Across a Summer Sea (32 page)
‘We’re just concerned, like,’ Bert intervened. This wasn’t going to be easy.
‘How’s a man supposed to feel when he knows he can’t walk, can’t do a bloody thing for himself without the help of his bloody wife? Can’t work and support his family? Where’s his pride and self-respect, you tell me that?’
‘ ’E’s bloody bitter!’ Alfie muttered to Fred.
‘I’m not effing well deaf as well, Alfie! I
heard
that!’
heard
that!’
‘Oh, Jesus Christ! Yer can’t say a bloody thing right!’ Alfie was losing his patience.
Fred tried to calm the situation. ‘You know, Frank, it needn’t be
all
bad. There was a feller that worked with me a few years ago - you remember him, Bert? Harry Nicholson, lives down the end of Burlington Street. He was crippled in an accident with a bolting horse. He’s sort of come to terms with it. Thinks the world of his wife, says it’s brought them closer together and his kids love the bones of him, will do anything for him.’
all
bad. There was a feller that worked with me a few years ago - you remember him, Bert? Harry Nicholson, lives down the end of Burlington Street. He was crippled in an accident with a bolting horse. He’s sort of come to terms with it. Thinks the world of his wife, says it’s brought them closer together and his kids love the bones of him, will do anything for him.’
‘I remember him. He sits outside all day in the good weather, laughing and chatting to everyone. Even the kids chuck him the ball now and then when they’re playing in the street. You see, Frank, you
can
sort of get over it,’ Bert urged.
can
sort of get over it,’ Bert urged.
‘GET OVER IT! GET OVER IT! I’d sooner be dead than like . . . this! And don’t think anyone’s going to sit me in a chair and stick me out in the street all day to be pointed at and sniggered about!’
Bert lost his temper. ‘Well, if that’s the attitude you’re going to take don’t expect people to come visiting you! You’d do well to stop wallowing in bloody self-pity and think about poor Mary and what she’s going to have to put up with and what she’s given up!’
Frank turned his head away from them. ‘I don’t want to hear about
poor
Mary! It’s
poor
bloody me!’
poor
Mary! It’s
poor
bloody me!’
Bert shrugged. It was useless trying to talk to Frank McGann.
‘So, luv, ’ow is ’e really?’ Queenie asked when the men had all trooped into the front room and the women had seated themselves, making the tiny kitchen look crowded.
Mary put the kettle on but shook her head. ‘Badtempered and ungrateful.’
‘Turned his head away when Katie tried to kiss him, I ask you!’ Maggie muttered.
Queenie tutted.
‘It’ll take time, Mary, fer ’im ter get used ter it,’ Bella added.
‘If he ever does,’ Nellie said darkly.
When they’d all left with much shaking of heads by the men and a few muttered comments about how you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy, Mary cleared up the kitchen, sending Maggie to bed ahead of her.
‘You go on up, I’ll have to go in and see to him. Tommy, luv, get yourself ready for bed and I’ll call you when I’ve got your da settled for the night.’
The lad made no reply. Life was very bleak these days and looked as if it was going to get worse.
To her dismay and embarrassment she had to change both Frank and the bed, tasks that were completed in utter silence on both their parts. After she’d put the soiled linen into buckets of cold water to soak she went back to him. ‘Have you everything you need for the night?’
He looked at the other unoccupied bed and then at her. ‘You’re leaving me here on my own for the night?’
‘No. Tommy is going to sleep in here with you. If you need me, wake him and he’ll come up for me,’ she answered, putting the glass she’d half filled with water within his reach on the top of the chest.
‘So, you can’t stand to sleep in the same room as me?’
She took a deep breath. She was still resolved not to have an argument, not tonight. ‘Frank, I have my pride. I will do everything else, but I won’t share a bedroom with you,’ she said quietly.
‘I suppose I’m so disgusting that it offends your new polite notions! Or is it because with me just a few feet away you won’t be able to dream in peace about all the fancy fellers you’ve had since you left?’
Her patience snapped and she rounded on him. ‘Since I
left
! I
left
! You threw me out! You threw us all out! How
dare
you accuse me of having “fancy fellers”! I’ve never been unfaithful to you and I’m not likely to be now either. I worked to keep us all and I had a good job, as well you know, and if I’ve got “polite notions” it’s because I worked for a “polite” man. A good, kind, sympathetic, caring man, which is something you never were and never will be! I’ll send Tommy in. Goodnight.’
left
! I
left
! You threw me out! You threw us all out! How
dare
you accuse me of having “fancy fellers”! I’ve never been unfaithful to you and I’m not likely to be now either. I worked to keep us all and I had a good job, as well you know, and if I’ve got “polite notions” it’s because I worked for a “polite” man. A good, kind, sympathetic, caring man, which is something you never were and never will be! I’ll send Tommy in. Goodnight.’
She tried not to slam the door behind her. Once outside, she leaned her back against it and closed her eyes. She’d not meant to shout at him like that on his first night back but he knew nothing,
nothing
of just what she’d given up for him and he didn’t care either. He was obviously intent on continuing to make her suffer.
nothing
of just what she’d given up for him and he didn’t care either. He was obviously intent on continuing to make her suffer.
The weeks passed but Frank’s temper didn’t improve; he became more and more steeped in self-pity. Thanks to Mary’s care he became physically stronger but it didn’t seem to make him the slightest bit more optimistic about the future.
She always tried to keep her temper with him but there were times when she just had to walk out and leave him or she felt she would explode. Things were bad enough without there being continuous screaming rows which would only upset the children even more, to say nothing of herself.
One Saturday, after she’d slept very badly, she awoke with a dull throbbing over her right temple, which she prayed wouldn’t develop into a splitting headache.
‘Did you have a good night?’ she asked, drawing back the curtains, when she finally went in to see to Frank.
‘What do you think?’ he muttered sullenly. ‘And you took your time, I’ve been awake for hours.’
‘I’ve had a bad night myself and the beginnings of a headache, so please don’t start complaining already, Frank.’
‘I suppose you couldn’t sleep thinking of everything and
everyone
you left over there!’
everyone
you left over there!’
‘I try
not
to think about it,’ she said wearily, pulling back the bedclothes.
not
to think about it,’ she said wearily, pulling back the bedclothes.
‘Liar! It’s
him
you think about! I know there’s more to it than meets the eye!’
him
you think about! I know there’s more to it than meets the eye!’
She bit back the words that sprang to her lips but then cried out as he tried to lash out at her.
‘Don’t you dare raise your hand to me, Frank McGann! If you think you’re going to start hitting me you’ve certainly picked the wrong time to do it. Start that and you’ll get no help from me at all. I mean it. Can’t you understand that you
need
me, even if you hate me, though God knows what I’ve done to deserve
that
.’ She was shaking with temper. It was a threat that deep down she knew she would never carry out, but she wasn’t prepared to be treated like that.
need
me, even if you hate me, though God knows what I’ve done to deserve
that
.’ She was shaking with temper. It was a threat that deep down she knew she would never carry out, but she wasn’t prepared to be treated like that.
‘You bitch! You hard-hearted little bitch!’ he yelled, beside himself with fury and frustration.
‘I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down. I can’t . . .
won’t
stay here to be screamed at!’
won’t
stay here to be screamed at!’
He picked up the small jug of water from the bedside chest and hurled it at her. It missed her by inches and smashed against the wall, showering her with water and shards of glass.
She wrenched open the door and slammed it hard behind her. Oh, God, how was she going to bear it?
Chapter Twenty-Two
S
HE HAD BORNE IT for three years. Three long, heart-breaking, wretched years. She now went four or five times a week to the washhouse with the washing she’d soaked in the big tub in the yard. It had become too much of a chore and a disruption to do in their small house. Her savings had long gone so in addition to her own washing she and Maggie had begun to take in more and more of other people’s, and in the evenings, after an exhausting day, she went out scrubbing offices in the business sector of the city. There was no money for tram fares so she walked everywhere and it was often nearly midnight when she returned to Newsham Street.
HE HAD BORNE IT for three years. Three long, heart-breaking, wretched years. She now went four or five times a week to the washhouse with the washing she’d soaked in the big tub in the yard. It had become too much of a chore and a disruption to do in their small house. Her savings had long gone so in addition to her own washing she and Maggie had begun to take in more and more of other people’s, and in the evenings, after an exhausting day, she went out scrubbing offices in the business sector of the city. There was no money for tram fares so she walked everywhere and it was often nearly midnight when she returned to Newsham Street.
‘Is there anything you need before I take the washing to the bag wash?’ she asked, poking her head around the door.
Frank looked up. ‘No, but I suppose you’ll be out all morning.’
‘You know it takes time, Frank. I’m as quick as I can be.’
‘I’m sure!’ He laughed mirthlessly. ‘I know you talk about me to the other women, moaning and whinging and looking for sympathy.’
‘I do no such thing! People ask about you; they even care.’
‘Like hell they do!’ he snapped.
She refused to be baited. ‘I’ll be off then. See you later.’
He stared bleakly at the door she had just closed. It was a gesture that seemed to sum up his entire existence. He was shut in, closed off from the world and all the
normal
people in it. This was his world, his prison, and as each day passed he was finding it more and more unbearable. Oh, what was the use in trying to make any sense of it? What had he ever done to deserve to end up like this? He’d always worked hard, tried to do what was right - until she’d gone off the rails. She was the one who was at fault, not him.
normal
people in it. This was his world, his prison, and as each day passed he was finding it more and more unbearable. Oh, what was the use in trying to make any sense of it? What had he ever done to deserve to end up like this? He’d always worked hard, tried to do what was right - until she’d gone off the rails. She was the one who was at fault, not him.
But a small voice nagged at him.
Had
she betrayed him? Did he
really
believe that? Had all that business with Richie Seddon been nothing more than a flirtation he’d blown up out of all proportion, with the aid of that nasty little madam, Nora Phelps? He didn’t want to admit it, but she had done her duty by him. She had come back and she looked after him well and she must be exhausted, yet she never complained.
Had
she betrayed him? Did he
really
believe that? Had all that business with Richie Seddon been nothing more than a flirtation he’d blown up out of all proportion, with the aid of that nasty little madam, Nora Phelps? He didn’t want to admit it, but she had done her duty by him. She had come back and she looked after him well and she must be exhausted, yet she never complained.
Tears of despair welled up in his eyes and fell slowly down his cheeks. When had things gone so wrong between them? It was useless now to try to tell her he was sorry, not after the way he’d accused her of being little better than a whore and called her all those atrocious names. He would never be able to find the words. And what if she laughed at him? Sneered at him and flung his apologies and offers of peace back in his face? No, he could never admit that he had been wrong. Never ask her to forgive him for throwing her out, driving her from her home and friends or for making her leave a good job and a comfortable home for
this
! He’d even said he hadn’t wanted her to come back, but in his heart of hearts he’d known she would.
this
! He’d even said he hadn’t wanted her to come back, but in his heart of hearts he’d known she would.
He turned his head and buried his face in the pillow. She’d been so beautiful then - she still was, despite her desperately hard life, but he knew he would never hold her again, kiss her or be able to make love to her. And then there were the kids. Oh, he’d never really spent much time with them, but he wished he had. He wanted to be able to laugh and joke with Tommy, even kick a ball around the street with him. The lad was growing up, he needed a father, but what kind of a father did he have? A useless cripple. And Katie, she was afraid of him. He saw it in her eyes. He wanted to be able to communicate with Lizzie the way Mary did, but he couldn’t. Mary had always had such patience with the poor little mite; he never had. Now he admitted to himself that he had blamed Mary for the way Lizzie was. He’d felt it was some kind of a slur on him that the child was not perfect. Oh, God, what was the point of it all? His life was just that - pointless. There was no meaning to it at all. No future . . . nothing! Deep sobs of remorse and despair racked him and he beat the damp pillow with clenched fists.
‘It’s a good dryin’ day, luv,’ Nellie called to Mary as she came back down the street, pushing the old pram Tommy had found and which she used to transport the damp bundles from house to washhouse and back. Nellie was on her hands and knees scrubbing her front steps.
‘Thank God. At least now the weather’s fine I won’t have to have it draped all over the kitchen. It makes the whole place feel damp and Frank complains.’
‘Aye, it’s easier all round when the weather’s good. Have you time for a cup of tea? I’ve just finished here and I’m parched.’
‘I should peg this lot out and he’ll be wanting a drink and something to eat.’
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