Adoring Addie (22 page)

“Ach, Addie,” he said, brushing my cheek with his hand.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” he said.

“Don't go,” I whispered. I pressed my wet face against his, thinking of Hannah and her despondency. Perhaps I had a glimpse of how she felt. Jonathan and I had only had eight days together—and now we were being forced apart. How would I go on?

But still, I felt anything but hollow, even in my grief. In fact, I'd never felt so alive.

There was a soft rapping on the door, and Aenti Nell hissed, “Someone's up. Go now!”

Jonathan and I clamored to our feet as one, and then he embraced me before he scooted toward the window. I dropped the rose onto Aenti Nell's table as he swung his legs through. He sat on the sill for just a moment, waved one last good-bye, and then jumped down as Aenti Nell opened the door.

I collapsed into her chair the moment Daed appeared behind her.

“What's going on?” he demanded.

“I couldn't sleep,” I said.

“Go back to bed, Cap,” Aenti Nell said. “I stayed up quilting and Addie is keeping me company. Everything's fine.”

He left, stopping at the sink for a glass of water. When he was done, the floor in the kitchen creaked, then the board in the living room.

Aenti Nell collapsed in the chair across from me once Daed was on the stairs.

“Ach, Addie,” she said. “I'm too old for this.”

“Denki,” I said. I touched my lips.

“Jah, I know you needed to see him, to say good-bye, but . . .” She sat up straight, unpinning her Kapp as she spoke. “This needs to end.”

“What?” I couldn't believe her words.

“It's too much, Addie. You're tearing your family apart. You didn't follow Bob's advice or mine not to see Jonathan. Now you need to sacrifice for the greater good, like I did.”

I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”

“I cared for Dirk Mosier—as he did for me. But then your Mamm pursued him, and it seemed he cared for her, for a short time.”

“Aenti, I'm so sorry,” I said.

“And then he wrote—or someone did—those horrid letters and everything got worse.”

“Jonathan hasn't written any horrid letters. Or done anything else wrong.”

“But your pursuing him is tearing your family apart.” She stood, holding her Kapp in her hands, unwinding her dark hair. “Your parents have aged a decade in the last couple of weeks.” She sighed. “Phillip really is a fine young man.”

I shook my head. “He's self-righteous. And self-absorbed.”

“Addie!”

“It's true.”

“He'll be a good provider. He cares for you.”

“But he doesn't love me.”

Now she shook her head. “I think I helped put ridiculous ideas in your head. I'm sorry. Forget Jonathan. It's never going to work. We all need to make the best of things. That's what I did.”

“By never marrying? By living with your sister—who hardly even appreciates you—all these years?” I stood. “I'm not going to follow your example.”

“Of course not,” she said. “You'll marry Phillip.”

I rushed past her, grabbing the rose from her table, my other hand clutching the piece of paper inside my pocket.

The next afternoon, standing under the clothesline, I pulled a bed sheet from the basket at my feet and flung it over the wire. Taking a pin from my mouth, I clipped it and then, scooting the near-empty basket along with my bare foot, clipped the other end. Then I picked up one of Daed's T-shirts to pin next.

“Addie!”

I turned. Cate, appearing weary, walked toward me across the lawn, a casserole dish in her hands. “I brought you a lasagna.”

I shook my head. “Your family is the one with the new Bobli. Why are you bringing us food?” It wasn't as if anyone was sick or injured—except for Timothy's silly sprain, which didn't count.

“I thought it might help you out a little. I know things have been stressful the last few days.” She stopped beside me. “Have you heard?”

“What?” I whispered, still hoping it wasn't true.

She tilted her head, a look of concern spreading across her face. “That Jonathan left this morning for Big Valley.”

Even though I knew that was the plan, the T-shirt fell from my hands. Cate stooped and plucked it up, holding the casserole dish with one hand.

“Who told you?”

“Mervin and Martin. They stopped by this morning.”

“How is Mervin?”

“Fine.” Cate shook her head a little. “Still a little shaken, though.”

I swallowed hard. “What did your father say when he heard the news?”

Cate looked around and then whispered, “That foolish people do foolish things. Meaning all involved, except Jonathan. And you, of course.”

“And there's nothing your Dat can do to help?”

Cate took a deep breath. “He said he'd keep trying.”

“Tell him I appreciate it.” Although at this point I couldn't think of anything he could do. I hung the T-shirt and then pulled another from the basket. “How is Betsy?”

“Good. She's at our house. Come over and see her and little Robbie. He's a sweetheart.”

“I'm sure he is,” I said, “but I can't.” I motioned with my hand to the fence. “Daed's forbidden me from going any farther than the garden.”

“Oh dear,” Cate said. “Maybe he'll change his mind with Jonathan gone.”

“Maybe,” I echoed, but I doubted it, unless it was to go on a date with Phillip.

I heard a rustling behind me and spun around, expecting Timothy. I let out a sigh of relief at the sight of George.

He smiled and stepped between Cate and me, forming a little circle. “This is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.” He nudged me. “I think even Timothy is feeling bad.”

“I doubt it,” I said, grabbing another T-shirt.

“I've got to go,” Cate said.

I gave her a one-arm hug. “Denki,” I whispered, taking the casserole from her.

“Come see me when you can,” she said.

After a final good-bye, she turned and made her way slowly toward the willow. George and I watched her until she ducked down to the creek.

Then he turned toward me. “It will all work out,” he said. “You'll see.”

“Maybe if I run away to Big Valley . . .”

“Don't do that,” he said. “I have an idea.”

I crossed my arms.

“But that's not why I came out. Mutter wants you.”

“Why? So she can lock me inside the house?”

He shook his head. “Aenti Nell is going to see Hannah. Mutter doesn't feel up to it, but she wants you to go along.”

“At the clinic?”

“No, she's home. Aenti Pauline left a message.”

“Does Hannah want visitors?”

He shrugged. “It sounds as if she wants you.”

I wrinkled my nose and handed George the casserole. “Tell Mutter I'll be right in.”

Daed agreed to let me go, and Aenti Nell and I stopped at Onkel Bob's on the way, rushing in to tell Betsy hello and see the Bobli. Betsy, happy to see us, showed off Robbie, but she seemed extra tired. So did Cate—more so than when she'd visited earlier.

“I took a couple of turns with him last night,” Cate said, as if that explained it.

Betsy and Levi still lived with his parents, so I wasn't surprised Betsy felt more comfortable with the Bobli at her old home than at her in-laws. Although Levi's mother had lots of experience with babies, it was probably easier for her to ask Cate for help.

But now Cate appeared worn out—more so than even Betsy. I followed her into the kitchen. “Are you sure you're all right?”

Her violet blue eyes filled with tears.

“What is it?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Don't tell Betsy. She didn't know . . .”

“What?” I prodded.

“I miscarried. Only Pete knows. And now you.”

“Ach, I'm so sorry.” I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tight. So much joy and heartache, all wrapped together. I admired my cousin for her sacrifice, for not sharing her pain that would mar Betsy's joy. Cate was the most generous person I knew. I was sure I could never be as selfless.

“I can't believe you brought us dinner. . . .”

“I made it yesterday,” she said. “Before I knew.”

“When did it happen?”

“This morning.” She pulled away and dabbed at her eyes with her apron. “I wasn't very far along.”

“You still need to rest,” I said, amazed she was able to think of me in her grief.

“I'm going to now,” she said. “And you should get going.”

Once we were back in the buggy, Aenti Nell clucked her tongue and said she didn't think Betsy had what it took to be a mother.

“Of course she does,” I said.

“She's been too pampered,” Aenti Nell said. “And leaving Levi's parents to stay with her family . . . That's bound to cause hard feelings.”

“Please don't say that to anyone,” I pleaded. “That would only get a rumor started.”

“Your mother's right. Bob's spoiled those girls.”

I shook my head. “No, he's loved them. And still does. He was patient with them. And it paid off.”

She clucked her tongue again, indicating she didn't agree, as we rode along. I focused on the fields—the corn stood nearly waist high now. The alfalfa was ready for a second cutting. The soybean plants had grown thick across the ground.

Granted, things were strained between Aenti Nell and me since her declaration against my relationship with Jonathan last night, but I'd never known her to be so quiet. I gathered she didn't like my not agreeing with her that I needed to go “back” to Phillip or about her view of my cousins.

Once we reached Aenti Pauline's, Aenti Nell oohed and aahed over Sarah's hope chest that had just been delivered, while I acted as if I hadn't seen it before. It was Sarah's thirteenth birthday, and she was pleased with her gift. She'd been born the day before I turned six. I remembered it well. I was so sure, after holding her, my next sibling would be a girl.

I had to wait three long years to find out I was wrong. But once I held Billy, I didn't care. And when it was time for Joe-Joe to come along, I just expected he'd be another boy.

Hannah and I slipped out the front door, over to the swing hanging from the oak tree in her yard.

Deborah and Katie were on it, but when they saw us coming Deborah said, “Hannah, do you want the swing?”

Hannah simply nodded and the girls scurried away, as if they were frightened by their oldest Schwester.

We barely fit on the swing, but still we sat together.

“Molly stopped by. She said Mervin is fine,” Hannah said.

“Jah,” I answered. “That's what Cate said too.”

“And that Jonathan's been sent away.” Her head bumped against mine.

I wasn't sure if Molly needed to tell Hannah everything. “Jah,” I replied again.

“I'm sorry,” Hannah said.

“Things will work out,” I said, trying to sound confident.

“That's what my counselor keeps telling me.”

“Will you keep seeing her?”

“Jah. Mamm and Dat saw her with me yesterday. And we're all going again next week.”

“Really?” I couldn't imagine Onkel Owen agreeing to that.

“She told them their support would help me get better.”

“Did she say what's wrong?”

“Jah. It seems I have a genetic predisposition toward depression. Mamm told them about your mother. And our grandmother too.”

I sat up a little straighter. “Did they prescribe something for you?” Perhaps Mutter's moods could be helped too.

“We'll talk about it if counseling doesn't help. But in the meantime, I'm to get enough sleep—they gave me a tincture to help with that—and get enough exercise. So I have a good excuse to ride as much as I like. And I need to eat right. All of the things my Mamm told me to do that I wasn't doing before.”