Adored: A Masters and Mercenaries Novella (1001 Dark Nights) (22 page)

“I don’t know.”

“She’s not Margot.”

“I know that.”

“Do you? If I’d been through what you have, I don’t know that I would truly understand that Laurel’s different.”

“I know she’s not Margot.” But he’d gone to the worst place he could. It had taken him a couple of minutes, but he’d finally arrived at the most improper conclusion he could have about Laurel. He’d basically called her a tramp when she’d only been having lunch with Flynn.

And then he’d questioned her loyalty.

He pulled his phone out. No calls. She hadn’t called or texted. Not that he expected her to. She likely wouldn’t ever speak to him again unless he forced her to.

Maybe it would be better this way. He wasn’t cut out to be a father or a husband. He wasn’t ready for any of it. He definitely wasn’t ready for her. He’d hurt her and he would do it again if she stayed with him.

What the hell should he do?

How could he let her go? How could he keep her? This was everything he’d feared from the moment he’d met her. He’d known it wouldn’t—couldn’t—work. He’d known there was no way and now there was a baby involved.

Did he even deserve to be a dad? He had no idea how to be one. Would it be better to let Laurel find someone ready for the job?

“Are you going after her? I think you should. I think you should find her and apologize,” Flynn said.

“And after that?” He’d tried to live in the moment but the truth was the future was almost here. Oh, it might be a few months away, but it would catch up to him. It would get him in the end. “No. I need to figure a few things out.”

Lonely. He was going to be so fucking lonely without her.

“Like how to sue her so she comes back to you?”

Mitch frowned. When he put it like that it sounded really bad. “We do have legal things to work out.”

Despite the thoughts playing in his head, he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t walk away. Not from her. Not from their kid.

Flynn leaned against the car. “Let’s go and get a beer, which I will buy since I kind of damaged your car.”

“I damaged your nose.” When he thought about it they were kind of even.

“True. You can buy the second round and we can talk about less litigious ways to get your girlfriend back. I might not have a girl right now, but I’m pretty good with them.”

“I’ve ignored you for years. Why would you help me?”

Flynn sighed and put a hand on his back. “Because you don’t know this yet, but that’s what brothers do.”

He wanted to go after her. He wanted to stay away from her.

He wanted…fuck, he just wanted.

He nodded and got into the car because maybe it was past time to confront all his fears. It seemed he had nothing left to lose.

* * * *

Mitch pulled up to the driveway but couldn’t manage to hit the button on the key fob that would raise the garage door. He didn’t want to see the empty spot where her car should be. It was funny the things a man got used to. He was used to opening the garage door and seeing her piece of crap nestled in there. He’d fully intended to replace said piece of crap with a car that had all the up-to-date safety features as soon as Laurel would have the conversation with him. She’d been all independent and hadn’t budged on it.

Would it have been different if he’d been smart enough to convince her he wanted to marry her in the beginning? Would she have taken the car and his crap for a little while longer?

He turned the engine off and got out. A few hours with his brother had been somewhat illuminating. Flynn didn’t seem to have Mitch’s “the world is half full of assholes” philosophy of life. He seemed to think if Mitch got on his knees and begged for Laurel’s forgiveness, she might think about it.

He’d never gotten to his knees before. Not for any woman. Not for anything.

He needed time. He needed to think about what was best for all of them. Perhaps that meant taking a step back. He was going to write her a very polite note requesting that she keep him up to date on any and all developments with the baby and asking that she honor their contract and allow him to escort her to appointments having to do with their child. He would concentrate on the baby.

Perhaps at some time in the future he and Laurel could be friends again.

He sighed as he noticed a big truck in front of the house. He would have to talk to the neighbors because it was utterly ridiculous that they had guests park in front of his house when they had a massive circular drive.

Hell, he couldn’t even work up the will to argue anymore. He was about to put his key in the front door when it opened and Remy Guidry stood in the doorway, a frown on his face.

“You are in the doghouse. Dinner’s been ready for damn near thirty minutes and it’s cold. You should probably come up with a good excuse right damn now.” The big Cajun shook his head. “That woman makes a fine roast. If you’re stupid enough to lose her, give me a call. I’ll take her.”

Mitch stared at him as Remy walked through the doorway and toward the lawn. “What?”

The Cajun kept walking, his keys in his hand. “I’ll pick her up at eight tomorrow. The good news is now we’re out in the open and I can stay close to her. Night, Bradford.”

Laurel was here? Laurel was here.

He could hear the sounds of soft country playing through the house. He’d hated it at first, but now it seemed like the sweetest thing he’d ever heard. He locked the door behind him and set the alarm. He dropped his briefcase and walked through the living room. Slowly. Like this was a dream and he wasn’t sure he wanted to wake up.

“Laurel?”

She was standing at the sink, rinsing off one of his boring dinner plates that had no personality or color to them. She was the color in his home, in his life. She looked up. “Hello, Mitchell. Are you hungry? I made dinner.”

“Why?”

She set the plate in the dishwasher and dried her hands. “Because we eat dinner at night.”

There wasn’t a lot of expression on her face. God, she looked tired. He’d done that to her. But still, he needed to understand. He didn’t understand her at all. “Why are you here, Laurel?”

“Do you want me to leave? I can call Remy back.”

He moved around the bar, almost wanting to block her path. “No. I don’t want that. But I thought you left me.”

“I can’t leave, Mitch. We don’t get to throw everything away. I don’t know if we can go back to what we were before, but I think being apart is a mistake. So I think we should sit down and have dinner, and later, we’ll go to bed and maybe you can make love to me because I had a shitty day.”

He stepped up and dragged her into his arms, pressing his lips to hers. He took her mouth in a long, hungry, grateful kiss. She wasn’t leaving. She was here with him.

It was enough.

“Maybe dinner can wait,” he said against her lips, his hands moving to her blouse.

She sighed against him. “Definitely.”

* * * *

Deep in the night, Laurel looked down at her sleeping…what did she call him now? They still had a contract but it felt broken despite the way they’d ended the evening. They’d avoided all talk about the future like it was a land mine waiting to explode in their faces, and she wasn’t sure what to do about that.

She loved him. She simply wasn’t sure love was enough in their case.

When he kissed her, when he put his hands on her like he would die if he didn’t, it felt like love. The D/s sex they had was over-the-top insane with pleasure and she craved it, but there was no doubt she also needed those times when Mitchell lost control and had to have her without any protocol or rules between them.

That was when she felt like he adored her.

She’d thought a lot about what Remy had told her today. She’d thought about that dog she’d coaxed into the trailer finally. It had taken weeks and weeks. Will had forbidden her to get anywhere near that dog. Come to think of it, Will hadn’t been spectacularly excited when he’d realized she was interested in Mitch. It seemed like her brother recognized the destruction capability that lived in both beasts, but she’d seen something else. She’d seen a chance to give something to a creature that had obviously been broken.

The world could break a spirit, but that didn’t mean it had to stay that way.

She looked over at him. Why was this man precious to her? Why couldn’t it have been someone simpler? Someone happy and whole? Why did he move her?

At the end, it was a mystery and she wouldn’t solve it. There were some things that simply were. If it didn’t work out between her and Mitch, she would miss him forever. She would move on because she wasn’t the type to lie down and fade, but she would always love him.

Why hadn’t she told him?

It seemed like the last wall she had, the very last defense.

“You can’t sleep?” Mitch’s voice rumbled as he turned over. Even with the lights out, she could see the hard line of his jaw, watch as his hand came out to touch her shoulder.

“I’m fine.” She wasn’t sure what to say.

He sat up. “That means you’re not fine. I know that much.”

She had to laugh at that. “No, I didn’t mean it that way. Physically I’m good. I’m a bit restless, that’s all.”

He pulled her into his arms, resting against the back of the bed. His warmth surrounded her as he stroked her hair. “Because we’re not settled. Laurel, I’m worried you want something I can’t give you. Nothing is ever settled. I learned that a long time ago. We can be good one minute and broken the next. There’s no guarantee.”

And that was precisely why he refused to talk about the future. He didn’t believe in it. He didn’t trust it.

“I know.” It wouldn’t do any good to lecture him about it. She felt him sigh.

“I’m sorry about today. Baby, I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I did the one thing I promised I wouldn’t do.”

Yes, he had. She sat up and looked at him, an idea in her head. Sometimes ideas got lost in the muddle of communication. People didn’t always use the right words to make someone truly understand. Words got filtered through the drain of a person’s history, giving them weight or lightness that others wouldn’t place on the definition. “You withdrew affection. You promised you wouldn’t do that, Mitch.”

“I know. I’m very sorry, Laurel. If it means anything to you, they were just words.”

And so was the rest of it, but words could drag a man down. A couple could drown in words if they weren’t speaking the same language. “Affection is something that can go away.”

“No. I don’t think so,” he argued in a low rumble. “Not this kind. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t feel this way for you.”

Marriage was a hard word for Mitch. Love was a word he didn’t even understand. So she would find the ones that would get to him.

“Even when I walked away, I adored you, Mitchell Bradford.”

He hauled her close again, his arms so tight around her. “I adore you, Laurel. I don’t know why you’re still here with me. It scares me, to tell you the truth. I don’t trust it.”

But he could. He wanted to. He simply needed time, patience. “You don’t have to right now. Just know that when we fight, I’m going to be here when it’s time for you to come home. I promise.”

She let her head rest against his chest, listening to the strong beat of his heart.

“I’ll go with Flynn.”

He held her tight when she tried to get up. She eased back down, understanding he needed her in his arms. She hadn’t expected him to give in on that. Not at all. She’d expected to have to tell Flynn to go home alone. “Why?”

“Does it matter?”

Did it? “Not really. I’m happy. I think it will be good for you. I know it’s going to be hard, but I’ll be waiting at home for you. You simply have to let your father talk and then you say whatever you need to. I don’t want you to have regrets after he’s gone.”

“I won’t. I wouldn’t. I’m not doing it because I need closure, Laurel. I’m doing it because I want to make you happy. Tell me this will make you happy.”

Mitchell Bradford was a man who took his responsibilities seriously. He followed the letter of their contract and tried to hold her to hers. He was unbending about certain things and didn’t lie about them. He’d told her flat out that discussing the past was out of bounds, that she had no place there.

And now he was facing it because he wanted to make her happy.

“Yes. Yes, Mitch. You make me happy, but this will make me even happier.”

“Then it’s good. I’ll go. And Laurel, I think while I’m gone, I want you to talk to a decorator. We should pick one of the rooms for a nursery. It’s still a long time away, but we should start making plans and stuff. Babies need lots of things, I think. God knows Tag’s kids do. Last time I was at his place, there was baby stuff everywhere. I think we should clean out my office.”

His office? His office was a train wreck of things he kept. He loved his office. “Mitch, I can use the guest room.”

“Too small. And it’s not close. I want the baby close to us. We can get rid of the stuff. Well, I’d like to keep some of the comics. They’re worth money, but no more than a box or two.”

“Mitch, you love that stuff.” She thought it was junk, but it was important to him.

“I want to love the baby more. I need to. I need to not need those things, Laurel. I need for us to be enough.”

She held him in the quiet of the night and for the first time, felt real hope for them.

Chapter Eleven

He had exactly forty-five minutes to get to the airport. He glanced down at his watch. He wasn’t more than fifteen minutes away, but in Dallas, one always had to allow for some traffic. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right?”

“I’m good, babe. Lisa is spending a couple of days with me and Remy assures me he won’t let us out of his sight. I’m actually interested in seeing how Lisa takes to the big guy. She’s always had a thing for that sexy Cajun accent.”

“You think it’s sexy?”

“Absolutely not, Master. I think it’s terrible and it makes my ears bleed.”

He grinned. Such a brat. “See that it continues to. I’m going to miss you while I’m gone. Why did I talk you into going back to school?”