Reese, she’d taken a week of vacation from work and had spent the entire seven days sitting on her couch in her bathrobe, watching sad movies. She’d cried and grieved—for what they’d once had and for what she’d only hoped they might have. Trish and Masey took turns checking on her, bringing her therapeutic ice cream and listening to her rant about the man who’d broken her heart.

She’d been with Lance for three years, and it had hurt when he left. Her pride and her heart were wounded, but with some tending she’d been able to return to life, return to normal.

After her week-long ice cream binge, she’d called Ben and asked to meet him at the PitStop. They’d done shots together, shared a few choice words about Lance, and it was almost like her time with Lance had never happened.

Her fight with Ben hadn’t left her like that. She didn’t feel angry. She didn’t want to call her friends and rant and rave over how he’d done her wrong. She didn’t want to talk about it at all. She felt empty. Her heart hadn’t been broken, it’d been ripped from her chest and taken hostage.

So she’d poured herself into her work—easy to do with the masquerade ball approaching this weekend. She hadn’t let herself grieve or scream. And when her cell rang and the screen told her it was Ben on the line, she hadn’t answered. She already knew what he’d say, how he’d propose they resolve their problems, and she didn’t want to hear it.

Now, in her office, two weeks after he’d taken her heart hostage, it was no different. She hit the button on the side of her phone to send the call to voicemail, though she knew he wouldn’t leave one.

She wouldn’t avoid him forever. Eventually, she’d take the call, she’d listen to him suggest they go back to being friends. Eventually, she’d decide how she was going to respond to that suggestion.

But not until after this weekend. She couldn’t afford to break down before she made it through Saturday night.

“You’ve been quiet this week.”

Reese snapped her head up to see Halie standing in the doorway. She’d deliberately avoided the woman.

She was angry at Halie’s presumptiveness, yes, but Reese couldn’t make herself regret the changes she’d made in the last months.

She loved her job, loved being the new Reese—a woman who made people listen and take note, not just a wallflower so easily ignored and forgotten.

But that didn’t excuse Halie’s actions.

Reese crossed her arms on her desk. “I thought we would wait to talk until after the masquerade ball.”

Halie frowned. “That doesn’t sound good.”

Reese shrugged. “I don’t think anything I have to say will come as a surprise to you.”

“I called Ben this morning,” Halie said. “Tried to get him to reconsider about the Manor remodel.”

“How’d that go?”

“I don’t think he’d complain if tomorrow’s news held a report of my body being recovered from Lake Michigan, but he’s not ready to commit the act himself just yet.”

Not a bad analogy, considering the magnitude of her crimes. “Do you always handle your clients this way? Asking the men in their lives to get involved—bribing them to take the women on dates, to have sex with them?”

Halie’s cheeks flushed a dark pink. Reese hadn’t ever seen her flush. “Sometimes. More lately. I might have let my own relationship problems escalate my need to assist others’ relationships.”

“And by
assist
you mean
control
?”

She gave a sad smile and toyed with the pearls at her neck. “It’s been brought to my attention that I might have some control issues.”

For the first time, Reese noticed the woman’s large engagement ring was gone. “Your fiancé left you?”

“I left him.” She seemed to realize she was fidgeting and dropped her hand to her side. “It was time.”

“I’m sorry.”

Halie waved away Reese’s words. “It’s over. You were asking about how I usually run my business, and I want to have this conversation. I want to hear your thoughts—your honest feedback.”

Reese leaned back in her chair. “No, I’d rather you still be speaking to me at the event this weekend.”

The woman’s shoulders dropped. “That bad?”

“No. Not all bad.” Reese pushed herself up from her chair. “Look at the results.”

Halie shrugged. “I do know where to shop.”

“It’s not just the clothes, Halie. It’s me. I really, truly feel better about myself than I have in…” She trailed off, trying to remember a time she’d possessed the confidence she did now. “Never. I’ve never felt this good.”

“But?”

Reese walked around her desk and perched on the front of it, choosing her words carefully. “But I think your program is two things at once. Half of it is this wonderful, progressive look at women’s identities and self-esteem that allows them to really examine what they want for themselves and go after it in a way that is both healthy and ambitious.”

“That sounds good,” Halie said cautiously.

“It is!” Reese said. “If it were that alone, I’d send my
niece
to you. You know, once she’s forty or so.”

“But the other half?”

Reese shook her head and crossed her arms. “The other half is this tired cliché, helping women find their worth through the eyes of men.” She shrugged. “I’m not saying it can’t be about feeling sexy. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with finding pleasure in being desirable. I understand all that. But if women can’t leave it feeling good about themselves without you bribing men to flirt with them, woo them,
sleep
with them? Well, if that’s the case, it’s not much of a program at all, is it?”

Halie took a step back, her eyes wide. “I guess you told me,” she said, and Reese could practically see her walls going up.

“That’s just it, Halie. I don’t think your program needs it. You’ve built something amazing, but your own lack of faith is corrupting it.”

Reese’s phone beeped on her desk, a meeting reminder. She grabbed her purse. “I have to go down to the venue to check on everything before tomorrow night.”

Halie gave a sharp nod. “That’s what I pay you for.”

Reese sighed. “It’s okay if you’re angry with me, but think about it.” She squeezed Halie’s arm, hoping the woman could see the irony in the situation. If Sex Goddess 101 didn’t work, Reese would have never had the courage to criticize it.

***

Ben had never hit a woman, had never wanted to, but when Halie McCormack pulled onto his job site on Friday night, his found his hands balling into fists.

“Good to see you,” she called.

“I don’t remember extending an invitation.” Yes, he was being an ass, but this was the woman who had pitted two brothers against each other in the name of her program. She’d taken the sexiest woman he knew and destroyed his relationship with her to “make her sexy.” Yeah, he was being an ass, but he figured he’d earned the right.

“Want to tell me when you’re going to get started on the Manor?”

“I don’t want the job,” Ben said, his voice low. “Not at any price,”

Halie tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Mr. Hawk, if looks could kill, I’m pretty sure they’d be making arrangements for my funeral.”

“If you want Hawk Construction to do the job, you’re going to have to go through my brother.”

“Not interested,” Mark’s voice came behind him.

Ben turned, surprised. Mark had been working the Granger job all week, but in the old days when Mark took time away his post as ‘The Hawk’ to play business owner, he’d been the last in and the first out, taking any excuse to get out of work. This week, Mark had put in longer hours than Ben every day. It was a change Ben hadn’t adjusted to yet.

“We’re not just about money,” Mark said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “It matters to us how people do business.”

Ben locked eyes with Mark. They hadn’t spoken much this week. What was there to say? They loved the same girl. But here Mark was, getting Ben’s back.

Ben nodded to his brother. As peace offerings went, it wasn’t very flashy, but he knew Mark saw it for what it was.

“I’m not the evil person you’re making me out to be,” Halie said.

“You screw with people’s lives.” Ben turned back to her, ready to battle.

Her shoulders dropped. “I get people to acknowledge what they want. Sometimes they don’t even know, but I try to help them figure it out. Reese didn’t know she wanted you. She wasn’t ready to admit it.”

“Right. And to figure out what they want, women need men? They need lingerie shopping and phone sex? They need brothers fighting over them? Isn’t that all a little anti-feminist?”

Halie sighed. “You can save yourself the lecture. Reese beat you to it.”

That warmed him a little.
Good girl.

Then Halie shocked him by laughing.

Mark was staring at him, brow raised. “Phone sex?”

“I don’t know about the phone sex,” Halie said. “But I don’t think you’re grasping the significance of that date with Mark. Don’t you wonder why she didn’t just go on a date with
you?
”

Only a few hundred times. Ben lifted a shoulder.

“The step was to go on a date with a man she would never marry.” Halie looked at Mark and winced. “Sorry.”

“What?” Ben turned to Mark.

Mark shrugged. “Reese told me that. I was just a means to an end.”