Afterlife (19 page)

Slowly I nodded. “I feel stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” After a moment he said, “You thought
about destroying me before I rose as a vampire. Balthazar talked you out of it.”

“Yeah. But I let him talk me out of it.” The heaviness of
that unspoken question was too much to bear, now; I had to know. “Did I do the
wrong thing? Lucas, I love you so much. I couldn’t let you go. But I
realize .
. . I realize it’s what you probably wanted.”

“It’s done. I know you made your choices out of love. That’s
enough,” Lucas said. Although I still felt horrible — both for even having
considered destroying him, and for not carrying through — I knew he forgave me.
I wished it truly could be enough.

“I wish I could cry.”

He caressed my hand, as though he could massage away my
sadness. “How’s your leg?”

“Not great.” I flexed it and winced. “If I fade out, it will
help, though.
,.

“We’re never doing this again,” Lucas said. His face was
stark. “If Charity’s able to hurt you in my dreams, then you can’t come into
them.”

I remembered the first dream we had shared, back when Lucas
had still been alive. We’d held each other in a bookstore where we’ d hung out,
while the night sky miraculously stretched out overhead. It had been so
beautiful and romantic; at the time, I had thought it was the only consolation
we would have for my being dead. Now that, too, was lost.

My face must have fallen, because Lucas kissed my forehead,
my cheek, and then my mouth, the lightest and most tender of touches. “It’s
okay.” He didn’t look as depressed as I felt. Given the burdens on him, I would
‘ve thought the realization that Charity was torturing him in his dreams would
be all it took to send him over the edge. Instead, he seemed steadier. “I mean,
think about it. Balthazar’s heard of this, the invading of the dreams.
Apparently lots of vampires have. That means they might know some way to handle
it. A block or — or something like that.”

“Maybe.” That was encouraging. I brightened despite myself.
“It’s possible.”

“Even if Balthazar doesn’t know how to push Charity back,
Mrs. Bethany probably does. Cotta be something, right?”

“Right,” I said absently. Suddenly Charity didn’t seem like
the only problem we had to deal with.

Lucas wanted to trust Mrs. Bethany. He wanted to share his
deepest fears with her, and to turn to her for help. She might be able to save
him when I couldn’t. And in that moment, I couldn’t blame him for not caring
about the traps she’d laid.

It seemed to me as though everyone and everything — Charity,
Mrs. Bethany, and his own blood hunger — was fighting me for Lucas’s soul.

 The next morning, I returned to the fencing room.
Although the class had ended for the day, the room Wasn’t empty. Balthazar
stood in his fencing whites, mask pushed atop his head as he wiped sweat from
his brow. After the others in the class had fmished, he’d stayed behind to
practice his 12E technique — to fight invisible opponents that existed only in
his mind.

I remembered that he often did that when he was stressed
out; last night had been as rough for him as for me.

Slowly I took shape in the far corner of the room, giving
him plenty of time to leave if he d idn’t want to talk. He stayed. Within a few
seconds we were face — to — face again, though the whole broad expanse of the
wooden floor lay between us.

“Hey,” I began. Lame, but maybe it was better to keep it
simple at first.

“Hello.” Balthazar tested the weight of his blade In one
hand, then the other, like the saber was new ro him Instead of an old friend. ‘Here
to practice?”

“I never was any good at fencing.”

“You learned a lot. Don’t knock yourself.”

He could be kind to me, even now. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I
shouldn’t have yelled at you last night. I shouldn ‘t have yelled at you about
what happened to Lucas
,.
not
ever.”

Balthazar took a halfhearted stab at a nearby dummy. The
steel curved into a thin arc under pressure. “I shouldn’t have gone off on you
like that. You were injured, and clearly you were upset.”

“You didn’t say anything that didn’t need to be said.”

“But I could’ve picked a better way to say it.” He slipped
the mask off his head and tucked it under one arm as he walked closer to me.
The fencing whites had always been a good look for Balthazar, and I remembered
for a moment what it had felt like to be so close to him.

I could never regret choosing Lucas, but that didn’t mean I
wasn’t aware of what I’d lost when I chose.

As though he could read my thoughts, Balthazar smiled.
“Friends again?”

“Yes, please.” I wanted to hug him, but that was probably a
bad idea.

“Actually, most of the time, when you’re not upset, you’re very
good about listening.”

Just as I was about to simply say thanks — and be relieved,
since his words last night about me not shutting up had stung — I realized he
might be giving me an opening. “Do I need to listen now?”

“Charity.” The name fell between us like a stone. “You were
right when you said I was in denial about her. You’ve always been right about
that.

And on some level, I’ve always known.”

Already I could feel anger pricking its way back into my
consciousness, but this time I forced myself to remember that it was Charity I
was angry at, not Balthazar. “She’s your sister.” The words came out calm and
steady, for which I was grateful. “You love her. How could you help it?”

“That’s no excuse for letting her run wild. Letting her hurt
people. Or not making myself think about what she might be doing to Lucas, and
to you.”

“He didn’t tell you about it, though.” Lucas shared his
feelings so openly with me that I’d had to stop and realize that he wasn’t as
free with everyone else; even with the greater trust and liking between them
now, Lucas would never have thought to talk to Balthazar about his bad dreams.
“And you said Charity’s weakening herself to do this. I wouldn’t have expected
that either.”

“I’ve heard him tossing and turning in his sleep for a month
now, and I never put it together. That was criminally stupid, and worth yelling
at me about.”

“I’m done yelling at you, okay? Forever.” Guilt slumped his
shoulders and darkened his eyes, so I stepped closer and gently laid a hand on
his arm. “You said yourself, invading people’s dreams like that — it’s rare.”

Balthazar nodded. “I’ve never done it. Never had it done to
me. Charity must be sleeping almost all the time, because it would be
exhausting for her. On the other hand, since she’s asleep, that means she gets
to be there every single time Lucas dreams. Damn it.”

Only one thing mattered. “Is there a way to protect Lucas
against it? Against her?”

“Not that I know of. But let me think about it.” He studied
my face for a few moments. “Some of what you and Lucas said last night, and
that burn on your leg — it sounded like Charity goes after you in the dreams,
too.”

I nodded. “But she can’t manipulate me as much as she does
Lucas. I guess that’s because it’s his dream, and I’m just visiting.”

“Be careful, Bianca.” Balthazar’s voice was unexpectedly
firm. “It’s Lucas’s dream, and that probably does mean Charity has more
influence over his mind. But when You’re in the dreams — that’s all of you, not
just your subconscious. That’s how you got burned last night. I don’t know 127
how much worse you could get injured, but you shouldn’t find out.”

“We’re not going to try it again,” I admitted.

Some of the sadness I felt must have showed, because
Balthazar became gentler again. “How does your leg feel?”

“Not great, but not terrible.” I pointed to show him I could
move it. Whenever I became solid or nearly so, I could still sense the tight,
prickly line against my calf, but the pain Wasn’t as bad any longer. Other,
pettier fears crept into my heart, and I blurted, “Do you think Mrs. Bethany
knows how to get Charity out of his dreams?”

“I doubt it.” He cocked his head. “Why did that make you
look
.. .
relieved
?”

“It’s weird to feel like she can help him more than I can,”
I admitted.

“That’s what we came to Evernight Academy for, though,
right? To call on the experience of everyone here, give Lucas a safe place to
adjust? Mrs. Bethany is a large part of what keeps this school safe.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“I don’t exactly trust her either. But I trust her
dedication to this school and the vampires who come here.”

“As long as she’s hunting the wraiths, she’s our enemy.”

Balthazar paused. “We don’t know that. There’s too much we don’t
know.”

“Well, at least we agree there.”

He smiled, and despite my other uncertainties, it felt so
good to know our friendship was mended.

After Balthazar left to get ready for his afternoon classes,
I went incorporeal and drifted through the school, deep in thought. For a while
I watched my dad teaching physics, scribbling out formulas on the board with so
much energy that anybody who didn’t know him well would miss the sadness in his
eyes.

When I couldn’t take that anymore, I escaped to Mr. Yee’s
modern technology class, where he was explaining to a group of older, out — of —
touch vampires how to operate a washing machine. As he lectured about the spin
cycle, I curled in a vacant corner and mulled over everything we’d learned — and
everything we hadn·t.

We needed to know how to keep Charity out of Lucas’s dreams,
and whether I as a wraith could be hurt there, or perhaps help Lucas through
it.

We needed to know how many traps were in Evernight Academy,
and their locations, so I could stay safe.

Most important, we needed to know what Mrs. Bethany’s plans
were, not only for the sake of the wraiths, but also to be sure whether or not
she could be trusted.

None of the vampires I knew and trusted had that information
or could! get it. That meant that if I wanted those answers — I was going to
have to confront my fears.

I would have to go to the wraiths.

Determined, I straightened from my corner — to see half the
class staring at me.

Oh, crap, am I visible
?
!
realized
that I wasn’t, but that in my deep concentration on
my new plan, I’d allowed a deep lacing of frost to cover the wall and the
windows. To anybody in the know, that was as good as a huge blinking neon sign
that said WRAITH FOUND HERE.

“Mr. Yee!” someone yelped.

“Everyone remain calm,” Mr. Yee said, though his normally
unshakable mood was slipping into a full — on freakout. “We’ll summon Mrs.
Bethany right away.”

Get out of here! I started thinking of the different places
I felt connected to, all the “subway stations” that I was capable of traveling
to in an instant. Something far away would be ideal right around now — and just
as fast, I realized there was a way to get out of here and pursue my latest
idea.

Philadelphia. Vic’s house, where Lucas and I lived together.
The attic room — Instantly, Evernight Academy disappeared around me, swirling
around like so much fog. The vapor took new shape quickly and outlined the
attic of Vic’s home, with its comfortable clutter.

And Vic’s mom, who was holding a couple bags of old clothes
and staring right at me.

“Jerry
!
” she screamed, dropping the
bags and scurrying for the stairs. “It’s the ghost again! We have to call those
people on cable TV
!
”

As the attic door shut, a voice behind me said, “Great,
thanks. Now I’m going to have camera crews running around up here, and a bunch
of nerds pretending they know how I died.”

“Hi, Maxie,” I said, turning to smile at her. She didn’t
look thrilled to see me, at least not until I said what I’d come for. “I’m
ready to meet Christopher.”

Her entire face lit up. “You’re really doing it,” Maxie
said. “You’re joining the wraiths.”

“EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT, NOWTHATYou’re one of us.”
Maxie was aglow — literally — in a golden haze of joy. “Wait and see.”

“I’ve been one of you ever since I died.”

“Not for reaL Not while you were hanging — out with the
vampires. This is going to be so much better.”

I didn’t tell Maxie that I had no intention of abandoning
Lucas or anybody else. It felt uncomfortably like lying, and I was beyond tired
of lies. But I wasn’t ready to fully trust the wraiths just yet.

“So,” I began. “How do we do this? Finding Christopher, I
mean.” I glanced around. “I don’t guess he hangs out in this attic with you.”

“Of course not,” she scoffed. “Like Christopher spends any
time on the mortal plane.” Then she paused. “I take that back, actually. He
comes here every once in a while.”

“To the attic?”

“To the mortal plane, dumbass. But he comes here only when
he has a purpose. Like trying to help a lost wraith find his way. Stuff like
that.

Christopher doesn’t haunt.”

“Like you, you mean
?
”

I intended that to be a jab at Maxie, to point out that she hadn’t
surrendered the mortal world entirely either. But she nodded, solemn and sweet.
“If I know you’re coming with us, then I can let this place go at last. Even — even
Vic.” She gazed down at the spot on the carpet where Vic had once sat to summon
her. “That’s going to be hard, but I can do it.”

“Why me
?
You and I know each other,
I guess, but we’re hardly best friends
— ”

““ll let Christopher explain.” Maxie practically sparkled with
anticipation. “Ready?”

I couldn’t answer that question without knowing what I was
supposed to be ready for. “Maybe?”

“Fade out with me. Come on.”