Adrenaline (Speed #2) (28 page)

Emmit called out my name as I quickly started walking away with Deuce.

“SO, DO YOU WANT TO
tell me what’s on your mind, Paislie?”

I looked at Elizabeth with a questioning look. “Nothing. Why?”

She shrugged and replied, “Let’s see, where should I start? You’ve been coming to mass for the last few Sundays. I’ve found you sitting in that same pew at least once a week with your head bowed down in prayer for the last month, you look like you’ve lost about ten pounds, you have dark circles, and your eyes hold a look of sadness.”

I snarled my lip at her as she talked.

“Shall I keep going?”

Shaking my head, I said, “No. Please stop before you really depress me more than I already am.”

She bit out a laugh then took a drink of her tea.

I pushed my food around on my plate before peeking back at her. “My eyes look sad?”

With a nod, she took a bite of her chicken potpie. “Yep.”

“How do you know it’s sad? Maybe I’m just tired from working this week.”

Her head snapped up as she peered at me. “I know sadness when I see it. It’s a look I’ve seen many times in my own eyes.”

My breath stalled as I chewed the corner of my lip. “Elizabeth, do you regret—”

“No.”

My mouth dropped open. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask you!” I exclaimed.

“I do. You were going to ask if I regretted becoming a nun. You always ask me that when you think I’ve been locked away for years crying my eyes out from a long lost love.”

Dropping back in my seat, I stared at her. “Father Tim.”

Her gaze fell.

I knew it!

I knew she had feelings for him.

“Does he feel the same way about you?” I asked as I reached across the table for her hand.

Her silence was my answer.

“Elizabeth, you can’t go through life denying how your heart feels.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I’m not sure I should be taking advice from someone who clearly is hiding from her own feelings.”

“Ouch!” I said as I shot her a dirty look. “If you weren’t a nun I might tell you to fuck off.”

“Paislie Pruitt, ask for forgiveness this instant!”

With an evil grin, I shook my head. “Maybe we should just get an apartment together and buy a few more cats. I’ll pine over Malcolm and you’ll dream of what sex might be like with Tim. I obviously can’t call him Father Tim, because that would be weird.”

“Dear Lord above.” With her hands, she made the cross symbol over her chest. “Paislie, you cannot talk about a man of the cloth like that! Especially
that
man!”

With a frown, I tossed a piece of bread in my mouth and asked, “Why not? He’s a man even if he is a priest.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and took another bite of food.

With a pop of my head, I gave her a smirk. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven’t thought about him like that, even in your dreams?”

She swallowed hard and said in a quiet voice, “Paislie, I’m certainly not going to tell you what my dreams are.”

With a huge grin, I leaned back in the chair and folded my arms over my chest. “So you have had naughty dreams about him.”

“Stop!” she shouted as I clamped my mouth shut.

Giving her an oh shit look, I asked, “Too much?”

Reaching for her water, she dipped her fingers in and flicked water on herself. I couldn’t help it . . . I busted out laughing.

When I glanced over her shoulder and saw Father, er, Tim walking up, my laughter stopped on a dime and I mumbled, “Oh no.”

I sat up and quickly ate as I looked directly at my food.

“Why hello there, Paislie, Elizabeth. How are you both doing today?”

When I peeked up, Elizabeth was giving me a look of horror. Oh hell. Wait until she turned around and saw him. It was his day off and he was dressed in jogging pants and a tight blue T-shirt. I had to admit I was impressed that his body was as nice as it was. Of course, he was only in his mid-thirties and I knew he worked out often.

I slowly shook my head in an attempt to warn Elizabeth.

Don’t. Do. It. Don’t look at him, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and turned slightly as she looked up. Her eyes widened and the only thing I saw was a look of pure desire move across her face. Clearly he saw it too, because Tim’s breathing picked up.

Elizabeth seductively bit down on her lip. “Oh my Lord,” she mumbled as I kicked her under the table, causing her to get her wits about her. The table nearly fell over when she stood quickly.

“Tim . . . um . . . Father . . . oh, ah um I mean . . . Father Tim . . . Tim.”

Holy crap. I’d never seen Elizabeth stumble over her words before.

“Elizabeth, are you okay?” he asked as he reached out for her. When she jerked away from him, she tripped over the chair and almost fell.

“Elizabeth!” I cried out as I jumped up. Tim quickly grabbed her before she fell.

When she pushed out of his arms, she turned to look at me for help. Of course I picked that time to wiggle my eyebrows and glanced down to his pants in the exact location of what she longed for. She gasped and said, “I’ve got to go. I’m late!”

Tim and I stood there and watched as she practically knocked people over in her attempt to get away as fast as she could.

“Is she feeling okay today?” Tim asked.

Pressing my lips together, I shrugged. “I think she hasn’t been getting much sleep.”

“Really? I wonder why?”

“Dreams, forbidden dreams about something she can’t have,” was all I said as I saw his head snap over in my direction.

I’m totally going to Hell for this.

With the bowl of popcorn, a bag of black licorice, and three Diet Cokes, I sat down on the sofa and turned on the race. I wasn’t sure if I should watch it or not. Last week Malcolm nearly wrecked three times and I swore I wasn’t going to watch another race. The problem was I was letting my heart call the shots and not my head, therefore I was sitting down and getting ready to settle in as they were doing a few warm up laps before the race went green.

My phone buzzed as I picked it up to see a text from Annie.

Annie: Let’s go out tonight? I need dick.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a chuckle.

Me: I can’t. Princess and I are watching movies.

Annie: Pussy. Don’t’ you mean you’re stalking your man on TV? Jesus Christ will you snap the hell out of it. You need to get fucked and as soon as possible.

I knew she was probably right. On both accounts. I was somewhat stalking Malcolm on a daily basis. I did a Google search of him every night before I went to bed. Not really sure what I was looking for . . . or hoping not to find . . . but each night I held my breath and typed in his name.

The moment I saw a picture of him, a warm feeling rushed through my body. Maybe I did need to go out. Even some mindless touching and kissing might be kind of nice. What harm would come of a little innocent fun?

I was about to text Annie back that I would go out with her when the announcer mentioned Malcolm’s name and my breathing stopped.

“Looks like Malcolm Wallace is having a bit of trouble again this week.”

I swore I could feel my heart beating in my ears. I needed something of Malcolm and if it had to be just the mention of his name, then so be it.

Me: Enjoy your night and get enough dick for both of us.

Annie: Pussy.

Me: You called me that already. Be careful! Love ya!

Annie: Tomorrow I’m dragging your ass somewhere. Love you too!

I dropped my phone next to me on the sofa and turned up the television.

“I’ve started wondering if his leg really is giving him trouble and that’s what has him so distracted.”

My lower lip tingled when I realized I was chewing the living hell out of it. Closing my eyes, I said a prayer that Malcolm would be okay. I didn’t know why I was torturing myself by watching him race. I hadn’t heard anything from him since the day I walked away. Even when they delivered my stuff along with Princess, there wasn’t even so much as a note. I wasn’t sure what broke my heart more. The fact that I was hoping he would reach out to me, or the fact that he hadn’t reached out to me.

Pushing a handful of popcorn into my mouth, I picked up my phone and checked my email. There was one more lap before the race started. The name Emmit Lewis stood out like a sore thumb on my phone and I knew instantly that was the Emmit who used to race with Malcolm.

I clicked the email and opened it as I started to read it. My eyes drifted up to the television as I watched the race. What happened next had me jumping up and knocking the popcorn to the ground.

My hands covered my mouth as I whispered, “Oh God, Malcolm.”

I STOOD AND STARED DOWN
at the gravestone as I took in a deep breath. It was the first time I had been here since the day Casey was buried.

My hands were in my pockets as I fought to say the words I had been fighting to say since the day she died.

With a slight smile, I shook my head and said, “I quit racing. I was half a lap away from starting a race and I pulled down onto pit road and just drove back to the garage. You’d be happy; I know how much you really hated me racing. I loved it though and for the longest time, it helped me deal with the guilt of you dying. I guess not so much of you dying, but the fact that I’ve never been able to promise you what you asked for right before you died.

“I need you to know that I loved you, Casey, but I think even then I knew deep in my heart what we had wasn’t going to be forever. I sometimes wonder if God took you because he knew I couldn’t make that promise to only love you.

“For so many years I avoided the idea of falling in love with anyone. I wasn’t sure if it was because if I did, then it would make it all too real and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give you what you asked.”

Kicking at a stick, I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. “I met someone, Casey. She’s changed the way I look at everything in my life. That rush I longed for that I got by racing or doing crazy shit like jumping out of planes, I didn’t need it any longer. The only thing I need is to see her smile. Feel her touch. She’s the rush I’ve been searching for this whole time.”

Tears built in my eyes as I stared at her name etched into the stone.

“I can’t promise myself to you forever because I promised my heart to Paislie. I think before I even met her my heart was hers. I kept it guarded, waiting for her to bump into me and give me that smile that I would see every time I closed my eyes. I tried to move on with other women and none of them ever made my heart feel so alive like she does.”

The warmth from a single tear felt like it burned a path on my face as it slowly continued on before I reached up and wiped it away. I placed the single yellow rose, Casey’s favorite, on the ground and took a few steps back.

“I never knew I was holding onto my past until I saw the hurt in Paislie’s eyes and I never want to see that again. I love her, Casey, and for the longest time it hurt knowing that I loved her more than I loved you. The guilt was confusing at first, but I realized had you not died that night, I would have come to my senses before I promised you something I wouldn’t have been able to give to you. You see, Casey, my heart has been waiting for Paislie and it’s time I let go of the past and look to my future. I’ll never forget you, Casey, but it’s time for me to say goodbye.”