Again (17 page)

Not like this
, she wanted to argue back, but she knew damn well it was useless.
 
He would have her any way, any time.
 
Where was her backbone when she needed it?
 
Thrust up against a wall of hot, determined, masculine, domineering passion, that’s where.

“I want
you
, Bryce.”
 
Her words choked out between little gasps.
 
“I
need
you.”
 
Her climax came to a complete standstill midair and came crashing to earth, splintering into shards when his fingers abandoned her.

She found herself pressed down, cheek flat against the hot, smooth, black shiny metal of the hood, held there while he quickly unzipped his pants.
 

Bryce’s fingers bit into her hips, shifting her firmly before him.
 
He entered her fully with one deep thrust, filling her completely.
 
The harsh rush of his breath echoed off the walls as he ground his body into hers, driving into her relentlessly.

Her hands pressed against the hood to steady her body against the back-and-forth motion, letting him bury himself inside her.
 
She tried reaching for that place to feel, to finish her orgasm where he had left off, but couldn’t and from the sound of his breathing, he was beyond helping her.
 

His body stiffened as he slammed his release into her, once, twice, three times, before he collapsed, pressing his weight on top of her.
 
His breaths were shuddering gasps, hot on her neck.
 

Eryn closed her eyes.
 
They couldn’t have been further apart than they were at that moment.

He shifted his weight and stood up, pulling her up with him.
 
Neither of them spoke as they adjusted their clothes.
 

She didn’t bother to turn around because she knew there would be no cuddling or murmurs of love.
 
He had taken her on a hard ride on the very boundaries of his tolerance.
 
She stared straight ahead, listening to his footsteps as he walked around the car towards the door.

Hand poised on the doorknob, he stopped and said over his shoulder, “This is between Brandi and Troy, Eryn.
 
Don’t drag us into their world.”

Bright light from the kitchen illuminated the garage for a moment before he let the door close behind him, leaving her find her way in the dark.
 

Chapter 16

The freshly-penned words stared back at Catherine.
 
They were words to a man who might never see them.
 
Words to a man who unbeknownst to him held her heart in his hands.
 
How could he know?
 
She herself had only realized this.

After Jonathan set sail, she had opened herself to Galen and gave to him what she could. Galen fully embraced the hope that blossomed within him.
 
His touches were bolder.
 
His whispers were sweeter.
 
He courted her with gifts and stories and constant attention to her needs, yet still a small piece of her heart remained untouchable and unreachable.
 

I have tried.
 
Her eyes closed against the anguish.
 
God help me, I have tried.

She slowly opened her eyes and again gazed at the letter before her.
 
These words were for Jonathan.
 
It was the only way she knew to ease the ache that had settled in her heart.

She blew softly on the paper.
 
Satisfied the ink was dry, she carefully folded it and pressed the edges until they lay flat.
 
Rising from the chair, she went to the trunk at the foot of her bed and kneeled before it.
 
Taking one more look at her letter, she lifted the lid and reached beneath the folded dresses, easily finding the opening in the fabric she had cut on the bottom of the trunk.
 
She slid the letter in with others she had written and pressed the dresses over it.
 
Smooth once again, they shielded that part of her heart that yearned for Jonathan.
 
The part no one must know about.

She looked around her room.
 
Normally it was a comfort to her, but this day she found herself to be restless.
 
She rose slowly, drawn to the bright sunshine outside the window.
 
The azure skies and the sound of laughing children were at odds with the melancholy mood that blanketed her spirits.
 
She shivered and rubbed her arms against the chill she felt.

She would ride, she decided. Yes, she would slip from underneath this grayness and ride to where there were no barriers, where she could feel free.
 
At least she would feel better, if only for a brief while.

Making her way to the stables, she granted the barest of smiles to those she passed.
 
Jarrid, rubbing down her father’s horse, made haste to saddle Catherine’s mare when she entered the stables.

“Shall I saddle a horse for Emelie as well, milady?”

“No, Jarrid. That will not be necessary.
 
I do not intend to be long.”

He bowed in acknowledgment and helped her to mount her horse.
 
Within moments Catherine was galloping beyond the gates, following the well-traveled trail that lead to the rolling hills to the west.
 
She slowed as the path wound upwards to a knoll.
 
From here she could see the endless hills of honey-colored grasses that rolled to the south and west and to the majestic blue-green water of the ocean to the north and east that bordered her father’s lands.

She often came here to bask in the serenity that permeated the air and to listen to the peace whispering in her ear.
 
Here the breeze skimmed over the hills unchallenged, taking with it her troubling thoughts.
 
With the softness of a mother’s embrace, this place had the power to wrap around Catherine’s heart and once again make her world secure.

But this day Catherine would find no comfort.
 
She bent down to stroke her mare’s blonde mane, unable to fight the emptiness that plagued her.
 
Sadness had ridden with her here, a feeling of emptiness in her soul.
 

She could deny it no longer.
 
Her heart was lost to Jonathan.

She sat upon her horse, not knowing what to do or where to turn.
 
Behind closed eyes, she let her mind drift with the breeze, and let her thoughts scatter where they may.
 
She did not want to go back.
 
Perhaps she could just ride.
 
Somewhere.
 
Anywhere.
 
But where could she go to escape the loneliness that overcame her?
 
She clutched her fist to her chest.
 
As much as she wanted the pain to be gone, she knew it was too late to feel any differently.
 
Nor, she admitted, did she want to.
 
It was but a bittersweet gift, meeting Jonathan.
 
Because of it, she had found a part of herself she did not know she was looking for.

She drew in a breath, summoning strength.
 
She would go on.
 
She could not willingly hurt Galen, though she knew it was inevitable.
 
Even if she were to agree to marry him, she could not give him her heart.
 
And he would know.

Reluctantly, she drew the reins to turn her horse around, but seeming to sense Catherine’s reluctance, the mare resisted and began a slow canter away from the castle, across the expanse of hills before them.
 

Catherine made no effort to stop her, and instead leaned forward, urging the mare to run and chase the wind.

Chapter 17

Eryn took her time editing this little girl’s portrait, because it was the average person, especially children, she really liked working with.
 
Unlike some of the upper-crust adults she’d shot, children’s eyes didn’t reflect the greed for money or power.
 

This little girl, Ashley Miller, was a photographer’s dream.
 
Big green eyes that projected innocence, long dark hair that draped along her cheeks, bangs framing a face of soft ivory skin, and pink lips that curved into a smile.
 
Eryn tilted her head to the side, staring at the image.
 
She wondered if she really needed to do much with it at all.

Then, in an instant, the rich color of Ashley’s hair turned dull, the sparkle in her eyes burned out, the sharpness of the entire image blurred, and the colors bled with one another.
 
Eryn blinked to refocus her eyes, but the haziness grew until another image lay over Ashley’s.

Rolling hills of wheat-colored grass lazily pushed against the horizon.  The weather was warm, making her feel a bit uncomfortable in her binding gown. The breeze lifted the few strands of hair that had escaped her braid and brought them around to her face, but she did not raise a hand.
 
Her mare grazed complacently while she sat upon the animal’s back, contemplating her surroundings.
 
Reaching down, she stroked the blonde mane hanging loosely down the horse’s sleek neck…

Then it was gone.  The face of little Ashley Miller stared back at Eryn as if nothing happened, as if time didn’t just skip a beat.  Eryn’s heart, seemingly sensing it had to slow down to almost nothing, beat heavily in her chest.
 
Her emotions started to build, swelling like a tidal wave and overpowering Eryn before she knew what was happening.

Pressing her hands hard on her face didn’t stop the tears forcing their way out and the steady stream didn’t relieve the tension that had built up in those few moments.
  
Eryn knew what had happened.
 
She felt it deep inside her.
  
She had just experienced a memory of herself in another place, another time.  She had distinctively felt the horse beneath her and the reins that she held loosely in her hands.
 
She had heard the breeze that whispered through the grasses, had seen the hills rising and falling before her.
 
She had felt the ruby velvet of her dress weighing upon her body as oppressively as the indecisiveness that lay upon her heart.

Pushing away from her desk, Eryn stumbled from her chair and dried her face with her sleeve.
 
She needed to get out into some open space.
 
Her heartbeat sped up, as she grabbed her keys and her jacket, and headed out the door.

She was barely aware of the short drive to the beach, her mind still reeling.
 
She eased her car into the first empty parking space and jumped out, slamming the door shut as she ran towards the water.
 
Once on the sand, she kicked off her shoes and dug her toes into the gritty sand.

Oh, it felt good to be here, breathing in the salty air!
 
Breathing in deeply through her nose, she pushed the air out hard through her mouth.
 
Doing that five times finally had her in control again.

She raised her hand to shield her eyes against the glare of the sun.
 
The beach was as it always was, unchanged from day to day.
 
Time was consistent from one moment to the next, as it should be.
 
But her own moments were not so predictable, with the past bleeding into the present and the rhythm of time skipping beats.
 
It was as if a closet crammed full of stuff had opened and everything was spilling out.
 

The dream
, she thought, shivering.
 
That was the starting point.
 
I’m remembering the middle of a story somewhere else, sometime else.
 
   

She walked a few feet, then plopped down in the sand when her legs wouldn’t stop shaking.
 
It was another life, one in which a man loved me like no one else ever has.
 
Pulling her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them tightly, rocking back and forth.

It was hard to imagine there could have ever been someone else.
 
It had always been Bryce.
 
In fact, she never so much as considered anyone else.
 
Except, maybe, that one time long ago.
 
Funny that she thought about the guy once in awhile, for it had been a chance meeting, nothing more.
 
She rested her chin on her knees.

It was the summer after high school graduation.
 

Eryn trailed after Bryce and his friends.
 
They were at Solstice Beach and she and Bryce had just had a fight.
 
She had threatened to break up with him – again - and really meant it that time, or at least she wanted to mean it.
 
The heat of the sand beneath her feet was nothing compared to her anger as she struggled to keep up with Bryce’s long strides.
 
He and his friends finally stopped.
 
They formed a circle and began hitting a volleyball around, shutting her out completely.