After the Fire (4 page)

“Do what?”

“You know very well. Why did you break off the engagement and leave me?”

3

There was a long silence before Jason found the words to answer her. He had dreaded this question since he first took the job at Jones Associates and realized she worked for the same firm. He had done his best to avoid company functions in case he ran into her. Being deliberately paired with her wasn’t something he’d planned or wanted.
Lord, if this is Your idea of sorting things out between Freddie and myself, then I wish You’d find another way.

He glanced over at her. “Would you believe I got cold feet?”

Freddie’s look of distain cut him to the core. “Don’t give me that, Jace. Tell me the truth, you owe me that much.”

“You want the truth? All right, then you can have the truth.” Jason pulled the car sharply across three lanes of traffic, ignoring Freddie’s cry of protest and the way she braced her hands against the dashboard. He swung into the exit for the service station, a little faster than he liked and hit the brakes just before the bend, tires screeching in protest.

He found a space and parked. Releasing the seatbelt he twisted in the seat and faced her, all the old feelings welling up within him. She was the only woman he’d ever loved, the only one he would want to spend the rest of his life with, and when he left with a broken heart, he’d broken hers as well. Her green eyes, which once shone with love, now glittered and sparkled with anger and pain.

Not that he could blame her. In fact he deserved everything she threw at him and then some. The problem was he wasn’t sure his reason—the one he’d clung all these years—justified the pain he’d caused her. He’d given her a reason, sure, but the secondary reason. The truth, but not the whole truth. He wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Not yet, not while she was still so angry at him. Perhaps later in the week when, or rather
if,
things calmed down between them. If she hadn’t gotten married, then maybe he’d leapt to the wrong conclusions and the blame rested solely on him and not her.

“Well?” Her voice cut though his thoughts, sending shivers down his spine even after all this time. “I thought you loved me.”

“I did. I do. I would have done anything for you.” He sighed. How could he explain? And to make it worse, every part of him reacted to her nearness, the same way it always had. As if it was yesterday, not fifteen years ago. “Like I explained in the letter, I’d applied for a job with the mission society.”

“I knew that. We discussed it. But how could you choose work over me?” Her voice tinged with something he didn’t recognize and hurt shone in her eyes.

“Just let me explain, please.” He looked at her, noticing the almost imperceptible nod. “First of all, it was more than just a job. Plus, I didn’t think I’d get it, anyway. After all, I hadn’t gotten any of the others, but I got this one. When they offered it, they told me that they needed me to start immediately. One of the pilots was sick, and they needed someone to fill his spot.”

“Then why didn’t you say something? I wouldn’t have minded. The wedding was six months away. We had a dinner date that night. You could have explained, we could have talked, postponed things.”

“I didn’t think it fair to ask you to move half way across the world. You were settled in your job at your father’s company and he needed you there.”

Freddie’s voice trembled. “That’s rubbish. I was marrying you, not my father. I would have followed you to the ends of the earth. I loved you. Besides, if I didn’t want you applying, then I would have said something. I knew what was involved, and so did Dad. A wife follows her husband wherever his job takes him. It’s as simple as that. Instead I arrived for dinner, and waited and waited—only you never showed up. I got home and there’s a ‘Dear John’ letter sitting there. I loved you and you just broke my heart and tossed it away.”

Loved. Past tense. Again, nothing more than he deserved, yet her words stabbed him through the heart. If he could do it all over, things would be so very different. Words he could never say filled his mind and he struggled to keep them in. She wouldn’t accept that kind of emotion from him, not now, not anymore.

Just like he couldn’t tell her that he’d been at the restaurant that night. He’d stood in the doorway and seen her with her arms around another man, seen her kissing him. He’d turned and left, accepting the job on the phone right there and then.

Better she blamed the job than his jealousy.
Leaving you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve regretted it every moment of every day since. I know I can never make it up to you. But my feelings haven’t changed. Nor will they ever change. I should have stayed and fought for you, I know that now.

Instead he settled for two words, the hardest words to say in the entire universe.

“I’m sorry.” His apology hung in the air, sounding hollow and empty, even though he meant it from the depths of his heart.

Freddie took a sharp breath, her shoulders slumped, and she shrank into the seat. Her voice took on a dejected tone. “So go on. Tell me about this job which was far more important than I was.”

Jason paused. How could he phrase this? Was it possible to explain in a way that wouldn’t hurt her, while missing out the truth he wasn’t ready to admit?

“I took a position with M.A.F. as a pilot. I flew the missionaries to and from the compounds and jungles. I also did several medical pickups. It was great work. I felt like I was doing something useful.”

“I see. So you did dump me for God after all, just like your letter said. Why didn’t you just go the whole hog and become a monk?”

Ouch.
It was all he could do not to flinch.

“Because I’m not Catholic.” He shot back an answer, regretting the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. “Oh, Freddie, I’m sorry.”

She turned away, her voice wavering and her shoulders shaking. Was she crying? “Were you happy?”

“For a while, but it didn’t fulfill me as much as I hoped it would. So after seven years, I came back here and started working for Unc... Edwin.”

“Uncle Edwin?” Freddie’s head spun around to look at him. Her shocked tone echoed the horrified look in her gaze.

Jason smiled wryly, despite the way his stomach twisted and turned. “Yeah, he’s an old friend of my father’s. He was Uncle Edwin for years. Old habits die hard.”

“So he knows about us, then?”

“Of course he knows. He was invited to the wedding.”

“And I didn’t think today could get any worse,” she sighed. She shifted in the seat, once more turning from him. “Just out of interest, did he give you the position of vice president because you’re the son of an old friend?”

“No.” His tone was sharper than he wanted and he softened it. “No, no. It’s nothing like that at all. I had to prove myself in the company and out in the field first. He didn’t just hand it to me on a platter. I wouldn’t have taken it if he had.”

She stared across the parking lot, watching the trees blowing in the wind. “It’s all right for you, with your friends in high places—God and the boss, to name two of them. So where does this leave me?”

Jason’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean, where does this leave you?”

Her head slowly turned towards him. “Are you checking up on me like you did the others? Going to fire me as well if my work doesn’t make the grade? Sack me for disobeying orders? Your reputation precedes you…after all no department is safe. Not even finance.”

Jason caught his breath. He couldn’t tell her that yes that was the reason he’d been made her partner. “Edwin wants me to work with everyone,” he told her honestly. “He said it’s the best way for me to get to know people’s strengths and weaknesses. If I want to be a good vice president, I need to know their styles of working and so on. It’s a valid point. Working with someone is the best way to do it. And if people don’t make the grade…Well, we only want the best working for us.”

“Four people in three weeks didn’t make the grade?” She tried to keep the surprise out of her voice.

“I can’t tell you why we fired them. I investigated them and their work thoroughly, and had just cause to let them go. But I have only heard good things about you. Like your ability to handle five cases at once.”

Freddie folded her arms and set her jaw. “Something like that. So why are you here?”

“Here in this car? At this precise moment, I’m going to Cornwall with you. Well, we will be once we get back on the road. Admittedly I have no idea why we’re going to Cornwall as you haven’t finished briefing me. Well, actually, you haven’t started briefing me—”

“Don’t make me laugh, sir.”

The ‘sir’ shot straight through him. Two could play that game. If she wanted to keep it formal, that was fine with him. “The mere fact you’re disobeying a direct order implies you have something to hide, Ms. Flynn.”

“I…”

“Is this case dangerous? Is that it?”

“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You can, huh?”

Freddie sighed heavily. “Yeah well, I kind of had to after I became the other woman. You left me for God, remember? I’m better off without the both of you.” She undid her seatbelt and picked up her bag. “As we’re at the service station, I’m going to the loo and then to get a coffee.”

She opened the door and glanced back at him. “Oh, and we’re going to Cornwall, because that’s the last place Gerald Rafferty was seen alive.”

Jason bristled. “Gerald Rafferty? That case was meant to be handed to Sadie along with all the others.”

Her glare chilled him to the core. “Actually the boss wanted that one for himself. So I gave it to him. However, the Rafferty case is too important to just drop. I’m finishing it whether you or anyone else likes it, or not. If you don’t like it, leave my stuff by the curb and I’ll call a taxi. We can work the Constantine case when I get back next week.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that, Ms. Flynn…” Jason broke off as she got out of the car, slamming the door. He closed his eyes and pushed back into the seat.

He’d wait. When she got back they’d have words—several words, and none that she’d enjoy. She had to realize he was the boss and if nothing else, deserved professional respect. Personal respect was not going to happen, he knew that.

He was wrong. She had changed. She’d become hard and bitter. Defying orders from the boss? That wasn’t the woman he used to know.
Oh Lord, what have I done? Am I really responsible for pushing her away from You? If I am, forgive me. Forgive me for the wrong I have done her. Help me bring her back to You and put right what I have done.

****

Freddie placed her order and stood by the counter, still in turmoil. How could she trust Jason, now? In light of what Mrs. Rafferty had told her, Jason’s relationship to the boss, and her being pulled off the case, what was she to do? She had no one to call for advice. No doubt he was on the phone to the boss right now, telling Mr. Jones she was defying a direct order by going to Cornwall. She’d just given him cause to fire her.

Nice one
. She took a deep breath. Something about what he’d told her didn’t ring true. He hadn’t told her the whole truth about why he’d left. But did it really matter after all this time? Probably not. What did matter was finding a way to work with him. If that meant an apology and eating humble pie when she got back to the car, then she’d gladly do it. She just needed a minute. She felt horrible for the way she’d spoken to him. He didn’t deserve that—no one did.

She paid for the coffees and food and carried them back to the car. She half expected him to have left and was grateful to see he was still there. At least she didn’t need to get a taxi or eat two lunches. Taking a deep breath she tapped on the window.

Jason leaned over and opened the door for her. He didn’t look pleased. Perhaps the fact she bought lunch would help a little.

“Thanks,” she said handing him one of the paper cups and a bag. “I got you some lunch—cheese sandwich, crisps and a muffin. The coffee is white, two sugars.”

“Thank you. You remembered.” Jason took them and gave her a half smile. He set the bag in his lap, before flipping back the lid on the cup and inhaling deeply.

“Of course, I did. I remember everything.” She slid into the seat and put her bag back on the floor by her feet. She pulled the door closed and hoped the dried tears on her face weren’t too evident. She opened her coffee and took a long drink, needing the hit of the caffeine.

“Is this a peace offering?” Jason asked, as he pulled the cellophane wrapping off his sandwich and inspected it before he took a large bite.

“No, it’s just lunch. It’s a long drive and neither of us has eaten anything.” She paused. “I’m sorry, Jason. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff, and I shouldn’t have been rude to you. I suppose you called the office and told the boss I’m working the forbidden case?”

“Now why would I do that?” He looked at her over the coffee cup. His tone was abrupt, and she knew he was mad at her.

“Because you’re the vice president, and I’m defying orders.”

Jason gave her a long hard look. “Yes I am, and yes you are. But no, I haven’t rung the office. I rang the boss before I left work. He knows you’re undercover on one of the cases, but I didn’t tell him which, because I didn’t know at the time.”

“You can’t tell him.” Fear knotted her stomach, and the tiny bit of sandwich she’d eaten felt like a ten-pound rock.

“Why not? Because he specifically said to leave the Rafferty case alone?”

“Partly. I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. You have to trust that I have a very good reason.”

Jason ate silently and finished his lunch, so deep in thought that Freddie could almost see the cogs turning in his mind. For the first time in her career, she had crossed the line and was dragging someone else down with her.

She shoved the sandwich back in the bag, her stomach rebelling. She looked down at her hands, picking at the nail on her left index finger.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Jason nodded to her food. “You’ve barely touched it.”