Authors: Ella Miles
“Maybe the young man waiting in the waiting room will,” she says with a knowing look.
“It’s not what you think. He’s just a friend.”
“Maybe. Maybe he’s more. But whoever he is, go talk to him before he does something stupid like break down a door to come find you. And maybe whoever he is can make things okay.”
“Okay,” is all I say back as I watch the nurse leave. I want to go talk to Landon. I want to
be
with Landon. But I’m not sure I can face him. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to tell him ‘no’ again.
But now that I’ve lost you
I know it really exists.
I never thought I could feel
So empty without you in my arms
Without your strength surrounding me.
“Fuck!” I howl, throwing one of the blue plastic chairs across the waiting room. It slams into the wall with a crash that ricochets off the walls in the waiting room. I watch as it bounces off the linoleum floor before knocking another chair over. I have been in this waiting room for over eight hours. Eight long fucking hours without seeing her. Without a word from her.
The woman I want to marry. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with just said ‘no.’ Not maybe. Not we will see. Just no. She didn’t even hesitate when I begged her for an answer before she left to go be with her husband. She just spat it out, demolishing my heart with her words.
I know asking her to marry me wasn’t a rational decision. I know even if her husband hadn’t come back into the picture to ruin everything, it would have been way too early to ask her. I know that asking her to marry me, while technically still married to another man, is insane. But I thought she would have at least considered my offer. Shown me that she at least gave a shit about me.
Instead, she’s left me to pace in this damn waiting room for eight hours. I’ve spent the time texting her. Calling her. Begging the damn nurses to let me back to see her. I don’t want to see
him
. Just
her.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave or I’ll have to call security,” an older nurse says to me. I look around the room. Everything in the room is white other than the damn chairs, and I’ve had enough of the antiseptic smell to make me sick. The only things that seem alive in the room are the people sitting in the damn plastic blue chairs. Their eyes are transfixed on me, breaking out of their gloomy blank stares and instead, wearing a look of fear. Fear that I caused when I threw the chair. They probably think I’m a drunk throwing a tantrum. I’ve seen my dad drunk enough times to know that this is what I look like right now. But I’m not drunk. I’m just in unbearable pain because I know I’ve lost Alex.
“I’m sorry,” I say to the nurse. “I’ll go.”
I start walking out of the waiting room watching as every person I pass hides their eyes from me as if I’m going to attack them for just looking at me. I approach the automatic doors that open slowly, almost as if they are reluctant for me to leave too, when I hear her voice.
“Landon,” Alex says.
I grin. I can’t help it. I’ve waited all day to hear those words. Any words from her. I turn and look at her. My grin immediately fades. Her face is red and blotchy. Her eyes swollen from crying. Her hair is a tangled mess. I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her. To my surprise, she lets me. She sinks back into my chest like a perfect fit. Gone though is the smell of raspberries, replaced with antiseptic and hints of him. He’s already left his scent on her.
“We need to talk,” she says. I wince at the dreaded words that no one ever wants to hear.
“There’s a coffee shop across the street,” I suggest.
She nods and forces her body away from mine. I walk next to her side by side, but I resist the urge to reach out and touch her. I resist throwing her over my shoulder, throwing her in my car, and just driving until all of this is nothing but a distant memory.
The walk is cold despite the morning light shining down on us in the middle of summer. Even Mother Nature knows this is not a pleasant morning worthy of beautiful weather. Has it really been almost twenty-four hours since I last fucked her? The last time my life felt perfect. Has it really been ten hours since Ethan knocked on the door? Ruining my life. Eight hours since I proposed? Further ruining my life. Eight hours since I last saw her? It doesn’t seem real, my life.
How easily it changed in twenty-four hours. Really how much it changed in one second. Just the amount of time to knock on a door. Because one glance at Ethan and I knew my life was over.
I look up at the glass door to the small local coffee shop. Everyone inside is happily drinking their morning coffee. Some are chatting while others are engrossed in a book or their computer. Coffee shops aren’t for uncomfortable conversations. They are for happy conversations between friends. This conversation is going to ruin coffee shops for me forever.
Alex walks straight to the counter and orders us both coffee. I hand the barista my card to pay. It’s like paying for your last meal before your execution. That’s how I feel paying for this order. It’s beyond painful.
Alex takes a seat at a small table in the far corner of the shop. I wait for our drinks. I want the wait to last forever because as long as I’m standing over here, I can’t be at the table listening to Alex explain why we can’t be together. But the wait ends quickly. The barista hands me our coffees, and I take the short walk to the table.
I hand Alex her coffee before I sit across from her. I watch as she takes a sip from her coffee, but I don’t bother touching mine. When she sets it down, she starts talking, but I don’t really hear the words. I’m too focused on the plump pink lips I will never get to taste again. Her perfect green eyes that sparkle even now as tears threaten. Her hair that, despite it being a tangled mess, still flatters her. I think about the strength she embodies every day. How selfless she is to be thinking of Ethan and me instead of herself. I’ll never get to experience her strength, selflessness, or her fighting spirit. All of it is going to disappear from my life after today.
Sure, I hear words like ‘Ethan,’ ‘kidnapped,’ and ‘tortured,’ but I don’t listen to the details. I don’t care what happened to that fucker. If I were married to Alex, I wouldn’t let anybody stop me from being with her. Sure as hell not some damn kidnappers. All I want to know is if Alex is safe. Or is there some lunatic on the loose trying to get to her?
“Have they caught the guys yet?”
“No, but we should be safe enough for now. The hospital has security, and it will be a few days before Ethan is released.”
Fuck this. I’m tired of hearing about Ethan. I want to know about us. If she is just going to pretend like these last few weeks didn’t happen.
“Alex, I love ...”
“Stop, just stop.” She holds up her hand and then takes a deep breath. Her hands fidget with her cup of coffee in front of her. I watch as she takes breath after breath trying to calm herself as she has done before when she was having a panic attack. Except this time she isn’t suffering from a panic attack, she is suffering with dealing with real life. I watch as her hands slowly relinquish their grip on her cup and her breathing becomes even enough that she can speak.
“Landon, I want to thank you. For everything. For opening my heart again. After the accident, I tried to hide away so I couldn’t feel the pain. I thought that the only way to feel love again was to go through intense, unbearable pain. I was right that loving often comes with intense pain, but I was wrong in thinking that the pain isn’t worth it.” She pauses making sure to catch my eyes before she continues.
“It is worth it. I wouldn’t give up these last few weeks for anything. I fell in love again. I learned to open my heart. You released me from the pain I was carrying with me. But what I’ve realized is that our love isn’t meant to be an everlasting love. Our love was always meant to be temporary so that when we both were faced with our pasts, we would be ready to love again.” She reaches across the table and grabs hold of my hands, tighter than she ever has before.
“I love you, and I’ll take that memory with me forever. It’s what is allowing me to open my heart back up to Ethan. Thank you for setting me free from the cage I was living in.” She releases my hands and stands up.
“I’m not coming back, and I won’t answer your texts or calls. You’re free,” she says walking away from me and taking my heart with her.
I don’t follow her. I’m too broken to say anything that will make her stay. She’s made up her mind about her future, and it doesn’t include me.
I watch her emerald eyes scan the crowd taking in the crowded dance floor and bar. She doesn’t seem to be searching for anyone, just content to get out of the cold. She’s plainly dressed in jeans and wearing a bulky sweater that covers most of her body. She’s perfect.
“Oh, my God, Ethan!” my mother screeches in her high-pitched voice as she bursts into my hospital room. Tears flow freely down her cheeks as she rushes to my bedside and pulls me into an unusually tight hug. She’s never been one to show any emotions that could be seen as weak. I’ve never seen her cry. Not once. Not when her father died. Not when her husband died. Never.
But right now, she’s bawling as she squeezes all of the oxygen from my lungs. My nurse and doctor are standing in the doorway smiling at the reunion of a mother and her child, not caring at the damage she is doing to my body. Mother releases her grip and kisses me on the forehead like most mothers usually do when they kiss their children good night. Except mine never has before today. This is all for show. This is all for the doctor and nurse standing in the doorway.
“I can’t believe you are alive,” Mother says between fake sobs. I know Mother loves me, but I’ve always wondered if she loved me more because of the money I bring the Wolfe company rather than as the son who she loves spending time with.
“What happened to you? Any serious injuries?” Mother asks.
“I’m fine, Mother,” I say. I look at up at my nurse and doctor who have seen enough of my mother’s spectacle to know that she loves me. “Will you excuse us?”
The doctor nods while my nurse smiles. “If you need anything, just press the button. I’ll be back in about an hour to check on you.”
I just nod not bothering to smile back as they both leave my hospital room to give us some privacy. I turn my scowl to my mother who has already turned off the tears and is powdering her face.
“What was that about?” I ask.
“Can’t a mother show affection for her son?”
“No, you can’t.”
She smiles as she closes her compact. She hasn’t changed a bit.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Alexa’s leg?”
“It wasn’t important. The only thing you needed to know was her memory. That it’s gone. Her leg doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“Oh, stop it. You are too close to that girl.”
“She’s my wife.”
Mother smiles her sly smile again. “For now.”
I frown. “What does that mean?”
“Never mind. You ready to talk to the police and reporters.”
“Yes.”
“Excellent.” She walks to the door and pokes her head out. After a few words, two men follow her back into the room.
“I’m Officer Michael Nibbs, and this is Officer Chad Burner. I’m so sorry to disturb you while you are in the hospital recovering, but we would like to nail the bastards who did this to you and your wife.”
“It’s not a problem at all. Take a seat,” I say gesturing to the folding chairs at the far side of the room. I watch as each officer pulls a chair up next to my bed.
“Can you tell us what happened? What you remember?” Officer Burner asks.
“Sure. It was New Year’s Eve. Alexa and I had just gotten married that night at the Plaza hotel. A limo was driving us home. The roads were pretty icy. Next thing I remember, the car had gone over a bridge into the river. The rest of my memories from that night are vague.” I close my eyes trying to remember more from that night, but nothing comes to me.
“The next thing I remember, I was tied up in the basement of a building.”
“Do you know what building you were held in? Or can you describe the building in any way?” Officer Nibbs asks.
“It was a building about ten blocks from our apartment. I was able to walk straight to the apartment when I broke free. I would need a map to show you where exactly.”
Officer Nibbs pulls out his phone and hands it to me. I enter in my apartment and then study the map as I retrace my steps. Down alleyways and streets that I’m pretty familiar with after living in the apartment for several months. I finally find the spot where the abandoned building stood.
“Here,” I say pointing to the spot. “They kept me in the basement of the abandoned building on that lot.”
“We will make sure to send a team immediately,” Officer Nibbs says.
“Good.”
“Do you know how many men kept you hostage?”