Adam's Thorn (15 page)

“I pushed you,” she whispered.  “I
pushed and pushed, so cruel, so nasty, until  finally you cracked.”

Like it was mere hours ago she
could still feel it, hear it.  He’d grabbed her arm, dragged her spitting and
cursing to a chair, sat down and hauled her across his lap.  Every punishing
blow that landed on her bottom she’d felt, every loud slap cracking through the
air she heard, every stinging contact of his palm on her bottom through the
thinness of her skirt.

By the time he’d finished she’d
been sobbing, unable to speak.  He’d pushed her off his lap and she’d tumbled
to the floor.  Standing, he’d backed away, fury in his eyes, loathing, his
handsome and once-laughing face grim.  Gone was his composure, his calmness,
and in his place stood a man hurting, furious.

“I was so bloody angry, Barbie. 
So hurt, so cut up inside.  To top it all off, after what I did to you, I kept
waiting for my sergeant to knock on the door and arrest me for assault.”  Adam
tipped his head back and inhaled.  “That knock never came.  Every day I went to
work I thought would be my last.  My career over.  It didn’t happen.”

“I never told.”  Her throat ached
so much.  “I was so humiliated, so shocked.  No one had ever punished me.  I’d
never believed it would happen, I’d been so sure of myself.  I went home…”

“You never told Melissa.”  He
stated it, didn’t ask.

“No.  Not her, not my parents, no
one.  I couldn’t admit to anyone what had happened.  Anyway, the next day David
rang, wanted me to come out with him.  I refused.  I don’t…yeah, I do.”  She
took a deep breath.  “Suddenly I wasn’t so sure of myself, I was starting to
see what had happened.  Starting to feel the guilt.  Seeing your face every
time I closed my eyes, the fury, the hurt, the disbelief.  The shattered
expression on Melissa’s face.  I’d gone too far. Too far…”  Her voice trailed
away, remembering.  “Too late.”

Even now, remembering still hurt,
still had the power to fill her with shame and guilt.

Adam stayed silent.

After a few minutes of just
leaning back against the car in silence, side by side, each lost in their own
thoughts, Barbie continued quietly, “David’s cousin rang my parents, dobbed me
in.  Revenge, ain't it a bitch?”  Her smile was hard, humourless.  “The row
that happened was the worse we’d ever had.  My father was furious, my mother in
tears.  Melissa…well, she collapsed, just sobbed and sobbed.  I could see what
I’d done, see any scrap of trust left in my parents for me disappear.  I knew
I’d done it then, but before I could even try to make amends, to beg for
forgiveness…”  Barbie swallowed.  “Mum had a heart attack.”

“I heard.  She’s okay now, though,
right?”

“She’s fine.  Now.  Back then, I
literally broke her heart.” Running her hands up over her face, Barbie pushed
back her hair, smoothing down her ponytail.  Remembering the fear, the regrets,
the self-recrimination.  “While she lay in that hospital, so sick, none of us
knowing if she was going to be okay or not, I realised what I’d done, what I’d
become.  We took turns sitting with her at night, and everything changed.” 
Folding her arms, Barbie blinked back the tears.  “I nearly killed my Mum,
Adam.  I wrecked your and Melissa’s lives, I drove my Dad to breaking point,
and I nearly killed my Mum.”  Turning her head, she looked up at him.

His face was expressionless, a
thick strand of black hair falling across his forehead as the breeze ruffled
his hair.  His gaze was steady, unblinking.  The only hint of anything of his
feelings was in the slight muscle tic at the corner of his mouth.  “Tough
times.”

“You think?”

“Melissa came to me.”

Surprised, she blinked.

“She came and we talked long into
the night, decided to give it another go.  But she didn’t tell anyone.”

Especially you. 
It was
unspoken but clear, and while it hurt, Barbie could understand.

“It barely lasted a fortnight. 
The foundations of our relationship were cracked.  I couldn’t handle that she
hadn’t trusted me enough to know I would never cheat on her.”

“I’m sorry, Adam.”

“We broke up by mutual agreement,
she went her way, I went mine.  I transferred to several different places
before finally coming home.”

“You’re happy here.”

“Yeah.  This is home.”  His eyes narrowed. 
“Then you came along, and with you a whole lot of bad memories.”

His words hurt so much, but the
truth was, he had every right to not want her anywhere near him.  “I understand.”

“Do you?  You came here with a
chip on your shoulder the size of a log.  A bloody huge one as though
everything was my fault.”  Anger burned in his eyes, yet he spoke quietly.

Inside she flinched, though outwardly
she strove to match him for calmness.  “Yes.”

“Tell me about your chip, Barbie. 
If you are so sorry, if you really understand, why did you dislike me so much
when you arrived?”

“I don’t.”  It was the God’s
honest truth.

The twist of his lips was proof of
his disbelief.

“I don’t dislike you.”  Shaking
her head, she hugged her arms tighter to herself.  “I just…”

“Just what?”

“I just…I…”

“Just what, Barbie?”  He was
relentless, his gaze almost ruthless, his calmness an added chill factor.

“I remembered what you did like it
was yesterday, and regardless of why you did it, I…”  God, this was so hard. 
She swallowed.  “I…

His dark eyes seemed to burn right
into her, his jaw like granite, his hands shifting slightly on his arms,
causing his biceps to bunch under his jumper.

Looking away, she gathered her
courage and said in a rush, “I remembered the humiliation, the hurt.”

“I can’t say I fully regret what I
did,” he said harshly.  “I regret losing my temper, regret losing control, but
I can’t regret the reason why I did it.  For the love of all that is holy,
Barbie, I can’t bring myself to be sorry for what I did.” Straightening, he
dropped his hands to his sides, fingers fisted.  “I should.  I’m a cop.  I was
a cop then, I’m a cop now.  I’m supposed to protect people.  And to top it off,
I wasn’t brought up to lay a hand in anger on a woman, a girl.  Physical
punishment isn’t the answer, yet I can’t, I just
can’t
wish it back.  And
that eats at me.”

 The torment on his face shocked
her.  Dark eyes glittered, firm lips pulled tight, jaw clenched.  With every
tightening of his fists, muscles flexed in his arms beneath the jumper he wore.

And she was the cause of it, even
now, all these years later.  “Adam, I don’t blame you.  No one would ever blame
you.”  Sadly, she added, “Seeing you brought it all back to me, too, but Adam, what
I did is never far away from my thoughts.  I’ve spent years trying to make
amends, being the good girl.  Studying hard, getting a job, being there to
support my family.  But I’ve never forgotten, and while my presence here made
it so suddenly, painfully fresh for you, in return, seeing you did the same for
me.”  Unable to bear his hard gaze any longer, she pushed away form the car. 
“There you go, Adam.  We’ve talked.”  Giving him one last look, she said, “I
will never tell anyone what happened.  Your career is safe, your life is safe. 
Nothing could ever make me tell, Adam, because what you did was the start of a turning
point for me, way back then.  You made me realised that there are consequences.” 
She stepped back, not breaking eye contact with him.  “In a way you saved my
life, you set my feet on that path back to being a decent human being.” 
Stopping briefly, she added, “When this house is finished, I’m selling it.  Hopefully
it won’t take long.  Then I’ll leave.  Meanwhile, I’ll do my best not to
intrude any further in your life than my presence has already done.  Goodbye,
Adam.”  Turning, she walked to the house.

She felt his gaze on her every
step of the way, but he didn’t say one word.

Good thing, too, because she
wouldn’t have been able to answer him, not when she was having so much trouble
holding back the sobs.  She was definitely doing a lousy job holding back the
tears, because they were streaming from her eyes like a waterfall.

Opening the door, she walked inside
and shut it without looking back, slumping back against it in relief.

The sound of the four wheel drive
engine came to her, the crunch of tyres on the gravel, and Adam was gone.

Sliding down the door, she started
crying.

~*~

It was nightfall by the time
Barbie got home.  Tired, she unloaded the car, taking Barney and Fred in their
carriers inside her half of the duplex she rented.  Once she settled them with
food and drink, and filled their litter tray, she went back out to the car and
retrieved her suitcases.

She’d driven almost non-stop for
twenty four hours since her confrontation with Adam.  Unable to settle, feeling
emotionally wrung out, she’d decided to gather all the jewellery she’d found,
pack up the cats and her things, and come back to the city for a few days. 
While she had a break from Peeron and Adam, she could recharge her emotional
batteries, have the jewellery valued by a jeweller and talk to an antique
dealer she knew, hoping she could get him to come out, value, and maybe buy the
stuff at the house which she didn’t want.

Unfortunately, it meant that she
wouldn’t be home to let the painters and carpenters into the house, but that
was too bad.  Peeron might be a nice little town, and everyone might know
everyone else, but that didn’t mean she trusted workers to go through the house
while she wasn’t in residence.

Dropping the suitcases on her bed,
she looked around her little room with relief.  Through the wall next door she
could faintly hear her neighbour’s TV, and the knowledge that she wasn’t alone
in a huge house full of dust, peeling wallpaper, memories, and maybe ghosts,
was a huge relief.

Weariness bit at her, but first
she had a call to make.  Picking up the phone, she dialled her sister’s phone
number.

“Hello?” Melissa greeted.

“It’s me.”

“Barbs!  How are you?  How’re the
renovations going?”

“Good.  Good.”  She hesitated. 
“Actually, I’m home here for a few days.”

“Really?  When did you get back?”

“Just now, actually.”

Concern filtered through her
sister’s voice.  “Is everything all right?”

“Fine.  Yes.”  She bit her lip. 
“I just…can we meet tomorrow?”

“Meet?  Barbie, what’s wrong?  Do
you need me there now?  I-”

“No, no.”  Hurriedly, Barbie cut
her sister’s words off.  “I just…I need to talk to you about something.”

“Well, sure, but I can come over
now if you want.”

Barbie smiled. “You live on the
other side of the city.  It can wait until morning.”

“Okay.”  Her sister didn’t sound
convinced.  “Are you coming here, or am I coming there?”

“Are you going to be alone
tomorrow?”

“Bill will be at work, the kids at
school, so yes.”

“I’ll see you about eleven then. 
Is eleven good?”

“Fine.”  Melissa hesitated.  “I’m
worried now.”

Barbie laughed.  “Don’t be.  Trust
me, it’s okay.”

“If you say so.”

“Would I lie to you?”

“Nope.”

Her sister said it so assuredly
that Barbie felt like crying.  “I love you, Mel, you know that, don’t you?”

“Oh God!”  Melissa sounded almost
frantic.  “I’m coming over!”

“No!”  Frantically, Barbie thought
of a way to stop her sister.  “You’ll spoil the surprise!”

“Oh my God, you’re
pregnant
?”

In the background Barbie could
hear Bill’s startled exclamation and questions.

“No.  Geez.  Look, just settle
down, Melissa.  I have a surprise for you and want to have a talk, that’s all.
Okay?”

“Okay.”  Melissa still sounded
dubious.

“Trust me, you’ll love the surprise.” 
Before her sister could start probing for information, Barbie said, “I’m going
for a shower and then I’m hitting the sack. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.  Goodnight, then.”

Barbie hung up the phone, opened one
of the suitcases and studied the container of jewellery.  It wasn’t a lie, she
did have a surprise for Melissa.  She’d be delighted to see the jewellery and
choose what she liked.

Unpacking the suitcases was done
quickly, the dirty clothes put in the washing machine for the morning wash, the
clean clothes packed away.  The shower was bliss, and by the time she was lying
in her bed, the sound of the city traffic outside her window, she was drifting
off into a troubled sleep.

By the time she left the duplex at
nine thirty, the washing was on the line, Barney and Fred were asleep on her
bed, she’d greeted her neighbour, and had packed the jewellery safely in a
cloth bag which she sat on the floor of the passenger side along with her
handbag.  Locking the doors after she got into the car, a habit she’d developed
after seeing several car jacking attempts on the news, she pulled into the
traffic and headed for the suburb in which her sister lived.

The traffic was congested and where
she could, she used the back streets.  Peeron didn’t have a lot of traffic and
almost everyone waved to each other.  Small town, close community.  Very
different to the city with its faceless masses, congestion, houses upon houses
upon offices and shops.  A concrete jungle in comparison to the countryside in
and surrounding Peeron.

She rather suspected she might
miss the country town when she left it for the final time.  But meanwhile, she
was here to get things rolling faster.

So saying, she pulled into the
antique dealer she knew and went inside, carrying the bag of jewellery safely
tucked into her handbag.  It made it heavy but kept it out of sight, out of
mind, for thieves.

Patrick was happy to see her, did
the ‘air kiss’ on both cheeks, and enthused at the descriptions of what she had
found in the old house.  Unable to go out himself, he organised for one of his
assistants to head out there as soon as she had returned to Peeron.