Adam and Evelyn (22 page)
Authors: Ingo Schulze
“All I can remember is Chiemsee too. And you’re sure you don’t want anything more to eat? The pears are good.”
“ ‘Then the Lord God formed man of the dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.’ ”
“Into his nostrils?”
“Did you think it would be into his mouth, like in a first-aid course?”
And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground the Lord God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food, the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
“I read all that once, because I thought they might ask me about it in Leipzig.”
“For art history?”
“Yes, for the admission interview.”
“Did you know about the tree-of-life part?” Adam laid the open book on his stomach.
“Not really.”
“I thought it was all about the knowledge of good and evil. I’ve never heard anything about a tree of life.”
“So you mean there are two trees?”
“I just read it to you,” he said and picked the book up again.
… the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. A river flowed out of Eden to
water the garden; and from there it divided and became four rivers. The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one that waters the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold; and the gold of that land is good; bdellium and onyx stone are there. The name of the second river is Gihon; it is the one that flows around the whole land of Cush. And the name of the third river is Tigris, which flows east of Assyria. And the fourth river is the Euphrates …
“Like the Kossuth coat of arms,” Evelyn said. “I’m sorry, go on.”
The Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to till it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may freely eat of every tree of the garden; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die.”
“ ‘Shall die’?”
“I thought you’d read it. Didn’t you?”
“But why ‘die’? I thought they just had to leave paradise?”
“Maybe it’s the same thing.”
“Because they can’t die in paradise?”
“Yes, of course.”
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” So out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the air; and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed its place with flesh; and
the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman—
“But men and women have the same number of ribs!”
… made into a woman, and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother, and cleaves to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.
Adam had to sneeze. “Have you got a tissue?”
“In the car, all we’ve got here is toilet paper.” Evelyn brought him a fresh roll of toilet paper from the bathroom. “It’s white and soft, not our emery-board stuff.”
“It’s completely illogical,” Adam said and blew his nose.
“Maybe by ‘father and mother’ it means God himself.”
“But how does that work with ‘mother’?”
“Do you know this one? God says to Eve, ‘Do you want an apple?’ ‘Didn’t you forbid me to eat them?’ Eve asks. ‘Go ahead, take it, tastes wonderful, you won’t be sorry.’ ‘You sure?’ Eve asks. ‘Yes,’ God says, ‘but us girls have to keep that to ourselves.’ Katja told it to me. Good, isn’t it?”
“Katja told you jokes?”
“Maybe I’ll see Katja again.”
“ ‘Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the Lord God had made. He said to—’ ”
“Wonder if I’ll see Katja again.”
“How should I know?”
—said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We
may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden; but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to—
“Does it really talk about desire?”
—and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day; and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”
“Ha!” Adam exclaimed. “Now that’s the way to shift blame.”
Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent beguiled me, and I ate.” The Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you above all cattle, and above all wild animals; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days
of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” To the woman he said, “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall”—
“Come in,” Evelyn called. Adam bounced up from the bed. There was another knock. Evelyn put the infrared lamp on the chair and walked over to open the door.
“I fixed up something for you real fast,” their landlady said, turning the tray to get it through the door. Evelyn shoved what was on the table toward the wall.
“This is leberkäse, help yourselves, please, and if you’re hungry there’s plenty of it. I wish the lady and gentleman a good appetite, and if there’s anything I can do, please, let me know. Is the little fellow doing better?”
“Thanks, yes, and thanks again,” Evelyn said.
“Well then, sleep well,” the landlady said.
Evelyn and Adam stood at each end of the tray, which took up almost the entire table.
“That should have arrived a bit earlier,” Evelyn said. “I’m stuffed.” They laid the bags of sandwiches and fruit on the windowsill next to what was left of the cheesecake.
“Think she was listening?” Adam asked. He threw himself back on the bed and picked the Bible up from the floor.
“Let her. We must have been making a good impression,” Evelyn said, directing the infrared lamp back on the turtle.
To the woman he said, “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.” And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in toil
you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
“Is that the end?” Evelyn asked. She had speared a piece of leberkäse and after inspecting it briefly, put it in her mouth. “So now you’re deep into your favorite topic again, aren’t you?” she said as she chewed. “Do you know the myth where God withdraws so that he can make room for something else to happen? We should read that together sometime.”
“ ‘The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins, and clothed them.’ ”
“So God was a tailor too!” Evelyn said, interrupting him.
“Do you want to hear the rest or not?”
Evelyn nodded and turned the infrared lamp off.
Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man; and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.
Adam clapped the book together with such a bang that Evelyn flinched.
“That’s absolutely unbelievable, isn’t it? We’re not allowed back into paradise because we know what’s good and what’s bad and all we need to achieve perfection is eternal life. But God doesn’t want
anybody like him around. That’s monstrous, why don’t people tell you about that? And there’s nothing here about an apple either, or did I miss something?”
“You want some?” Evelyn asked. “It’s delicious, try it, with sweet mustard.” She cut off a slice of the leberkäse crust, spread mustard on it, and sat down on the edge of the bed beside Adam.
“It’s fucking vicious,” Adam said.
“Why are you getting so upset? Taste this.” Evelyn waited, holding a speared chunk of leberkäse to his lips.
“Doesn’t it upset you?” Adam asked.
“Try this,” Evelyn said, holding a hand under the fork. “It’s delicious.”
TWO PROPOSALS
“GRÜSS GOTT
. Did the gentleman sleep well?”
Adam nodded. “We would like some breakfast.”
“But of course, please, the buffet is in the public room. Would you like coffee or tea?”
“Is it included in the room charge?” Adam asked, as his finger traced two circles.
“Yes of course, please, have a seat, what can I bring you?”
“Then coffee, two coffees.”
“Would you perhaps like an egg as well?”
“Yes, I would, thanks.”
“And how would you like it, soft- or hard boiled?”
“In between.”
“Four and a half minutes, would that be all right, sir?”
“Yes, please.”
“And where would you like to sit?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Please, sir, the choice is yours.”
“Good morning,” Evelyn said as she came down the stairs.
“Grüss Gott. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, thanks,” Evelyn said.
“I’m glad to hear that. The gentleman ordered coffee for you. Is that right?”
“Yes, thanks so much.”
“And an egg perhaps?”
“Yes, sure.”
“Four and half minutes, like the gentleman?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you,” the waitress said and went into the kitchen.
“You planning on saying grace?” Adam whispered as they were standing side by side at the buffet. “Why’d you drag that along?”
“That was your idea. You wanted to give it back.”
Adam clamped the Bible under one arm, handed Evelyn a plate, and removed the transparent plastic dome from the platter of cold cuts. “All this still seems a bit weird.”
“Hm?”
“I keep thinking they want something in return.”
“What do you think they want?”
“So damned friendly. They don’t even know us.”
“I want some of that too—a little more, and a couple of pieces of that red fish there.”
They returned to a corner table with full plates. Adam laid the Bible beside him on the bench and slipped it under the overhanging tablecloth.
The waitress arrived carrying two bright silvery pots of coffee on a tray, and right behind her was a young man in sneakers.
“Oh, our savior!” Evelyn cried.
“Grüss Gott, Rudi,” the waitress said.
“And what are the odds?” Adam asked, pushing a chair in place for Rudi.
“We’ve tried everything, a whole raft of starters, but none of them worked. We can jump-start it, that’s no problem, but then you’ll have to drive straight through.”
“I was planning to do that in any case.”
“I’m sorry. We’ve never had one of those in our garage.”
“It’s a sixty-one,” Adam said.
“And so what do we do now?”
“Well, same as yesterday, what else?”
“But then why did we stop here for the night in the first place?”
“I’m sorry, I thought we’d be able to get it running again,” Rudolf said.
“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” Evelyn said. “Except if we stall again—”
“Then I’ll come and tow you. No problem.” He gave her his business card.
“We’re just going to have to risk it,” Adam said.
“Where are you headed?”
“To Trostberg, it’s not far, they say there’s a camp there.”
“Don’t you know anyone here?”
Evelyn shot Adam a glance. “I don’t know anyone here.”
“In Trostberg they’re putting them in tents, a thousand four hundred people, maybe more, and they’re only going to send you on your way again.”
“And so where should I be heading for?” Adam asked.
“If I only knew. If I were you I’d try and find some more permanent arrangement. There are just the two of you, right?”
The waitress arrived with the eggs and served Rudolf a cup of coffee. “Enjoy your breakfast.”
“This was really a crazy idea,” Evelyn whispered. “I’ll take a train or a bus to the camp, and that’ll be that.”
