Age of Z: A Tale of Survival (26 page)

Two weeks after Casey had cornered her about being ill, two weeks of slow travel and poor conditions and a steadily deteriorating body, Alexa started to realize she was still in deep trouble.

They had been forced to skirt around the heavily infested Indianapolis. A detour that had taken a heavy toll on Alexa's already badly weakened body, and they were still over one hundred and fifty miles out from the base they were making for, while barely making fifteen to twenty miles a day in travel time if they were lucky.

She was trying, she really was, but it was too much strain for Alexa to handle, apparently, because her condition fell further still. Her appetite disappeared, and she could barely force herself to eat anything Casey managed to find for them anymore, no matter how much the clone coaxed or outright ordered her to do so.

It was all she could do to force herself to keep drinking water, now, which Alexa knew was a very bad sign, because she had to stay hydrated to get through this. Except, Alexa was starting to realize with the dull, hazy mentality of somebody truly ill, she probably wasn't going to get through this, not anymore.

It was a painful realization to come to, but it was, unfortunately, the truth. Alexa was an optimist, but she could add up the facts as well as anybody. They were miles away from any chance of any form of medical treatment, moving too slowly to make a difference, and she was falling apart too rapidly to hope to reach help in time.

She didn't want to give up, she wanted to keep fighting hard to survive, because she had to get back to mom and dad and Aunt Kate and grandpa, but she doubted she was going to make it that far. She already wouldn't have made it as far as she had, if not for Casey.

And Casey... Casey was family too, no matter what the circumstances of their meeting were. Alexa wanted to survive for him too, but the fact of the matter was, the harder she fought to hang on, the worse she made things for her adopted brother.

Casey was already doing too much to try and help her: running himself ragged to provide for a sick, useless person, starving and depriving himself of rest in order to give those scraps of food and sleep to Alexa, risking his life in solo fights against packs of zoms to try and make their campsites safer so there wouldn't be as much risk to his sick companion.

It was a show of incredible loyalty and it was truly touching that the clone was fighting so hard for her, but it was also wrong. If he kept this up he was going to get himself killed, all over Alexa's dead weight.

Alexa was not okay with that. It should never have happened this way. She was the one that had promised to look out for Casey, back when she'd first found him abandoned and blind to the world in that pod. She was the one that was supposed to reassure Casey, teach him the ropes, encourage his personal goals and help him reach them.

She shouldn't be causing Casey this much grief, this much trouble. Most of all, she didn't want Casey wasting his life, still so incredibly short and with so much potential, on her, not when it was clear Alexa was never even going to reach the end of the trip.

Casey still had options, was strong enough to survive and carve a new place for himself in this world, and could do practically anything he wanted now with his skills and knowledge; it was a crime to chain him to a corpse with an obligation and the very real risk of becoming a corpse himself. It was cruel and selfish and wrong to ask that of Casey at this point; not something a big sister should ever do.

And she still remembered her role as older sister, blood or not. Casey was still family, and as much as she wanted to find her biological family, she had to protect Casey too. At any cost.

She figured they'd understand. They'd be sad, but they'd understand, she was sure. She'd done her best; it just wasn't enough. Now she had to act fast to protect the last family member she had close to her before she didn't have the option at all. They'd get it. They would.

She tried the subtle approach first... as subtle as she could get when her head felt cloudy and talking–
breathing
–hurt. By now Alexa had accepted the fact that she was not going to make it to help before she died, and had been perfectly aware of the very high probability for the past two days.

She'd yet to voice her thoughts to Casey, and she doubted the clone was on the same page as her. Casey knew she was sick, and badly enough to be concerned, but Alexa didn't think he knew the extent of it.

Which was why she knew she had to do something, break the chain before it was too late. Because she knew she was screwed, and for all his abilities and skills Casey couldn't even hope to save her, but Casey would keep trying stubbornly, and Alexa couldn't let him risk himself on a person already marked for death.

So she tried to broach the subject one night, when Casey had managed to find a four-story business building that was still pretty solid, enough that they could safely light a fire in one of the top floors without major risk of attracting zoms.

Alexa was curled as close to the fire as she could get without actually being in the fire, wrapped in everything they could possibly find to keep her warm, and yet she still couldn't banish the chill that felt like it stabbed down into her bones, and shivered hard.

Casey watched her in concern after another failed attempt to get Alexa to eat, refusing to touch the rations he'd set aside for the sick teen despite Alexa's insistence that he not let it go to waste. It was the sight of the dark shadows under Casey's eyes and the way his clothes hung on him more loosely than they used to that finally prompted Alexa to speak.

“I'm not... I'm not doing so good, LS.”

Casey frowned at her as the words prompted a new bout of coughing, and growled, “Stop talking, it makes you worse.”

“I'm really sick,” Alexa said, ignoring the clone's orders. “Like...
real
sick.”

“I noticed. Stop talking so you get better. Also, sleep.”

“I don't think it's gonna help any...”

Something in her tone must have unsettled Casey, because his eyes narrowed, and he said more ferociously, “It will if you'd actually try to sleep. Stop talking.” There was an unvoiced but painfully loud
like this
tacked on to the end, and Alexa was aware enough to realize Casey knew what she was trying to get at.

Alexa fell silent for a few moments. Casey seemed to think she'd had enough of the discussion, and the tension was just starting to leave the clone's shoulders again, when Alexa tried one more time, fighting to get the words out in between the coughs and sharp pains in her chest. “I... LS... you know you don't... owe me anything, for getting you out of that pod... right?”

Casey frowned at her again, and cocked his head slightly in that way that Alexa had long since learned meant he was listening to something no ordinary human would ever be able to hear.

His expression shifted to something more concerned a moment later as Alexa continued to try hacking her organs out, and he said softly, in the most reassuring tone he could manage, “Just get some rest, Alexa. We can talk about this later. Just... just sleep.”

Alexa felt everything inside of herself go dull and numb at the answer. She knew a deflection when she heard one, and Casey hadn't answered her question at all.

Her worst fears were confirmed... Casey was going to stick with her, out of some sort of obligation to Alexa reinforced by a stupid promise to Blake, even if it was for a pointless cause, even if it killed him. She couldn't let it happen, but subtle was clearly not going to cut it.

She had to get serious.

Alexa knew what she had to do now, but with so little energy and with it so hard to focus, it was difficult to come up with how to do it. Still, she gave it a lot of careful thought, as much as she could when she wasn't coughing hard or focusing on breathing or putting one foot in front of another for the short amounts of time she could move under her own power.

It would be difficult to get anything past Casey, which meant she had to do it carefully and right the first time, and she had to wait for just the right opportunity.

Fortunately for her–because Alexa wasn't sure how much longer she could hold her strength together–the chance came two days later, in the middle of another heavy storm. Casey had been forced to retreat around noon when the downpour hit them out of nowhere, hauling Alexa with him off the freeway at the first available exit into some town's industrial district.

They hid away inside an old factory's second floor that Casey had deemed safe for the moment, waiting out the storm while Casey dutifully built up a fire to dry Alexa out and try to get her warm again. But when the rain still hadn't passed hours later and the lightening still flashed and the thunder rolled in the distance, Casey was finally forced to admit they'd be spending the night in that town.

Casey checked one last time to make sure Alexa was as comfortable and safe as possible before heading out into the wet and the cold that he was mostly impervious to for scavenging and a quick patrol.

And that was precisely the moment Alexa had been waiting for.

She'd known she'd have to do this for days now, but the hardest part had been figuring out how to circumvent Casey's hearing, which he nearly always kept tuned these days to listen for sounds of danger or distress back wherever he'd left Alexa.

Which was clever and all, except it also meant he could listen in if Alexa tried to do anything stupid, and come back to put a stop to it–and Alexa knew he wouldn't hesitate to do so, either, if he thought Alexa was risking herself.

But the storm and the rain would interfere with his hearing, and hopefully give Alexa just enough cover to do what she needed.

She hauled herself to her feet through sheer willpower more than anything else. Fortunately, the early retreat meant Alexa had been resting for a few hours already, so she'd been able to recover some of her pitifully limited strength back. It would have to be enough.

Moving as quickly as she could, she shuffled through her pack, pulling out most of the supplies and leaving anything behind that Casey would need for travel in the future. She kept only a few things for herself–flashlight, her water bottle, one of the blankets, and the crowbar, because she knew she was going to be dead soon but no way was she was going to die by zombie bite, she still intended to go down fighting if it came to that.

And she left.

She felt bad about it, really. Part of it felt like Alexa was running away, and while she always had an affinity for running and found no shame in doing it from a horde of zoms, it felt almost like a betrayal to abandon Casey.

Especially since Casey had been a great friend and better family; she'd come to enjoy Casey's company, silent and grumpy though it frequently was, and the past few months up until her illness had been some of the best since Z-day hit.

But it was better this way. Of that, Alexa was certain. She wasn't afraid that she was abandoning Casey to a bad fate; Casey had proven these past few weeks that he was strong, capable and smart enough to survive on his own. And he'd do it even better when he didn't have to keep slowly sacrificing himself for a dying girl.

At this point the only thing Alexa was doing for Casey was holding him back, from his full potential, his own health, and his goals. If Alexa just removed herself from the equation, then everything would get instantly better for Casey, and the clone would be okay again. She wouldn't let her little brother waste away on her account.

Casey would try to stop her, of course, which was why Alexa had waited for the perfect opportunity to leave. But Alexa wasn't as worried about once she got away. Her recent memories and mind were misty, but she knew she'd expressed her knowledge that she was too sick to make it, and she knew Casey had understood.

She'd repeatedly stressed, in all her lessons, the survivalist policy of the human race, how it had ultimately degenerated to 'every man for himself'. Casey had been a good learner; Alexa was sure he'd pick up on this lesson, too.

As soon as Alexa was out of sight she ought to be out of mind as well, and if he was smart Casey wouldn't bother looking for her because there was no point looking for a dying teen in a world where more things were dead than alive these days. And without Alexa there to distract him he could start to focus on his own life again, without feeling like he owed Alexa anything.

It was morbid logic, but all of it made just the perfect amount of sense to Alexa's sickly, tired mind, so much sense it was tragically beautiful.

She wondered if Casey would get it. If he'd understand Alexa's reasoning. If he'd know Alexa was just trying to protect him. But ultimately it didn't matter, as long as it worked. If it worked, Alexa could, and would, die happy.

“Sorry, bro,” she coughed under her breath. “S'been nice knowing you. Really.”

And she didn't look back.

Chapter 13

It didn't matter how long Casey lived in this new variation of the world, and it didn't matter how much he learned about it. Every day he spent living through the apocalypse was just another reminder of how fundamentally out of place he was, and how he ultimately did not belong here or fit in here at all.

Still, he was trying, and as confusing and frustrating and horrifying as this new world and its new rules could occasionally be, Casey found he was gradually coming to understand it better. This wasn't the world he had been made for, but that didn't mean he couldn't be a part of it.