After Death (40 page)

His vision shifted, blurred and he finally lost his balance, falling…

He put a hand out to steady himself and grabbed onto something smooth and solid.

What was that? And that tune that kept going on and on — Who was humming, now singing that fucking tune?

He stood stock-still to let the room coalesce. This was unlike any shift he had experienced before. It was as though a slide had been abruptly inserted over his current location. For a split-second he was in two places at once— one transposed directly over the other — then the first was removed and he was standing at a dirty kitchen sink, tightly gripping its front smooth edge for support, and humming that accursed tune.

I’m humming?!? It’s me that’s humming? Why would I be humming that horrible tune!

He lifted his hands and stared at them as though they were those of someone else — and as he watched them, they began to move of their own accord. Bizarre — They were deft and agile creatures that opened a bottle of arsenic with practiced ease (where had that come from?). They poured the contents carefully into a bottle of Meyers Rum — without spilling a single drop and made a nice wrist snap at the end of the pour like the best of waiters with an elegant wine. Something scurried across his arms and he shook it off without any revulsion whatsoever. Beetles! There were beetles all over the sink! His head swam again — He was again losing his balance…

Take me back! Take me back to —

But his surroundings were already changing again. He
knew
he was still in the cave. He
knew
his imagination was having its way with him — but the knowledge was useless — the world had lapsed into darkness around him — a disorienting and overpowering darkness. He fought to avoid tumbling downwards head-first, fought to stay upright…

A chant of distant voices floated up to him as if from far, far away… The chant was growing gradually until it was like a living thing — whirling and spinning around him and carrying that same annoying tune — Prodding at him, swirling closer and tighter, around and around, until the voices seemed to resound
inside
his ears as though emanating from within his own head.

And now, finally, the words could be clearly heard:

“Walking and talking, in the moonlight,

Laughing and smiling, the night is so bright,

With a snap and a twist, the laughter will end,

The spoils to be placed, around the last bend,

Oh, thirsty, oh desirous, gather around,

The elixir of life has been spilt on the ground,

Oh, thirsty, oh desirous, gather around,

The elixir of life has been spilt on the ground,

Oh, shadows and shades, those that want more,

Drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door.

Oh, shadows and shades, those that want more,

Drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door…”

Back
!, he screamed to himself,
Send me back!
Jackie’s in danger! I need to return to Eli’s lair NOW!

And in response, the darkness seemed to lighten —

Yes!
It was working!
It seemed he could control it!

He turned and reached out in every direction for something to help guide him back to the reality he so desperately sought, something physical — tangible. The darkness backed off further. He was no longer at the dirty stained sink, he was somewhere else — somewhere familiar…

But it was not where he wished to be!
And the chanting was still going!

The new room realigned — emerging from black and whites to grays and finally to vibrant life-like color. He recognized this place — He was back in the convalescent hospital. He was walking down the hallway. He paused to examine his clothing; his shoes, pants, and shirt. They were the very same clothes he’d worn when he’d worked there a month before, the very same that he had later destroyed after they’d been soiled by —

— Now there was Rachel! He’d just entered her room. She was alive and well and happy!

There was no time for this! No time for fantasies or memories or whatever this is — I need to return to —

— What was he carrying in his hand? If this was a memory, why didn’t he remember this? It was something heavy. He lifted his arm, an arm that felt foreign and completely outside his control. He saw as he handed it to her that it was a bottle of Meyers rum and the sensation was distant as she took it from his grasp. Her face contorted with a huge red smile and her eyes welled up with thankful tears.

“…You’re a wonderful man, Frank…” She said. “Bless you…”.

The chanting words were growing louder again, more insistent — now booming in his skull:

“With a snap and a twist, the laughter will end,

The spoils to be placed, around the last bend,

Oh, thirsty, oh desirous, gather around,

The elixir of life has been spilt on the ground…”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

The cave — return me to the cave NOW!

He concentrated with all his might — He would not allow this perversion of the truth to deter him.

Return me to the cave, return me to the cave RIGHT NOW!

He opened his eyes and he was indeed back in the cave.

Yes! Success!

But his relief was short-lived. Fernando and the other two men stood before him. The one with a crew-cut had resumed normal movement and was still taking small steps towards him, now talking.

It didn’t matter what he said — it was lies, all lies!
They knew about his imagination — They’d read all the sheets he’d typed, they knew his story. They knew if they suggested it, he could see it — They were trying to manipulate him, confuse him! They were trying to keep him from saving her!

The thought clicked as only the truth would resonate within him.

That was it! They were so clever — ELI was so clever — He had almost believed it. Awwww Eli! So clever! So clever!

The booming in his ears had become resounding — and terribly painful. Each time he shirked off an attack — and tried to think of something else or tried to focus on his place in the cave — the pain redoubled and grew still worse.

Eli apparently wasn’t done trying to exert his influence — GOD DAMN HIM!

The cave began to melt away… Fernando and the others were fading out again… Dissolving backwards into the cave walls… Now the cave walls were dissolving as well… being replaced by another environment…

Nooooooooooo!
He needed to stay!

There was nothing to be done about it. The new slide clicked into place and he was elsewhere. The transition had been almost immediate this time, almost no overlap. He recognized the place instantly despite the darkness. He was in the dirty room from Burt’s story — only this time not as an invisible spectator... He somehow knew he was actually there. His point of view was low… Short… As if he were just a boy…

Take me back — Jackie needs me!
What am I doing here! I don’t have time for this!

He thought to examine himself, confirm his suspicions that he was just a child in this place — but a man in the shadowy corner of the room made a sharp gesture towards him with his hand and the thought was gone. The gesture was towards
him
! Why would this shadow man be gesturing impatiently at
him
? He glanced around the room. A woman was lying in the center of the dirty concrete floor. He looked back towards the shadow man. The man leaned forward slightly, just enough for one of his eyes to catch a ray of light that penetrated a gap in the wooden slat walls of the room. The eye was blue with a huge angry dilated pupil. He made the sharp chopping gesture with his hand again.

Who cares about this room or this man! Who cares about this woman! Return me!

The shadow man’s will was law and Frank somehow suddenly knew this. He moved towards the prone woman with a strange chill running up his spine. Was it fear? Surprisingly, he knew it wasn’t. He didn’t know why but he didn’t fear the shadow man. It was something very different. Respect? Admiration? He wanted the shadow man to see him do this. He wanted the shadow man to know that they were the same.

He poised over the prone woman and swung his leg back and kicked as hard as he could. There was no reaction from her but the contact with the soft flesh as his foot connected felt good. He felt a tingle and then a bit light headed. It was as if he were beginning to float. He swung his leg again, even harder. The tingle grew. He couldn’t help but smile. Another boy came into view, heavier, rounder — Frank almost walloped him with his foot as well but then recognized his features — awkward, thick, and blobby — it was clearly Burt as a child! Burt was almost a head taller than him and it confirmed Frank’s earlier thought — he was a mere boy now!

Burt was reluctant and his large face glistened with fear. A quick glance towards the shadowy corner and he began kicking the woman on the ground from the other side. With each swing, he grunted but Frank could see his expression — he looked just plain scared. In no time at all, he was covered in perspiration and needed to pause to catch his breath. The strange feeling of lightness was wearing off so Frank gladly took over. Would this feeling be even greater if he doubled his efforts? He wanted to ask the man in the shadows — somehow Frank was sure he would know. But the shadow man was gone, the dark corner was now only darkness.

Wait!
This isn’t right! I was never here! This is not my childhood! This is BULLSHIT!

The chanting voices roared abruptly and Frank’s head throbbed and hummed as if it were about to split wide open.

“Oh, shadows and shades, those that want more,

Drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door.

Oh, shadows and shades, those that want more,

Drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door…”

Stop!
Frank tried to scream aloud but his mouth stayed firmly shut.
Lies! More Eli-induced lies! How can he think I would believe this CRAP?!?

But he couldn’t concentrate — He could barely hold a thought — Eli was winning, Frank was being screamed away —

Make it stop, please!

He was somewhere else instantly —

Where?

He had just entered a room — a hospital room.

The hospital, I’m back at the fucking hospital AGAIN!

His actions were again his own, yet not his own. He moved towards Lidia who lay in her hospital bed in her darkened room but he couldn’t feel his feet on the ground.

Why did he feel like he was floating again?

The cacophony of voices was overpowering, the chant going on and on but Lidia was also repeating her phrase over and over in her sleep and the two sounds were overlapping.

“Pick me up at ten o’clock,
oh shadows and shades, those that want more
, pick me up at ten o’clock,
drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door…”

He continued towards her, half floating, half walking — closing in. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to do this —

Stop this! Return me!

Lidia opened her glazed grey eyes and looked at him — and her phrase stopped in her throat as she uttered a single shocked word:

“Frank!”

What?!? What is this?
He felt himself grinning ear-to-ear —
Impossible!
Why would he be smiling at this? How and why could he be feeling this strange rush of excitement and —

And still the chorus grew louder.

“Oh, shadows and shades, those that want more!

Drink quickly, drink deeply, that you may pass through the door!”

He felt himself snatch her wrist in one hand and lock onto her face with the other and turn her head towards the mirror in the corner.

This odd tingling thrill in him was growing — What was this? Stop this!

He glanced in the mirror —

What the…!?!?

His own grinning face leered back at him! It looked demented, grotesque — His crazy eyes burned with murderous malignancy.

He wanted to stop, to leave, to run out of this room — but instead his actions continued and his excitement continued to build.

There was suddenly a sharp shard of glass on the bed next to him. It gleamed and beckoned and a new and even more intense surge of delight coursed through him. He tensed, ready. He would release her face and snatch up the shard in a lightning quick movement.