After Ever Happy (After #4) (44 page)

I’m not sure how many hours have passed—it feels like four—when my name is finally called. It’s awkward and vomit inducing, the way everyone is staring at me, and I rush off the stage as soon as I notice Ken’s eyes starting to tear up.

I just have to make it through the rest of the alphabet until I can go and find her. By the letter
V,
I think I may just stand from my seat and interrupt the entire thing. How many people can possibly have a last name starting with
V
?

Apparently a lot, that’s how many.

At last, after I’ve traveled through multiple states of boredom and the climactic cheering has gone down, we are able to leave our seats. I practically jump from mine, but Karen rushes to me for a hug. After what feels like an appropriate amount of my tolerance expended, I excuse myself from Karen’s weeping congratulation speech and rush off to find
her.

I know she’s here, I can feel it somehow.

I haven’t seen her in two months—two fucking long-ass months—and I am buzzing, high on adrenaline, when I finally spot her near the exit. I had a feeling she would do this, come here and try to sneak off before I could find her, but I won’t allow it. I’ll chase her car down the street if need be.

“Tessa!” I push through the huddled families in my way to get to her, and she turns around just as I sort of shove a young boy out of the way.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen her that the relief is overwhelming. So fucking overwhelming. She looks as beautiful as ever. Her skin has a tan glow that it didn’t have before, and her eyes are brighter, happier, and the shell that she had become has been replaced by life. I can tell all of this just by looking at her.

“Hey.” She smiles and does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear when she’s nervous.

“Hey,” I repeat her greeting and take a few moments to just take her in. She’s even more angelic than my memory of her.

She seems to be doing the same thing I am, and I watch as she looks me up and down. I wish I weren’t wearing this stupid cloak thing. Then she could see how much I’ve been working out.

She speaks first. “Your hair is so long.”

I laugh softly and push my fingers through the mess. It’s probably all fucked-up from that cap. Right then I realize I don’t know where the damn thing went. But who knows, and who cares?

“Yeah, yours is, too,” I say without thinking. She laughs and brings her fingers to her mouth. “I mean, your hair is long. It’s always been long though,” I try to recover, but it only makes her laugh again.

Smooth, Scott. Really fucking smooth
.

“So, was the ceremony as bad as you expected?” she asks.

She’s standing less than four feet away from me, and I wish we were sitting down or something. I feel like I need to sit down.
Why am I so fucking anxious?

“Worse. Did you see how long it was? The man reading off the names was ancient.” I hope that she smiles again. When she does, I smile back at her and push my hair away from my face. I do need a haircut, but I think I may keep it this way for a while.

“I’m really proud of you for walking. I’m sure Ken is so happy.”

“Are you happy?”

She crinkles her brow. “For you? Yes, of course. I’m very happy that you walked. It’s okay that I came, isn’t it?” She looks down at her feet for only a second before focusing her eyes on mine.

Something about her is different, more confident, more . . . I don’t know,
strong
? She’s standing up straight, her eyes are sharp and focused, and even though I can tell she’s nervous, she’s not intimidated like she used to be.

“Of course it is. I would have been quite pissed if I walked for nothing.” I smile at her, then again at how the two of us seem to be doing nothing but smiling and fidgeting with our hands. “How are you? I’m sorry that I haven’t called much. I’ve been really busy . . .”

She shakes her head at me. “It’s okay, I know you have a lot going on with graduation and preparing your future, all of that.” She smiles a barely there smile. “I’ve been well. I applied to every college within a fifty-mile radius of New York City.”

“You’re still wanting to go there? Landon said you weren’t sure yesterday.”

“I’m not yet. I’m waiting to hear back from at least one college before I relocate. Transferring to the Seattle campus hurt my record. The admissions department at NYU said that it made me seem flaky and unprepared, so I’m hoping that at least one of the colleges there will disagree. Otherwise, I am going to take classes at a community college until I can transfer back into a four-year.” She takes a deep breath.
“Wow,
that was a long explanation to a short question.” She laughs and steps out of the way of a sobbing mother walking hand in hand with her gown-clad daughter. “Did you decide what you want to do next?”

“Well, I have some interviews set up over the next few weeks.”

“That’s good. I’m really happy for you.”

“None of them are here, though.” I watch her face closely as she takes in my words.

“Here,
as in this town?”

“No, as in Washington.”

“Where are they? If you don’t mind me asking?” She’s composed and polite, and her voice is so soft and sweet that I have to take a step closer to her.

“One in Chicago, three in London.”

“London?” She tries to hide the surprise in her voice, and I nod.

I didn’t want to have to tell her this, but I was just taking advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I probably wouldn’t move back there anyway—I’m just exploring my options. “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, you know, with us,” I try to explain.

“No, I understand. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

I know what she’s thinking just by looking at her. I can practically hear her exact thoughts.

“I’ve been talking to my mum a little lately.” It sounds weird coming from my mouth, and it was even weirder to have finally picked up the phone when my mum called. I had been avoiding her up until two weeks ago. I haven’t exactly forgiven her, but I’m sort of working on trying not to be so angry about the whole mess. It doesn’t get me anywhere.

“You have? Hardin, that is so great to hear.” Her frown is gone, and she’s smiling so brightly at me that my chest literally fucking aches from the beauty of it.

“Yeah, a little.” I shrug my shoulders.

She is still smiling at me like I’ve just told her she won the damn lottery. “I’m so happy that everything is working out for you. You deserve everything good in your life.”

I’m not sure what to say to that, but I’ve missed her kindness so much that I can’t stop myself from reaching for her arm and pulling her into a hug. Her arms move to my shoulders, and her head drops down to my chest. I swear that a sigh escapes her lips. If I’m wrong, I’ll just pretend it was so.

“Hardin!” someone calls, and Tessa pulls away to stand next to me. Her cheeks are flushed, and she looks nervous again. Luke approaches with Kaci, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“I
know
you didn’t bring me fucking flowers,” I groan, knowing that it must have been his woman’s idea.

Tessa stands at my side, staring wide-eyed at Luke and the short brunette at his side.

“You know it. And I know how much you love lilies,” Luke says, shit-talking while Kaci waves to Tessa.

Tessa turns to me, confused, but smiling the most beautiful smile I’ve seen in the last two months.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Kaci wraps her arms around Tessa’s body, and Luke tries to shove the hideous bouquet into my chest. I let the flowers fall to the floor, and he curses at me as we watch a horde of way-too-proud parents trample over them in passing.

“I’m Kaci, Hardin’s friend. I’ve heard so much about you, Tessa.” The woman withdraws a little to tuck one arm into Tessa’s, and I’m a little surprised when Tessa smiles back and, instead of looking to me for help, jumps into a conversation about wasted flowers.

“Hardin seems like a flower type of guy, right?” Kaci says, laughing, and Tessa giggles along. “That’s why he got those ridiculous leaves tattooed on him.”

Tessa raises a questioning brow. “Leaves?”

“They aren’t exactly leaves; she’s just giving me shit, but I did get a few new tattoos since I’ve seen you.” I’m not sure why I feel slightly guilty about that, but I do.

“Oh.” Tessa tries to smile, but I can tell it’s not authentic. “That’s good.”

The mood has shifted into slightly awkward territory, and as Luke tells Tessa about the new tattoos across the bottom of my stomach, he makes a big mistake: “I told him not to get them. The four of us were out, and Kaci got curious about Hardin’s tattoos and decided she wanted one.”

“Four?” Tessa blurts the word, and I can see the regret in her eyes when she asks.

I glare at Luke at the same time that Kaci digs her elbow into his side.

“Kaci’s sister,” Luke tells Tessa, trying to fix his fuckup, but making it worse.

The first time I hung out with Luke, we met Kaci for dinner. That weekend, we went to a movie, and Kaci brought her sister along. A few hangouts later, I realized that the woman was sporting a little infatuation and told them to call her off. I didn’t and still don’t want or need a distraction while waiting for Tessa to come back to me.

“Oh.” Tessa gives Luke her fake smile and stares off into the crowd.

Fuck, I hate the look on her face right now.

Before I can tell Luke and Kaci to fuck off and explain this shit to Tessa, Ken approaches and says, “Hardin, I have someone I would like you to meet.”

Luke and Kaci excuse themselves, and Tessa steps to the side. I reach for her, but she brushes me off.

“I need to find a restroom anyway.” She smiles and walks away after a quick hello to my father.

“This is Chris, the man I was telling you about. He’s head of publishing out at Gabber in Chicago, and he came all the way here to talk to you.” Ken smiles wide and grips this guy’s shoulder, but I can’t help but look for Tessa in the crowd.

“Yeah, thanks.” I shake the short man’s hand, and he launches into conversation. Between wondering what kind of shit Ken had to pull to get this guy here and worrying that Tessa won’t find the bathroom, I barely catch half of his offer.

Afterward, wandering around to every bathroom and calling her phone twice, I realize that Tessa has left without saying goodbye.

L
andon’s apartment is small, and the closet space almost nonexistent, but it works for him. Well, us. Every time I remind Landon that this is his apartment, not mine, he reminds me that I am living here now, in this apartment, in New York City.

“You’re sure you’re okay, right? Remember, Sophia said you could stay with her for the weekend if you aren’t comfortable,” he says, placing a stack of clean, folded towels into the cubbyhole he calls a closet.

I nod at him, disguising my burning anxiety at the weekend ahead. “It’s okay, really. I have to work most of the weekend anyway.”

It’s the second Friday in September, and Hardin’s flight will be landing any minute. I didn’t ask why he was coming—I couldn’t bring myself to—and when Landon awkwardly brought up his wanting to stay here, I just nodded and forced a smile.

“He’s taking a cab from Newark, so he’ll be here in about an hour, given the traffic.” Landon runs his hand over his chin, before burying his face in his hands. “I feel like this isn’t going to go well. I shouldn’t have agreed to it.”

I reach up and pull his hands away from his face. “It’s fine. I’m a big girl; I can handle a little Hardin Scott,” I tease. I’m nervous as heck, but the comfort of work and knowing that Sophia is just down the block will get me through the weekend.

“Will you-know-who be around this weekend? I don’t know how that will go over . . .” Landon looks panicked, like he is going to cry or scream at any moment.

“No, he works all weekend, too.” I walk over to the couch and lift my apron from the pile of clean clothes. Living with Landon is easy, despite his recent relationship problems, and he loves to clean, so we get along well that way.

Our friendship bounced back quickly, and we haven’t had an awkward moment since I arrived four weeks ago. I spent the summer with my mother, her boyfriend, David, and his daughter, Heather. I even learned to Skype with Landon and spent my days planning for the move. It was one of those summers where you fall asleep on a June night and wake up to an August morning. It went too quickly, and a lot of my time was spent being reminded of Hardin. David rented a cabin for a week during July, and we ended up less than five miles away from the Scott cabin, and I saw that little bar we got far too drunk in when we were driving around.

I walked down the same streets, this time with David’s daughter, and she stopped at every block to pick a flower for me. We ate at the same restaurant where I had one of the most tense nights of my life, and we even had the same server, Robert. I was surprised when he told me that he, too, was moving to New York, for medical school. He was offered a significantly larger grant to attend New York University than his previous choice in Seattle, so he was going with that. We exchanged phone numbers and text-messaged during the summer, and we both moved to the city around the same time. He arrived a week before me, and now he works at the same place that I do. He also works almost as much as me for the next two weeks until he starts school full-time. I would be doing the same, but, unfortunately, I was too late to get into the fall semester at NYU.

Ken advised me to wait it out, at least until the spring semester, before attending another college. He said that I shouldn’t bounce back and forth again; it would only muddy my transcripts, and New York University is picky as it is. I’m okay with taking a break, despite that I will have to work harder to catch up, because I am going to use the time working and experiencing this sprawling and bizarre city.

Hardin and I have only spoken a few times since he left his graduation without saying goodbye to me. He texted me a few times here and there and has sent some emails, which were stiff, awkward, and formal, so I only responded to a few of them.