Across the Music (Across the Ocean Book 2) (18 page)

I've always enjoyed my simple, carefree life, and I've very much enjoyed the lack of anything overly serious; except for a few things that turned my world around like my afi passing away. Dating Katla was easy, especially with the long distance when I was in school up north in Akureyri and just about every time we saw each other, it was about the physical side of a relationship. I liked her just fine, but I suppose I didn't have any serious feelings for her. It was easy enough for us to break up, and I could just as easily be her friend for lack of negativity that arose from our mutual separation.

I've never been in love, and while I'm not sure if I'm even in the same ball park as love, with Sophie, I know something is brewing within me, unsettling me from the peace that I've grown to love in my life. Grown to love might be an incorrect way to describe it. It's been this way for so long, that it's comfortable. The nothingness, I suppose, of emotions. I've never really thought of it this way before, and it makes me very uncomfortable with myself.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear the song that I had looping abrubptly stop playing. There's a sudden silence amongst us before several people start calling at me for dropping the ball on the music. Shooting a hard look at Loki, I motion with my thumb for him to head back and start entertaining the crowd some more while I take a break to drink my beer with Sophie. He doesn't look thrilled with the prospect, something that surprises me. His brow burrows in displeasure, and his mouth sets with what I imagine is disappointment. He loves playing at any time, anywhere. He enjoys Sophie more than he enjoys playing? At least in this moment.

Sophie seems to notice that Loki and I are exchanging troubled glances over who is responsible for entertaining our friends, so she stands up and walks quickly to where Loki has placed his guitar down against the table. I set my folded chair against the fence of the patio, and sit in her seat instead, next to Loki. We are both dumbfounded that she was so quick to offer to play, even if she didn't say anything.

Loki looks to me, his amused expression returning to his face. "I look forward to hearing what she plays. She's special." I nod in agreement, also excited to hear her play for us. Brooke turns to me over her left shoulder, a huge smile splayed across her face.

"Sophie is going to play for us?" Loki and I both nod at her, entertained by her reaction. She claps her hands excitedly, turning to Ari to bring his attention to this fact. He grins down at her, devotion in his eyes. I can't watch them for too long without feeling bereft in life without a significant other.

A few notes float into the air from the guitar, delicate and sweet. My head turns quickly to watch her, not wanting to miss a moment. Her eyes are closed as she begins, and I think perhaps she's still a bit shy in front of us. I know it can be much more personal to play in front of a small group of people you sort of already know, versus a crowd of people you can hardly see due to the bright stage lights shining in your eyes. I'm lucky to have been playing for this group of people for years, and it no longer affects me. In the beginning I would get butterflies in my stomach, and I would think that I was going to throw up. I never did though, it was just my nerves having a field day at something new and thrilling.

Now that I think of it, I get feelings similar to those from back in the day, as I do when I'm around Sophie, except they are a little more pleasant. The thrill and excitement are ever-present when I'm near her, and only on occasions do I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Sophie's fingers are light on the strings, playing almost lovingly on the guitar. She plays with greater skill than I imagined she had, not needing to look where her fingers have to go for the right chords, finger plucking with ease, creating a sad yet bittersweet melody for us. She plays so fluidly, that I would bet money that she's been playing this same song for years. The song begins slowly, as though she's convincing herself to go through with playing this song she obviously knows so well. There's a small frown on her face when she gets through the first sixteen bars, and she surprises all of us by opening her mouth to sing.

I don't know what pushed me to volunteer to play, but I'm pleasantly surprised that I'm not quite as nervous as I thought I would be. Once I put my hands on the guitar, most of my nervousness melted away, allowing me to breathe easier and the music flow through me properly. I'm certainly unsure what made me play
this
song, of all songs; the song I wrote not long after my brother passed away. When I had originally wrote it, I didn't know much about playing a guitar, so it was simple chords. Over the years, I had expanded it to include all the feeling in it that I needed to be able to express, in order to ease the hardest of times I was having. It both eased me now, just as it made the emotions swell in my chest whenever I played it.

As the time arrives for the lyrics, I get a rush of nerves again, my stomach turning over at the fright of exposing myself so much to these people. I almost decide to stop playing, but push on instead.

The memories are bittersweet now

The emotions are completely real

Some day, somehow

I'll figure out how to heal

The sunshine and breeze in your hair

Your laugh, your smile

I can't find you anymore, anywhere

How were you so sweet, without guile

I'm here, yet you're gone

How am I to be left behind

To be alone

Guide me to heal

Watch over me

While the song has more to sing, I realize I shouldn't be such a drag and allow my emotions to get the best of me and allow me to dampen the jolly mood everybody around me is enjoying. I instead opt to wrap the song up, closing with a few more twangs of the guitar.

Looking up at everyone, I see that a hush has come over the group, and everybody is watching me avidly. When they realize I've finished, they all begin to clap for me in unison. Katla is the only one to not join in, but screw that chick. A few people whistle and yell obnoxiously for me, and I swallow the lump of emotion that's formed in my throat. This group of people really are so supportive and wonderful.

I make sure to smile at everybody in gratitude before setting the guitar back in the place against the table that I found it, stand up and walk back to where Loki and Gunnar are sitting and watching. Gunnar has a large beaming smile full of his perfect teeth aimed right at me, and Loki has a small smile of approval on his lips as well. A sudden shyness overcomes me, and I feel rather giddy and like a schoolgirl who is flirting with boys. Grabbing the extra chair that Gunnar hadn't opened and set up earlier, I grab both ends, unfold it and sit down next to Gunnar on his right side, since he's sitting next to Loki. I would have much rather been in the middle.

"That was beautiful. Did you write it yourself?" Gunnar immediately turns to me and asks when I sit down. Nodding at him, still a bit shy, I cast my eyes down at my fingers and pick at my nails.

"Yeah, I wrote it about my brother years ago. It's always my go-to song, since it's one of the first I ever wrote. Sorry it was so depressing." I mumble the last bit.

"Sophie! That was so beautiful! I can't wait for you to perform at the wedding! You are just full to the brim with talent, aren't you?" Brooke grabs my right upper arm, gushing her pleasure at my capabilities. I can feel a flush rising to my cheeks with all the attention I'm receiving over such a personal song, but I'm pleased just the same.

"Your voice," she continues "Is just so perfect. I think I could just listen to it all day. Boys!" She snaps her fingers at Loki and Gunnar to make sure she has their attention. Gunnar grins, and Loki just rolls his eyes.

"Don't fuck this up with Sophie. " I choke and cough a little at her words, my mind going to just how well I was fucked by Gunnar, and the delicious orgasm delivered to me by Loki earlier today. I know my face is red, so I pretend to keep coughing for a moment until I lose the embarrassment.

"Don't worry Brooke, " Gunnar says pleasantly. "Sophie is in very good hands." Tossing me a sexy little wink, he hands me his beer, offering me a drink. I take it gratefully, and take several large drinks. Passing it back to Gunnar, I sit back in my chair. The group has moved on from my song, and I can hear the buzzing of conversations coming from all directions again, and feel at ease knowing that I can relax again.

The rest of our time outside was wonderful, until it was cut short by the wind picking up and chilling all of us rather quickly. Coming from all directions, the wind is merciless, blowing over cans that aren't completely full and spilling them on the wood porch, any plastic and paper plates or utensils that didn't make it to the trash bin earlier are now scattered around.

In short time, we all worked together to pick up the mess before heading inside. I was shivering with the cold, my skin covered in goosebumps. My teeth were chattering so fiercely that I worried I could bite my tongue, and I had to take a green wool blanket from the back of the couch in the living room and wrap it around my shoulders. Now I've been perched on a chair at the dining table with Baldvin, Gunnar and Emilía, playing a card game I've never heard of before but am trying hard to grasp the rules and win a round.

I'm tired. I take a quick look towards the clock and see that it's now two in the morning. I've guzzled a beer and an interesting apple orchard lady beverage that was provided by Soléy. My yawns are growing more frequent, causing my eyes to water over and over in that way that my body tries to tell me it's time to close them for the night.

Pushing my chair back with a low screech from the legs rubbing on the floor, I stand up and stretch sleepily with my arms high over my head. Another very large and unladylike yawn escapes my mouth before I can stop it.

"Thanks for the wonderful day, I think it's time for me to go to bed." There is a collective murmur of goodnights coming from several people in the room. The television is humming, and Sóley, Katla, Pétur and Loki are crammed on the two couches watching a movie. Loki looks back over his shoulder and gives me a sexy smirk and a small "Night."

Ari and Brooke have already gone to bed, but Baldvin and Emilía are so caught up in the cards in their hands, glancing up only to nod at me. Gunnar, who is on the other end of the table from me begins to stand up from his chair.

"Do you need any help? I think there are pillows in the small cabinet in our room. Just let one of us know if you need anything."

"I should be fine on my own, but thanks. Just work on winning this round for me." I smile and wave at him to sit back down. He winks and nods, sitting down again while I turn to brush my teeth and prepare for sleep.

His eyes are looking up at me, glazed and confused while his pupils dilate and constrict repeatedly as he struggles to remain focused on my face. The tears are streaming down my own face, trailing hotly down my cheeks to cling to my chin for a moment before dripping down onto his bloody shirt.

"Sophie," he croaks painfully. I immediately shush him, I don't want him to talk and waste his precious energy. I can see that things are severe, but I don't know what to do. I'm listening to hear if the ambulance is coming, but I can't hear the wail of the siren yet.

"Shhh, don't talk Evan. Everything is alright. Just relax and think of your favorite things." I don't know what else to say, as I'm struggling to quell my own rising despair and hysteria. There are people shouting nearby, but I can't even hear what they are saying. I can only see Evan. His face is tight with pain, and I'm too scared to look lower. He flew so far when the accident happened, landed so terribly wrong. I don't even know if I should be keeping his head in my lap. What if me moving him at all is the reason he doesn't make it in the end? I can't think of that! I dont know what to do!

I'm struggling to keep the sobs inside, but with each intake of breath, a small one escapes me. His beautiful green eyes; so similar to mine, are leaking tears from the corners, the drops falling down into his hair and ears. He coughs fiercely, his chest heaving with the effort, and much to my horror, a small trickle of blood escapes the corner of his mouth. Panic has wrapped around my ribs and is squeezing me so tight, I feel my heart might burst from the pressure.

This is all my fault! Why am I so stupid? A sob finally escapes me, and Evan's eyes soften as they look up at me. I brush his matted brown hair from his face over and over with shaking hands, unsure what else I'm supposed to do.

"It's okay, Soph. I love you, you know." Another sob escapes me.

"I love you too, Evan. No matter what."

I wake up with a scared shock out of my nightmare, sitting up straight in my bed. I've had the same one so many times over the years, but I never gets any easier. I lift one hand to my rapidly pounding heart, and realize that my face is wet. The tears are pouring out of my eyes, and my body is shaking with grief. It takes a moment before I realize where I am, and I try my best to suppress the body wracking sobs that usually ensue after these awful nightmares. Fortunately, only a small sound escapes me, one that I think they wouldn't hear if they were asleep.