Alive (6 page)

I am still reeling from the brief touch of his lips on mine, and my knees feel like they might give out at any moment. “Come on, let’s get inside,” he says huskily. “The band is probably wondering where I am.”

He takes my hand and leads me towards the entrance of the club. Since Adam is a part of the show, we didn’t have to pay cover. I know the bouncer at this club though, he sometimes stands outside of my mom’s bar when Tiny, our normal bouncer, can’t be there. Big Mike has been around since I was a little girl, and has always looked out for me when my mom wasn’t around. He looks at me and starts to look away, then quickly darts his eyes back to mine.

“Abigail, what are you doing here tonight?” He turns his gaze to Adam and gives him a once over, raking his eyes from his head to his toes. “And why are you with this dickhead? Are you even old enough to date boys? I don’t think I feel comfortable with this.” He turns from big scary bouncer to protective biker in a matter of seconds. He knows all about my home life and my complicated mother. These big scary biker men have been my safe haven for years. Even though they look tough and mean, deep down these men have done nothing but try and protect me for years.

I have to refrain from rolling my eyes and stomping my foot down like a child. I can make my own decisions. I’ve been doing it since I was seven. “I’m here with Adam tonight. I’m watching his band play. Don’t worry about me OK, I am in good hands.” I try to convince him not to worry about me.

“If you need anything, I mean anything, you come find me. Understood?” He turns his gaze to Adam and speaks in a deep tone. “And you, if you so much as touch her or look at her inappropriately, I will end you. You got me?” Adam doesn’t speak, he just slightly nods his head up and down.

Adam turns to look at me and his face is still slightly pale. “God Abigail, how many people do you have looking out for you? That guy is huge, not to mention seriously scary. I might never touch you again for fear of losing a body part.”

“Don’t worry about Big Mike, he is a big softie.” I nudge his side, then reach out and grab his hand. I like the way I feel when his hand is holding mine.

“Easy for you to say, he wasn’t looking at you like he wanted to rip you limb from limb. I think you would be worth losing a few limbs over though, if it meant I got to kiss you one more time.”

I blush at his words and give him a shy smile.

Once we get inside and past the massive crowd of people, one of my favorite local bands are on stage. We arrived at the perfect moment, because they start playing on of my favorites. I start to move my hips to the music, and I catch Adam staring at me.

“Do you like what you see?” I give him a coy smile and throw his words back at him.

“You have no idea how much I like what I see.” He says with a wicked grin that makes my heart beat faster. “I have to get back stage and help set up. Will you stay right up here by the front of the stage so I can see you? I don’t want to leave you alone, but I gotta get back there and get ready.” He says.

“It’s all right, I come here all the time, I’ll be OK!” I shout over the music. He kisses my cheek and heads backstage. He starts to walk away, but quickly turns around and heads back towards me.

“After feeling your lips on mine, a kiss on your cheek isn’t going to cut it. I need the real thing, Peaches.” He leans down and gives me another sweet peck on my lips. He lingers a little longer this time, but doesn’t take it any farther. I feel that if I don’t get more soon, I might explode. He pulls away and inhales deeply. “God, I can’t wait to taste you, but I want our first kiss to be amazing, and preferably when we are alone.”

Oh my. He stares at me for a few moments, and I can see that he is hesitant to leave me all by myself.

“I’ll be OK, I promise. I’m a big girl. Go kick ass on stage.” He leans down, giving me one last peck before he goes and joins his band. This time when I feel the butterflies in my stomach they don’t scare me, and I can’t wait to feel them again.

Once Adam leaves, I find my happy place and get lost in the music. I start dancing and singing at the top of my lungs along with the different bands. Coming and watching local bands always makes me feel close to my Dad. It reminds me of all the bands he used to have come into the bar.

When I was younger he used to play his guitar for me and I would dance around the house for hours.
Remember pumpkin, music is the best solution to any problem.
That’s what he always used to say to me, and to this day I very much believe his words. And as always my thoughts drift to the lead singer of The Twisted Monkeys. I wish I knew his name, knew something about him. I often wonder if he were still alive if he would have made it big. With a voice like his, I have no doubt he would have.

When it comes time for Adams band to get on stage, I am practically jumping up and down from excitement and I can’t wait to hear them play. The name of his band is called Second Chances and I love them already.

“Hi everyone! Thanks so much for coming out, and I hope you enjoy the show. Tonight’s show is dedicated to my Dad, he was a very special man, and he instilled in me my love of music, and also, to a very special girl in my life, Peaches.” He finds me in the crowd and flashes me that smile that I am starting to fall in love with. I practically swoon right there on the floor. God, what is Adam turning me into? Swooning is not something I ever saw myself doing. He said my dad
was
a very special man. I find myself wondering what happened to his dad.

The band starts up their first song and immediately the energy in the room goes up a notch. His band has an Indie/folk feel, but there is a bit of punk mixed in there as well. It sounds amazing. But my heart stops beating for the third time tonight when Adam opens his mouth to sing. His voice is absolutely beautiful. The emotion and the passion he is pouring into his songs bring tears to my eyes. The tone of his voice and his stage presence are vaguely familiar, yet I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe he reminds me of a band I’ve seen play here before. I find myself completely captivated by his music, and I tune everything else out around me except for the sound of his voice. I could stay here and listen to him sing for hours. The way the light is shining off of his hair makes him look like some sort an angel. It’s definitely a fitting analogy; his voice is the voice of an angel. Absolutely perfect. It’s like his singing and his voice sweep over me and calms me in a way I’ve never felt before. It’s a soothing balm for my dark and twisty soul.

But all too soon his portion of the show is over and he and his band members exit the stage. I scream and clap as loud as I can. God, they were amazing. I can’t wait to go find him and tell him how much I enjoyed his show. Once I spot Adam and his band I skip over to him and give him a big hug. I want to express to him how his music made me feel, I want him to know just what his voice and his music did to me.

“Damn, Adam, that was amazing. One of the best shows I’ve seen in a long time.” I can’t hide the ridiculous grin on my face.

“I saw you out there while I was performing, you couldn’t keep your eyes off my ass. Tell me, does this ass make you get all misty eyed, and get that dreamy look on your face?” He turns around and shows me his ass. I roll my eyes, god, he is a cocky son of a bitch.

I punch him in the arm. “Oh shut the hell up, your ass was the last things I was looking at.” Although if I’m being honest, I did notice the way his ass looks in his jeans. His jeans fall off his hips in the most perfect way, and I find myself wondering what he would look like with his shirt off. “Seriously though, your voice is beautiful, Adam. It was captivating listening to you sing. I could listen to you sing forever,” I add as an afterthought.

He beams down at me and soaks in my praise. He leans down and whispers in my ear. “You being here tonight means more to me than you will ever know. There is something about you Peaches, and each day I spend with you, I find myself liking you more and more.” He leans in and kisses my forehead.

“Bro, we killed it tonight. This is going to do great things to my image. The ladies can’t seem to get enough of me. You coming to the after-party at Max’s house? There will be a shit ton of hot girls, I have my eye on a couple groupies. I hope to bag at least three of them.” Bryan is talking to Adam, and I can’t help but gag a little bit on the inside. I hate the term bagging. Nothing about it sounds appealing.

“I often wonder why we are friends,” Adam says dryly.

“You wouldn’t know what to do without me. Admit it.”

Adam looks over at me and rolls his eyes. “It hurts, it physically hurts listening to him talk.”

“If you run into Jessie tonight at the party, you stay away from her. Any guy who uses the word bagging to describe a hook-up isn’t good enough for my friend,” I say jokingly, although I’m really not joking. Jessie will be at this after party Bryan is talking about, and any guy who uses the term bagging is not OK in my book.

“I can’t make you any promises, Abigail.  I might not be able to restrain myself, but I’m pretty sure Max laid claim to that hot piece of ass this summer.”

I remember Jessie dancing with Max and her odd behavior towards him at the lunch table earlier this week. I wonder if she has seen him since. It’s not her usual style to talk to a guy again after spending the night with him. Why hasn’t she mentioned him to me?

“What do you mean, Max has laid claim to her?” I cock my head and wait for his answer.

“They got pretty close this past summer and they went out on a date last week, and something about Jessie has made Max go all caveman on her.”

Interesting. She never mentioned a date, nor do I remember her going off with anybody this summer. Brat. Have I been so caught up in my own life, that I’ve failed to notice something going on in her life? We need a girl’s weekend. Like yesterday.

“So, you in or not for the after-party, Adam?” Bryan is looking at him expectantly.

“Nah, man not tonight. I’m going to get Abigail home, it’s late,” Adam says.

My face falls when he says this. Shit. Shit. Shit. I forgot to tell Jessie to pick me up from the concert on her way to the party. Jessie mentioned she was going to the after party, but if she is already there she is probably too tipsy to come pick me up. I could get Adam to take me to the party, but I can guarantee Jessie is staying the night, and I’m not comfortable sleeping there. I was too nervous about tonight and it completely slipped my mind to arrange for her to get me. How did something so huge slip my mind? Adam is making me think irrationally, I can’t think straight when he’s involved. I don’t want Adam to take me home. I don’t think I’m ready to let him see that part of my world yet.

“What’s wrong Abigail? You look pale, is everything OK?” He has a concerned look on his face.

“I forgot to let Jessie know I needed a ride home tonight,” I say quietly.

“I was planning on taking you home anyway; you don’t need her to come pick you up.” He has one eyebrow raised, and he is looking at me a little confused.

“You, don’t understand. I don’t think it’s a good idea if you take me home. There are lot things you don’t know about me, and I’m not ready to share them with you yet. I like having you around, and I’m not ready to scare you off yet. Can you please just let me see if Jessie can take me home?” I ask pleadingly.

Adam has an incredulous look plastered on his face. “Peaches, there is nothing about you that can scare me away. I am not going to pry and ask about details you aren’t ready to share with me yet, but please know that there isn’t anything you can say that will scare me away.”

Darrell’s words from earlier come back to my mind, and I hope he’s right. I have a choice to make. I can choose to show him a glimpse of my fucked up life, and hope that he will still accept me. Or I can run away scared of what he might think of me. I stand staring at him for a long time, hoping that the right decision will just magically pop into my head.

“You can take me home, but only to the door, and then you have to leave. Just drop me off, and drive away. If you can do that, then you can take me home.” I sound more stern that I intended to. But I need him to understand that he is just dropping me off, and nothing else. I don’t want to risk running into my mother.

“If that’s the way you want it, then I will do what you ask. Can I at least stay until I know you get inside safely?”

If he knew that I have never felt safe in my home since I was 7 years old, he wouldn’t be asking that question. Ever since my dad was shot and killed, my mom has bouncers that stand at the door. They pat everyone down for weapons before you can enter the bar. But it doesn’t make me feel any safer. I can’t believe she kept us living in the same place my father was murdered. I feel like I relive the whole sick and twisted situation over and over again. It’s like I can’t move on while we still live in the fucking bar he was murdered in.

“Just pull up and drop me off, please,” I say quietly. He is looking at me with a bemused look on his face. I can tell he wants to say more, but he chooses not to.

“Hey man, we are going to get out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow for practice.” He fist bumps Bryan and then we head to leave. Bryan blows me a kiss and I can’t help the groan that escapes from my lips. I hate people blowing kisses at me, it’s awkward.

“Hey, she’s mine. Back off.” Adam lightly shoves his friend. “I mean it, don’t look at her like that.”

“God, what is it with you and Max going all caveman on chicks at the same time. I can’t handle all this mushy cuteness. I need to go get laid.” Right after Bryan says that, a girl walks by and flashes him a teasing smile. “Well, this should be easy. See you guys later.”