Alex (In the Company of Snipers) (22 page)

Her mouth went dry. Jackie had drawn this exact kind of family picture at the Durrant kitchen table not too long ago. He had concentrated so hard that his tongue stuck out until the last flower was colored in his favorite colors. Red and yellow. He had even drawn his truck in the portrait. Tears blurred the lovely image as Kelsey touched the waxy outline of a dead little girl’s face. She could almost smell the crayons and construction paper. The image of Jackie’s proud smile when he displayed his finished masterpiece on their refrigerator door just so his daddy could see it flashed into her mind. Nick. The awful irony sliced her heart to shreds all over again. Jackie had loved his father like any son would. He wanted to make sure his daddy saw his artwork. But Nick—

What was I thinking?

She couldn’t get out of Alex’s room fast enough. The devastation of all she had lost swept over her like wildfire. Curling up on her bed with her arms wrapped around her knees, she cried, like that could in any way keep the pain at bay. It couldn’t. What on earth am I doing in Alexandria? How could I have left my boys behind and so far away? A torrent of tears blinded her. She didn’t belong here. She didn’t belong anywhere.

Smiling eyes of crayon blue from down the hall chided her. Abby had lived the perfect childhood loved by both of her parents, but in the end, she was the same as Tommy and Jackie. Loved and lost. Kelsey thought of Abby’s very unhappy father. She stilled as she remembered the tender light in his eyes the night before he left, and the sound of his voice when he called, “Can you wait a little longer? For me?”

The thought calmed her. He was the difference between her family and Sara’s. He had truly loved his wife and child. He still did. Everything in this sad depressing home testified to that.

Alex.
Kelsey took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as her emotions returned to normal. Abby and Sara were gone. Tommy and Jackie were gone. But she and Alex were still here. They weren’t so different. Want to or not, they still had to live.

She set her feet to the floor and resolutely returned to the brand new home office with its state of the art computer and very expensive roll-top desk. Alex had given her another gift she didn’t deserve. The least she could do was accomplish what she intended.

Whisper interrupted her plans with a yelp from his kennel. Without a backward glance, Kelsey snapped the laptop closed and snagged the dog leashes off the hook by the back door. In a minute, she locked the house and deserted her schoolwork for the day. She opened the kennel and let her two best friends loose to rampage around the backyard for a couple minutes. In two more weeks Alex would be home again. She would do what he asked. She would wait for him.

And then she’d leave.

“Kelsey. It’s me, Alex.”

“Are you coming home yet?” Kelsey’s heart fluttered at the sound of his voice. He called the minute his plane touched down. By then his original operation had been extended into a comfortable two-month zone of solitude and healing for her. She did feel stronger, but she would be happy to see him again, too.

“Just landed. I’m at the airport. I need to stop by my office first, but how about a date tonight?”

She choked, her throat suddenly too dry to swallow. “A date? Us? I mean, us? A date?”

“Now don’t get all excited. Just thought I’d see if you’d help with a project of mine. We wouldn’t even have to leave the house.”

She coughed again. Not leaving the house and date in the same sentence played crazy tricks on her libido. “What kind of project are you talking about?”

“It’s a woodworking project. I do a couple things for the children’s cancer ward over at one of the DC hospitals every Christmas. Would you mind lending a hand? That’s all I’m asking.”

Kelsey smiled more and more these days. She felt swept along in the wake of a man with more life in him than most people. “That sounds okay. I guess I can do that.”

“I’ll be home at four. Do you want me to grab something for dinner?”

“I’ve got two rib eyes waiting to be grilled.”

“Good answer. See you soon.”

Fifteen

Kelsey

He’s home.

She didn’t know how to act by the time he pulled his truck into the driveway. As much as she wanted to run to him, she wanted to hide from him. All afternoon she had talked herself out of any excitement at seeing him again. She used logic and scolding, common sense and religious fortitude, but then she applied fresh lipstick and checked her makeup just in case.

The doorknob turned. He stood in the doorway, tall, deeply tanned, handsome, and incredibly close. An odd rush of fear took her breath even as she realized how much she craved his crooked smile. His eyes seemed bluer than she remembered, and he had been to a barber on the way home. The manly smell of aftershave filled the small front room. The black polo tucked into tan cargo pants emphasized his athletic waist and hips. His broad shoulders looked broader. Her breath hitched as her eyes drank him in.

Her first impulse was an out of control run to him, bowl him over, and kiss the stuffing out of him kind of a feeling. She didn’t. She waited, frozen as another feeling from her past suffocated her with dread.
He’s home
. Those words had once meant terror. Her mouth went dry and her heart pounded as fear and desire collided. This was when it happened, the accusations, the arguments, and the lies. She stood waiting for Alex to make the first move. Then she would know if she should run.

“Hello.” He seemed restrained also, too calm and composed compared to the level of her anticipation. He stood at the door, his eyes taking her in from head to toe in one scorching glance. He saw through her, she was sure of it. With panic stifling all reasonable thought, she felt more vulnerable than ever. Only small talk saved the day.

“How was your flight?” She held her breath.

“Good. How was your day?”

“I’ve been busy as usual.” She strived for a matter-of-fact tone to her voice, no fear and no nervousness. That might set him off. “Dinner is already on the table. Are you hungry?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Her silly heart skipped a beat.
He called me ma’am.
For some reason, when he called her that, it heard sweetheart and darling instead. She relaxed and took a deep breath. “Let’s eat.”

Confusion bounced around in her head as Kelsey headed for the kitchen. Alex followed, just a step behind. She wondered if she slowed her gait, would he place his hand at the small of her back again? Instead she strode purposefully, as if the only thing she wanted to do right now was food service related. The table was already set for two. Quickly she served the rib eyes along with baked potatoes, green beans, and a spinach salad. A chocolate pudding cake waited in the refrigerator for the cream already whipped to perfect peaks. His steak was more rare than medium, just the way he liked it. Despite all her excitement only a moment ago, now she moved like a waitress at a fast food joint with a customer.

“I have a bottle of wine somewhere if you’d like—” He was half out of his seat, half smiling. Still watching.

“No, thank you. I’d just fall asleep.” Even she heard the no-nonsense tone in her voice. It was her old coping mechanism, but now she didn’t know how to turn it off.
What is wrong with me?

“Looks like you’ve had good weather.” He had to be hungry after a day of travel, but for some reason he just pushed his food around the plate.

“Yes. We’ve had a couple rain showers yesterday, but nothing else.”

Scolding herself for getting excited about nothing, she focused on washing the few dishes in the sink instead of the deep tan on his face and arms. It made the hair on his arms almost blonde, and she wondered if arm hair could be bleached from the sun, and whatever, she really didn’t care because it looked good on him. The tan on his face made his eyes a deeper blue. She inhaled the smell of him from across the small kitchen, the manly odor of wind, soap, and him.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” he asked quietly.

Embarrassed, Kelsey looked up from the dishwater. He looked unhappy.

“I already ate,” she lied even as he looked at the second table setting.

“I see.” He pushed back from the table, his food barely touched. “You’re probably too busy to help with the hospital project then.”

“No, but I have dessert if you’d like. I made—”

“Thanks anyway.” He turned to the basement door. “I’ll be downstairs.”

“I said I’ll help and I will.” Kelsey went to her room and changed into one of her older, more tattered outfits.

She joined him back in the kitchen. Somehow the evening had turned from a welcome home party to a game of uncomfortable strategy. Move here, counter move there. He stood at the basement door waiting, his eyes analyzing as usual. The last time he did that, he had bought an entire home office just so she could take a few college courses. Maybe that’s what he was waiting for?

“Would you like to see your new office?” she offered, still very much in control of her emotions.

“No. I wouldn’t.” Alex opened the door and flipped the basement light switch, his eyes hooded and dark. “Workshop’s downstairs.”

She followed him as they descended the basement steps, but Alex was quiet. He waved at the cutout wooden pieces laid out on the table as he busied himself at the workbench. “These for the kids in the cancer ward over at Washington Central.”

Kelsey stood at the far end of the table, surveying the organized room. A sturdy bench lined the entire far wall with an array of tools attached to the pegboard above it. A shelf to the right housed other equipment that looked like drills or saws while a box full of wood scraps sat on the floor beside the shelf. Long fluorescent work lights hung from the low ceiling. In the middle of the room stood a long worktable with twenty-five individual stacks of wooden pieces lined up like table settings. It was easy to see he had an assembly line in mind.

Without looking at her, Alex tossed a pack of sandpaper across the table. “First, we sand. Then we glue.”

She smiled, but he didn’t notice. He was already focused on the first stack, his eyes hooded and dark.

“There’s a chair if you’d rather sit.” He pointed to an old office chair in the corner, again without making eye contact.

“Okay.” Kelsey pulled it to the table and sat opposite Alex. This frosty attitude from Alex was her fault. She knew it. She just didn’t know how to change it. As she examined the puzzle pieces in front of her, she determined they were precut with tabs so they would fit together without nails or screws.

“It’s a cradle.” She looked at his tight-lipped face. “You make cradles?”

“Yes.”

She picked up the piece of sandpaper and ran it along the edge of what looked like a headboard.

“Not like that.” Instantly the temperature in the room plummeted. She nearly jumped out of her skin he came so quickly to her side. Brusquely he took the sandpaper out of her hand and smoothed it across the wooden piece in a firm, smooth motion. “Sand in the direction of the grain. Always. Like this.”

“Oh. Sorry. Okay.” She gulped, glancing timidly up at him as he demonstrated what he expected. Flustered as much by his cold shoulder as his close proximity, she could barely breathe. Where was that nice man who had taken her on a whirlwind tour of DC only a couple months ago? She didn’t recognize him.

Confusion rattled her nerves. How could someone so kind also be so cold? The smell of him filled her nose. Hmm. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, she thought, and the olfactory senses as well. She closed her eyes to breathe him in and to calm herself. Hmm. That guy is still here. Somewhere.

He walked back to the other side of the table. Without another word, they sanded and glued. Alex was the epitome of a workaholic. Since he had planned to complete the cradles that night, that’s exactly what they did. She finished eight by the time he finished seventeen. Okay, so she was slow, but she enjoyed the work if not the silence. It was late when they finished sanding, but he gave her a succinct demonstration how to glue the pieces together anyway. As she glued, he followed with a set of braces for each cradle.

“Are you going to paint them?” Kelsey asked when he braced the final cradle.

“Yes.”

“What colors?” She pushed her hair back over her shoulder and out of her face.