Across The Divide (9 page)

Delaney smiled again, nodding in agreement. Her fingers touched my elbow, helping me stand. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”

I smiled. 
Already working
. She had never touched me before.

“What happened?” She motioned to my top.

Hell
.

I glanced at my top. Even with water I couldn’t get the blood completely out. A light brown stain seeped through. “Coffee.” I shrugged. “Knocked into someone yesterday.”

She watched me then nodded. “Okay. I’ll get you a new one on the way.” She turned for the door.

“Will someone feed him?” I curved over to the table, peering into Sprig’s cage. Curled in a ball, he slept soundly. “He gets irritable when he doesn’t get food.”

“Yes. Someone will bring him fruit for breakfast.”

“What kind of fruit?”

“Usually bananas.” Delaney opened the door, waiting for me.

Of course. Bananas. That would not go well.

Delaney found me a new top, and I buried my old bloody one at the bottom of the laundry, knowing no one would think twice about blood-stained fae-issued clothing there.

She then escorted me down the hallway and proceeded to a section of the building new to me. DMG was a labyrinth below ground and a full block long of seven-plus levels of corruption and secrets. Did the main branch of the government even know what was going on down here? Did they care? Rapava acted like he was free to do what he wanted with the DMG being his own private
X-Files
, ignored by the government.

When I worked here, I saw enough scientists eating on the main-level cafeteria, where the Collectors hung out, so I never questioned if there were other places to eat or how many mystery levels there were below my feet. I had been naïve, maybe out of willful ignorance more than actual naiveté. When I first arrived here, I finally had my life together and actually saw a future. I didn’t want anything to take me off course. I should have known it was too good to be true.

We stepped into a room. It was smaller than the one upstairs, but it teemed with people—a sea of lab coats. Everyone wore them. Except me. In my gray scrubs I stood out like a beacon. Clearly Rapava wanted me to feel the condemnation of my “peers.” A scarlet letter should have been stitched to my clothing. Disapproval, judgment, and humiliation were strong motivators.

A hush fell over the crowd as I walked through to the buffet line. My shoulders rolled back, my chin up. I would not cower or look embarrassed.

Delaney handed me a tray, and a strange sense of
déjà vu
enfolded me. Suddenly I was back at the warehouse, held prisoner, with a hundred other girls who were training to be pit fighters. 
I think I’d rather be there
. I laughed to myself. At least there I understood the rules; I could handle myself. Here it wasn’t a fight to the death with fists but with mind games and strategy.

Since I woke up from the forced slumber, my thoughts had wandered several times to the girls back at the warehouse, especially Annabeth. The sweet girl who, undoubtedly terrified, still patched me and held her own against the guard. I wondered if she were all right and if Duc, the leader of the Asian gang who took over Marcello’s turf, had forced her into being an escort yet. She was not a fighter like most of the girls. Duc was turning the non-fighters into “companions” for his top clients. I cringed, shaking my head. The promise I made to get her out still sat heavy on my heart, but I could not dwell on things I couldn’t change right now. When I got out of here, she would be the first person I’d try to save.

The cafeteria lady plopped a bowl of plain oatmeal on my tray, along with toast, then jerked her head for me to move along. The eyes glaring from behind me and in front of me tore at my dignity, stripping me of feeling human. When I sat at the table, everyone grabbed their items and exited the space in a hurry, clearing a wide berth around me.

I ignored them and poked at my oatmeal. Poor Delaney kept fidgeting and looking around, clearly wanting to be anywhere but sitting across from me. Eyes and whispers grew heavy on us, the cafeteria alive with murmurs.

“Okay, everyone,” a woman’s voice called out behind me. “Get back to work or mind your own business. She’s
just
a girl trying to eat her breakfast.”

I glanced over my shoulder. Kate’s round, sweet face was lined with irritation as she scowled at everyone who defied her order. After a few minutes, everyone’s eyes drifted back to their own tables, diminishing the spotlight on me.

“Delaney, I am sure you have other things you would like to be doing right now. I’ll take it from here.” Kate waved at her to move on.

Delaney glanced around nervously.

“Dr. Rapava will be fine with it,” Kate encouraged. “I’ll let him know.”

Delaney released a relieved sigh. She sprang from the table and went out the door with efficient speed.

“Oh, and here I thought she enjoyed spending time with me,” I quipped, shoving a spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth.

Kate lowered herself into the chair next to me, a cup of coffee and packets of sugar in her hand. She didn’t speak, and her silence unnerved me. Kate was not the quiet type.

I set down my utensil.

“No. Keep eating,” she whispered under her breath. “Look like we are having a normal conversation.”

I retrieved the spoon, scooping up food. “Aren’t we?”

“Depends on who is listening or watching.” She ripped open a sugar packet and poured it into her coffee.

A jolt of adrenaline heated the back of my neck. When I was locked in the room, Kate’s visit gave me hope and direction, but I had been slowly starting to think what I thought I heard in her words weren’t true. The hope rushed back in like fresh air.

“Don’t trust anyone,” Kate mumbled. “You aren’t safe.”

“Two things I already know. And…are you…safe?” I replied between bites, trying to decipher what side she was really on.

“No.” She stirred the black liquid, causing my mouth to water with the phantom taste. “I haven’t been in a long time.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is not the time for that conversation.” She picked up the cup, blowing on it. “I’m sorry about Sera. Not being able to save her will always be my biggest failure.”

Guilt pooled in my stomach, hardening into a clump.

“Rapava is getting more and more suspicious of me every day. Watches me constantly,” she whispered. “You must stop him. It’s up to you to finish what Daniel started.”

“Did you help Daniel?” Things were becoming clearer to me. Now that I’d seen the levels of security, I realized Daniel couldn’t have gotten down here without help.

“Yes,” Kate muttered. I couldn’t stop the little twinge of betrayal I felt. They had both been aware of what was going on, working together but leaving me out of the knowledge of the actual experiment that was my life. “I caught him breaking into my office for a key. He was the hope I was waiting for. His determination would not relent until he discovered the truth.” She glanced at the table, blinking the sadness from her eyes. “He confessed to me he loved you. Everything he did was for his family and you.”

I gulped, swallowing back tears.

“Don’t let his life or his love for you be in vain. I’m sorry it lands on your shoulders, but I can’t help as I would like.” Kate kept her face forward and emotionless, but her voice dripped with sorrow.

“Why?”

“Because…” She took a sip. “I have a daughter and three grandchildren.”

I understood. She had seen what happened to Dr. Holt’s family. Rapava might have already threatened hers.

“Plus, I’m more useful if I stay on the inside.” She stood up, slipping something under the coffee cup. “Have the rest of my coffee. I certainly don’t need any more caffeine.”

Kate’s demeanor shifted, becoming less serious, like I had always known her. She made a face and giggled. “Now where are my glasses?” She padded her jacket pockets. I nodded at the spectacles on her head. “I’m always losing and misplacing stuff. My head some days...” She rolled her eyes with humor and turned to leave. “Better get yourself to the training room. Peter is not a patient man.” She drifted out of the cafeteria.

I assessed the room through critical eyes. No one had seemed interested in our interaction that I could tell.

My breath locked behind my teeth as I inspected the object she slipped under the cup. I stood slowly, not to cause any attention. I picked up the coffee cup, taking a sip, as I shoved the item into the waistband of my pants, catching it on the underwear band. The gray issued scrubs did not have pockets, naturally.

Without ceremony, I slipped out and headed directly for the training room.

The high-ranking, red-coded elevator security key card rubbed against my hip.

Kate was correct about Peter.

“You’re late,” he yelled. “You’re wasting my time.”

Before Daniel’s death, he had been cordial enough to me, probably because of his buddy, Daniel. Peter had treated me like a kid, until I got in his face and challenged him to a fight. He was horrified to think about dueling a girl, one who only measured five foot five.

I remember Daniel leaning against the wall, grinning. “Don’t underestimate her. She’s a wicked fighter.”

I was already in love with him then, but in that moment the magnitude of it bloomed in my chest. It was the first time I felt he no longer saw me as a child but as someone on his level, who could play with the big boys.

Peter ended up winning. I mean, the man was above six feet, had well over seventy pounds on me, and was trained by special ops. But I had held my own. I lasted far longer than he thought, and I got in some really good hits, knocking him on his ass. I was on a high until his foot met with my ribs. Daniel put an end to it then.

Peter’s voice snapped me back to the present. “I do not want to be here. Every second you are late, the longer I have to be in this room.” His glare of contempt made me miss Daniel so much it ached. I had thought Daniel was uptight and rigid, but Peter far outdid him. He was a soldier through and through. Unlike Daniel, Peter would never question orders or his government, even if it was wrong or he disagreed. He would do his duty, even training someone he despised because Rapava instructed him to.

“You hate me; I get it.” I stepped to the large, built man. He shoved out his toned chest, glaring at me. Peter used to intimidate me, but I had grown so used to Ryker’s build, he no longer frightened me. “But let’s get one thing straight. I have never betrayed Daniel’s memory. I loved him. His death is something I have to live with every day. It eats at me I couldn’t save him.” I placed my hands on my hips, drawing in a gulp of air. “But I couldn’t. No one could have. I battle with my own anger and guilt. I don’t need yours on me, too. I’m sorry you lost a friend, but I lost my partner and the man I loved. So back off.”

Peter’s eyes widened in surprise.

Everything I said to this point was the truth. Daniel might have not warmed to fae like I had now, but he wouldn’t think I was betraying him. He’d only want me happy. Peter might someday find out that Daniel kept a lot from him and was not as dedicated to the mission as Peter thought. But now was not the time, and I was not the person to tell him.

From here on, my tongue needed to twist with lies. It hurt my heart, but I felt Ryker behind me, whispering in my ear. 
“Wrap your lies around their necks, pour them down their throats and into their ears. Cause them to believe so ardently they fall to their knees, needing more.”

“Do you know what I went through?” Air huffed through my nose. “I lost my partner, my sister, my place here, my
friends
…” I stressed. “That fae, the Wanderer, kidnapped me, tied me up, tortured me.” I lifted my shirt to show him the deep scar from when the gas station blew up, and I was impaled on a magazine rack. Ryker had nothing to do with it, he actually saved my life, but I let Peter make his own conclusions.

Peter reached out his, fingers stopping just short of my skin. “He did that to you?” Indignation rose in his eyes.

“He tried to break me and weaken my mind through torment and control. And I can’t say he didn’t. It wasn’t until I tried to run from here—when you guys caught me—the words I said—did I realize what had happened to me.” I shuddered, shaking my head. “Then I realized something was really wrong with my mind. Seeing you all has now awakened the piece of me that was stronger than his manipulations.

“I also have no excuse for my behavior when you saw me in Bellevue, running from the bank. The day before had been a difficult one.” I looked down, licking my lips. That was true. The day before we broke into the bank was awful because Marcello had forced me back into fighting. I also thought Ryker was dead. “But I played him, he bought my act, and thought I was on his side. In my heart I never forgot he was evil. I did what I needed to.”

“Even fuck him?” Peter sneered.

I forced tears to gather under my lids. “You can judge me, but I did what I had to do. You have no idea what I went through each day. Daniel taught me how to survive. He told me the story about when you both were taken prisoner in North Korea. How you had to survive one day to the next. And no one, until they’re in your shoes, can truly judge another on how to do that.”

Peter stepped back, his face unemotional, but his shoulders appeared agitated and tense.

I would never diminish what happened to them, the true hell they had to endure, which bonded them. When you go through something like that, no one completely can understand unless they are sitting next to you.

But this was my war. Daniel made me read
The Art of War
at least a dozen times.
“Become relatable to you enemy. Find out anything you can on them, use it. It’s how you become a person to them, Zoey. There’s a connection. It can end up being the one thing that saves your life.”
He would be the first to tell me to use this tactic.

Daniel’s voice faded from my head. Peter paced around, rubbing at his head. Finally he let out a long sigh. “You’re right, I’m in no place to judge you, especially when I’ve done the same exact thing.” He stopped in front of me. “I’ve been so angry over Daniel’s death, I pointed it at you. Blamed you. Let what happened after you ran discolor my thoughts of your actions. He would kick my ass for that.” A brief fleck of humor lit his eyes before turning serious. “I can’t say I agree with your choices, but if what you say is true, then I apologize. You’re more of a survivor than I thought.” He nodded. “Daniel would be proud of you.”

I wanted to believe the Daniel I knew would be.

Ryker would find this hilarious.

“Can we start anew?” I held out my hand.

The initial response was quick, but I saw him look at my hand, his nose wrinkled, before his expression changed and he clasped it. He didn’t want to touch me. Deep down, he still had a visceral reaction to fae. Tainted. Wrong.

I could work with it. We had made huge progress.

“Now. Let’s get you back in shape.” Peter pulled his hand away and proceeded to the mats. “If you thought Daniel was a tough teacher, just wait.”

Exhaustion forced my eyes closed before I even hit the pillow. True to his word, Rapava forced me between training and tests for his study. By the evening I felt like nothing more than a pincushion between Peter’s punches and Rapava’s exams. Peter kicked my ass and took great pleasure in showing me what a tyrant drill sergeant he was. Then Rapava ran multiple tests and prodded me with every size needle there was. I had bruises and aches in places I didn’t even know had nerve endings.

Even though I passed every mental and physical test they threw at me, I could tell Rapava and his Collectors were still skeptical. I stayed dedicated to the new leaf I turned over—to be re-established as a Collector.

“Is it safe to come out?” Sprig’s voice drifted over to me from the cage.

“Probably not,” I mumbled. Sprig and I had to maintain a respectful distance. I couldn’t get caught crossing the line.

“You all right,
Bhean
?”

“Describe all right.”

The metal of his cage clanged. I lifted my head to see him sitting on top of the box, watching me.

“Sprig…”

“Oh, sprite-munchers. Screw them,
Bhean
. You look like a black-and-blue piñata.”

“I feel like one too.”

“Don’t they normally give you a cookie or something after you give blood?” Sprig hopped on the table. “You know, to keep your sugar levels up or something?”

I smiled and propped myself on my elbows. “They did. A whole box. I think they were honey lemon, but they were so fluffy and rich I could only eat one.”

Sprig’s eyes widened, his tongue licking at his bottom lip.

“Threw the rest out.” I shrugged. “There was no way I could eat them all.”

His jaw fell open. “Wha-wha-whaaaat?” he sputtered. “You threw them out? You didn’t think about bringing them back to me?” He threw up his arms, undistinguishable words continued to come out of his mouth.

“Sprig,” I commanded.

He quieted and looked at me glumly.

“They didn’t give me any cookies. I was kidding.”

He crossed his arms, sitting back on his legs. “You’re mean.”

“I know, but did you really think DMG folks were cookie-giving types?”

“No. But don’t mess with me like that,
Bhean
.” He wiggled a finger at me. “When it comes to food, you don’t intercourse with me.”

I burst out laughing. “Intercourse? You mean fuck with you.”

“Yeah. Same thing.”

“Not quite.” I shook my head. “Slightly different context.”

“You humans and your context.” He crawled to the edge of the counter. “No wonder it took you and the Viking so long. He thought you tossed his cookies too.”

I groaned and lay back on the pillow.

His comment allowed thoughts of Ryker to enter my brain. Thinking about Ryker was against my new rule, but the vivid sex dreams seeped through. Like I could still feel him inside.

No! Stop!
I stuffed my face into my pillow, pushing back the barrier. 
Dammit. I used to be better at shutting off. Becoming emotionless.
A Viking and a monkey completely undid all my years of building walls.

“Oh,
Bhean
.” I felt Sprig land on my bed, climbing up my leg.

“Sprig,” I hissed, lifting my head. “Go back. What if we’re caught?”

“Screw those dingle-biscuits.” He came between my arm and body and snuggled in. I didn’t curl my arm around him, but it was enough for him to be there.

The lights clicked off signaling bedtime for the captives. Every night at ten o’clock on the dot we were plunged into the darkness.

“Sorry I brought him up,” Sprig whispered, then sighed deeply. “Hate to admit it, but I miss him too. Even though he stole my churro. The delicious, warm, sweet, melt-in-your-mouth, large stick of heaven.”

I snorted.

“I can see why you want him back. I saw it; it was not a stick but a seal clubber.”

I rubbed at my face. “It’s not only about the sex.”

“Sure.” His tiny hand patted my arm. “No cookies, but did you happen to spot anything else today? Perhaps honey? Like those bars you used to give me. Oh, what I wouldn’t do for one of those right now. Oh, and what about those honey mango chips? To. Die. For. And one of those Inca colas. Or maybe—”

“Sprig?”

“Yes?”

“Zip it,” I growled.

“Uh-oh,
Bhean
is grumpy, and there is no food or sex available here.” He sucked in a breath and whispered, “I’m scared.”

“You should be.” I sighed. “Now go to sleep.”