After Nothing (11 page)

‘It was my fault. I’m sorry I got you suspended.’

‘I’ve never lost control like that before.’ Kane looked at me. ‘That was on me. It ain’t ever gonna happen again.’

‘Everyone thinks you broke my arm.’

Kane almost smiled.

‘The V.P. told me he
knows
I did it. Apparently all the teacher staff know I did it.’

‘I told them you didn’t. They just wouldn't believe me.’

Kane shrugged.

‘It ain’t the truth so I don’t give a shit. Who’s this other guy the V.P. told me and Wayne you slept with?’

I froze for a moment but then realized he was smiling at me.

‘They wouldn’t leave me alone. I had to tell them something. It was a stupid story.’

‘Wayne reckons you did it.’

‘You know I didn’t.’

Kane touched my face, wiping away a stray tear I’d missed earlier.

‘Seeing as you’re not really a fan of doing it anyway, I figured at the time I was pretty safe. Later though … I’m sorry for losing it at you like that. You’re not any of those things I said. You got no idea how much I love you, Nat.’

A smile broke out across my face.

The first bell went signaling the end of lunch, and Kane and I reluctantly stood up.

‘Meet after school?’ said Kane.

I hesitated a moment. ‘Don’t you have things on?’

‘No. That’s all done.’

‘Why? – Actually, not “why”. I mean, I don’t have to know. I take it back.’

‘It’s okay, Nat. I ain’t keeping anything from you no more. I was taking cars for order. And not just any cars – we were working in teams, going into people’s garages and shit. Anyway, I was late one night so it’s done with.’

‘Late?’

‘Yeah, but it’s cool. Thought it could be bad, but it worked it out. I mean my days of taking cars round here are over, but it puts me back in the shop, and that’s better anyway.’

His arm went around my waist, pulling me close to him. He bent his head, the rough of his jaw pressing against my cheek.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered into his shoulder.

‘It’s okay,’ said Kane simply. Finally, it felt like he’d forgiven me.

The second bell rang.

‘We better go,’ said Kane, straightening.

‘Okay.’ A thought occurred to me. ‘Kane, it’s been a while since you kissed me.’

He smiled.

‘Baby, been a while since everything.’

Kane and I got a lot of raised eyebrows and cold stares when people saw we were back together. It’s not like we were in anyone’s face about it, but we weren’t hiding either. He’d hold my hand as we walked into school together. I’d lean against him as he had his morning meetings by his locker. We’d exchange a brief kiss before parting to go to class. It was no more than any other couple in the school would do – actually, it was a hell of a lot less than most couples. Making out in the hallway wasn’t something Kane did.

I overheard a few nasty things when I wasn’t with him. Things that were purposefully said loud enough for my benefit:

‘First time is on him, but the next time it happens, that’s on her.’

‘I bet she deserved it.’

‘She gonna regret getting back with him the next time he goes K-1 on her ass.’

That last comment was the only one I reacted to. I turned in my seat in math class and stared at the guy who said it. It was my total bitch stare, and he suddenly got really busy doing the equations on the board. I didn’t really care what others were saying though, because I was just so happy to be back with Kane. I went from being in hell, to smiling and laughing all the time. And I giggled. Kane would tease me and I giggled. Melissa would make one of her usual comments and I giggled. Anything remotely funny in class and I would giggle.

‘You seem happy, Natalie,’ my English teacher commented, as she gave me back an essay with a red F on it.

‘I am happy,’ I replied, smiling.

‘When you have to repeat this class next year I don’t think you’ll be so happy,’ she murmured before moving off.

Repeating? No way would I be repeating.

I got called in to the guidance counsellor’s office not long after Kane and I got back together. Ms Kelley was okay, I guess. But she always looked you in the eye for too long without looking away, and she always wore the same pair of green dangly earrings.

She tried to tell me everything we discussed would be confidential, which everyone knows isn’t true. If they think they need to share something with your parents or administration, then they do. I completely stonewalled her.

She kept on talking to me like I wasn’t in charge of my own life. She actually said to me, ‘Natalie, I know how hard a relationship can be when there isn’t an equal power balance between the two partners.’

When I got up to leave, she told me I could always come back if I wanted to talk.

I smiled, thanked her and then said I had to go.

‘I’m meeting Kane for lunch.’

I got to the quad before him, and because there was a freezing cold wind blowing, I took shelter around the far side of an ancient old oak tree, which was practically the only tree in our school. That meant that I didn’t see Kane cross paths with the premiere basketball team as they headed toward the cafeteria.

I heard it though.

Male voices and a bouncing basketball, and then someone in the group calling out, ‘Candy-ass motherfucker.’

I came out from behind the tree at the same time Kane turned to face the entire team.

There were ten of them, but Kane didn’t even hesitate.

‘Candy-ass what?’ he said, taking a step toward them.

Not one of the ten responded. They didn’t move away though.

Kane waited them out. Callem was one of them. He was holding the basketball. He met my gaze, then he looked at Kane. The two of them seemed to stare at each other for a long time. Callem was the first to move, opening one of the doors into the cafeteria and walking through. The rest of the team followed, deliberately slow as they kept their gazes trained on Kane for as long as they could.

‘Hey,’ said Kane, coming up to me with a forced smile.

‘How much of that are you getting?’ I asked.

Kane shrugged.

‘Kane, tell me.’

‘Shit’s being said, but, baby, do you really think anyone at this school can touch me?’

‘Maybe not fight you, but stuff like that shouldn’t be happening.’

Kane leaned in toward me. He made as if he was going to kiss me, but then teasingly rubbed his nose against mine.

‘I can handle it.’

‘Was it Callem that called you that?’

‘No.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I heard what happened between you and him.’

‘Really?’

‘I didn’t encourage him.’

He grinned at me. ‘Come on. This is cutting into our fucking time.’

You had to be in either the boys or girls basketball teams to be allowed on the new indoor court during school break times.

As soon as I stepped onto it, the comments started.

‘Hold up, y’all. We got a visitor.’

‘Whoa, she look like she got beef.’

‘You come to tell us off, Nat?’

‘K-man know where his punching bag is at?’

‘Shut up,’ snapped Callem at his teammates.

He was close to halfway down the court, and was flawlessly shooting a collection of basketballs, one after the other, through the hoop.

I walked down the court toward him, pausing long enough to say to the guy who had referred to me as a punching bag, ‘You want me to tell Kane what you just said?’

He suddenly looked a whole lot less sure of himself.

‘That’s what I thought.’

Callem kept shooting when I stopped beside him.

‘Can I talk to you?’ I asked.

‘About what?’

‘Was it you that called Kane a candy-ass motherfucker yesterday?’

Callem had just picked up another basketball. He bounced it, but then, rather than shoot it, kept it in his hands. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Who was it?’

‘I know Kane don’t want you here on his business.’

‘This might surprise you, but I’m not actually afraid of Kane.’

‘I’m talking about respect, Natalie. If you know he don’t want you here, then you don’t come here. Simple as that.’

He was angry, and in that moment it occurred to me that Melissa was right about him. He was more than good-looking. He was actually quite hot. It was my noticing that which caused the delay in my understanding exactly what he was saying.

‘What? Wait. Why are you sticking up for Kane?’

Callem seemed to think for a moment. He glanced upward to the steel supports in the gym’s roof before dropping his basketball in the proximity of the other six gathered nearby.

‘You want to talk? Fine, we’ll talk.’

We didn’t go far. Just up into the bleachers – I chose a row near the top.

‘How’d you break your arm?’ said Callem as we sat down.

‘Kane didn’t break it.’

‘Yeah, I know. What happened?’

‘You know?’

‘’Course I fucking know. He couldn’t do that to a girl if someone held a gun to his head.’

‘You know he didn’t do it, but you’re letting all your friends think he did? Why wouldn’t you defend him?’

‘Why would I?’

‘Maybe because it’s the right thing to do.’

Callem just shook his head, his eyes fixed on the court below.

‘Did he tell you about my dad?’

‘No,’ I said, confused.

Callem looked down at his hands, and muttered, ‘Some things still good I guess.’

‘What about your dad?’

Callem didn’t reply. He didn’t leave, though. The first bell went marking the end of break, but neither of us moved.

I took a deep breath.

‘You know, Cal, you wouldn’t really like me if you knew me.’

‘You still don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘I do. Kane knows. You could ask him. I could tell him to tell you what I’m really like. He’d tell you the truth.’

‘You’re talking shit,’ said Callem.

‘I’m not. I’m not … right.’

‘Nat, we all screwed up. Shit, being screwed up isn’t anything round here, and you know it. Can’t you even guess at how incredible I think you are? I mean, there ain’t anyone round here come close to you.’

‘Callem, you really don’t know what I’m like.’

‘You know that huh? Did you know I’d noticed you before you and Kane hooked up? Not like, how everyone notices you ’cause you’re hot: I mean more like, whenever I saw you round, you always looked like you didn’t need anyone else. I used to think it was cool how you didn’t buy into any of the shit like the rest of us did. Like you got that it was fine just to be you and fuck everything else.’

‘You thought it was cool I had no friends?’

‘I just thought
you
were cool. I wanted to ask you out, but I needed to figure out how I could get you to talk to me first. I didn’t want to get denied outright like everyone else. But then, next thing I hear is that you and Kane have got something going on, and I didn’t even get the chance.’

‘Oh. I didn’t know,’ I said, somewhat mutely.

‘No, Nat, you don’t know. I mean, fuck. I go to one of his fights and I see his new tatt. Your name on him. And you’re down ringside, and Kane has never had a girl ringside before. Then you went and got his name inked on you. You’d hardly been going out. Anyway, I’m thinking you must know something about each other that would make you get inked like that. And Kane. I mean, yeah, I’m loyal to him. We went through some things together, and I wouldn’t fuck with that. But then all of a sudden everyone’s saying you and Kane have broken up, so I’m fucking torn because I want to ask you out so bad. I finally figure if you and Kane don’t want each other anymore, then I can get the chance I didn’t get before. I want to do it right though, but that turns into Kane wanting to kick my head in. Nat, you knew I was into you, and you never said you were still together.’

I was drenched in guilt. I had no idea how long Callem had liked me. But he was right. When I became aware of it, I hadn’t let on I still wanted Kane – that Callem should stop trying with me because I wasn’t ever going to give him a chance. It was like Kane said: I didn’t think about other people.

‘I’m sorry, Callem.’

Callem almost laughed, but not in a good way. ‘Nat, I called Kane on it, and I was the asshole because you were still together. Kane and me, when we were young, we were brothers. Like for real. I don’t know what he’s told you, and I don’t expect you to get it, but if you were any other girl I never would have gone near you.’

I apologized again. ‘But, Callem, I honestly didn’t know if Kane and I were together when we were hanging out.’

Callem scrubbed his hand over his head. ‘Fuck it. It was my bad. The fact that you’d already been his – I should never have made a play for you.’

We both fell silent.

The second bell had long gone, and the basketball court had cleared. We were the only ones left. Still, neither of us moved.

‘Did you know Shys?’ I asked.

‘Nah. Heard of him. Heard what happened. But my mom and Wayne had split up by then.’

‘Oh.’

I didn’t let on that Callem’s mom and Wayne being a couple was news to me.

‘Shys … that was a while ago,’ said Callem, looking at me. ‘Why are you asking about that?’

‘Everyone is giving Kane a hard time about hurting me when he didn’t do anything. And he won’t even mention K-1 to me. I know it kills him sometimes that he doesn’t fight anymore. He won’t even spar.’

‘What’s that gotta do with Shys?’

‘Just, he was his friend. I mean, I know they were kids … Callem, he needs you on his side at school. Even the teachers are giving him shit.’

‘How’d you break your arm?’

I told him. I told him how I did it, and I told him why.

Callem leaned back in his seat. I could feel him look at me differently.

‘That’s fucked up.’

I nodded.

‘Why don’t you tell people that’s what happened?’

‘You think they would believe me?’

‘It’s pretty stupid. So no, probably not.’

It wasn’t anything I could argue against.

‘I don’t think Kane has anyone to talk to about not fighting. I think it’s a bigger deal to him than what he makes out. He was good at it, right?’

‘Yeah, he was good,’ said Callem. ‘Ain’t no one round here seen a fighter like Kane. Can’t remember the last time he lost a fight. If he’d dropped Wayne as his trainer, he would have been drowning in sponsorship and lining up to go professional.’

‘You think Wayne’s been holding him back?’

‘Don’t think, know it. All this K-1 shit. He should’ve been fighting MMA. I know guys down at the same gym Kane was training at. They say Wayne wouldn’t let anyone else near Kane, and that Wayne so punch-drunk he couldn’t train him for shit. Kane basically been training himself for years, and still no one could take him. I don’t know how he can give it up.’ Callem gave me a pointed look. ‘It’s as fucked up as you breaking your own arm.’