Afterthoughts (6 page)

She could see that tree branches were
littered all across the once beautiful fields.

Jay walked up behind her and put his
arm across her shoulders.

They stood in silence, watching the
storm while Paige allowed herself to lean on him for support. She
normally wouldn’t allow herself to lean on anyone; even
metaphorically. She wanted to be independent and strong. She didn’t
want to be unstable or afraid, yet that was exactly the way she
felt.

Harry walked up beside her
and put his head under her hand. She rubbed his ears, realizing
what a great comfort the dog had been for her. He was her baby and
he would protect her to his death if he had to. Paige would do the
same for him. She bent down and hugged her big buddy tightly. He
licked her face and all of her fears seem to melt away. Paige
understood that Harry loved her unconditionally.
“
Too bad people don’t seem to be able to
feel that way
,” she thought to
herself.

“
Wish I had a dog like
you,” Jay told Harry as he bent down to aid in the scratching. Of
course Harry was happy with all of the attention and his tail
thumped the floor loudly. Paige glanced at Jay and caught his eyes
for a moment. Uneasy with the situation, she turned her head toward
Harry and kissed the top of his head.

“
I don’t know what I would
have done without him. He’s helped keep me going every day.”
Continuing to avoid his gaze, she stood and turned back toward the
window. “I think it may let up soon,” she said as the wind seemed
to die down and the thunder sounded more distant.

“
I hope so. That was a
doozey,” he tried to laugh and sound light hearted.

Paige felt him put his hand in the
small of her back, sending a soft chill up her spine. She paused
her thoughts long enough to realize that she had too many emotions
running through her right now. She needed time to sort them all out
before she could begin to understand them.

“
Would you excuse me for a
bit? I would like to go lie down,” she half whispered to Jay as she
turned toward him.

“
Sure, I’ll be here for a
while. I’d like to visit with Sarah a little.”

Smiling halfheartedly, she turned and
walked toward her room. She paused long enough to say thank you,
without looking at him.

When Paige reached the guest bedroom
in which she was staying, she sat on the bed, half in tears, and
pulled out her journal.

“
There’s something going
on with me. I’m seeing things, memories that I don’t want to
remember. Maybe they aren’t memories.

Maybe my mind is making
them up. I feel like there are so many things going on inside that
it’s like I have tiny little arrows, poking at me from all
directions. I don’t know what to do, where to turn, how to feel, or
what to believe. I long to be touched but David is not here. Jay
touched me today and I reacted. It was an innocent thing, but I
reacted. I am so confused. I can’t help Sarah.

I don’t know what to say to
her and I’m frustrated. I hate seeing her like this.”

“
Today, I saw the room
again. I couldn’t move. I was trapped. Someone hit me in the face.
What does that mean? I heard someone laugh. Who was it? It sounded
like a man. I also saw my hands.

I can’t even finish that
thought right now. I don’t want to admit what I saw. What’s going
on with me?”

Tears fell down her cheeks as she
slammed the journal shut.

Determined not to face any more right
now, she lay on the bed and closed her eyes.

Chapter 7

Jay spent the rest of the afternoon
with them and Aileen asked him to stay for dinner. “That way, you
can take Paige home to get her things for the funeral and bring her
back. I’m worried about her being out on her own, especially in
this weather!”

“
For goodness sakes! I’m a
cop! I think I can handle a storm! It’s over anyway,” Paige
argued.

“
That’s not the point. You
don’t need to be alone right now. I’m fine with Sarah,” Aileen
fussed at her in a motherly way, pushing Paige’s hair behind her
ears. “I’ll get her ready for dinner.”

“
I agree with Aileen,” Jay
chimed in as he brushed his brown hair back off of his forehead and
scratched behind his ear. “I’m not sure you need to be driving
right now.”

“
I guess I’m outnumbered
then,” Paige said defeated. “I guess that means you’ll stay for
dinner.” She could see Jay’s face light up. His deep brown eyes
seemed to glow. At least Paige knew that he genuinely wanted to be
there. Knowing this made Paige feel strangely happy and less of a
burden.

“
Come on, we’ll go get
your things before Aileen gets dinner on the table.” Jay held out
his arm to lead Paige toward the door.

“
Okay, okay. But don’t get
used to taking care of me. I won’t let you for too long,” she
smiled as she reluctantly took Jay’s arm. Harry ran around their
legs, begging to go too. “You have to stay, sweetie. There’s only
enough room in Jay’s car for two.” Harry’s ears lowered and his
tail dropped. Making three turns, he lay down on the floor. “I’ll
be right back. I promise,” she smiled and pat his head as they
turned to walk out toward the Corvette.

They drove in silence for a while. Jay
was giving her time to think and sort things out. He didn’t know
what to do or say to help or comfort her, even though he
desperately wanted to. He thought about reaching over to hold her
hand but his thoughts were interrupted by a cell phone
ring.

“
Hello?” Paige answered
after digging through her purse to find the phone. “Yea, I’m fine …
I’m heading home to get some things and then heading back to
Aileen’s … Will I see you tomorrow? … I see … I will … Thanks for
calling to check on me … Bye now.” She hung up with a huge sigh.
She looked up at Jay who was pretending not to listen. “That was
David. He’ll be in Minneapolis on business tomorrow.”

“
I’m sorry, Paige. I’m
sure he will be thinking of you while he’s gone and wishing he were
here.”

“
Yea, he has a book
signing that he can’t miss.” Somehow Paige felt as if she were
making excuses for him and wondered if Jay picked up on
that.

The storm was over when they returned
to the Childers’ farm. Aileen insisted that Jay take Paige for a
walk around the farm to let her get some fresh air before dinner.
Harry of course, happily agreed to go along.

“
This place is incredibly
beautiful,” Jay announced as they walked toward the horse barn.
Paige wanted to avoid the fountain now.

“
Yes it is. I can’t wait
to see it in the spring. Aileen says it’s beautiful when they have
it all ready for the Derby. I’ll bet that’s something to see.”
Paige wandered along the fence line, touching the leaves of the
Dogwood trees as she went, feeling the water trickle down her
fingers from the left over rain.

“
I’m sure.” Jay wasn’t
paying as much attention to the trees as he was watching her enjoy
them. Suddenly he was whacked in the face with a rain drenched
branch that Paige had purposely sent his way.

“
You’ll pay for that!” he
chased her toward the barn.

Breathless, they ran down the way in
between the stalls. They were greeted with the warm smell of fresh
hay and horses. They walked along, stall to stall, petting the
noses of the thoroughbreds that would allow them to as the horses
were eating from their feed bags hanging in the stalls. The barn
was warm and dry, nothing like the storm drenched fields outside.
Paige was glad to be in such an inviting place.

It comforted her somehow.

“
It’s amazing how soft
their noses are,” Paige said as she rubbed her knuckles across the
nose of a chestnut mare. “And some of their names are so
interesting. This one is called Snacks R on Us. See, it’s on the
brass tag on the harness.” Paige tried to turn the horse’s harness
toward Jay so he could see the tag. The horse shook her head to
fight her off.

Jay laughed. “I hope they’re not
referring to dog food.”

Paige had to laugh along with him. “At
least his name is not Glue Stick!”

“
Hey, this one is Sexy
Jay,” Jay chuckled as he reached for the harness of the horse in
the next stall.

“
Let me see.” Paige
hurried to the horse’s stall. “You big goof ball!” she laughed as
she shoved him to the side. The horse was Big N Da
Saddle.

They walked back to the house laughing
and coming up with their own silly horse names like ‘Turn the
Paige’ and ‘Jay It Out Loud’. Paige did feel better, better than
she had in weeks.

She picked up a stick that had been
blown out of a tree and threw it for Harry. He chased it down and
brought it back to her. They took turns throwing it for him. “He
would love to live out here where he could run like that,” Paige
laughed. “Instead of being cooped up in my little yard, barking at
my neighbor’s little dog.”

“
I think he’d be happy
living in a car as long as he was with you,” Jay added as he threw
the stick back across the yard.

“
He seems to like you
too,” she smiled as she took her turn.

“
Naw, he’s just
happy.”

Paige stood and watched
Jay as he threw the stick for Harry. This seemed to be such a
natural thing for the three of them to be out here, acting this
way. She shook her head.
“You’re just
lonely, Paige. Stop this,”
she told
herself as she took her turn at fetch.

“
Hey, Paige, look,” Jay
said as he pointed to the house. Sarah was standing at the window,
watching them.

“
I don’t believe it,”
Paige smiled and waved. Sarah did not wave back but continued to
watch. “I think she is enjoying watching Harry run about. That
gives me hope.”

“
It should,” Jay smiled at
her, genuinely happy to see her smile back.

Chapter 8

The man smiled quietly at what had
been accomplished so far. He had successfully captured her, used
her, and set her free without anyone knowing, remembering, seeing.
It had been over a year and there had been no repercussions. He
could still watch her daily while she was unaware. She was his
prize, his biggest accomplishment. “Beautiful Paige. My little
pigeon. Forgetting her past and living her life as if nothing
happened. If only she knew!” he smiled even brighter, remembering
his time with her. He was very pleased she didn’t remember. His
plan had been wonderfully laid out and thus far
executed.

He glanced at the old mattress in the
corner and laughed at the blood stains that covered it. “The
training arena,” he hissed as he ran his hand along the mattress.
He then walked around the dark room, running his hand over the
chair that still had the ropes attached and paused to stroke the
roughness of the ropes. He glanced up at the boarded window and
admired the view. Dark and damp, the way he loved it. “It’s amazing
what can be accomplished in a dark room,” he laughed
wickedly.

He stood in the middle of the room,
remembering her; seeing her hair matted and damp. He longed to see
her suffer and was proud that she was going to pay.

“
It’s time for me to go. I
must see her again!” he sneered as he eagerly left the room,
closing the door quickly behind him.

Chapter 9

The day of Richie’s funeral was
bright, warm, and sunny. After the previous night’s storm, it felt
as if it were spring instead of early September.

Paige and Aileen helped Sarah dress
and fix her hair before walking her down for breakfast. Sarah was
more responsive today, although she still didn’t talk more than she
had to and she ate only a small bite of the bacon and eggs Aileen
had prepared. Paige wondered what she would be like after the
funeral. Would she be able to recover? Would she be able to carry
on with some semblance of a normal life? Paige couldn’t imagine
losing a husband and a son the way Sarah had. Even though she came
close a couple of times, Paige never married. Her job was her
marriage.

She didn’t have time to maintain
anything that important. Plus, she liked having her way and doing
what she wanted without having anyone else to worry about, except
for Harry, of course. He was the only outside responsibility she
wanted. But she was still lonely. She still longed for a touch, a
whisper, an understanding glance shared between two like
individuals.

Harry crawled under the table and laid
his head on Sarah’s knee.

Paige watched as Sarah slowly reached
down and scratched his ears.

“
What a great dog,”
she thought. It gave her hope that Sarah could
recover. Maybe she should get Sarah a dog after all of this was
over.

She remembered how much
Harry helped.
“There’s something about
those loving eyes looking up at you, needing your love and
attention, loving you in return,”
she
thought to herself as she bit into some bacon.

The funeral service was beautiful
although Paige didn’t notice any of it. She didn’t feel well at
all. She kept fidgeting around on the pew, watching Sarah, looking
at the rest of the solemn crowd. It was the same crowd that was in
the same place not so long ago for Anthony’s funeral plus all of
Richie’s friends. Paige wondered if any of them could have had a
hand in Richie’s death.