After We Fell (14 page)

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

“You don't sound fine,” he says.
Why does he have to know me so well?

“I'm fine,” I assure him again. “Just distracted.”

“Sure. Anyway, I need to know what you want me to do with your dad. I tried to text, but you weren't answering me. I've got shit to do, and I don't know if I should leave him here or what.”

I look over at Zed. He's standing by the window now, not looking at me. “I don't know, can't you take him with you?” My heart is racing.

“No; hell, no.”

“So leave him there,” I say, just wanting this conversation to end. I'm going to tell Hardin about Zed's visit, but I can't imagine how pissed he would be if he knew he was here now, and I sure as hell don't want him to find out.

“Fine, you can deal with him when you get here.”

“Okay, well, I'll see you when I get home—”

Music begins to play through my office, and it takes me a minute to realize it's coming from Zed. He reaches into his pocket and silences it, but not before Hardin notices.

“What was that? Whose phone was that?” he demands.

My blood suddenly runs cold, until I take a moment to think about this. I shouldn't be so afraid or nervous for Hardin to know Zed's here. I didn't do anything wrong; he came, and he's leaving. He already gets irritated when Trevor comes by my office, and Trevor's a coworker and entitled to stop in anytime he wants.

“Is fucking Trevor there?”

“No, it's not Trevor. Zed's here,” I say and hold my breath.

The line is silent. I look at the screen to make sure the call is still connected. “Hardin?”

“Yeah,” he says and lets out a ragged breath.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Tessa, I heard you.”

Okay? Why isn't he screaming through the phone or threatening to kill him yet?

“We'll talk about it later. Make him leave. Please,” he calmly requests.

“Okay . . .”

“Thank you, I'll see you when you get home,” Hardin says and hangs up the phone.

When I put my phone down, slightly bewildered, Zed turns to me and says, “Sorry, I know he's going to freak out on you.”

“No, he won't. He'll be fine,” I say back, knowing it's not true, but it sounds good, anyway. Hardin's reaction to Zed being in my office caught me off guard. I'd never have expected him to be so calm. I expected him to say he was on his way here. I sure hope he's not.

Zed walks toward the door again. “Okay. Well, I guess I should go.”

“Zed, thank you for coming by. I probably won't see you again before I leave.”

He turns, and emotion flashes in his eyes, but it disappears before I can decide which emotion it was. “I won't say meeting you hasn't
complicated my life, but I wouldn't take it back. I'd go through all of this shit again—the fights with Hardin, the friendships I've lost, all of it. I would go through it again, for you,” he says. “I guess it's just my luck; of course I can't meet a girl who doesn't already love someone else.”

His words always get to me, always. He's so sincere all the time, and I admire that about him.

“Bye, Tessa,” he says.

His words hold much more than a simple friendly goodbye, but I can't project too much into them. If I say the wrong thing, or anything at all, I'll only be leading him on, again.

“Bye, Zed.” I half smile, and he takes a step toward me.

For a moment I panic, thinking he's going to kiss me, but he doesn't. He wraps his arms around me in a strong but brief hug before placing a light kiss on my forehead. He steps away immediately after and grabs hold of the door handle, almost like it's a cane.

“Be careful, okay?” he says, opening the door.

“I will. Seattle isn't too bad.” I smile. I feel very resolved now, like I have finally given him the closure he needed.

He frowns and turns to leave the room. As he closes the door behind him, I hear him say gently, “I'm not talking about Seattle.”

A
s soon as the door shuts and Zed is gone—gone for good—I close my eyes and lay my head back against the chair. I don't know what I'm feeling. All of my emotions are jumbled, swirling around me in a cloud of confusion. Part of me feels relieved to end this back-and-forth between Zed and me. But another, smaller part feels a significant loss. Zed is the only one of Hardin's so-called friends who's been there for me constantly, and it's strange to realize that I'll never see him again. The tears burn, unwelcomed, down my cheeks as I try to collect myself. I shouldn't be crying over this. I should be happy that I can finally close the book on Zed, tuck it away, leaving it only to collect dust, never to be opened again.

It's not that I want to be with him, it's not that I love him, it's not that I would ever choose him over Hardin; it's just that I do care for him, and I wish things had played out differently. I wish I would have kept our relationship strictly platonic—maybe then I wouldn't have to completely cut him out of my life.

I don't know why he came back in here, but I'm glad he left before he could say anything to confuse me or hurt Hardin further.

My office phone rings, and I clear my throat before answering. When I say “Hello,” I sound pathetic.

Hardin's voice carries through strong and clear. “Did he leave?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you crying?”

“I'm just . . .” I start.

“What?”
he implores.

“I don't know, I'm just glad it's over.” I wipe at my eyes again.

He sighs through the line and surprises me by simply saying, “Me, too.”

The tears are no longer falling, but my voice is hideous. “Thank you”—I pause—“for being understanding about this.”

That went much better than I'd expected, and I don't know if I should be relieved or slightly worried. I decide to go with relieved and finish the last of my time at Vance as peacefully as possible.

Around three, Kimberly stops by my office; behind her is a girl who I'm sure I've never seen at the office before.

“Tessa, this is Amy, my replacement,” Kimberly says, introducing the quiet yet stunning girl.

I get up from where I'm reading, trying to reassure Amy with a friendly smile. “Hi, Amy. I'm Tessa. You'll love it here.”

“Thank you! I
already
love it,” she says excitedly.

Kim laughs. “Well, I just wanted to stop by your office while we were pretending to be taking a tour of the building.”

“Oh yes. You're teaching her to replace you, all right,” I tease.

“Hey! Being engaged to the boss has its perks,” Kim jokes back.

Beside her, Amy laughs, and then Kimberly leads her down another hallway. My last day here finally ends, and I find myself wishing it could have gone slower. I'm going to miss this place, and I'm slightly nervous to go home to Hardin.

I take one last look around my first office. My eyes focus on the desk first. My stomach tightens as memories of Hardin and me on the desk flood my senses. It seems so extreme: having sex in an office when anyone could walk in at any moment. I was too distracted by Hardin to think of anything else . . . which seems to be a pattern in my everyday life.

ON THE WAY HOME
I stop by Conner's to get a few groceries—just enough to make dinner tonight, since we're leaving in the morning. I'm excited but nervous about the trip. I hope Hardin can keep his temper in check for the two-day vacation with his family.

Since that doesn't seem likely, my next hope is that the boat is big enough for the five of us to have a little breathing room.

Back at the apartment, I unlock the front door and push it open with my foot, picking up the grocery bags from the floor as I step inside. The living room is a mess; empty water bottles and food wrappers litter the coffee table. My father and Hardin sit on opposite ends of the couch.

“How was your day, Tessie?” my father asks, craning his neck to look over at me.

“Good. It was my last day there,” I tell him even though he already knows. I begin to clear their trash from the table and floor.

“I'm happy you had a good day,” my father says.

I look at Hardin, who doesn't look at me. His gaze is fixed on the television screen.

“I'm going to make dinner, then get in the shower,” I tell them, and my father follows me into the kitchen.

As I unload the grocery bags and put the ground beef and box of taco shells on the counter, my father watches me with interest. At last, he says, “One of my friends said he can pick me up here later, if that's okay. I know you're leaving tomorrow for a few days.”

“Yeah, that's fine. We can drop you off in the morning if that would be better for you,” I offer.

“No, you've already been so generous. Just promise me you'll let me know when you get back from your trip.”

“Okay . . . how will I get in touch with you?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe just drive down Lamar? I'm usually out there.”

“Okay, I will.”

“I'll go call him back now and let him know I'm ready.” He disappears from the kitchen.

I hear Hardin teasing my father about the fact that he has to memorize phone numbers because he doesn't own a phone, and I roll my eyes when my father begins the when-I-was-a-kid-no-one-had-cell-phones speech.

Tacos with ground beef are easy to make and don't require too much thought. I wish Hardin would come into the kitchen and talk to me, but I suppose it's better if he waits until my father leaves. I set up the table for dinner and call for the two of them. Hardin enters first, barely making eye contact with me, followed by my father.

As he sits, my father says, “Chad will be here soon to get me. I appreciate you guys letting me stay. It was mighty generous of you two.” He looks back and forth between Hardin and me. “Thank you so much, Tessie, H-bomb,” he adds. The way Hardin rolls his eyes at my father, I can tell this is some inside joke between them.

“It's no problem, really,” I tell him.

“I'm just so glad we found each other again,” he says and starts eating his meal with an animated ferocity.

“Me, too . . .” I smile, still not able to process that this man is my father. The man that I haven't seen in nine years, the man who I had so many ill feelings toward, is just sitting in my kitchen eating with my boyfriend and me.

I look over to Hardin, expecting a rude comment from him, but he says nothing and quietly eats his meal. His silence is driving me mad. I wish he'd just say something . . . anything, really.

Sometimes his silence is far worse than his yelling.

A
fter we finish eating, Tessa gives her father her final, somewhat stiff goodbye and heads into the bathroom for a shower. I was planning on getting in the shower with her, but Richard's friend is taking all damn night to pick his ass up.

“Is he coming
today
or . . .” I begin.

Richard nods about twenty times, but then looks at the window with a slightly worried expression. “Yeah, yeah, he said he'd be here soon. He probably just got lost or something.”

“Sure,” I say.

He smiles. “Won't you miss having me around?”

“I wouldn't go that far.”

“Well, maybe I'll find myself a job and see you both in Seattle.”

“Neither of us will
be
in Seattle.”

He looks at me sagely. “Sure,” he repeats, using my word from moments ago.

A knock at the door ends our obnoxious conversation, and as he goes to answer it, I stand up. Just in case he needs an extra little push out the door.

“Thanks for picking me up, man,” Tessa's dad says to his friend, who remains in the doorway but peeks his head in farther. He's tall, with long black hair swept back in a disgusting, greasy ponytail. His cheeks are sunken in, his clothes are ratty, and his fingernails are black lines on filthy, bony hands.

What the fuck.

The man's gravelly voice matches his appearance when he asks with some awe, “This is your daughter's place?”

This man is no drunk.

“Yeah. Nice, huh? I'm proud of her.” Richard smiles, and the guy pats his shoulder, nodding in agreement.

“Who's this?” the man asks.

They both look over at me. Richard smiles. “Oh, him? That's Hardin, Tessie's boyfriend.”

“Cool, I'm
Chad
,” he states, saying it almost like he's a local personality I should somehow know.

Not a drunk. So much worse.

“Okay,” I say, watching his eyes as they move around our living room. I'm relieved that Tessa's in the shower and doesn't have to meet this creep.

When I hear the bathroom door open, I curse at myself. I spoke too fucking soon. Chad lifts his long-sleeved shirt to scratch at his arms, making me feel like Tessa for a moment as I get a sudden urge to mop the fucking floor.

“Hardin?” Her voice travels down the hall.

“You should go now,” I tell the scraggly pair before me in the most threatening tone possible.

“I want to meet her,” Chad says with a dark twinkle in his eye, and I have to concentrate to keep myself in my place and not throw both these bags of bones into the hallway and out the window.

“No. You don't,” I say.

Richard looks at me. “Okay . . . okay . . . we're going,” he says and starts ushering his friend out. “I'll see you later, Hardin. Thanks again. Stay out of jail.” And with a smirk and that parting shot, he leaves the apartment.

“Hardin?” Tessa calls again as she enters the living room.