Adrift (16 page)

Devin shrugged.  “I don’t know.  It’s said that selkies can talk to animals, so…”

“So, whenever anything goes wrong, are you just going to automatically blame me?” I asked.  “Global warming?  The Titanic?  Acid rain?  Anything else I should be aware of causing?”

Despite himself, Devin snorted.  “OK, I get it.  I was being a jerk.”

“An ass,” I corrected.

“OK, an ass,” Devin accepted.  “I will try not to assume that everything is your fault.”

“That is the least you could do,” I pointed out.  “You could, on the other hand, beg my forgiveness and I might, just might, grant it… if you grovel.”

Devin chuckled.  “OK, OK, I will beg!” He dropped to his knees, in front of his horse.  “Please, oh, please, most glorious Meg, forgive me of my grievous sin of assuming that you could talk to animals and that you were making them crazy.”

“Oh, get up,” I growled at him.

“Yes, ma’am.”  He bounced back up to his feet with great energy. 

“I can’t stay mad at you,” I grumbled.  “It’s impossible, no matter how much I try.”

Devin grunted.  “Glad to know you work hard, trying to be mad at me.”

I wrinkled my nose at him.  “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.  You’re purposely misunderstanding me.”

Devin stopped mid-stride.  He turned towards me, his face suddenly serious.  “You scare me stiff,” he said, his voice so low the hair rose on the back of my neck.  “You put my very heart and soul at risk.  I keep trying to keep my distance, but it’s like trying to live without air.  I can’t do it.”

“Then don’t,” I whispered.  I stared down at my hands, unable to meet the intensity of his gaze on me.  I felt like his eyes were burning into me, like a brand, making me forever his.

We walked on in silence, but this time there was an odd sort of peace between us.  The connection was no longer agitated, though it was no less electric.  I could almost see the bond stretching between us, the fibers strong and binding.

We set camp next to the hollow of a gentle slope, surrounded on three sides with woodlands, the last nestling against a small hill.  It was a cozy spot, obviously a place familiar to Devin.  He set about unpacking the horses and setting up camp with the ease of one with much experience with such things.  I groomed the horses and picketed them out to graze while Devin set up a fire.  The weather looked like it wouldn’t keep, so he set up the tent.  I tried to swallow down the butterflies in my stomach at the thought of sharing such an intimate space with Devin by my side.

Dinner was picnic leftovers.  Kip scarfed down sandwiches whole.  I had no appetite, and tore my sandwich into small pieces, tossing them to the golden dog one little bit at a time.

I could feel Devin’s eyes on me, though I kept my head low.  In an effort to keep my hands busy, I started to work at the tangles of my hair.  It was a disaster, practically dread-locks bound together by water and wind.  I stifled a yelp as my comb hit a particularly tangled spot.

I felt Devin kneel behind me.  “Here, let me,” he said, gently.  He plucked the comb out of my fingers and started working through my hair, slowly and gently.  He pulled his fingers through each tangle.  I closed my eyes against the tug against my scalp.  His fingers moved steadily through my hair, untangling the knots, bringing it back to order.  His hands caressed my scalp, soothing and electric all at once.  I tried to sit quietly, but found myself leaning into the caress. 

Devin moved around to face me, his fingers brushing back the tendrils of hair around my face.  His eyes searched mine, his angular face highlighted by the glow of the campfire.  He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek.  I turned my face toward his hand and pressed against his touch, reveling in his gentleness.

He leaned forward and his lips brushed against mine.  The touch was feather-soft, but I burst into flames.  I leaned into the kiss, offering my mouth for him to explore, winding my fingers into the folds of his t-shirt.  His breath was hot against my skin.  He pulled away from my mouth to scatter kisses across my face, feather-light across my cheeks, the bridge of my nose.  His fingers stroked my hair rhythmically.  I could feel myself falling into him.  I arched back against his touch as he dropped his mouth to my neck, his breath raising goose bumps along my skin. 

I couldn’t breathe.  I dragged his mouth back up to mine and just let go.  I didn’t want to fight it any more.  I couldn’t hide what I felt for him. It was all there, open and clear in the air between us.  My fingers found his and they twisted together, combining into one.  Our mouths blended, tasting, testing, devouring.

I let myself fall into him. 

Chapter Thirteen

I dreamed of Faerie.

Omyn was there, waiting for me.  He stood in the clearing, so like the one Devin and I were camping in, and watched quietly from the shadows.  My breath caught, to see him.  I could never truly remember just how beautiful he was, in the waking world.  He was impossible, unreal.  He smiled as I approached, moonlight kissing his cheekbones and the curve of his perfect mouth. 

“You are so close tonight,” he murmured, running a finger across my arm, until I shivered at the touch.  “I can feel you, only a breath away from me.”

“I can feel it,” I confessed.  “It’s in the air all around here, Faerie is so close.”

He buried his nose into my hair and inhaled sharply.  “Ah, yes,” he sighed.  “So very close, indeed.  Won’t you come be with me?”

I tried to laugh, but the sound strangled in my throat.  “I can’t do that, Omyn.  I don’t even know how I could try.”

“There are ways for everything,” he insisted.

I shook my head in denial.  Already I could feel my dreams slipping away from him.

“No,” he said, softly.  “Stay with me a while longer.”

I shook my head.  “I can’t.”

He stepped into me, his arms pulling me towards him.  The air was full of his intoxicating scent-- honeysuckle and moonlight.  My eyes closed of their own accord, my heart pounding until I feared it would leave my chest. 

“Omyn,” I moaned.

Devin stared down at me.

“I’m sorry,” I protested, staring at Devin’s still figure. 

He poked at the fire, violently, his face a mask in the early light.  The sky was streaked with pinks and oranges, and the air was heavy with moisture and chill.  I wrapped my arms around myself, rocking.

“Devin, it was just a dream,” I told him.  “Please, you have to believe me.”  Shame burned hollowly in my chest.  I had done the unforgivable.  I had hurt Devin more that I could stand, dreaming of another man… another being, while lying asleep in Devin’s arms.  No wonder he felt so betrayed.

I slid behind him and put my arms around his neck.  He stiffened, but I leaned against him, willing him to soften, to look at me, to acknowledge that I still existed.

“Devin,” I whispered.  “Please.”  I leaned over his shoulder to press my lips against his cheek.  His scent was that of wood smoke and the slightly musky odor that was his very own smell.  I inhaled it deeply.  He turned his face away, his shoulders tight and rigid beneath my arms.

“Devin,” I pleaded.  “Don’t do this.”

He threw my arms away.  “Don’t do what?” He demanded.  “Get upset that you called the name of another while I was holding you?  I think I have every right to be upset.”

“Of course you do,” I whispered.  “I’m a horrible person.”  I could feel a tear burn a scalding path down my cheek.  I blinked angrily, brushing it away.  Devin’s fingers halted mine.  He tenderly stroked the tear away, glancing down at the moisture on his fingertips.

“You can’t help what you dream,” he said, softly.  “But I don’t have to like it, knowing that you dream of him… like that.”

My face burned.  “It’s not like that, Devin… it’s nothing like what I feel for you.”

He lifted my chin with a finger, forcing me to look into his eyes.  “And what, exactly, do you feel for me, Meg?”

I swallowed, more tears threatening to fall.  I took a deep breath.  “What, you want me to tell you?  I have to say it out loud?  Fine!  I…” I gulped, my voice dropping into a husky whisper, “I love you, Devin.”

He stared at me and I pulled away, the pain of rejection stabbing through my gut.

Devin pulled me into his lap, rocking me slowly, his face in my hair.  “Oh, silly girl,” he murmured, “Don’t you realize I feel the same way?”

I glanced up at him, feeling hope spring into life in my chest.  “What?”

“I love you,” he murmured.  “I can’t get you out of my system.”

“Oh, great,” I bemoaned, “You make me sound like some kind of virus or something.”

Devin chuckled.  “There’s no medicine for a virus, you know.  You just have to live with it.”

I made a face.  “Great,” I said again.

Devin’s face grew serious and he grabbed onto my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.  I loved how intimate this small gesture was.

“I’m glad you are here with me,” he said softly.  He lifted my hand in his, and pressed his lips against my knuckles.  He looked distant, his brow furrowed with a deep sadness I could almost feel radiating from him.

“This,” he told me, his voice low, “Is where my father died.”

I looked around at the clearing we had camped in with a new appreciation.  “That means we are very close to the Gateway, doesn’t it?”

Devin nodded.  “It’s here, even though you can’t see it.  That’s why… he… was able to haunt your dreams last night.  I should have warned you.”

I shook my head.  “You couldn’t have known.”  I shivered a little and he wrapped his arms more firmly around me.  I rested my head on his chest.  “He kept asking me to come to Faerie and be with him.”

Devin sighed.  “I thought he might want that.  After all, he’s obviously interested in you.”

I shrugged.  “It’s not like it’s possible, anyway.  I told him that.”

Devin shrugged.  “You know that it might be possible… but you would never be able to come back.”  His arms tightened around me.  He lowered his voice to a whisper.  “I selfishly hope that you don’t leave me.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” I whispered back.  I didn’t add that I did, however, long for some kind of relationship with my mother.  He was already stressed out about the Omyn thing without worrying about me running off to go live with my selkie kin.

Devin kissed the top of my head and pulled me to my feet.  “Come on, selkie-maiden, let’s look for some wild strawberries.  I don’t know why they grow here, but they do, and in abundance, too.  Maybe it’s all the magic in the air.”  He stared off into the distance for a moment, and I knew he was thinking of his father, and the horrible tragedy that had occurred on this very spot.  I shivered to myself.  He had been so young!  His shoulders were still heavy with the burden of trying to carry what his father had left behind.  It didn’t seem fair.

 
We are all the walking wounded, I thought to myself sorrowfully.  I stood on my tiptoes to press a kiss against Devin’s cheek.  My heart ached inside of me, partly for the pain I could see in his eyes, and partly because I loved him so much that I thought it would tear me to shreds.  I didn’t know how anyone could ever feel like this about a person and then leave him behind.  No wonder my father had never remarried.  If he had felt a fraction for my mother of what I felt for Devin, he would never have even been able to see anyone else.  Perhaps it was naïve of me to believe in lasting love.  I was innocent as far as relationships went.  Devin was my first… it seemed wrong to call him a boyfriend,  such a mundane word for expressing the enormity of what I felt for him.  Devin was my first love, and I knew that he would be my only love, forever.

As long as Faerie never tore us apart.

We found a huge patch of wild strawberries not far from camp, nestled among the trees that dotted the hilltops all around us.  Not one berry was bigger than the tip of my finger, but each one packed a wallop in flavor.  Devin dropped one into my mouth and I savored the juicy sweetness, laced with just enough of a tang to it to make my mouth fill with water. 

“I don’t know how we’re ever going to pick enough to take any home to Maura,” I told Devin.  “I could just sit here and eat them all day.”

Devin laughed.  “Me too.  When I was a kid, I would eat strawberries until I got sick.  Maura will make it worth our while, though, so it’s worth ‘muzzling the ox’.”

I grinned at him, popping another sun-warmed strawberry into my mouth.  I moaned at the intensity of the sweet flavor.  “These are incredible!  How can anyone ever eat store bought strawberries?”

Devin laughed again.  “Probably because these little things are so very seasonal.  Once a year for strawberries is a tough commitment for quality.”

I managed to drop three berries into my basket before indulging in another berry for myself.  At this rate, it was going to take us a week to gather up enough for Maura to have any to enjoy herself.

“Hey, watch this,” Devin said.

I stared open-mouthed as he launched a strawberry into the air-- and it stayed hanging there.