Addictive Nightshade (6 page)

Chapter 8

Emma:

Macala guides me straight back to my dinner, pointing at it, “Sit and eat or you will offend me.”

“
I'm not hungry,” I whine, sitting in the chair that makes my feet dangle off the floor.

He holds up a finger indicating one sec, vanishes around the corner, and instantly returns with that bottomless jug of glitter juice.

Sitting opposite me he pours us each a measure and pushes mine across to me, “First things first. You...” he points at me with a long elegant finger, “...Are one of us. You are my kind of person and I am yours. We honor our ancestors when we eat together. Tonight we have stew, it is the meal of friendship and welcome... why?”

“
How am I supposed to know why?” I demand, feeling victimized.

“
Because it is the warrior feast. I am a warrior, you are a warrior. It's what we are. Every night in Valhalla, the
real
Valhalla, the chef to the gods serves this to the warriors who have fallen under the blade. We eat to remember those of us who have died, and in gratitude we eat with them and each other by consuming from the cauldron Eldhrímnir. See?”

He lifts his drink, toasting me, “Welcome home, Emma. Long may we eat Sæhrímnir as friends.”

Pulling the remnants of his meal toward him he lifts the spoon and swallows the tepid morsel, indicating I must do the same.

Sighing heavily I drop my bag on the floor and exchange it for my spoon, scooping up stew and nibbling on it.

It's still delicious even half cold.

“
Good,” he nods. “Now everywhere you go with the
Jötunn we call the chef the same name. We call him Andhrímnir, or just Andi for short. It is respect because he re-enacts keeping the gods alive by feeding us our daily meals. We are still gods Emma, even if the world would refuse to believe we exist. One look at me and you cannot deny that I am not a human man. I am different, my eye alone is proof. We
are
different, and proud to be because we are one unit; we work as one, we live as one, we share as one.”

I could listen to him talk all night. His personality is coming through now and it's mesmerizing to watch him tell his story with his face lighting up with lore.

“What is Sayrimner?” I ask, just so he'll keep talking while I dutifully finish my supper.

“
It is a mythical beast which the chef kills every night to feed the gods and warriors, and then in the morning he resurrects him. It's very symbolic of us, as a people. At night we may be weary and broken but come morning we will rise strong as ever and ready to die another day.”

“
If it's mythical why then do you say we are eating it?”

“
Have you ever seen a golden apple?” he counters.

“
No, because they don't exist. It's an old Greek story of men with their dicks out trying to prove they're better than everyone else.”

He taps my wine glass with the handle of his spoon, “Then pray tell wise woman what it is in your chalice?”

“No, fucking, way!”

“
Yes way, Emma. We hide our treasures from the greedy because they do not honor the ancestors.”

“
Are you saying I'm eating a mythical beast for dinner?”

“
No, you're not, because the Harii are now vegetarians the way they were in many previous ages.”

“
What's a hurri?” I ask, curiously taking another sip of my exalted apple juice.

“
The raven clan are harii. It's the old norse term for warrior in black. The humans believed we painted ourselves black and attacked like ghosts in the night purely because they cannot imagine that we control the shadows around us. We lay siege at nightfall so we go undetected, the shadows and shade are our ally thanks to our firstmother. They likened us to phantoms, they often thought we were dead. How very wrong they were.”

“
So we're like scary motherfuckers or something?” I grin.

“
Our wars are not theirs until they make it ours. There is no secret we cannot know thanks to Odin's gift of foresight, and there is nothing which can cause us alarm. We are fearless which is why your state of mind concerns me. It's most unnatural for a harii to lose the courage in their heart. When your light goes out the Valkyries take you away so you may rest in the arms of the forever.”

“
You sound all new age with your inner light analogy,” I smile, trying to lighten the severity of his words.

He sits back, fiddling with the drinking vessel in his hands, “Emma, why do you think we need shadows to hide us? We shine more brightly than the sun. We are giants first, we are all
Jötunn
. We are split into sects as warriors and ours is harii, the Raven clan. But our ancestor Skaði was known as the shining bride of the gods. The jötnar share this characteristic with her and we are known as the beautiful shining ones. But all of our kin are fighters. We are fierce and fearless even if the planet pretends we are mythical because we do not allow them to witness us. Why do you think the Wild Hunt was considered the amusement of fairies? But we are not glowing faeries, we are the biggest men on this planet with knowledge and power the puny humans couldn't possibly wield or comprehend. When I say you are shining it's because in your eyes it is waiting to birth, all it requires is happiness in your heart.”

I don't know what to say. Have I truly never ever been happy? Then how will I know it when I am?

He reaches out to hold my hand in his, “My eye shines for you. I will guide you until you find your way. Now drink your  læraðr juice. It heals in more ways than one. We drink it for mental courage while it keeps our bodies forever young. It's the libation of eternal life. With that in your body you'll quickly forget your woes and remember how powerful you truly are, like when you were a child who knew that anything was possible and the world was a pearl of possibilities waiting for you to string onto your necklace and own. This world is ours, Emma.”

I leave my hand in his because it's doing crazy good things to my mood, picking up my drink with motivation and having a decent swig.

“It really is magic?” I smile, putting my glass back on the table.

“
It is arcana, I mentioned that previously. Arcana, by definition, is a secret and powerful remedy. It's a great rune of nature, our secret.”

“
And what is a rune exactly? I thought is was just a bunch of wooden discs with carvings on them,” I pry.

“
A rune is a
secret
. We are the masters of runes, we keep many of them well hidden and safe. Ourselves included.”

“
But you invented them right?”

He blinks as if pondering how to explain it to me, the scope clearly overwhelming as he simplifies it for me. “Emma, in a nutshell everyone wants to talk to god. In archaic eras the gods found a way to guide a shaman by imparting meaning to oracles, little fragments of bone carved with sigils and symbols. The spirit guides the hand, fate is a close dancer who likes to hold tight while she does the tango, so every reading is more or less accurate. For some folk the runes became the oracle, for others it became cards, the druids used lots and runes, and even the god of Israel gave his followers divination tools. He gave them dice and gems, known as the Urim and Thummim. But divination was once an accepted way to get guidance after the gods left the material plane to coexist in a spiritual state of longevity. Matter resists longevity, it goes against the cycles and balance of the planet and dimension.”

“You didn't answer my question,” I smile slyly.

He's a wily one.

“Odin is credited with creating runes, yes,” he nods. “It's written in the
Hávamál where Odin said,
I can so carve and color the runes, that the man walks and talks with me
.
But still you must remember it is a means to gain insight, it's a way to access the gods whispers. We don't need it because we have the Odin eye and the Book of Shadows.”

It suddenly occurs to me that the games we play without thought once had occult significance. Gambling with dice, playing cards, even checkers could have been started as a form of 'throwing bones'. It's pretty heavy that we've trivialized occult guidance. Maybe we need it on a subconscious level and reenact
ritual because our souls remember it in our cellular memory banks?

He's smiling at me again, watching my mind tick over. His right eye is so gorgeous. It's the perfect shade of mallard green. I wish both his eyes were identical so I could lose myself in their tranquility.

His expression is serious when he faces me with his full attention, “Be careful how you treat your heart, Em. It's the only one you've got. If you want it to beat in ecstasy instead of fear then you have to give it a chance to heal, by feeding it love.”

“
Yeah well, great words never helped anyone when they don't know how to implement the wisdom,” I bite back, withdrawing my hand from his.

“
Make your heart a better place. It's simple. The change starts with you and self pity never healed a single thing. Don't run away again, face me with the courage of a harii.”

“
Fine,” I grumble, looking back into my almost depleted refreshment.

“
My heart's a place worth living in. It's a better place than the other chambers you cowered inside,” he murmurs seductively.

It snaps my focus back on his enigmatic face, with my chest  warming at his magnificent essence again. “What?”

“Guy's heart didn't have the chambers ours do. It wasn't big enough to love you the way you warrant. You haven't known love until you've felt it in the safety of an entire society all wanting you to be happy, who would die to protect you, who keep a safe haven where no one can demand your time, your tears, or capture you into servitude for a measly wage. Here you are free, and those who love you will keep you free,” he says.

“
I don't really understand. One second I think you're being all romantic and the next you generalize and dilute it. It's confusing.”

“
How did the giants happen to come into being?”

“
Don't change the fucking subject!”

Ignoring my outburst he continues in his calm bone bending baritone, “When two enormous forces meet, that is the birth of Ymir. You and me, Emma. You were unresisting when I brought you home but the longer you are here and the more courage you drink and eat, the deep well of your soul is birthing before my
eyes. You challenge me, argue, shout, you have come back to life in a matter of hours. And I admit it, yes, I loathed that weasel you bedded because in the book of life it is writ you are my own Skaði. This attraction is abnormal because we are not human, we are mighties. But even a god must woo and seduce his goddess if he expects to trust her to have his back in a fight.”

“
The book of life?” I ask.

Are you seducing me? You have a weird way of doing it then.

“Your blood went into the book of life. It was Odin's. It cannot lie, and in it we are destined.” He blinks, as if catching himself, pushing his chair away and standing to tower over me, “Come elskling, let's go sit at the fire.”

He holds his arm out for me to step inside his hold and I am drawn against my will again, forced out of my chair and into the fabulous possessiveness of a man clearly on a mission.

“What is elskling?”

“
Darling, it means darling, or more precisely,
little love
. Next to me you are a little love,” he says affectionately, walking me away from his bonding meal to the fireplace I saw before.

I could get lost here. I am perhaps already lost here. The mystery shadow warrior has power I doubt I can resist for long.

And it's freaking awesome.

Chapter 9

Emma:

He forces me to flop with him onto the caramel-leather couch in front of the hearth, stretching out his long legs and leaving his arm around my shoulders.

Jeez, for a lanky dude that shirt sure is hiding some hard muscle, it's like trying to rest against a headstone.

Apprehension clenches my insides at the thought of this turning into the next phase of seducing Emma. Hell, we have nothing but the drowsy glow of embers and the sporadic lick of blue flame along the ridge of the wood to illuminate the room. This is make out territory.

“Tell me another story,” I beg, if only to postpone the inevitable.

Unlatching his arm he twists to face me, lifting his leg to sit comfortably with his knee touching my thigh, “You like stories?”

Giving a wry grin, I mumble, “I didn't get enough as a child, what can I say?”

Holding my hand, turning it over to vacantly examine the mark, he says so softly that it comes out as a lover's ode, “We sing stories. We seldom tell them the way you'd expect. We may be giants but skald hearts beat our blood.”

Oh my god, could this get any more romantic? If he sings to me I think I'm going to fall so hard for him I'll have a dented face.

He glances at me, releasing my hand and standing, moving into the darkness, coming back a second later with a mandolin in his hand.

Aw! That's perfect! So old and bardic.

Sitting facing me he averts his glance to the strings, plucking a medieval sounding tune, singing to me;

“The maneating giant

what an ogre he was

He preyed on humans

right to his last

With his heart in his heel

he was easy to fell

Young Tlingit warrior fooled him

but there's much more to tell

With his last words

a curse he did say

He'd never stop eating humans

not even on his dying day

The ash of his body

burned black in the fire

Swarmed as mosquitoes

and his slayer did devour.”

He mutes the vibrato of the strings, looking shyly up at me with a faint smile tuning his mouth falcate.

Sitting forward, my hands clasped in restrained excitement, I beseech him, “Another one!”

“You sure? I'm no bard and don't do the calling justice.”

“
Please?” I wheedle, desperate to hear that incredible voice caress my blood with the magic of his timbre in song. He sings like he was born to serenade.

“
Okay...” He clears his throat, skewering the shadows in the corners of the cavern with concentration. Clearly deciding on a new tune he focuses on the strings again, holding the instrument with the lightest fingers.

“
Old father Odin owned the trinity

Three purses, for him, you, and me

One for the moon, the stars, the sun

Odin's daughter grew pregnant with a son

Raven she'd swallowed from the well of water

Didn't know
He
was in her belly, not a daughter

Raven needed the sun, stars and moon, free

And found a cunning way for this to be

Odin loved his grandson far more than his treasure

Babe cried for the stars, his tears without measure

Gifted the purse, Raven opened and set free every star

Up the chimney they escaped to sparkle from afar

Cleverer than Old Odin, Raven wailed for the next

Bawling until grandfather gave the moon to his chest

With Odin's back turned Raven rolled the moon out the door

Then pointed for the sun purse, wailing for the final adore

Old Man grandfather resisted as long as he could

Finally giving in after shutting chimney and wood

Raven waited until all were asleep

Changed back into bird and out the window did creep

With the sun in his beak he brought it to his clan to reveal

No more could the greedy own the light, for he did it steal

Freeing us all from the god's enforced dark he freed it to fly

The sun escaped to light the sky, this is Raven's lullaby.”

“Oh my god! What an awesome story!” I whisper, grinning like a child rapt in the imagination of a forgotten past.

He nods at me as if in reverent acknowledgment, putting the mandolin aside. “These are T'ach'aa stories that belong to the Tlingit in this region. They are stories they tell their children so they'll never forget the evil giants, why we still kill mosquitoes, and how once the light was a commodity the gods thought they could own. Stealing light from anyone is a spiritual offense, it's that simple. But then again mosquito clouds look like shadows swarming, the giant became shadow and killed the man who tried to kill him.”

His left eye is phosphorescent in the dark and it's strangely comforting seeing that inner light now. Wow! The Raven clan rock!

“
Did Odin really keep the stars and stuff tied up?” I ask, my body still vibrating from his voice as if I'm a resonating pitch fork.

“
The Tlingit call him Old Man. It fits any demographic as the first father of people. The gods had ego issues, that's no secret in any ancient lore. Raven's quest is to outwit all foe who wish to inflict misery. We keep to ourselves now because mankind has become as black as the dark the gods forced on them.”

“
They're not so bad–”

“
Yes they are. They pollute, they judge, the world is a slave to money and the entire concept of money lending started with a church born organization. The people on this planet willingly choose subservience and misery over freedom because they adhere to rituals and organizations that do not serve humanity, but serve spiritual superstition and a lifetime of slavery. They are primitive, still. They were free and through religious wars became enslaved rather than die. Raven would rather die than be enslaved.”

He reaches across to rub my thigh, “Never forget you are harii. Never give in, never give up, and never ever give your enemies your devotion. Mankind has been a slave for so long they no longer see the cage. It's unnatural to rise in the dark of winter to go to an office to breathe collective lurgy, to abandon children to strangers to teach and daycare, just for coin. Hibernation is natural. There is a season for work and a season for rest, now mankind never knows rest.”

Desperate to veer off this controversial topic I cover the hand on my thigh, loving the way it completely diverts his attention, “Sing me one more.”

He stares at my hand for an eternity, finally raising it up and kissing the back of it, “Your wish, how can I resist?”

Lifting the instrument back onto his lap, he smiles at me as if he has a secret, “Pay attention, this is how Odin lost his eye, the real story not the bullshit one.”

The tune Macala plays is woeful, sad, and melancholy. It fills my bones with intrepid truth.

“At the roots of mighty Yddragsil where sky and ocean meet

Raven told Odin of the hidden well of foresight's greet

The fountain's treasure was guarded well by giant Mimer

Odin could not rest until wisdom's font was his to savor

Sipping wisdom every morning giant Mimer was wisest of all

Odin loathed his adversary should own the drink of his thrall

Staff in hand, broad hat on his head, Odin wore a striped cloak

Sneaking to the grotto in night's cover to beg a drink as if lost and broke

Mimer's beard was white with age, nodding off often did this sage

Odin jolted the man awake, demanding a sip for thirst's slake

Too wise to be fooled by Odin's disguise, the master of Æsir then offered coin

Barter ensued as Father Odin's lust to know all consumed even his loin

Mimer's anger rose high, the giants came first before the gods ran riot

The only creatures in space was a precious thing before Odin's chariot

The well held their wisdom from every age, a treasure surpassing lord Odin

Father Odin caved, offering an eye for a drink of wisdom to Giöll's brim

Sacrificing noble beauty Odin left a foreseeing eye in the well's deep, and his drink did take

This hour is the beginning of trouble between your race and mine, Mimer did state

Odin's fiery eye twinkled in the depths like a star at dark night

The ever wise lord of Asgard drank the Giant's wisdom and might

In the bright light of Midgard's morning Mimer drank from his well of treasure

In the bargain he lost nothing and gained Odin's foresight forever.”

Vacant and in a mental realm long forgotten, I cannot find the strength to speak. I am spellbound, my tongue mute, my body once again weak.

Emotions curdle my heart and I know this truth resonates with me. I know now I am a raven. I am angry with Odin, saddened by his greed, and finally understand how much thought Macala puts into his words. He doesn't speak to listen to the rapture of his voice, he speaks to my heart so I'll pay heed to the wisdom of his guidance.

Odin owned the light and then bargained for the treasure of the ancients so no one could best him. He had too much power, and in the birth of too much power a tyrant is created. Some will sing his praises, others will remember his greed.

“Why...” I clear my throat and try again, so sleepy. “Why did he kill
Skadi's
father?”

“
Fate. It was meant to be so she'd marry the giant
Ægir and one day end up being Odin's wife. She's so important because alone she took up arms and marched to the hall of the gods, single-handedly challenging them for killing her father. They chose to compensate her by allowing her to choose one of them to wed, instead of sanctioning more bloodshed.”

“
Low blow. That's a man's solution for everything, isn't it? Jump her and then she'll be pliant, right?”

“
Emma, you have a low opinion of men and gods. She had to choose the god by the attractiveness of his feet, but gave the gods a condition to marry. They had to manage to make her laugh or she wouldn't wed. That lady had the wisdom of a giant in her blood and she chose well. In the sorrow of losing her father she thought it would be impossible for anyone to get her to laugh, and if a soul can make you laugh in the throes of grief then he will always fill your world with smiles. She was fussy, and refused to have sexual relations with the god assigned to her. She could not love a man who was given to her instead of the love of her father. She left him so she could know real love and have a complete relationship, and she refused to settle for anything but the best, Odin. We know she wouldn't have aligned herself with a mate who didn't make her happy. She valued happiness above all else.”

Silence falls heavily between us, thick with unspoken suggestion and implication.

“Em,” he murmurs, holding my hand again and softly caressing it with his thumb, “Odin wasn't all bad. He atoned to  Skaði in other ways too. He took her deceased father's eyes and made them stars in the sky, so Þjazi'd always look down on her and light up her dark hours. Odin loved her because she was fierce and honest. She stayed true to herself even if it meant she had to stand alone against all of the gods. What's not to love in a woman that courageous and wise?”

“
I hear you. You don't have to keep telling me it's okay to be alone and a freak in a world that doesn't fit me.”

He huffs at me, sagging against the couch dramatically, the hold on my hand tightening, “Emma, listen to your heart woman! The Sami were considered her people. To this day they are  nomads. They do not adhere to pressure to build cities and fit in, they don't care, they are happy and they are free. And they live in the one place which was known as the land of the eternal sun. The land of the midnight sun is where her people wander, it was the stuff of legends, it's heritage to be proud of.”

“Then why do we have such dark hair?” I challenge.

“
Because we are Raven. We are the only sect with dark hair because she is also the commander of eternal night. We see into each other's souls, Em. We cannot hurt the vulnerable because our hearts beat blood thick with compassion.”

“
Then why am I such a loser if we're so magnificent?”

“
If by loser you mean lost, then consider yourself found. You could never be a loser in wise eyes, you are a treasure in need of sanctuary to become a fierce woman like she was.”