Aftershock: A Charity McAdams Novella (2 page)

I stop and take a deep breath, steadying myself, before continuing, “Obviously, I want to be with you. I love you! But when you keep pushing me and questioning me about everything, it makes me feel like you don’t believe me when I say I want to be with you. Like the fact that I am not able to just drop everything and completely overhaul my entire life means that I must not care about you.”

“I know you love me and I love you too. That’s why I’m trying so hard to build a life with you. To get back what we had before.”

“But you have to remember that up until a month ago, we had nothing to do with each other, and we hadn’t seen each other in three years. No matter how deeply we care about each other, we still need time to figure things out.”

“Alright,” he says, setting his bag down. “I won’t bring it up again. I’ll wait for you to tell me when it’s the right time.”

“Thank you,” I say. I hate arguing with Brandon but at the same time it is a relief to get everything out in the open.

The air is still tense, almost crackling, between us. Neither of us seems to know what to say or do. I pick at the bottom of my shirt, pulling off fuzzies, avoiding eye contact.

It sinks in how ridiculous this whole argument is and I feel guilty for freaking out in the first place. There has been so much happening in such a short amount of time and if I’m honest, I haven’t been adjusting to everything as well as I had hoped.

“I’m sorry, about all this,” I start, stepping closer to him. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

“I know, me either,” Brandon says, as he wraps his arms around me and drops a kiss onto my forehead. “It’s been harder than I thought it would be too. I guess maybe that’s why I’m pushing so hard to make these decisions. I’m hoping things will stabilize.”             

He’s probably right.

“I think dinner with your family sounds nice,” I say, only halfway lying. I had always loved spending time with his family before, it’s just that so much has happened and now I feel that it might be a bit awkward. I imagine it will raise all sorts of questions that I don’t have the answers to yet.

“Really?” Brandon asks. He pulls back a little to look at me, skeptically.

I smile, hoping it looks genuine. “Really. Let’s do tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” he says, looking relieved. He kisses me fiercely and I smile, happy to have made him so happy.

“Still thinking about going over there tonight?” I ask, running my hands up his chest and giving him my best pouty lips.

He smiles, “Nah, I think I’ll stay right here.”

I kiss him and run my fingers through his hair.

“Well maybe not
right here
,” he says, before picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. I laugh as he starts for the stairs.

Making up is definitely my favorite part of arguing with Brandon.

Chapter Three

I wake up the next morning and roll over to find that Brandon has already left. Most days he gets up early to go running and then hits the gym. He does some Ironman, Spartan, 300-style crazy ass workout five days a week. I went with him once but couldn’t even begin to keep up. It was pretty pathetic actually.

I decided to stick with my normal routine. Most of the time I go jogging with Ashley three times a week and do a handful of yoga poses afterwards. If it is particularly nasty outside I will go to the gym and do the elliptical machine. I’ve never been “skinny” but I try to stay in shape and eat healthy. Most days, I’m okay with the fact that I’ll never be able to rock a string bikini or wear booty shorts with any level of confidence.

I’m not working until ten this morning so Ashley and I had planned to get together for a quick jog. We haven’t seen each other in a few days because she has been super busy with a few craft fairs to get some exposure for her newest line of jewelry.

I roll out of bed and just barely manage to wrestle “the girls” into a sports bra (which is half the battle) when there is a pounding on the door. I head out of my bedroom and jog downstairs, pulling my shirt on as I go.

I open the door and Ashley barges inside. I’m always amazed, and slightly sickened, that even in her workout clothes she looks like a runway model. Her house and car consistently look like stage 5 disaster zones and yet she always manages to look like she got her whole outfit off a window mannequin from some super trendy shop in downtown Seattle.

“Morning!” She chirps. I see she’s already started her caffeinating for the day, her hand firmly gripping onto a travel mug.

“Hey,” I mumble as I start to rummage through Brandon’s pile of shoes by the door. “I over slept, I just gotta get my socks and shoes.”

She smiles and sips on her coffee. “Up late last night?” She teases, with a wink.

“Perhaps…” I answer, offering a coy smile.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep your secrets,” Ashley says, before draining her coffee. “Can I get a refill?”

I glance around the corner, into the kitchen. Sometimes Brandon makes a pot before he leaves but this morning it’s empty. “Sorry Ash, I don’t have any made. I’ll make us some when we get back. You know, you really should switch to water. I don’t know anyone else that drinks coffee when they jog. That can’t be good for you.”

“It’s mostly water,” she objects.

I shake my head. She really is hopeless sometimes.

I finish lacing up my shoes and we head out the front door. I don’t lock up, in case Brandon gets back before we do. I haven’t gotten around to getting him a copy of the key. We warm up and then head off down the street at a comfortable pace. Ashley runs every day and has done a few half-marathons. I secretly think she takes it down a few notches when I’m with her.

“How did the jewelry show go?” I ask.

“It was really good! I got a few orders and made some new contacts. There’s actually a shop, in Seattle, that wants to sell my line.”

“That’s incredible! Congratulations!”

“Thanks! It’s pretty crazy. But, what I really want to know, is what’s been going on with you and Mr. Movie Star,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

“Must you call him that? It’s not like I’m going to forget,” I say. I don’t know why it bothers me but something about it annoys me.

“Fine, fine, no more. I promise.”

“Thank you,” I say. “Things are going pretty well. We had a bit of a disagreement last night but I think we got it sorted. We’re actually going to have dinner with his parents tonight.”

“That should be interesting after all this time. What was the argument about last night?”

I recap the conversation for her as we continue up the street and start to round the corner where we normally start to turn around and head back.

She frowns. “What happens if you don’t go? To California?”

“I don’t know. I mean he says we’d find a way to make it work. I’d fly there, he’d fly here, and we’d take long weekends together whenever we can. I suppose it’s possible, but certainly not an ideal situation, at least not long term, and I don’t see him giving up acting anytime soon. I guess it feels like I technically have a choice to make, but not really.”

“Basically, if you want to stay together, you have to go?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well, do you want to go?”

“Part of me thinks it would be fun, an adventure. And I’d be with Brandon. But the other part of me just wants to stay here and have things stay like this. I think, in some ways, my heart is still set on the life that we had planned out three years ago. Before he called off the engagement and got famous. We could have been married, bought a house on a piece of land, and had a couple babies by now.”

“A
couple
?” Ashley says, arching an eyebrow. “That’s ambitious.”

“Ok,
a baby
,” I laugh. “Just one by now.”

She laughs too. “You may want that, but I think you both know that it just isn’t possible. You can’t have the simple, small town life. Not anymore. Brandon’s not going to give up his career and you probably wouldn’t want him to, even if he offered.”

“I know.”

We’re silent for a while as we finish the final stretch of the run.

“You know I don’t want you to leave, but I think you should,” Ashley says as we flop onto my front steps. “You’re happier when he’s around. I love ya, babe, but I really don’t wanna do your “woe is me, I hate the world” phase again. It wasn’t very pretty last time,” she says with a laugh.

My mouth drops and I try to give her my best wounded look, acting offended, but she just keeps laughing. I shove her playfully and laugh with her. As my best friend, she has earned the right to make fun of my sweatpants, perma-bed head, and Ben & Jerry’s for breakfast phase.

She’s right, it wasn’t very pretty.

“I don’t know what I’ll do in California. I mean I’ve never even been there before!” I whine.

It’s not the physical place that worries me. In truth, I’ve always thought it sounds like a nice place to live. Especially when you consider the seemingly endless rainy season that the Seattle area is famous for. Sunshine, palm trees, and warm beaches sound irresistible. I just don’t relish the thought of being uprooted. I didn’t even like moving away to go to college and that was only a couple hours away from home.

“That’s the beauty of it Charity, you can do whatever you want!” She says with a sparkle in her eyes. “You’d have all the money and time you want to find whatever it is you want to do.”

I hadn’t really looked at it that way before. I could find a new hobby, or go back to college, do volunteer work, or get a job doing something I actually love doing, not just because it pays the bills.

“Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? If it totally sucks, you can come home again and figure something else out,” she adds.

“Gee, thanks Ash. That’s…inspiring,” I say, wrinkling my nose at her.

“I’m not sayin’ you guys would break up. Just that home isn’t that far away, a few hours on a plane. It’s not like you’re moving to a third world country or something.”

I nod, she’s right. I wouldn’t even have to sign a lease. If it doesn’t work, we go to plan B.

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy, even though it’s close,” she says, suddenly serious, as if sensing my mind has already been made up.

I turn to her and she looks like she’s about to cry. Ashley very rarely cries and I know that if she starts I won’t be able to stop myself and then we’ll both be a mess.

“I’ll miss you too. But I think you’re right. I have to at least give it a chance.”

She nods and gives me a quick hug before standing and pulling me up along with her. “Alright, now, you promised me coffee!” She wipes at her eyes before turning to go inside.

Chapter Four

Ashley stays for a cup of coffee and then heads out so I can get ready for work. I make it to the café just before ten and see that there’s a line out the door, which is very strange for a weekday at ten. I get inside and look behind the counter and it clicks why we’re so stacked up, the new girl, Jennifer, is manning the espresso machine and taking orders all alone.

I look around for the owner, Heidi, but she’s nowhere to be seen. I spring into action and take over making the drinks and have Jennifer on the register to take orders and make change. Within a few minutes we have things handled and the line shuffles through without any further hiccups.

“Thanks Charity, I was dyin’ there,” Jennifer says, wiping her brow after the last customer heads out the door.

“No problem. Where’s Heidi?”

“Her son is sick, so she had to go get him from school.”

I nod, knowing I’ll have to stay and close up the shop. I don’t even have to call to find out for sure. It’s just an unsaid rule. I’m basically second in command since I’ve been here the longest so the responsibility falls on me by default.

The whole scenario gets me to thinking about what will happen if – no, when – I leave to go to California in a couple months. Who is going to be here to take my place?

I know that it’s not my responsibility. It’s not my business or my family’s business so I really shouldn’t care. They’ll figure something out. But I can’t help but wonder. And feel a little guilty.

I’ve been at the café for the past three years. It fell into my lap after I moved back home from college. When Brandon ended our engagement I kind of turned into a zombie and stopped caring about anything, school included. The owner, Heidi, knows my mom and offered to let me work here. It’s been a good thing for me. Never glamorous or particularly fulfilling, but it pays the bills and had offered me a routine and a sense of stability back when I had needed it the most.

I try to shake off the anxiety and go about my daily tasks.

Brandon comes in for lunch around one o’clock and takes a seat at one of the tall tables in the corner. He’s wearing a baseball cap and has his ear buds in and is messing with something on his phone.

I walk over to the table and melt a little when he turns and smiles at me. Even though I grew up with him and have been in love with him most of my life, he can still stun me with his smile.

“Hey, Beautiful,” he greets, removing the headphones. He holds out an arms and pulls me close, nuzzling my neck which is at the perfect height for him in his tall chair at the bistro style table. “How’s it going here?”

I shrug. “Not bad. But my boss’s kid is sick, so unfortunately, that means I’m stuck here till closing.”

“That sucks, should I reschedule dinner?” He asks.

“No, I’ll have time to get ready.”

“Good. Ya got time to make a sandwich for your favorite customer?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me playfully.

“Who said you were my favorite customer?” I tease.

“Well I just assumed…given the level of,
personal service
, I’ve been getting,” he says suggestively. “I gotta be somewhere near the top of the list.”

I laugh, enjoying the light of mischief he has in his eyes. He clearly finds himself very amusing. “Alright, fine, you’re my favorite!”

“Good. In that case, I’ll take a Rueben with light dressing and a side salad instead of the chips,” he says, handing me his menu.