Agent Provocateur (11 page)

‘Of course.’ Grace decides that Betty is too bossy and she doesn’t like it. Just as she thinks she might be human after all, Betty takes that feeling away.

Betty takes the lead and sits down on the sofa. She balances her coffee on her knee and reties her hair. She looks at Grace as she, too, sits, her hair flowing, her long legs crossed, and Betty wishes that she were equally as composed. She can tell Grace’s type a mile off. Or she believes she can. Making quick judgements about people is a part of her Betty isn’t proud of, but she does it none the less. Grace, she believes, had a privileged upbringing, probably spoilt rotten by her parents and told how beautiful she was by everyone else. She never felt insecure about anything. She knew she looked good all the time; she probably never had a spot, or if she did, she would know what to do about it. What Betty can’t bear, apart from the fact she is a honey trapper, is that Grace had the sort of upbringing that Betty wishes she had. She is so sure about this that she doesn’t need to ask. Grace screams effortless life. Unlike Betty. Instead, she was riddled with insecurities, always trying so hard to be liked, and although she had loving parents, she still always felt awkward. She was definitely a misfit. Betty has worked hard over the years to stop feeling this way; Grace reminds her of it all over again. She sees Grace as the popular girl at school and herself as the one Grace bullied. She knows that to make such assumptions is dangerous, but she needs to do so; she just doesn’t know why.

Grace feels her eyes contract as she studies Betty. Betty, who can balance a cup of coffee on her knee while sitting on a cream sofa. Betty, who can retie her hair effortlessly, when it really doesn’t need doing. Betty, who was probably always the most popular wherever she went. Betty, who reminds Grace of everything she’s not.

Grace believes she knows Betty. Grace made certain decisions about her when she first met her. She knows she probably shouldn’t be so quick to judge, but she cannot help it – not when she believes Betty to be so transparent. Married, happily, with a gorgeous husband no doubt. Brought up in a rich, or at least affluent, house. Probably went to private school, where she was always the ringleader. Always managed to be noticed. The opposite of Grace. Grace with her five siblings, crowded together in a four-bedroom council house. Grace with a father who lost the will to work before she came along, and had taken root in front of the television. (Grace rarely saw him anywhere other than in front of the television so that is where she believes she was conceived.) Her mother was distant, obviously driven mad by having six children and a husband who never moved, so she lived in her own little world of multi-coloured rabbit jellies, and not much else.

Grace was not the oldest, nor the youngest. She fitted somewhere in the middle, which was the best place to be ignored. She wasn’t close to her sisters and brothers, but they were generally civil to each other. There was enough bullying at the rough school they attended – no one wanted to do it while at home. Grace imagines that Betty had the happiest of childhoods whereas she herself did not. And although she is thankful that she was never beaten, that she did get fed, and that despite their shortcomings her parents probably loved her, she wishes that she had been brought up in a way that gave her Betty’s inherent confidence rather than an innate feeling of inadequacy that she battled for years to get rid of. Betty brought it all back to her and she instantly disliked Betty for that reason, although she knows she was being irrational.

‘Where would you like to start?’ Grace asks, deciding that as the small talk is definitely over they might as well get on. She also determines not to let Betty push her around.

‘Well, I thought that first you can tell me what your job entails. I’ve done some research but I’m after your interpretation. Then we can talk about how you got started, what made you want to do it. Then when I’ve got some background, you just carry on as normal and I’ll take notes.’ Grace nods. ‘I’ll get my Dictaphone and pad and we’ll start.’ Again, Grace nods. Betty gets up and goes to the hallway where she left her massive bag. She tells herself, for the last time before starting, not to be judgemental and then she returns.

‘I thought we’d go into the office. It’ll be better there.’ Grace gets up and leads the way.

She has put a dining chair in there for Betty. Grace sits down on her desk chair and swings it round to face Betty.

‘Fire away.’ She smiles and hopes that she isn’t about to sound like an idiot.

‘How did you first get into honey trapping?’

‘Totally by accident. I’m not sure it’s the sort of job that you would actually aim for, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense, it’s just that it probably wouldn’t occur to you to do it. Anyway, I met a private detective one evening and he tried to chat me up, but when he told me what he did, I was more interested in that than in him. So we talked and I asked questions and at the end of the night he told me that I would make a great detective. I pushed him further. After all, I was thinking James Bond and he clearly wasn’t – more Pussy Galore.’ Grace stops and laughs; Betty does too. ‘But when he explained that I would be hired to check out the fidelity of men, I must admit I was intrigued. At first I wasn’t sure, but I took his card and then I thought about it. I hated the job I was doing at the time, so I called him and asked for another chat. There I explained my doubts and he cleared them up. I don’t know what made me finally decide, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I can’t bear men who cheat.’

‘But surely if you’re honey trapping, you’re not so much catching them out, but tempting them?’ Betty’s voice is level; she manages to keep condemnation out of it.

‘No, not really. If a man was going to be faithful he would be, no matter what.’

‘But you’re stunning. You go up to a man, show him some interest and he’s bound to be so flattered, and maybe, just maybe, he will be so flattered he falls. It doesn’t make him a serial cheat.’

‘It’s not about how I look. I work on a number of different levels, sometimes even in disguise. I need to know about the man, how to approach him. It’s not just about looks.’ Grace knows she is being defensive but Betty has already hit on her Achilles heel.

‘Tell me about your clients.’ Betty notices the defensive tone in Grace’s voice and thinks that she protests too much, but she decides to take a gentler route.

‘Fine.’ Grace takes a deep breath. ‘Mainly I am hired by women who suspect their partners of cheating in the first place. I’m not testing guys without foundation.’

‘And can you tell if they’re paranoid or if they have genuine grounds for concern?’

‘Women aren’t paranoid. They act on instinct, intuition, and I believe strongly in that.’ Grace again has snapped, unnecessarily. She smiles by way of apology.

‘Right, well, let’s say that they do have suspicions, wouldn’t it be better to catch them in the act rather than becoming the act?’

‘Some women want to know if their husbands are cheating, others want to know if they would cheat. I serve both purposes for them. It’s a quick way of giving them peace of mind.’

‘Or sending them out of their minds.’ Betty regrets the words as soon as they have left her lips, but she seems to have little control over her mouth in front of Grace. She briefly thinks of Fiona and being sacked, and vows to stop.

‘It’s their decision to hire me. I don’t force myself on anyone.’ Grace is confused about how and why they are where they are. One minute she was talking about how she began working in her profession, the next she is defending it. She looks at Betty; she is confused and angry.

‘Right, well, we seem to be going off the track. Sorry. Can you tell me what it was like when you went to work for this detective and how you trained, et cetera?’

Betty is still cross with herself for betraying her feelings so quickly. She vows, again, to be professional from now on. But as she looks at Grace, she clenches her fists. It is not going to be easy. For some reason she feels an urge to attack every time Grace speaks. Which doesn’t make sense. First, she is a professional, and secondly, she is secure in her marriage. It cannot be that she is threatened by Grace. Can it? Betty grew up being totally insecure. She was bullied and teased and she felt awful about herself. She thought that by being a successful journalist and a successful wife, she had finally conquered the irrational fears that insecurities lead to. Perhaps she hasn’t. Maybe they stay with you for ever.

She feels guilty for the way she is treating Grace. In her world, Grace is like a client and should be treated as such. Betty knows that Grace has done nothing to deserve her contempt.

‘I did have training, you know.’ Grace realises her tone is a little bit sharp, but she is still upset. She tells herself to calm down and be more professional; she doesn’t want Betty to write vile things about her because they had a spat. ‘At first, I learnt a bit about spying techniques, what gadgets were involved and the basic principles. It was more general than just fidelity testing. I learnt how to follow someone, how to bug a phone, all sorts of useful little tricks. Then I learnt about the actual testing part. The woman who taught me is a fidelity tester herself. She has a psychology degree and she showed us how important it is to use psychology when working. For instance, you have to socially engineer the whole meeting, while making it look like the man is the one doing just that. Anyway, we were sent on test cases, which, of course, were set up, but they evaluated your performance. God, I was so nervous when I had my first one, I made such a fool of myself.’

‘How come?’

‘Well, obviously we use assumed names when we’re working, and I forgot the name I’d given myself- my mind went totally blank, which was really embarrassing. It just went downhill from there. But I got better, luckily.’

Both women laugh. Then they look at each other and, remembering where they are, they stop.

‘We also learn, which is very important, how to deal with the clients. The women are our priority and it’s a very disturbing and emotional time for them, so we need to be sensitive, and also we often have to listen to them when they’re upset and try to help them.’ Although this is Nicole’s role, not Grace’s, she hopes that it will make Betty more sympathetic to what she does if she claims it as hers.

‘Like counselling?’

‘Sort of, but that’s all part of it. I’m often giving them news which signals the end of their marriage or their relationship. That needs sensitive handling.’

‘So, how long did you train for?’

‘I went on my first job after a month. I didn’t think I was ready, but once I got there, instinct seemed to take over and I did it. I was jubilant, which is awful, I know, because this guy propositioned me and he shouldn’t have done. But, you know, it was sort of like a performance and I was just relieved that I didn’t mess up. I always thought if on my first job the man had turned me down, then I would have felt that it was my fault.’

Betty is scribbling furiously, but she stops and gives Grace a funny look. Grace thinks she has said the wrong thing. She waits for Betty to attack her again. Betty thinks about saying something, but manages to change her mind. She is so desperate to put Grace down for her last comment, but she is also trying to remember who she is and why she is sitting in Grace’s flat. She is also picturing Fiona’s face. That helps.

‘Do you enjoy your job?’ she asks in a non-condescending way.

‘I think “enjoy” might be the wrong term. Do I get job satisfaction? Yes, actually I do. I believe that I am helping women, getting them out of situations which are hurting them. Heartbreak is hard, but it does go away.’ She scowls and remembers that she is not here to witter on. ‘It’s not always easy, that’s for sure, and some nights, after I’ve been on a job and a horrible man propositions me, I get home and feel, not depressed exactly, but a bit sad. It isn’t an easy job, that’s for sure.’

Betty feels that Grace is being totally honest with her, and she can’t help but respect her for that.

‘Tell me about your disguises.’ Safer ground.

‘Well, sometimes men like blondes, and you can see I’m not exactly blonde. So I wear a wig. Also, if I am going back to an area or a bar that I have been in before, then I think it might be safer to wear a disguise. It’s amazing how easily you can transform yourself by changing your hair colour or style. I’ll show you later. I’ve got loads of wigs.’ Grace smiles. For a moment it feels like fun; Betty concurs. ‘Also, sometimes it’s easier to be in disguise because then I become someone else. Does that make sense?’ Grace is surprised by her candidness, but not as much as Betty is.

‘It does.’ Betty checks that the Dictaphone is still whirring, and she makes notes while listening intently. ‘How do you know where to find the man?’

‘Sometimes it’s easy. They are where they tell their partners they’ll be. Other times, the client will narrow it down to a few bars and I’ll have to search. That can be a bit hit and miss, but normally we find them. If they really have no idea – after all, the fact the man might be a cheater shows that he is capable of lying – then someone will follow them from work or home, and then they’ll let me know where they are.’

‘Is it always in a bar or a pub?’

‘Mostly, but not always. I’ve had a job in a gym. That was horrid –I hate gyms. Once I was supposed to be testing a tennis coach, so I had to have tennis lessons, and I was dreadful.’ Grace laughs at the memory.

Betty laughs along with her, noting how animated Grace’s face becomes when she laughs. At first she thought she was expressionless, hard-faced, but when she smiles it is as if someone switches a light on in her face and everything comes to life.

Grace continues, ‘The worst job, really, was at a golf club. I had to learn to play golf, follow this guy’s game and catch him at the bar afterwards. I hate golf.’

At the mention of golf, Betty immediately thinks of Johnny, and her dislike of Grace, for what Grace represents, comes flooding back tenfold.

‘Right, well, that’s good background. I can fill in the gaps as we continue. What if you go about your normal day to day routine and pretend I’m not here?’