Again (24 page)

Kate

“What,
did you fall asleep in the bathroom or something?” Veronica asked as I snuck
back into my bed right before daybreak.

I
was trying to get in without waking her, but the mattress was so small I was
lucky I hadn’t crushed her. Honestly, it was so tiny she could probably smell
where I’d really been all over me.

“Shh,”
I said, “Dawn is sleeping.” I tried to pull my body as far to one side of the
bed as I could without falling off.

I
would tell Veronica about Carter—but not now. Not when her yelling
WHAT?
would probably wake this whole wing of the dorm.

“So
was I,” she said, her eyes big. “Now I’m up and wondering where the hell
you
slept last night.”

It
was no use. If I didn’t tell her she would probably have a tantrum that would
wake this whole wing of the dorm anyway.

“I
was with someone,” I whispered, trying to pacify her. But also, it was time to
start telling the truth. Well at least to everyone I cared about.

She
hit me. “After you gave me so much shit last night—who?”

“Can
we please talk about it later?”

“The
cute guy from the dining hall?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows for emphasis.

“What?”
I guess I hadn’t been that good of a liar after all.

“I’m
not stupid, Kate,” she said. “I might have pretended I didn’t notice anything
pass between the two of you at dinner last night, but when you slink back in
here, your hair like it was styled by a rolling pin and your skin glowing
redder than a maraschino cherry, I can only assume.”

I
paused and glanced at Dawn’s bed to make sure she was still asleep. She already
knew about Carter, she just didn’t understand why it was such a big deal.

“Yes,
Carter,” I said. “His name is Carter.”

“You
college cougar.” She hit me again. “How old is he?”

“Why
would that matter?” I asked, loud enough so Dawn could hear if she was bothering
to listen. “He’s a senior, twenty-two,” I whispered.

Carter’s
reaction to my age had only gone so well because he knew everything else about
me. I’d been lying to Dawn from day one. And I’d kept lying even as we grew
closer. She might not have shared everything with me, but I was pretty sure
she’d never lied to my face.

“You
like him.” Veronica paused, her gaze sweeping over me. “You do. You like a
twenty-two year old college senior.”

I
couldn’t help but tinge red even as I asked, “So what?”

I
heard Dawn grumble and turn over.

“We
should stop talking,” I whispered.

“No.”
Veronica jumped from the bed, “I need details. Coffee—.” She snapped her
fingers, “—now.”

I
didn’t protest. I was happy to finally be able to give details.

We
got dressed quickly, went downstairs, and headed to the coffee shop, our arms
wrapped around our coats, blowing air we could see into our gloves.

“I
can’t believe you like a twenty-two year old,” Veronica said. “I mean,
like
,
like.”

“I
do,” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Thinking about Carter made me smile. Everything
about Carter made me smile.

She
gasped. “You more than like him,” she said, hitting me lightly.

“I
know it seems weird…” I started.

“No
weirder than any of this.”

“So
that means you still think I’m crazy?” I asked.

“I
never thought you were crazy.”

I
glared at her in a way only a best friend can.

“Fine,
maybe a little,” she laughed.

“At
least you admit it,” I said, pulling the door to the coffee shop open.

“Speaking
of crazy, what was all that stuff last night when we were walking home?”

We
took our place in line at the register. “I don’t know, I guess my starting over
is going to take more than only a change of scenery.”

“My
insisting on going out last night and giving you beers probably didn’t help
either.”

“I’m
the one who made the decision to go, to drink,” I said. “I could have said no
to you.”

She
waited.

“I
mean, you would have been a total bitch about it, but I could have.”

“The
fact you’re even feeling this way is a pretty big step,” she said, touching my
shoulder.

We
ordered two coffees and took a seat at the counter lining the window.

 “So
tell me about Carter, the stud,” she said.

“It’s
hard to describe…there’s something about him.”

“You
mean his hot body?” she asked with a slow, knowing smile.

“No,”
I laughed, though that was definitely in the plus column. “He likes me for
exactly who I am.” I paused before answering what would surely be her next
question. “Yes, he likes a twenty-nine-year old freshman.”

“You
told him,” she exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“I
trust him.”

“You
are
crazy,” she said. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

I
might not have completely but, when it came to Carter, I definitely did.

Kate

Carter,
Veronica, and I headed to campus for Professor Parker’s class on Monday. It was
her last day here and I was going to miss her. I kind of wished she was staying
longer.

After
an initial weirdness when they first met, Carter and Veronica were getting
along fine. She’d been nice enough not to ask him if he knew what a Rubik’s
Cube was and he’d been himself.

I
swear he didn’t have an asshole bone in his body. I wondered if that was why he
carried what had happened to Jeanie for so long, because it didn’t compute with
the kind of person he truly was.

The
day was clear. Warm enough that the snow was melting, the sound of it dripping
from buildings and lampposts almost like wind chimes.

I let
the sun warm my cheeks. It was good to be with two people who knew everything
about me, who I didn’t have to hide from.

It
was good to know that even after Veronica left I’d still have Carter.

“I
came here to get away from lawyers,” Veronica said as we headed out of the sun
and into the lecture hall. “Now I have to sit in a class with hundreds of
them.”

“Not
lawyers yet,” Carter replied, “lawyer wannabes.”

“Ugh,”
she said, “even worse.”

I
was heading toward a row in the back of the room when I noticed Dawn sitting
across the way in full black and spiky regalia. Her clothes and demeanor were
as welcoming as a sea urchin; her face was tight and thick with makeup. Her
arms were crossed, her knee bouncing and shaking the seat in front of her.

What was she doing here?

“Hey,
Dawn,” Carter said, sliding into her row.

Veronica
followed him and waved as she walked past her to a seat.

“Did
you need to talk to me about something?” I asked, taking the seat next to her,
attempting to keep my adrenaline in check, my breathing even. Maybe she’d
actually heard when Veronica and I were talking about Carter’s age, about how I
was a
college cougar
, and rather than wait all day for me to get back to
the dorm alone, she was confronting me now.

“My dad
is speaking in here today,” she huffed, her knee bouncing higher.

“Here,
here?” I asked, pointing to the front of the lecture hall.

I
turned to Carter and Veronica—they were busy talking.

“Yeah,
he speaks every semester and I always have to come and watch. Even before I was
a student—” She rolled her dark brown contact-covered eyes—“I had to come and
watch.”

As
angry as she seemed at her father, she was still here waiting for him. I knew
all about that kind of hate. It was how I saw drinking. As much as I hated it,
as much as it ruled me, I had been, even sober, still under its spell.

“At
least he doesn’t make me go to his stupid office anymore,” she said, glancing
at her phone.

Her
words awakened something—a familiarity I hadn’t noticed until now. It came to
me all at once, a burning shot to the solar plexus. I saw a picture of her in a
silver frame, much younger, her blond hair not yet covered in black, her blue
eyes free of dark contacts and pouring out love at whoever was taking the
picture.

Where had I seen it?

My
question didn’t linger for long. Familiarity became fact when David walked into
the lecture hall with Professor Parker.

David?

David.

David!

She
was David’s daughter. That was why Veronica had recognized her. She was David’s
daughter and the woman she was yelling at him on the phone about fucking was
me.

My
skin went cold and clammy. My heart launched into my throat. Looks like I
wasn’t going to have to wait eight years to be standing face to face with him
again. It was happening now.

Fuck.

That
was what I got for picking Hudson University, his wished-for alma mater.

Veronica
hadn’t noticed David walk in. She was talking to Carter about the tax
ramifications of his trust fund. I considered running out of the lecture hall,
but what was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to explain?

I
rifled through my bag. David still hadn’t noticed me. He headed to the front of
the room with Professor Parker. I shoved my cat ears hat over my hair, pulled
my coat on, and zipped it to my chin. It was a sorry excuse for a disguise, but
it was all I had.

David
put his briefcase down next to the lectern and walked back toward Dawn. I put
my head down, hoping outerwear and having no earthly reason to be here would be
enough camouflage.

Unfortunately,
I also had Veronica sitting next to me, someone David saw daily.

Before
he hit our row his demeanor changed, his stride slowed, his face a growing wave
of confusion. He looked from me to Veronica and back again.

“Fuck,”
Veronica said under her breath, finally sensing the panic hitting me.

David
was frozen at first. He didn’t know what to do. Say hello to his estranged
daughter or ask me what the hell I was doing there.

In
the end he went with the easier target—me.

“Dawn,
who’s your friend?” he asked, holding on to a seat in the row in front of her
for balance.

David
probably thought I was here to screw him over in some way. You know that Carly
Simon song, “You’re So Vain.” Well, with David, the song was
always
about him.

“Hi
Dad, great to see you, too,” Dawn replied. Her voice was all eye-roll.

He
didn’t respond, waiting for her answer.

She
sighed. “This is my roommate, Kate.”

“Your
roommate?” he blurted, his blue eyes, that I now recognized as the same as
Dawn’s, filled with questions, with doubt about whether he should even
acknowledge he knew me, “A freshman, too?”

“Of
course, Dad,” Dawn said, like,
are you stupid?

“Hello,
Kate,” David said finally, taking my hand, his touch both familiar and
disturbing. “It’s nice to meet a friend of Dawn’s.” His voice carried a
sarcastic lilt, which probably only I was supposed to notice.

“Nice
to meet you, too,” I replied, my mouth tense.

I
wondered how long we would keep pretending we didn’t know each other.

“So
are you a law student, or here with Dawn to hear me speak?” he asked, but there
was something in his eyes, a look that said
if you’re planning to do me
harm, you should forget it.

“Law
student,” I said, giving him the very same look back.

Dawn
watched us. It was clear she didn’t understand why her father was giving me so
much attention. “What is going on?” she asked.

“What
do you mean? I’m just talking to your friend Miss Townsend,” David said.

“How
do you know her last name?” Dawn asked, her eyes narrowing.

David’s
face went pale. I couldn’t see my face, but I guessed it was whiter than my
stupid cat ears hat.

“Wait,”
she said, sitting up straighter and staring at me. “What the fuck?” she yelled,
finally realizing, finally recognizing the thing David and I were both trying to
hide, both trying to forget. She reeled back from me. “It’s
you
, you’re
her
.”

“No,”
I said, trying to touch her arm. I didn’t know what else to do.

“Don’t
deny it. He has pictures of you all over his phone.” Her voice caught. “How
could I be so stupid?”

“Dawn,
calm down,” David said.

“You
bitch,” she yelled. She stood and pushed her father so he fell back. “You
asshole.”

Luckily,
Professor Parker was searching for something in his bag. I couldn’t tell what
Veronica and Carter were doing. I had tunnel vision on Dawn. Angry fire shone
in her eyes, seemed to radiate from her nostrils.

“Did
you set this up?” she asked, her voice rising. Her gaze tightened on her father.
“What? Were you trying to make me like her so she could be my new mom, or
something?”

“I
had no idea she was here. I still don’t know why she is,” he said, his lips in
a line as he stood up straighter. “What are you doing here, Kate, living in a
dorm room with my daughter?”

Getting screwed by one hell of a coincidence,
I wished I could say. “I didn’t know she was your daughter,” I
replied instead, my body racked with so many emotions, I was numb.

Professor
Parker watched us from the front of the room. As a friend of David’s, he knew
his relationship with his daughter was strained and had, until her voice
started rising, managed to ignore what was happening. But he was watching us
now. If Dawn kept yelling he would surely walk over and ask what was wrong.

And
we would have to try to explain, if we even could.

“Are
you stalking me or something?” David asked, because even when I’d said
differently, the song was still
always
about him.

“I
know it seems hard to believe,” I said, able to focus only on speaking, “but
this has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

Dawn
put her hand over her mouth. “I’m going to be sick,” she cried, running from
the room.

David
went after her and I leaned back in my seat, wrestling my heart and pulse back
to a normal rate, fighting my own sudden bout of nausea.

Fate
really was a punk-ass bitch.

Probably
knowing a lot more about their relationship than even I did, Professor Parker
started class like nothing had happened.

I
heard Carter ask Veronica what was going on and heard her answer, “That is Kate’s
old boss.”

He
turned to look at me. His mouth was open, words straining to come, but what was
there to say? Carter knew everything, but telling the truth to one person
didn’t matter once you were caught in a lie by everyone else—a lie that could
and probably would change everything.