After the Christmas Party (16 page)

Last night had hurt. A lot. But he hadn’t left because he was right here in front of her.

Of course he hadn’t left. She’d been in his bed, in his house.

“Why?”

He looked confused. “Why what?”

“Why are you here?”

His brow arched. “Is that a trick question? I live here.” His expression darkened. “Don’t you want me here?”

How did she answer that? Did you tell a man that you’d woken up and found the bed empty and had assumed the worst? That you’d cried yourself to sleep and erected a hundred new walls to replace the ones he’d torn down because she’d realized she was in love with him?

“I woke up and you weren’t here.” Did she sound whiny?

She’d thought he would take a hint and tell her why he’d left his bed, but he just shrugged, as if his absence was no big deal. Only he didn’t meet her eyes and he wasn’t smiling.

“Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. Now, out of bed. Time’s awasting.”

He might convince her to get out of bed except there was an itsy bitsy tiny problem. “I’m naked.”

“Good point.” His smile was lethal and he suddenly seemed intent on lightening the mood between them. “Forget getting out of bed. I’ll get back in with you. Much better idea.” With that he dove towards her, tugging on the covers she had tucked beneath her chin.

“No.” She wiggled and squirmed, trying to prevent him from uncovering her body. “No, I don’t want you to see me like this.”

He stilled. “Like this? I saw everything there was to see about your body last night. Up close and personal from all angles. Have your forgotten?”

“No, but…” How did she explain that when she’d woken and he hadn’t been there she’d felt such devastation and had grieved and erected those walls to where
she just didn’t trust letting them back down. She didn’t want to let them back down. Right or wrong since he obviously hadn’t really left, she still felt defensive.

Or perhaps it was her other realization during the night that had her so defensive. She didn’t want to be in love with him.

“Riley, I don’t want to do this today.”

“This?”

“You know.”

He blinked and tugged at the covers again.

Holding them tight, she shook her head. “No.”

He let go of the comforter. “What are you saying?”

Her grip on the comforter tightened. “Last night shouldn’t have happened.”

“Because?”

What could she say? That she was so damaged by her past that she couldn’t bear any more pain? That she’d fallen in love with him and although she’d thought she was strong enough to be with him and survive when he got bored with her crazy hang-ups, last night had shown her otherwise?

“Fine,” he agreed between gritted teeth. “Last night was a mistake.”

She couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or angry.

“At least get out of bed and come and see what Santa left you.”

Her heart dropped somewhere to the pit of her stomach. “Please, don’t.”

Because she just couldn’t take such comments this morning. She just couldn’t pretend she was the same as him, that she could spend the night in his bed and go and be all jolly with his family. She couldn’t pretend
that she didn’t love him and that she was terrified of that realization.

“Don’t?” He raked his fingers through his hair then scooted up beside her, gently forced her to look at him. “Talk to me, Trinity. I thought you’d wake up smiling this morning, not looking at me as if I’m the Grinch who stole Christmas.”

“No, that would be me. I’m the one who dislikes Christmas, remember?”

“That’s just because you’re so stubborn and refuse to give Christmas a chance. Quit being otherwise, get out of bed, and let’s enjoy our Christmas morning together before it’s time to leave for my mom’s. We’ll discuss last night some other time, but for now I promised you the best Christmas ever. Accomplishing that does require some effort on your part.”

A sick feeling settled in her stomach. “What have you done?”

Because She didn’t want him going and setting a precedent that every other year would have to live up to and never would. She didn’t want him being nice to her because he felt sorry for her that her mother just hadn’t been into Christmas. That Chase had messed with her head and heart. She didn’t want to be another of Riley’s charity cases.

“I didn’t say I did anything. But maybe you were a very good girl this year, and Santa came to see you last night.”

She didn’t want him making her depend on him even more than she already did. That was becoming more and more difficult each day and after last night…She shook her head. He probably thought her a charity case all the way round. Maybe that’s what the past few weeks
had been about. She was this year’s Christmas project. “No, whatever it is you’ve done, just undo it.”

His jaw tightened. “You want me to undo your Christmas morning?”

She nodded. “I don’t want you being nice to me.”

“Now I’m really confused.”

“Don’t you see?” She fought sniffling. “You’ve got to stop doing this.”

His eyes filled with concern. “I don’t see at all. You’ve stumped me. What exactly do I have to stop doing?”

“Making me want to believe.”

He reached over, ran his finger across her face and tucked a hair behind her ear. “Now, why would I want you to stop believing when the whole idea is to make you believe in Christmas?”

Only she hadn’t been talking about Christmas.

She’d been referring to him.

CHAPTER TWELVE

R
ILEY SCRATCHED HIS
head in total confusion while Trinity got out of the bed without his assistance and with the comforter wrapped around her delectable body. He’d have liked to have woken her up with kisses, but he hadn’t wanted her to get the wrong idea.

Which meant there was a right idea.

He wasn’t exactly sure what that was, but he figured he had some time to figure it out. To figure them out because he wasn’t a forever kind of man and she deserved her own happy-ever-after.

At least he’d thought he had time and had told himself he just wouldn’t think about the future today, that he’d focus on the holiday and giving Trinity a day to remember always.

He just didn’t understand why she’d be back to bah-humbugging after the night they’d shared. He’d thought the night amazing, had expected all smiles and happiness on his favorite day of the year. Instead, she’d seemed determined to be contrary. Did she want to ruin their day? To fight?

Frowning, he slipped his shirt from the night before back on and went into his living room, surveying the room and trying to see it as she would.

He hadn’t gone overboard at his house, just hung on his fireplace mantel a stocking with her name in glitter on it. Plus a few presents. He’d wanted her main gift to be a complete surprise. Had he not done a little something for her, she’d definitely have suspected.

He wanted to catch her off guard and blow her mind.

“Riley?”

He hadn’t heard her step up behind him.

“What is all this?”

She’d put on one of his T-shirts and a drawstring pair of shorts that came down past her knees. She’d combed her hair and tied it back with a rubber band. Her face was freshly washed and ethereally beautiful. She looked like an angel.

One he was now afraid to touch for fear of upsetting her further. For fear that his feelings might show and set up expectations he couldn’t follow through on.

“Christmas morning.”

She glanced around the room, taking in where he had their breakfast cooked and waiting on the table, taking in the small package sitting beside her plate, taking in all the details of the room but not smiling. Instead, she looked distraught. “Why?”

He could list any number of reasons and all of them rang with truth. The panicky paleness to her face warned he might have miscalculated who she really was. “Because I want to make you happy.”

But had obviously failed miserably.

Her face pinched with obvious disappointment. “You think you have to give me things to do that?”

“No.” He frowned. She was taking all his efforts the wrong way. Not at all how he’d envisioned. “Haven’t
you ever heard it’s more blessed to give than to receive?”

Without saying anything, she walked over to the fireplace mantel, ran her finger over the red velvet stocking with her name on it.

“There are presents inside.”

She glanced down at the bulges in the stocking. Her face was still pinched. “I see that.”

“They’re yours.” He’d wanted to watch her tear into the presents with excited gusto, wanted joy to sparkle on her face and laughter to curve her lips. He’d wanted her to throw her arms around him and wish him a merry Christmas. Instead, she appeared to be somewhere between starting to cry and darting out of the room.

“I…I’m not sure.”

She didn’t intend to open his gifts? What the…? He sucked in a deep breath. “Fine. If you don’t want to open your presents, we can eat breakfast first.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

Determined that he was somehow going to lighten her mood without letting her ruin his, he waggled his brows. “If you don’t want to open presents and you aren’t hungry, then whatever do we do to pass the time until we go to my mom’s house?”

Her gaze narrowed. “Not what you’re thinking.”

Yeah, her “Last night was a mistake” had clued him in that she wouldn’t be dangling any mistletoe over her head any time soon. He crossed his arms. “You don’t know what I’m thinking.”

“Sure, I do.”

“Then you should be ashamed of yourself.”

She didn’t crack a smile.

“Come on, Trinity. Lighten up. It’s Christmas and
we’re young and healthy and have a lot of things to be thankful for. I’ve done my best to give you a special Christmas morning. Why are you acting this way?”

Trinity felt like a grade-A heel. She was being an ungrateful pain when he was doing his best to make the most of the morning. She realized that.

Just as she realized that she wanted to give in to his cajoling. But what would be the point?

Last night had blown her away then blown her to bits.

She was in love with him. Just look at how she’d fallen apart when she and Chase had ended. Chase had been nothing compared to Riley.

Nothing.

She’d given her word she’d go with him today, but beyond that she couldn’t do more. Couldn’t risk more.

He was a good man. He deserved more. Deserved better than she could ever be.

He deserved someone who could look around at the effort he’d made to make her Christmas morning special and express her appreciation, not clam up with fear and panic. Someone who could give him good things in return.

Casper mewed at her feet and she bent over to pick up the cat, stroking the silky fur.

“I fed her some tuna. Hope that’s okay and that I didn’t do something else wrong.”

Ouch. Usually he was so patient, but he must have reached his limit. She couldn’t fault him for that.

Walking over to the table where he’d prepared a small feast, she sat in a chair, putting Casper in her lap. The cat nuzzled her a brief moment then jumped down to rub against Riley’s leg. She didn’t blame her
cat. She’d choose rubbing against Riley’s leg over her lap, too.

She and her cat could mope over him together when he was gone.

Her gaze fell on the brightly wrapped present next to her plate. “I don’t have your present with me.”

“You got me a present?”

Embarrassed, she nodded. “It’s not anything big. Just a little something that you will probably think silly.”

“Not a problem. We’ll go by your place on the way to my mother’s. I figure you will need to shower and change anyway.”

“Actually, I have a bag in my car and could grab a quick shower here if that’s okay.” Because if she went home, he might not prise her back outside the door to go to his mother’s. She might be a coward, but she wasn’t a liar. She’d told him she’d go, so she would go. If he still wanted her to. “I keep a change of clothes in my car because of never knowing when I’m going to get off work.”

“Whatever is fine. Can I get it for you?”

She shook her head. “Sit down. You’ve obviously worked hard this morning getting all this together. The least I can do is co-operate.”

She could tell he was disappointed. By her words and her actions.

She just wanted this day over.

“Will you please open your presents?”

Glancing at the package, she nodded. Really, how could she say no?

With shaky hands she unwrapped the present, her breath catching at what was inside. An angel tree-topper.

“Thank you.” She didn’t point out that she didn’t have a tree.

“You’re welcome.” He sounded as awkward as she did.

That the packages inside her stocking contained various Christmas ornaments didn’t surprise her. Not really. What an optimist he was.

Part of her knew she’d treasure the gifts always. Another part wondered if she’d ever be able to look at them without remembering that the day he’d given them to her had been the beginning of the end.

Apparently, he was going to fail at giving Trinity a magical day. Not that he wasn’t trying, but he could only do so much when she wouldn’t look him in the eye and even her smile was fake.

Maybe he should have just taken her home instead of torturing himself with failure for the remainder of the day.

He didn’t deal well with failure.

Especially when he didn’t know why he was failing. He loved this woman and wanted to make her day special. Why was everything coming out wrong?

Because he was the wrong Prince Charming?

“You can take me home if you’ve changed your mind about wanting me with you today.”

“Hell, no,” he snapped, knowing he sounded harsh, but seriously, if that was her game and she’d purposely been aloof all morning to get out of spending Christmas with him, she could think again.

“Fine, but just remember that I did offer.”

He tried to hold her hand as they walked around the car, but she pulled away under the pretense of helping
him carry packages. He frowned but figured that her refusing to hold his hand was par for the course today.