Against the Dawn (16 page)

Once back at my apartment, I triple checked the alarm system before showering and changing into a pair of black yoga pants and a tank top. Too restless to relax, I spent the next two hours pacing the confines of my studio. My stomach growled but I was too damned anxious to even choke down a bowl of cereal. Was Steve okay? Had Ty managed to get him out of there in one piece? Not knowing what had happened at Mithras’s weird little underground compound was driving me fucking crazy. I never should have left with Lorik. I should have stayed to fight and—

“So, tonight you not only ruffled the fur of the Pacific Northwest’s highest ranking alpha werewolf, you named him
Steve
?”

A smile curved my lips as I was flooded with relief. I turned to find Tyler sitting on my couch, one of the few times he simply popped in unannounced. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and let out a long sigh as he settled in. “He looked like a Steve.” I crossed the apartment and disabled the video feed to Raif’ security system before I headed back toward the living room. I took a deep breath and sat down beside him, his proximity as unsettling as it was strangely comforting. “Is he all right? Was anyone hurt?”

“I don’t think Mithras expected any complications, other than what you went through to get the wolf to the compound tonight. The place was manned completely by humans. And besides a few guns and a tranquilizer dart, they were basically unarmed.”

I supposed something as trivial as “a few guns” would be nothing for Ty to contend with. “Good. I knew Steve was one of the good guys. I’m glad you got him out of there, though I doubt Mithras will be too happy about it.”

“That’s a certainty,” Ty remarked. “Apparently, one of Camden’s rivals had him kidnapped and sent to Mithras in tribute. He was meant to be his slave and personal guard dog.”

“Camden?”

“Steve.”

“Oh. Right.” Well, as much as I liked Steve, Camden fit him better. It was definitely more regal.

“With any luck, his rescue will be credited to his pack and it won’t draw any heat on you or Lorik. I’m sure the fact that you were ambushed on the way to his compound will be enough to back up the assumption that you had nothing to do with his escape.”

“If Mithras thinks we performed tonight’s task adequately, I’m hoping we’ll be in line for a face-to-face soon.”

“Good.” Ty’s expression became stern. “Because apparently, I haven’t given you enough to do to keep you occupied. What in the hell are you doing going around asking questions about something I told you not to worry about?”

I guess we were officially through talking about what happened tonight. Which bummed me out because I was sort of looking forward to the play-by-play. Levi, that little rat. I should have known he’d go tattling to Ty the first chance he got. “Tyler, I—”

“I’m not going to let you talk your way around this one, Darian. I told you, there’s no such thing as
Nys’Asdar
, and the Synod is
none
of your business. Why can’t you let it go?”

Why? Maybe because I might have wished a car full of Washington’s finest to pass us by tonight without uttering a single word? Or how about the fact that Steve—er, Camden—could smell, not to mention
feel
the magic in my ring with his little wolfy nose. I pushed myself off the couch; I was too damned agitated to sit, and rounded on Tyler. “You know, for someone who left me high and dry over the secrets I’d kept, I find your outrage a little misplaced.”

Tyler shot up off the couch, his expression fierce. “This has nothing to do with secrets or lies, Darian. It has everything to do with the one problem we’ve always had. You don’t trust me.”

“This has nothing to do with trust, Tyler.” Damn it, why did I always let him bait me so easily? “This is about
control
.”

A burst of sardonic laughter escaped his lips. “Oh, you’re damn right this about control. You are a
control freak
, Darian.”

“I was talking about you,” I said through gritted teeth.

“
Me
?” The word shot out of him as though launched by the sheer power of his incredulity. “Gods, Darian, are you even listening to what you’re saying? You’re not happy unless you can manipulate everything around you. I even gave you this job because you maneuvered me into it!”

Wait.
What?
“You shot me down when I asked you! I didn’t maneuver you into anything. You showed up and handed me this job on a silver platter. No manipulation on my part, buddy.”

“I gave you this job because you asked and you knew I wouldn’t shut you down forever.”

Ty took a step closer and I mirrored his actions until only a foot of space separated us. “Bullshit. You gave me this job so I’d be too preoccupied to ask questions you didn’t want answered.”

“You ask too many damned questions as it is, that’s the problem.” Ty’s hazel eyes bore into mine with an intensity that stole my breath and sent a thrill zinging through me. Fighting with him shouldn’t have excited me. “And if I was really trying to keep you from asking them, you’d be in a box at the bottom of the ocean, where I could keep you out of trouble once and for all.”

I opened my mouth to say something snide but the absurdity of the mental image Ty’s statement conjured up shut me down completely. “The box would be waterproof and pressurized, right? Because otherwise, I’d be crushed. And I’d drown.”

The tension was sucked out of the air in an instant and replaced with something altogether more intense. Tyler closed the space between us and crushed my body against his in a tight embrace. His mouth closed over mine, hungry, demanding, almost desperate as his tongue pushed past my lips to deepen the kiss.

For the first time since I’d been back, I truly felt like I was home. Ty was my sanctuary, the anchor that kept me from floating away, and I missed him so much it hurt. I clung to him, winding my fists into his shirt as I pulled him closer, slanting my mouth across his as I reveled in his taste, the way he held me, and his delicious scent that I breathed in until I was lightheaded and nearly drunk on it.

His hands wandered down my back, searching for the hem of my tank top. He slipped his fingers beneath the fabric and his touch was a cool balm on my heated skin. My head rolled back on my shoulders as his mouth wandered to my cheek, down the side of my throat to my clavicle, across my chest and downward. I arched into him, clung to him, couldn’t get close enough.

“Darian.”

The sound of my name on his lips brought tears to my eyes. It had been so long since he’d said it that way, with so much emotion. His fingers continued to work their way up my back when his tongue flicked out at the bare skin right above my breast. My breath hitched in my lungs and my spine stiffened as my mind was invaded with an image of Kade, his tongue lapping at me followed by the inevitable high that the toxin in his saliva produced.

I took a deep breath and tried to relax into Ty’s arms once again. I couldn’t let Kade steal this moment from me. Not when I’d waited so long for it. “Darian,” Ty lifted his head to look at me. “Are you okay?”

He loosened his grip and reached up to smooth the hair away from my face. “I’m okay,” I forced the words past my lips. “Kiss me.”

His brow furrowed and he kissed me once. Slow and gentle as though searching for my response. My heart beat a wild rhythm in my chest and my breath sped up to match the tempo. Ty was safe. He’d never hurt me. Not in a million years. So why couldn’t I calm the hell down?

He pulled away and for a moment, I tried to focus on my breathing, to slow the intake of air that had me close to hyperventilation and dizzy. Ty put his forehead to mine and his hands left my back, his touch feather-light as his fingers moved up my bare arms. He was gentle, handling me as if I was so fragile that I might break at any second. And despite the contrast, my mind still flooded with images of Kade and my own weakness as I begged for each touch, each kiss, each flick of his tongue that repulsed me even as I craved more.

Panic welled up hot in my chest until I damned near choked on it. Adrenaline coursed through my bloodstream and I fought the urge to shove Tyler away and run as fast as I could. But there was no escaping my own traitorous thoughts that worked so hard to unravel me.

“You’re shaking.”

Ty’s voice was the barest whisper and it took me a second to reconnect my mind to my body. A tremor shook me from head to toe, violent enough that my knees felt as though they could no longer support me. My hands balled up into fists and I clamped my jaw down tight.

“I’m going to help you to the couch, okay?” Ty put a few inches of distance between us as he guided me by the elbow toward the couch. From the armoire at the far end of the studio, the daggers called to me, sensing my distress as they urged me to take them in my hands. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. The combination of me feeling threatened, plus magic daggers that wanted to fight on my behalf was a disastrous combination. Thanks again, Xander for the fabulous gift.

I sat on the edge of the cushion and put my head between my knees as I took a few deep breaths. “I do trust you, Ty,” I said, unwilling to look up at him. “But this really is about control.”

From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Ty scrubbing a hand over his face as he took a seat beside me, careful to stay outside of touching distance. “I allowed my personal life, our relationship, and my own hang ups to interfere with protecting you. I let that son of a bitch hurt you and it tears me up every time I think about how miserably I failed you.”

With each word he spoke, the knot in my chest loosened another degree. I rested my elbows on my knees and turned my head to regard him. I never thought to consider that what had happened with Kade had impacted him as well. “You didn’t fail me, Tyler.” Did he not realize that if he hadn’t come here that day I’d probably be dead right now? Or worse, enslaved by Kade and hopelessly addicted. “You saved me.”

“If I could kill him again, I would.” Ty’s eyes flashed with anger and a muscle ticked at his jaw. A burst of chilled air wafted from where Ty sat, kissing the bare skin of my arms, and I shivered.

“I left because I was ashamed.” The admission was a tough one to make, but it needed to be said. “I went to
O Anel
afterward because I couldn’t look you in the eye after what you’d seen. I was weak and—”

“You were
not
weak.” His hand balled into a fist between us as though he was keeping himself from reaching out. “You were drugged and you still fought. His control was physical, Darian. He took you against your will. He used a toxin to control you. No one could have fought harder.”

“I am a control freak,” I admitted. The words were muffled, my face buried in my palms. “And I can’t stand that Kade could have exercised any control over me. He had all of the power and I had none. That feeling of helplessness would have killed me long before Kade would have managed to do it. Can you understand why I’d need to feel like I’m calling the shots right now, Ty? In
every
aspect of my life.”

“I understand. But Darian, trust and control are two completely different things.” Which was his subtle way of telling me that my need for dominance still had nothing to do with going behind his back to talk to Levi. I looked up, and his expression softened. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. I put you in that situation with Kade and the blame for what happened to you should fall at my feet.”

“No, Ty. The blame is laid at Kade’s feet and
no one
else’s.”

“I broke the rules, Darian. So in addition to being a failure, I’m also a hypocrite. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want you asking questions. Because if you found out that I don’t practice what I preach, you’d realize that leaving me was the right thing to do.”

Our relationship problems had nothing to do with passion, or chemistry, or even love. We had that in spades. The barrier that stood between us—and had always stood between us—was the fact that neither of us could relinquish control long enough to allow the other access to the darker parts of our souls. We guarded those shadows more fiercely than we loved. And as much as Tyler and I were different, there was also that aspect of our personalities that was exactly the same.

The past year was a blur, yet so much had been crammed into those twelve short months. And even though I knew the only thing that could fix us was to lay ourselves bare and put it all out on the table, I couldn’t force myself to open the floodgates. And I knew deep down that Ty wasn’t ready, either.

His lips thinned and the air around us cooled once again. “I’ve been instructed by the Synod to limit our relationship to that of protector and Charge. If I ignore their mandate—let’s just say they won’t be very happy about it.”

Before Adira left to face the Synod for her own transgressions she told me that Jinn weren’t meant to love the ones they protect. Could that be the rule that Tyler broke? “I take it the Synod frowns on love affairs at the work place?”

He gave me a sad smile. “Pretty much.”

“So, what do we do now?”

Ty’s gaze locked with mine. He reached over and gently took my left hand in his right. His thumb grazed over my ring in an almost loving caress and he bent down to place a kiss on each of my knuckles. “Darian, there is no man, no magic, no force of nature in this world that could keep me from loving you.”

His words nearly stopped my heart and stalled the air in my lungs. Tears stung at my eyes and I realized that no matter what, we’d get through this and find our way back to each other. My voice was thick with the emotions that overtook me when I replied, “I always knew you were a rebel.”

Chapter Fourteen

I think one of my problems, in all of my ignorance, is that I never truly understood the complexities of love. Because I’d gone so long without being able to recognize it, I’d built the concept in my mind to an unattainable standard. One that rivaled Disney Princesses and other such bullshit. But love wasn’t a newly paved highway that you cruised along with a smile plastered on your face. Real love was a rocky back country road. One with ruts and fallen logs, and crazy detours that took you miles off the path before you realized you needed to double back to get to where you needed to go. Love was a knock-down, drag-out fight. And Ty had essentially told me that the gloves were about to come off.