Addicted to Him (7 page)

“You think my brother’s cute,” Ava announces, mortifying me.

Blood rushes to my face, knowing he had to have heard her. “I think your brother is very nice to wipe bird poop off a stranger’s car,” I clarify.

“Why are you dressed like a boy?” the girl asks, and I want to die on the spot.

“Ava,” the guy shouts, marching up to her. “What have I told you about saying rude things to people?” The little girl’s lip starts to tremble as she realizes how mad her brother is.

“It’s okay,” I lie. “She was just curious. I have a little brother, I get it.”

Little kids are so honest that it’s painful. I can remember Wade asking a store clerk when her baby was due and wanting the floor to swallow me up when I realized she was just carrying a lot of belly fat. I’ve never been a target until now though, so even though I don’t want her to get in trouble, I want to get away from this guy before I die of humiliation.

“She just has no filter,” he explains, burying his face in his hands. Henry looks up at me with big brown eyes and smiles, making all my embarrassment fade.

“I think you’re pretty,” he tells me, warming my heart.

“That makes two of us, buddy,” the guy says. I know he’s just being nice because he still feels bad about what his sister said and I have a feeling that Henry is the kind of kid who is going to spend his life trying to smooth over his sister’s actions.

“Thank you so much for cleaning my car. That was really nice,” I say, moving to get into the SUV.

“Okay, bye,” the guy says hesitantly. He gathers the kids and starts walking to his car. I start the SUV and roll down the windows to get some air moving in the overheated car. I fidget with the GPS putting Dad’s address in. I’m pretty sure I know the way but I don’t want to take any chances. Then I find the perfect radio station for the ride home. I’m just about to put the car into reverse when I hear a horn honk.

The Mustang rolls by slowly and they all wave adorably. I hear Ava’s voice start to sing, “Seth and Lisa sittin’ in a tree,” and the car zooms off. I laugh when I realize that Seth must be her brother’s name and they must have overheard the librarian call me Lisa on the way out. On the way home I let myself daydream about a guy like that actually wanting to be with a girl like me.

As I pull into Dad’s driveway, I can’t believe the thoughts that have been running through my head. I haven’t wanted to touch my boyfriend of two years for months, the thought of his hands on me repugnant because of Phil. But for some reason I have no problem fantasizing about this stranger having his way with me. Of course these are just fantasies and I’d probably act like I got zapped with a cattle prod the minute he touched me, but it makes me hopeful that maybe someday I’ll have normal feelings and reactions to someone I’m attracted to. Maybe I’m not turning into a robot after all.

****

I’m nervous about Dad coming home tonight. Even though I’ve checked the hood of the car about twenty times and it doesn’t look damaged by the birds, I don’t want to let him down. As much as I miss Wade, I don’t want to get sent back to Missouri early. I rock back and forth in Dad’s recliner waiting to hear the garage door go up. The last thing I want to do is burden him with my crap, literally, after he’s worked all day but I want to be honest. Finally, I hear the jerk of the door going up and I walk out to the garage to meet them.

Lisa waves pleasantly when she sees me, and as much as I would like to tell myself that she really likes having me around, I would bet money that she is probably counting the days until I leave.

“Hey, sweetie,” Dad greets me, swinging his briefcase lightheartedly as he shuts the door to the Prius.

“Dad, can you come outside for a second?”

Dad and Lisa exchange a glance but then Lisa continues into the house and Dad follows me out to the driveway to the SUV.

“I went to the library today and when I came out some birds had crapped on the hood. A really nice guy wiped it off with something and I think it’s all off but I wanted you to know,” I confess.

I watch Dad run his hand over the hood then look at me with an expression I don’t recognize.

“Cassidy, I appreciate your honesty, but I wouldn’t give a shit if you totaled this car as long as you were okay. Sweetie, stuff is going to happen and that’s okay. Nobody expects you to be perfect here,” he says with wet eyes.

The tenderness in his eyes catches me off-guard and I feel my own eyes filling up. I swallow forcefully trying to keep the tears back. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me,” I admit.

“I could never be disappointed in you,” he says, then reaches out to touch my face. As soon as his hand touches my face I jerk away involuntarily.

“I’m sorry. You just surprised me,” I say, making excuses.

The pain in his eyes tells me that he knows I’m lying but he covers it up so fast that I wonder if maybe I imagined the pained look. “Lisa and I just want you to be happy here. We know that you had to leave all your friends for the summer and I can’t imagine how hard that is, especially leaving Wade. But you don’t have to walk around on eggshells for us. We want you to drive the car and do things while we’re at work. You don’t have to stay inside this house like a prisoner. And I hope that you know I’m always here if you need to talk. There’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me be disappointed in you.”

I just stand there trying to take in all of his loving words. He truly loves me. I can’t help but wonder what my life would have turned out like if he had gotten custody of me. I would probably be the most carefree, happy, Daddy’s girl in the world instead of a freaky-looking, paranoid shell of a person.

“I really like it here,” I say, finally.

“I’m glad. Now let’s go see what’s for dinner,” he says, he starts to put his arm around me but I see him catch himself at the last minute. I hate that I’ve reacted so violently to his touch. He shouldn’t have to pay for Phil’s crimes but I just can’t force myself to act normally. I can sense a small change in myself though just in the week I’ve been here. Hopefully, by the time the summer is over, I won’t even recognize the pathetic girl who lied to get here.

****

“Yuck,” Lisa states, plugging her nose as she spits out a spoonful of the dinner she had simmering in the crock pot all day.

I’ve barely been able to keep myself out of it because it smelled so good. Dad takes a bite and rubs his belly happily.

“I can’t eat this. It tastes like dog shit,” Lisa insists.

“It’s delicious. What’s wrong with you tonight?” Dad asks.

She does seem a little off and I’ve been worried it had to do with the car. After all, she doesn’t have the unconditional love for me that Dad does. She works hard and I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate some girl swooping in and using her things and taking up her personal space.

“I’m really sorry about the car, Lisa,” I apologize, wanting to clear the air. I really like her and I don’t want to put on the fake tough girl act anymore. I’m going to enjoy her company if she’ll let me and just deal with saying good-bye when that day gets here.

She rushes toward me and clutches my arms. “No, sweetie. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been in a shitty mood all day. Work was sucky and all I could think about all damn day was eating a mad cow burger.”

I see Dad marveling at the way I keep my arms linked with Lisa’s. I know he must think that I just don’t want him to touch me when it’s really all guys that I react to this way. I decide to change the subject to distract him.

“What’s a mad cow burger?” I ask, curious.

“Oh, my! Lisa, get your purse, STAT. We have to get Cassidy to Chubby’s on the double,” Dad teases, grabbing his keys and running to the garage door.

“Yes,” Lisa shouts, pumping her fist in the air.

I chuckle at their silliness. Something as simple as a burger makes these two act like a couple of kids on Christmas morning. I think I could easily stay here forever.

We pile into the SUV and Dad drives us to the other side of town. At least I think it’s the other side of town. I’m trying to pay better attention so that hopefully I can find something other than the library without having to use the GPS. Eventually he pulls into a dilapidated parking lot in a neighborhood that doesn’t look quite as pristine as the rest of the town.

I peek out the window at the small brick building with the red metal roof sitting smack in the middle of the parking lot. Tons of cars are coming and going with people standing in line in the front and coming out a rear door with greasy paper bags of food also.

“Let’s go, gang,” Dad says but Lisa is already practically to the red rear door. I catch up with Dad, my stomach growling at the smells permeating from the little building. A giant neon sign of a dancing ice cream cone stands atop the roof beckoning customers from all over the city. I love little hole in the wall restaurants like this. Wade and I always watch the food road trip shows together and I can’t wait to tell him about this.

“What do you recommend?” I ask, walking over the threshold of the restaurant as Dad holds the door open.

“Everything,” he teases, ushering me inside.

The rear order area is only ten feet by ten feet and there are already six people squished inside. Dad and I make our way over to Lisa who is chin up to a paint-chipped counter watching burgers be fried on a giant grill. I speed read the menu, knowing this isn’t the kind of place where you dilly dally around with your order.

The sounding of boiling hot oil kissing the ice crystals of frozen French fries catches my attention and I watch a girl about my age lower a metal basket of fries into the oil. After a few minutes, she takes them out, dumps them in a metal bin and shakes salt over them. I’m practically drooling.

“What can I get you, folks?” a baby-faced kid asks us. I recognize the T-shirt he’s wearing as the ones that Seth and his brother and sister had on. They must like this place, too. Dancing cheeseburger T-shirts in every color of the rainbow hang above the menu for sale.

“I want the mad cow burger with a large order of butter fries and a jumbo butterscotch malt,” Lisa demands and, for a second, I think she might jump the counter to make it herself if the kid doesn’t get a move on.

“I’ll have the same,” I say, trying not to gross out by the name of the burger. If Lisa eats it, it must be pretty dang good.

“I’ll have a double mad cow with chili fries and a peanut butter shake. But I don’t want any of it unless Seth is cooking,” Dad announces.

A thought crosses my mind about how strange is it that the same unusual name would cross my path twice in one day. Then, the beautiful blond stranger from the library turns around and everything starts to go in slow motion.

“Martin and Lisa, my favorite customers,” he shouts over the sizzling burgers and whirring mixers churning up milkshakes.

I can’t stop staring. He moves expertly, flipping burgers at just the right time while razzing Dad about the latest Red Sox loss. He doesn’t even remember me. Not that I should be surprised but I guess maybe I would have liked to have made a small impression.

“Isn’t he a dreamboat?” Lisa whispers in my ear. I turn my head, my cheeks blushing, embarrassed that she busted me checking him out.

Dad gets distracted by a young girl giving him the total. He busies himself digging in his wallet for cash. Seth meets my eyes and winks. I feel lightheaded and just stand there like an idiot. His crooked smile pulls up on one side and I feel certain that I might as well have my feelings tattooed across my forehead. There is something hypnotic about this guy. I want to lean across the counter and smooth his curls behind his ears. I want to feel his lips on mine and his hands running all over my body.

I watch him grab a brown paper bag and a black Sharpie and jot something down. I’m dazzled by everything he does and I don’t even care if he knows I’m watching every move he makes. I’ve never had this strong of a physical reaction to a guy, even before the Phil stuff. But something about Seth makes me feel like I could overcome all of that. Something tells me that he could cure me.

The young kid hands Lisa a bag of food and her shake, then Dad gets his. They start walking to the door because it is getting even more crowded.

Seth walks toward me, never taking his eyes off mine. I feel sweaty, breathless, and excited seeing him get closer and closer to me. He holds out a greasy brown paper bag and a Styrofoam cup. “For the lady, who is obviously not named Lisa,” he teases.

I reach out to take the bag from him and the tips of our fingers just barely graze each other. A jolt runs through me like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. He looks at me with such intensity that I could swear an X-rated movie just played between us in a millisecond. I bolt through the crowd of people before I start to hyperventilate. I bust through the red door and spot Dad and Lisa sitting down at a picnic bench near a treed area. I take a couple of gulps of fresh air to try and get control of myself.

As good as it felt to know that Seth remembered me, and as good as it felt to react to a guy’s touch normally, there is something very dangerous about what just happened back there. It felt downright combustible which is the last thing I need in my life.

I chuckle to myself. It’s not like the guy even asked me out or anything and I’ve already got myself convinced that I couldn’t handle a relationship with him. Talk about your wishful thinking. I take a sip of my malt and practically groan. It is almost as good as Seth’s fingers touching mine.

I walk around to the vacant side of the picnic table, across from Dad and Lisa. Lisa is devouring her burger so ravenously she reminds me of a Tyrannosaurus Rex feasting on a Velociraptor. Dad eyes her curiously, moving his food out of her reach. I start to unwrap the lip of my bag when I see a note written in black Sharpie on it. I look up to make sure Dad and Lisa aren’t paying attention then glance back down.

I cleaned bird shit off your car. Surely that earns me one date
. His cell phone number is scrawled underneath. I sit there in shock. I knew that I was attracted to him, but I can’t believe that he is genuinely attracted to me. He could have any girl in the world, why would he want me?