Addicted Like Me

Table of Contents

 

 

 

 

 

TO JASON AND RICK.
We'll keep the light on.

IF YOU ARE A PERSON who is struggling with addiction, please know that you are not alone. I know this from personal experience. A thread of alcoholism that began in my family generations before I was born came to greet me on the day of my birth. It culminated with the addiction of both my teenagers. Watching Lauren and Ryan become consumed by our legacy of family addiction, I experienced a parent's worst nightmare. I occupied a front row seat, observing the self-destruction of my children through drug and alcohol abuse. I lived in constant fear. I believed that my daughter, Lauren, would never live to see her eighteenth birthday because
her addiction was so out of control at one point. In
Addicted Like Me,
Lauren and I tell our own stories, though my story invariably involves my own ups and downs and challenges and victories, as well as those of my children. Ultimately ours is a story of hope and how we found recovery from the devastating heritage of addiction that has plagued our family for generations, but each of us—myself, Lauren, and Ryan—is testimony to the fact that addiction is not an easy cycle to break. Awareness is the first, all-important step. No matter what stage you're facing—be it coming to terms with your family history, your own impact on your child's addiction, their downward spiral, or their long-awaited recovery—being willing to face it, with your eyes wide open, and having the desire to effect change in your situation is what makes all the difference.

I was thrilled when Lauren agreed to coauthor this book with me. I knew then that both of our voices needed to be shared. I believe that Lauren's telling of her own side of the story gives this book a powerful dimension that will help parents who are struggling for understanding, and will resonate with young people searching for a way out.

In telling our story, Lauren and I have ripped our souls bare. In the first two parts of the book we relive very difficult and painful periods in our lives. In the third part, we let you in on the strategies that lead to our success so that you are able to put yourself in the shoes of a teenager or a parent.

As I look back on the insanity of it all before Lauren and I embraced recovery, I wonder how I coped as a single parent. I did everything I could think of to try to stop addiction from consuming
her and my son, but in the end, I had to admit I was absolutely powerless. Addiction is the responsibility of each individual. The hope to recover from addiction is in the choice you can make as an individual to change. This realization finally hit me when I recognized I had been standing on a set of train tracks with outstretched arms trying to stop a speeding train. As defeated as I felt, it was the turning point in our family's recovery. I let go of trying to control what could not be controlled, and it was then that we began to find solutions.

Addiction is a disease that is deadly and serious. It is not a habit. I needed to learn as much as I could about this illness to help my family. When it comes to addiction, a lack of knowledge can be a recipe for disaster. All of us owe it to our kids to become informed. Most important, I discovered success after I reached out for help. Most parents feel that they should be able to get their kids under control, and I was no exception. The problem is that we are up against something powerful and insidious in addiction, and we need one another. You will need all the help you can get to achieve a successful recovery. The knowledge and support of others will become a power for you, as they have been and continue to be for me. Having an adult relationship with my children, who have suffered in very different ways, has opened a door into so many things I ignored or tried to wish away while they were growing up. But that approach only made the problems bigger. I had no clue that many things I was doing or not doing were allowing Lauren and Ryan to continue with their addictions. With all of the good intentions in the world, I was enabling them. I was unable to recognize the role I
played in our legacy of addiction because I had tolerated unacceptable, addicted behavior for so long. My grandfather was an addict and so was my father, as was the first man I married, Rick. I was perpetuating this legacy by living in denial of the fact that it had come to live in my children.

Coming out of denial was painful, but I learned that denial is a dangerous place to be if you are the parent of an addict. The National Institute on Drug Abuse released some startling numbers for 2007. The numbers vary by year, and different drugs seem to fall in and out of favor with experimenting youths, but one thing always stays the same—more teens than not are trying drugs and alcohol. Alcohol: 72 percent of teens surveyed by the National Institute had used alcohol, 66 percent used within one year of the survey, and 44 percent used within that month.

Marijuana: Nearly 42 percent of teens reported that they had tried the drug, 32 used within one year of the survey, and 19 used within that month.

Prescription pain pills: 15 percent of high school seniors reported having used prescription painkillers to get high during the twelve months preceding the National Institute survey.

The consequences that our children are experiencing from drinking and drug use can be astonishing. Their judgment becomes impaired when they are under the influence of drugs and alcohol, and they make choices that have severe repercussions. The survey found that sexual encounters with risks of pregnancy, STDs, and HIV exposure, as well as date rape and other violence, can and do occur more frequently while young people are consuming large
amounts of alcohol by binge drinking. These behaviors also lead to unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and depression. Physical fighting and abuse can lead to major issues, including problems with the law. These repercussions are just the tip of the iceberg as far as statistics go but certainly make a strong case for why our children need our help. Lauren could not help herself. She and I had to work as a team to put our likelihood of risk and repercussion to rest.

As my understanding of addictive realities progressed, I poured all of my energies into bettering myself so that I might help my children. I didn't know things could be different for a family like mine until I was introduced to the information I had been lacking, the support I needed from others, and the encouragement that helped change my perception. Lauren and I want to be that encouragement for you. We have been through similar situations. We have felt similar things. We experienced a miracle and want you to have that experience, too.

I am not a professional, but I have discovered solutions that work. As I observe my children as they face their own challenges, I continue to hope that the foundations of recovery that they learned along the way will be remembered. The road to recovery can be a bumpy journey, full of relapses and bubbles of hope that often burst.
Addicted Like Me
is about my and Lauren's experiences, but Ryan's own journey plays a significant role, too. As of the writing of this book, Lauren believes she is an addict and continues on with her recovery program; Ryan feels that he is not an addict, and that his previous addictions do not affect his life today. As their parent,
there were things I could have done better, and you, reader, must not despair if the techniques and suggestions we provide at the end of the book don't work for you or your child. Sometimes the road to recovery takes years and years, and these solutions are not a template for success. This is our story, however, and it's one in which Lauren and I share with you our journey to recovery as a team. You are not alone. Don't ever give up on your child. You need one another to break the legacy of addiction. It is a beast, and it is powerful, but it is never as strong as the bond you can build in your family by breaking free into recovery together.

 

—KAREN FRANKLIN
2009

IT WAS HEARTBREAKING when I finally opened my eyes and saw that I was the cause of so much of my family's pain. My mother was overwhelmed and scared. She ran around during the years I was an addict like a chicken with her head cut off, constantly grasping at straws in an effort to reach out to me. She was never able to rest or relax, because she was always worried about the next big bomb. When would it drop on us because of my addiction? Everything she tried to change for my brother and me would come crashing down, leaving shambles.

It was an absolutely devastating time for our family. My mom had cleaned up her own addictions years before I began to lose
myself to the same beast that had consumed her. Tension was off the charts. My mood swings were outrageous. My mother walked on eggshells, wanting so much to bring me the healing that she had found, but I had constant anger toward her for interfering with my life.