Against The Wall (30 page)

Tonight shouldn’t be different than any of the others, but it was. The more time that went by without a verdict, the more tense everyone got. Four days had dragged on. Jay had hoped for a quick deliberation, but the longer it took, the more somber he became and the bleaker Jess’s future looked. A rare boom of thunder punctuated Tanner’s thoughts. He took a deep breath, didn’t want to think the storm was any indication of Jess’s future. The weather was actually a nice change from the stuffy room they’d been confined in while waiting for the jury to decide.

“Hello?” His voice echoed in the large kitchen. He heard Jess coming from the solarium as he shook off the rain and hung his leather jacket on the coat rack. She stood in the doorframe and about took his breath away. Wearing an oversized sweater and leggings, she looked like a kid. But Tanner knew better. She wore her hair in a bob that barely hit her shoulders. It looked thick and silky and made his palms itch to touch it. Despite her thick, cream sweater, she had her arms crossed over her chest.

“Hi,” she said. “I wasn’t sure you’d come by. The weather’s horrible.”

Her comment shouldn’t have surprised him. She’d been dropping those little bombs for weeks now, looking for an excuse for him not to be there. Jess had insisted,” she whispered">shown her how he felt. The last three months had been chock-full of quickies. They’d grabbed any and every spare minute alone, on each other like bees on honey. Anywhere in the house was fair game. Tanner had hoisted her on the bathroom counter, the washing machine and against a wall in nearly half the closets in the house. They were pros at vertical sex. Nothing could keep him away from her.

Except maybe prison. Shit. Stupid thought.

“Me? Miss out on food? You think a little rain will get in my way?” He grinned and she smiled back. “Where is everybody?” He’d seen her father’s car in the driveway, so that killed a chance for a quickie.

She shrugged. “Not sure. Mom and Dad went upstairs to change. Eric and Danny aren’t here yet. I don’t know where the twins are. They had a stop to make. We ordered Dr. Pizza so it should be here any minute.” The mention of Dr. Pizza always reminded Tanner of that one and only time six months ago when they’d spent the entire night together. Jess watched him and he knew she was thinking about the same thing. Hot, incredible sex. Burn up the sheets, carnal sex. He’d taken it slow that night. Real slow. He’d kissed, licked and sucked nearly every inch of skin. God, what he wouldn’t give to do that again. To be able to take his time with her. That night had been about enjoying the sensations of a woman, about hearing the sounds and reveling in the feel and texture of her. But if he got the chance again…it would be about loving her. It would be showing her exactly how he felt. Not something easily accomplished with a quickie.

Part of Tanner didn’t care that her parents were in the house. He wanted to pull her close and kiss the shit out of her. He wanted to yank down those leggings and push inside her. They’d been so careful and he couldn’t take a chance they’d kick him out now. Not when they potentially had so little time together.

A sick feeling rolled in his gut. What if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings? What if she’d been serious about ‘just for now’? She’d never acted as if she didn’t want him around, but she’d also never confessed any emotional ties either. Neither had he, but only because he’d been afraid she’d pull away from him.

A car pulled up next to the kitchen door and the twins raced into the house still dressed in their suits. Blake pocketed his phone as he jogged by her with Brendan on his heels. “Hey,” Brendan said. “Hope it’s cool, Jess, but we got invited to David’s sister’s gallery opening. We’ll probably crash at his place tonight, so don’t wait up.”

“Just need to change and pack my jammies,” Blake called from the hallway.

“Yeah, sure,” she said at her brothers’ backs. But they were already gone, their footsteps pounding up the stairway.

The phone rang and Jess picked it up. She listened, glancing at him again before looking,” she whisperedgraatay b away. “Oh, that sucks. Sorry. Hope you get it fixed.” She nodded and kept the phone to her ear another minute, mumbling quick responses before hanging up. She took out four plates and set them on the kitchen table. “Looks like none of the boys will be here tonight. Eric and Danny have a leak in the roof and they’re trying to find the manager. They’re afraid to leave in case it gets worse. They said they’d be at the courthouse in the morning.”

Wow. Four people out of the way in under a minute, but Tanner didn’t think he’d get a shot. The odds were against them having a whole night together.

They heard commotion in the upstairs hallway as Jess set out glasses and silverware for four. Her brothers raced out of the kitchen as quickly as they’d come in, only this time they had on jeans, boots and jackets. They each carried suits covered in plastic and had athletic bags over their shoulders. An awkward moment passed when they took turns hugging her. Then they quickly called out their good-byes and said they’d see her at the courthouse tomorrow.

Her parents came in next. They each also had a bag packed. Something was up.

“All right, what’s going on?” Jess asked.

Jay set his bag on the table and looked at Jess. “I got a call a little while ago.”

Tanner’s stomach knotted and the idea of food didn’t appeal any more. Jay must have heard something and wanted to break the news without her brothers around. On second thought, maybe her brothers already knew and that’s why they’d become scarce. Maybe he should give them privacy too, but he had as much a right to know what was happening as anyone here.

Jess straightened her back and got ready for the worst.

“Looks like we’ll get the verdict first thing in the morning,” Jay said. He pulled her into a tight hug and squeezed his eyes shut. The emotion on his face and the implication put a knot in Tanner’s gut.

Swallowing, Jess nodded as she stepped back. She’d been waiting for this, they all had. Tanner hadn’t expected it would happen this way. With so much time—a whole night for everyone to consider the consequences.

Another car pulled up by the kitchen door with the Dr. Pizza logo on the roof.

“I’ve got that.” Her dad reached for his wallet and took out a few twenties. The delivery guy handed over the usual three pizzas, chicken, salad and soda and took his money. He scampered back to the haven of his dry car. Jess and Terry helped Jay with all the food, but the room was eerily quiet.

“Just put the leftovers in the fridge,” her mom said as they set everything on the counter. “We’ll get to it tomorrow. Or whenever.”

Her mother froze, her back to the room. She took a deep breath then reached for Jess and wrapped her in her arms. Jess held her tight and that knot in Tanner’s gut lodged in his throat. Finally, Terry let go and grabbed her bag. The whole thing got weirder and weirder. Her parents were leaving too?

“So wait,” Jess said, clearly not yet understand,” she whispered h.t him ing the situation. “Where are you going?”

“Out,” her mother said. “You know how your father I like to keep things interesting. We’re staying downtown at the Biltmore for the night.”

“Terry…” Jay gave her a look loaded with meaning.

“Okay,” she said, facing Jess again. “We thought—” Jay cleared his throat and Terry rolled her eyes. “
I
thought the two of you deserved a night alone, so I’m making your father leave. For the record, he’s not thrilled with the idea.” She paused. “But this isn’t about him, it’s about you.” She looked at Jess before her focus landed on him. “You won’t mind bringing her to the courthouse in the morning, will you, Tanner?”

Mind? That was like asking a dolphin if he minded swimming in the ocean. “No, ma’am.”

“Great.” Her eyes shone bright, as she hugged Jess again then headed for the door. “We’ll see you in the morning, honey.” Terry passed him, but paused. She faced him, smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a motherly hug before stepping back. “Goodnight.” She dragged Jay out with her, but not before he looked at Jess and then him. The eye contact was fleeting…a father wanting the best for his daughter.

Was this for real? After months of quickies, they were leaving Jess alone with him for the whole night? Did they think this would be her last free night for the next eight to ten years? Was this their way of giving her a night to do whatever she wanted?

The smell of pizza and chicken filled the room as Jess stared at him. The silence in the kitchen felt as uncomfortable as the silence in the stuffy room at the courthouse. Usually when they had a few minutes they were in each other’s arms in a heartbeat, but Jess busied herself by putting away two of the place settings, leaving two on the table.

She didn’t look at him. Whether she wouldn’t or couldn’t, he didn’t know. She opened the fridge and shoved the salad and drinks inside. Something had her spooked and he wanted to know what it was. She closed the fridge and turned. Right into his chest. She didn’t look into his eyes, just stared off to the side, out the kitchen window. He placed his hands on the fridge, blocking her in. The air charged with their combined heat and energy.

“What’s up?” he asked quietly. “Why are you avoiding me?”

She still didn’t make eye contact.

He finally had a chance to tell her how he felt without interruption. At least now he’d know whether he’d made a dent in her boundaries these last few months. Did she want him to stick around or not? Tonight was his last chance to find out. He wasn’t even sure where to start.

Jess finally looked into his eyes and hers filled with emotion. For the first time in months he got the feeling that maybe she’d been fighting the same sentiment.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to hold you no matter who was in the room?” He paused, let his words sink in. “But I was afraid if I did,,” she whispered Batay b your dad or mom or one of your brothers might toss me out and I couldn’t stand not being around you.” Her eyes filled with tears and Tanner felt a knot constrict his throat. “I want to be around for the long haul. I want to be in your life—”

“No!” she blurted, her eyes opened wide. She ducked and slid past him, only turning when she got to the edge of the kitchen. She pointed an unsteady finger at him. “If I…”
go to prison tomorrow.
She didn’t say the words, but Tanner heard them anyway. “If I’m not around after tomorrow, then you have to live your life. Go home. Go back to your family. But you may not wait for me,” she ordered. “You’ve already lost too many years.” Tears leaked from her eyes and Jess swiped at them fiercely. Tanner slowly walked toward her and she backed up the last two steps that brought her against the wall.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” he told her softly.

“Yes, I can,” she shot back. “I refuse to be the reason you put your life on hold. You have choices. You’re a free man.” She gestured out the kitchen window. “Go live your life, find s-someone and be happy.” She choked back a sob.

“Don’t you see, Jess…” Tanner looked down at her, knew the emotion he felt radiated from his eyes.
“I did find someone.”
He took another step closer. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to be with her. Even if that means waiting.”

Jess shook her head as two tears streaked down her face. “I couldn’t live with myself if I thought you were waiting.” She was a broken record stuck on the same line. Nothing had changed her mind all these months.

“Let’s just worry about tonight, okay? There’s no waiting tonight.” He looked at her, didn’t know what part of her to touch first. “Can you do that for me?” Stroking his thumb softly along her jaw, he willed her to give in.

Jess studied him for a long time, her eyes tortured, before glancing behind him to the table. “What about dinner? Don’t you want…?” She let the sentence dangle. Maybe it was the hunger in his eyes that stopped her. He knew everything he felt was in his gaze.

He shook his head, relieved that she wanted to give them at least this one last night together. “I’m not hungry for food.” His voice was low, rough, as guttural as he’d ever sounded. He tipped her chin up at the same time he lowered his head.

He couldn’t help himself, his lips took hers. Firmly. Fiercely. Hungrily.

____________

The kiss curled her toes.

She’d been fighting the feeling for months, knowing he’d leave at some point, or that her confinement would keep them separate. She’d fought the attraction from day one, but now it all came crashing down on her. She loved him. And loving him meant setting him free.

Tomorrow.

Instead of letting guilt and de,” she whispered from .t him pression swamp her, Jess chose to live this night as a free woman. She wanted all the things Tanner made her feel. She wanted the passion and the heat. She wanted his heart too, but it wasn’t fair to ask for that.

Just like the last time he kissed her in this kitchen, it got out of control in a matter of seconds. Hot, short seconds.

When he lifted and pressed her against the wall, she expected the wainscoting to slam into her back like before, but that didn’t happen. Tanner protected her with an arm wrapped securely around her. His body was hard and strong and just what she needed. But not the only thing she needed. She’d come to rely on his presence the last six months. Not that he knew. On the rare occasion when she didn’t see him, she’d felt alone. On days when she’d been able to look out the window and see him in the yard or if she glanced across the room and saw him adjusting costs for the budget or even when they’d locked gazes in the courtroom, she’d felt a certain amount of peace. Almost as if he were around, then everything would work out.

Now, as he kissed her, as his calloused hands searched the skin beneath her big sweater and her legs wrapped around his waist, she only knew one thing for certain. He belonged to her tonight. For six months she’d been practicing living in the present, knowing that was the only way she’d survive if she went to prison. One day at a time. Tanner had told her as much during some of their conversations. This moment, with his hand on her breast and his tongue in her mouth…this was a memory she’d take with her tomorrow into court and for the rest of her life.