AJ's Salvation (21 page)

“I'm pretty sure the leverage isn't the problem at all, but the judge would be,” Shannon whispered sadly, shaking her head. “That's the only flaw of the plan we developed now. We need to legalize Jamison's claim to Alessandro, and for that, I fear we'll have to go a not so legal way, but ...”

Aly suddenly jumped away from him. “What would the judge have to do?” she asked almost breathless.

“Sign a custody form that was backdated to when Alessandro was born. It basically means he would have to do something illegal, and we'd have to risk outing you to him. There's a good chance he’d have you arrested, after all,” Lenard explained.

“Especially if we consider that the Karmisons probably bought everyone who matters,” Shannon injected, and suddenly, Aly was laughing. It was crazy. Jam worried she had lost her mind fully now. 

“Alessia,” he whispered, cupping her cheek. "Are you okay?"

“If I get the form, can you get the Karmisons to sign it?” she asked, her eyes bright as if she had caught a fever. It made him swallow. 

“How?” Shannon interrupted, but Aly just spun around, holding a finger out. 

“It's better if you know as little as possible. What would we need to have the document legal? Besides the judge's signature?” she wanted to know, her breath exhilarated.

Jam wished he could read her mind because she was just not making any sense. 

“Well, the mother would have to sign in the presence of either said judge or a lawyer,” Shannon announced, and Aly clapped her hands together, laughing again.

“There's hope, Jam! There's hope! You can get your boy back!” She was pinching his cheeks in a moment of total excitement, and he grabbed her wrists. 

“Calm the fuck down, Aly,” he demanded, but she just shook her head, her dark waves flying excitedly from one side to the other.

“Get the dirt, Jamison Loane. We need to get our son back.”

Aly didn't want Jamison to go back, yet she knew he had to. He and Shannon had a flight booked late morning the next day, and it hurt her not to know what would happen next. She had a plan, and before she told everyone else, she wanted to make sure it worked. There was a judge she hoped would help her, but if, against everything she believed him to be, he turned her down, she didn't want to involve anyone else.

“I can feel you thinking, Alessia,” Jamison mumbled. She laughed as he combed his fingers through her curls. 

“How am I supposed to stop when tomorrow you'll go back to Townsend while I have to stay here?” They had decided it wasn't worth taking the risk of the Karmisons having Aly prosecuted just because she couldn't stay away. “I'm not gonna see you, or Alessandro, for quite a while. I miss him so much, but right now, I'm trying to focus on taking it one day at a time. You being here helps, but …”

Jam grabbed her chin and made sure she met his eyes. “You’ll get him back,” he promised, and she rolled her eyes. She knew he didn’t deserve her doubt, especially since the hardest part was on her, but still, she just couldn’t help it. Jam actually sat up, almost looking hurt. “I mean what I say,” he insisted, and she sat up, too, hoping to soften the anger on his features.

“I don’t only want Alessandro back. I might have gotten greedy in the last weeks,” Aly admitted, and even though she had been sure it was obvious to Jam, he looked at her with a questioning expression.

“What else could you want?” he wanted to know.

“Nothing less than your heart and soul,” she admitted because it
was
what she wanted. She wouldn’t agree to take less than everything when it came to Jam. Secretly, she hoped this whole thing would offer Jam some kind of closure. If somehow, by luck or fate or whatever you wanted to call it, they got Alessandro back, Jam’s business with the Karmisons would be over. They’d no longer have anything on him.

“Aly …” he started then stopped himself. His eyes left her face, going down his bare arms and the scars visible there. For a very long time, he was quiet, almost making Aly wish she had shut up.

“I’m sorry, Jam, you don’t …” She broke off as he lifted his haunted eyes to hers.

“No, you’re right. You need me whole and not broken. I’m not ready to go to a psychologist, but I want you to know … understand how …” He breathed deeply a few times, and Aly wasn’t sure if she should be touching him or not.

As it was, he took the decision from her by getting up and pulling over a long sleeve shirt and his jeans. She noticed he didn’t button them up, and even though she shouldn’t think about anything but his pain, she couldn’t help but lick her lips.

Shaking her head, she focused on him while he walked over to the window. The sun was setting, sending a red glow into the bedroom. Jam’s blond hair looked as if it was on fire, his eyes having an almost dangerous hue. The light made the green appear almost black.

He leaned his hands against the window frame, taking a deep breath.

“Jamison,” she whispered, not exactly sure what she wanted to say, but he only shook his head.

“It was a party. Collene wanted to show off how well we worked together …”

Aly sat back on the bed, pulling Jam’s sweater close. She had a feeling this was going to be a story she wasn’t ready to hear naked.

Jam watched the water, realizing it was almost on fire. The sunset was one of the most beautiful he had ever seen, yet it was almost telling. Aly was going to hate him after this. His world would go down in flames, and he was the one putting the match to the gasoline.

“I usually didn’t drink when I was around her, but that night … God, Aly, it was too much. I think I was drunk before most of her friends really showed. She made me wear a suit, or better just the tie and the shirt, dress pants … you know.” He shrugged, his throat feeling clogged. He suddenly wasn’t sure he could tell the story anymore. Or that he should. Luckily, Aly had decided to stay away from him. He wouldn’t be able to deal with her touching him. Just the memory of this evening made him feel dirty. 

Pushing away from the window, he thought about how he shouldn’t be telling her the story there, in her bedroom, her sanctuary. 

“We should go somewhere else,” he stated, panic making his voice sound high-pitched.

“We’re staying right here, Jamison. Pace all you want, maybe even stop telling the story, but don’t run away,” she pleaded, and Jam swallowed. He couldn’t look at her. 

“Aly, you and I shouldn’t be together. I’m darker than dark, and you are the brightest star out there. I …” He trailed off, rubbing his hands over the sleeves as if it made the dirt go away.

He needed to get it out now or he was never going to finish.

“She was pissed I was drunk, but her friends loved me. Everyone wanted me. I was the best trophy she had. I guess she figured it was time for punishment. I guess
I
figured it was time for punishment. Either way, I took a girl to her bedroom. I thought maybe, just maybe, Collene would be tired of me if she found me with someone else …” Her gasp made him pause.

“Jam, if the scars on your body are any indication, she was likely to kill you for disobeying like that,” she cried, and he slowly nodded. She knew pretty well the most likely scenario.

“I didn’t care. You see now how weak I am? I thought it would have been the easy way out.” Oh God, he had never admitted that out loud. 

“Weak? You stayed with her because of me. Thea Karmison told me when she left. All the people she would’ve hurt when instead hurting you …” She shook her head, and Jam turned away just enough so he could see her face in the mirror without being obvious about it.

“The girl tied me up. Handcuffs on the bed.” He rubbed his wrists, remembering too well the burning he had felt the next morning. “That girl … shit, I don’t even remember her name. She went over to the door and said she’d just turn off the light. Next thing I know, Collene is kneeling over me. Of course, I was naked. How else can you get kinky?” Had he ever hated himself more than he did at that moment, seeing Aly shudder? His voice dripped with sarcasm. Getting into some extra-special sex had
not
been on his agenda that night. He grabbed her dressing table, worrying that his tight grip would splinter it.

“I was drunk. I thought maybe nothing would happen. Hell, how often do you hear that drunk guys can’t manage to get it up? Of course, it was just my luck that my body decided it needed some action. After all, there never had been any up until that point. At least not from the moment I started dating that bitch. Frankly, she knew how to do it right, too. I guess she didn’t stay abstinent the way I did. Anyway, she …” He gritted his teeth until his ears were ringing. 

“I get the idea. She abused you sexually. You were drunk and cuffed to the bed.”

“I pretended it was you.” His voice was barely a whisper. “It was the only thing that helped to get me through it. You were my happy place. You’ve always been my happy place even though you never deserved my mess. Alessandro is the result of that night. As much as I hate what she did, the moment I knew she was expecting my child, all I wanted was to make sure the baby would be okay.” It had been the only thought driving him from the second she had presented him with the result. She had even blackmailed him, but that was something Aly didn’t need to know. As it was, she was crying silent tears, no longer looking at him. He just saw it through the mirror, her hand pressed against her forehead, the dark hair hiding her wet cheeks. He needed to scrub his skin clean even though he wanted nothing more than to walk over and take her in his arms.

Walking back, he hit the wall next to the door and then turned, stumbling to her bathroom. Tearing the shirt off, he threw it on the floor. Jam was breathing hard, not able to control his body’s reaction. It always ended that way. Every time he thought about that night, he started to shake until he almost wanted to throw up. Sometimes, he wondered if that was how women felt after they had been violated. Only he should have been stronger than that.

He turned the water in the shower on until steam filled the room then he grabbed the nailbrush, rubbing his lower arm under the hot water. His skin burned almost instantly, but in contrast to all the other times, it didn’t soothe the feeling of hatred.

“Fuck,” he growled, not being able to wash the images from his mind. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” The steaming water turned colder and small hands wrapped around his, halting his movements. 

“Jam,” Aly whispered, her voice thick with tears. He couldn’t look at her. There was no need for her to tell him to get out. He knew he didn’t deserve to be with her.

“Just a second,” he pleaded, but her hands just turned him away from her, placing his hands against the cold tiles. The jeans he wore stuck to his legs uncomfortably, and he could feel the sweater she still wore was getting soaked. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against the cooling porcelain.

The water was falling on his shoulders, running down his back in calming rivers. Suddenly, a soft sponge pressed against his skin, never ceasing to draw slow circles until his ragged breath evened out.

“Turn,” Aly ordered quietly. He did, looking at her face while she focused on his skin, cleansing him more thoroughly than he ever had been able to. 

“You’re amazing,” she said loud enough for him to hear over the running water. “You are brave.” She kissed his chest, dropping the sponge. “You are incredible.” Aly let her hands roam over his chest, his shoulders, down his arms. “And you are mine. This wasn’t your fault. None of this was.” She gave him a slow smile. 

“You still want me?” Why the hell was his voice so rough?

“Are you kidding me? You wear jeans in the shower. They’re molded to your body. There’s nothing more sexy than this!” She winked and Jam grinned, reaching out to cup the back of her neck and draw her in. Wet and soaked as she was, she still was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“Besides the jeans, though,” she mumbled, pulling back until he was looking at her, “I love you, Jam. I never stopped. So please, whatever you will have to deal with, whatever comes, don’t be afraid I’ll leave or resent you.”

He watched her face for a long moment and then picked her up, kissing her with as much love and need as he felt. They stood under the shower, both half-dressed yet fully bare, but he didn’t care. Obviously, neither did she as she grabbed his shoulders, his hair, whatever she could reach and hold onto. He wanted to have her just that bit closer, feeling the need to become one with her. It was there, at that moment, Jam decided to make this right eventually. Once the dust had settled and their lives had calmed down a little, they needed to make adjustments. Big adjustments.