Adam's Bride (14 page)

Reaching into the bed of the wagon, he pulled out a small basket he’d secured on the side. He’d brought Lidia a peace offering. He couldn’t help but wonder what her reaction would be to seeing him again. Hopefully between the jar of maple syrup and his heartfelt words of apology she’d find it within her to forgive him.

Michaela walked out of the house with baby Daria partly hidden in the folds of her skirt. God had known what He was doing when He brought his stepmother from Boston to Cranton. She could never completely take the place of the mother he lost, but there had never been any doubt of her love for him or any of the other Johnson children.

“It’s been too long since we’ve seen you.” Michaela leaned against the porch railing. “Your father was starting to worry that maybe you were sick again.”

Adam shook his head and smiled as he took the stairs two at a time, then embraced his stepmother with a warm hug. “Nothing of the sort. Just needed some time to come to my senses is all.”

He pulled a shiny red ribbon out of his pocket for the dark-eyed toddler. Daria might be shy, but Adam found that a treat every now and again went a long way in gaining her affections. He tousled the child’s hair, watching in amazement as she manipulated the shiny fabric between her fingers, her eyes lit up with joy.

“I’ve come to talk to Lidia.” Adam cleared his throat. “I need to apologize to her. Blaming her for Samuel’s death was wrong.”

Michaela raised her brow. “What changed your mind?”

“I was forced to look at my own life and realize I wasn’t any better than Jarek.”

“That’s a powerful conclusion to come to.” Daria started to whimper, and her mother lifted the child onto her hip. “There’s … there’s something else you should know.”

Michaela glanced away, and Adam’s heart skipped a beat. If something had happened to Lidia …

His stepmother pulled Daria against her chest as if trying to shelter the young child from the expected ups and downs she would face throughout her lifetime. “Lidia’s brother was killed by bounty hunters a few days ago.”

Adam let out a sigh of relief. “I know. Reuben Myers told me yesterday when he came to pick up his load of sugar.”

A frown spread across her face. “I’m sure I wouldn’t like to hear what he had to say about it.”

“No, you wouldn’t, but listening to him made me see what a fool I’ve been.”

“Lidia’s taken it hard. I’m pretty sure she thinks the town, and maybe even our own family, are going to turn against her now that they know it was her brother who killed Samuel.”

Adam’s gaze swept the sanded boards of the porch, and his stomach knotted together. “I was one of those people.”

“And now?”

“I once blamed her for Samuel’s death simply because they were kin. Now I realize how hatred and bitterness can affect the truth.”

“You’re right, but that still doesn’t change how she feels, or how she believes people see her.” Michaela gently rocked the young girl who looked almost asleep against her shoulder. “I hope you can make things right with her and help her see that what happened doesn’t change the way any of us feel toward her.”

Still pondering his stepmother’s words, Adam made his way through the farmhouse toward the backyard where Lidia was hanging out the laundry. Stepping into the kitchen’s outer doorway, he stopped at the sight of her.

The fabric of her beige dress billowed in the morning breeze as she reached up to secure a white sheet to the line. She’d gained some weight, which only accented her gentle curves. Several tendrils of her long auburn hair spilled across her shoulders, and the sun reflected a bit of color on her fair cheeks.

He couldn’t deny the truth. From the very first moment he’d found her treed by that rabid dog, something within him had known that in meeting her, his life would change forever. In many ways it had. She’d shown him what real sacrifice meant, and what it meant to truly love one’s fellow man.

Then there had been their kiss beneath the stars—

“Adam?”

The sound of her voice startled him.

“Lidia … I—” He stopped, suddenly uncertain of what to say.

“Did you need something?” Her voice rang cold and void of any emotion.

“I came to see you,” he started again. “How have you been? I mean, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for …”

He stepped outside and hurried down the stairs, closing the distance between them so he could look into her eyes. He hated the sadness he saw in their depths.

She held her head high. “Sorry for what?”

“For everything.”
Give me the words, Lord. Please
. “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

He had to start somewhere, but he wasn’t sure he’d chosen the right place. Her eyes misted over, and she turned away from him, grabbing the next sheet from the basket in a quick, jerky movement as she flung it over the line.

Adam swallowed hard. “I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love.”

Her gaze avoided his. “I thought you’d be happy now that your brother’s murderer has paid with his life for his deed.”

Her words pierced like a poisoned arrow to his heart. “I might have been—would have been—a few weeks ago, but not today.”

“What’s changed?” She kept her back to him.

This wasn’t going the way he’d planned at all.

“Everything’s changed for me, Lidia.” He came around to the other side of the clothesline to face her. “When I see what you’ve gone through, it—”

“You don’t have a clue what I’ve gone through.” She flung a clothespin at him and struck him on the forehead.

Adam took a step back, not sure how to react to her display of emotion. “That’s not what I meant.”

Another wooden pin bounced off his shoulder.

Deciding he had nothing to lose, he set the jar of maple syrup down on the grass and continued, “Lidia, I’ve seen how you respond to life in a godly way no matter what happens. That’s what you’ve taught me.”

He ducked at the third clothespin.
Okay, maybe not in every instance
.

She looked up and caught his gaze. He expected to see anger in her eyes, but all that was left was pain.

“Lidia, don’t you see? I’ve been so blinded. You’ve shown me what true sacrifice is, and what it means to love someone through God’s eyes.”

Her head bowed and her shoulders shook as sobs racked her body. Adam moved toward her and gently took her hands, drawing them toward his chest. “I’m sorry, Lidia, for everything. I’m sorry your brother died, and I’m sorry I treated you the way I did.”

Lidia leaned into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

This is where you belong, Lidia
.

With his arms still around her, he led her to the porch stairs where they could sit down. She wiped her face with the back of her hands, before looking up and searching his eyes.

“I’m sorry about the clothespins.”

He stifled a laugh. “I knew you had a bit of spunk in you, but I never imagined I’d have to defend myself from a fleet of flying clothespins.”

A smile formed beneath her rounded eyes, and Adam felt his heart pound within his chest. No. Now wasn’t the time for him to express his feelings toward her. Lidia had just suffered a horrible loss. He needed to be there for her without any hint of an ulterior motive.

And there was something else he had to do.

“I need to ask for your forgiveness.” He tilted her chin so she couldn’t look away from him. “I’ve let bitterness over Samuel’s death run my thoughts and emotions. Not only did I blame your brother for what he did, I blamed you, Koby, and anyone else who got in my way.”

Adam paused, trying to find the right words to say. “I … I guess there’s nothing else I can really say, except that I’m sorry.”

Lidia drew in a deep breath, her mind spinning at Adam’s confession. She’d waited for so long to bridge the gap that hung between them. Their kiss had stirred something within her she’d never felt before, but she’d finally realized that any hope of a relationship between them had long passed. Saying sorry would never change that.

She laced her fingers together, trying to ignore the effect his nearness had on her. “Your reaction was no different than the dozens of other people in town who won’t want anything to do with me once they find out that Jarek was my brother. You, of all people, had an even greater motivation. Samuel was your brother.”

“That’s no excuse.” Adam shook his head and rested his forearms on his thighs. “Not that I didn’t have the right to be angry and hurt over what happened, but the way I acted was no better than Reuben Myers and his blatant hatred for immigrants. As for the rest of the town, most of them are good, upright people. I don’t see them blaming you for what your brother did.”

She leaned away from him. “Don’t try to sugarcoat things for me, Adam. I’ve lived in this country long enough to recognize the expression on people’s faces once they hear my last name. I’ve tried so hard to be an
American
, but no matter what I’m still an immigrant. At least to everyone else I am.”

Shoving her hand into the pocket of her dress, she fingered the folded letter she’d written to Mr. Jonathan Washington Smith. This morning it had seemed to be the only way she could escape to a place that would take her away from all of this. She looked out across the land, past the newly tilled garden and toward the orchards and pasturelands. There would never be any escape from who she was.

Lidia Kowalski.

She couldn’t deny it. Polish blood ran through her veins. Grandmother had always taught her to be proud of her heritage and who she was. Besides the Bible, her sweet babcia had charged her to remember the stories from her mother country. Stories she could in turn pass down to her grandchildren. In the end she’d betrayed her grandmother by trying to hide who she was.

I’m sorry, Grandmother. In betraying who I am, I’ve betrayed you … and Mother and Father. I’ve betrayed my very existence
.

Crumpling the soft fabric of her skirt between her fingers, she looked up at Adam. “I always thought if I could talk like a lady without any accent no one would know who I really was, and I’d be accepted. I constantly corrected Koby over his grammar, and for myself, I read everything I could get my hands on so no one could ever accuse me of being ignorant. But I was wrong.”

Adam leaned back against the porch rail. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve one’s self.”

“But that wasn’t my reasoning. I was trying to become someone I never could be. There’s nothing I can do to change who I am. Nor should I ever want to.” She held her head up high. “I’m an American
and
I’m Polish, Adam Johnson. It’s time I started to be proud of who I am.”

A deep feeling of peace flooded through Lidia’s heart. Like cool, healing waters, it ran into the tiny holes and crevices that had been chipped away like broken pieces of pottery. For a moment, she sat still beneath the warmth of the morning sun, working to push aside the pain from her past.

Adam broke the silence. “You never answered my question.”

She raised her gaze to meet his. “What question?”

“I need you to forgive me, Lidia. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, but I need to hear it from you.”

Something stirred within her. It was like the first time she met him. For a brief moment she’d stood in the shelter of his arms knowing he was the one who’d rescued her from the rabid dog. Today his coal-black hair glistened in the sunlight. The gold glints in his eyes seemed to plead with her to forgive him.

“I do forgive you. What my brother did was horrible, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I …”

“You what?”

Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes. “I miss Jarek so much. I know what he did was wrong, but … I can’t help it. He was my brother.”

“You have every right to miss him.”

A strand of her hair blew across his face, and he pulled her closer. “I’ve forgiven your brother for what he did to Samuel.”

“I wish he could have heard your confession, but at least I have—”

“Lidia!”

Lidia turned to see Koby running toward her at full speed. “What it is, Koby?”

“Aren’t you ready to go yet? The wagon’s loaded.”

She lifted her fingers to her mouth. “I’d entirely forgotten.”

Adam turned to Lidia. “Forgotten what?”

“We’re supposed to go to a barn raising for the Nowaks. They’re a Polish family who live nearby.”

“I suppose I’d better go then.” Adam stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I have plenty of work to do on the farm—”

“Why don’t you come along, Mr. Johnson?” Koby piped up. “Your entire family’s going, and the food’s going to be wonderful. Hunter’s stew, noodles and cabbage, cucumber beet soup—”

“Cucumber beet soup?” Adam wrinkled his nose.

“Come on. It will be fun.”

Lidia saw a flicker of hesitation register in Adam’s eyes. Did he wish that they could prolong their time together? Did she? Despite all that had transpired between them, she couldn’t ignore that her heart didn’t want things to end this way. Still, sharing a kiss beneath a starlit sky didn’t promise them a future together. Just like asking for one’s forgiveness didn’t erase the pain. Adam might feel bad about the way he had treated her, but so much heartache had transpired between them. Nothing could ever change that fact.