All Falls Down (43 page)

I suck in air, wanting to hate her all over again. My breath won't fit in my chest, in my lungs, it's so tight, so close. It
hurts.
Everything about this hurts and I can do nothing but stand here and pretend it doesn't.
I want to beg them to make it stop, but I can't get those words out either. I can't say or do anything. I'm just here. Frozen. Dying.

"
Do you believe in heaven?" I ask, kicking my feet to send ripples waving through the cool water.

"
You ask the strangest questions," he murmurs even as he smiles over at me. The sun catches in his hair and my fingers ache to weave their way through the mess.

I do exactly that.

He hums his pleasure before lifting me up into his arms and settling me in front of him. His head finds its way into the crook of my shoulder. He sighs softly, content.

"
This is heaven," he finally says. "Right here with you… not even God himself could compete with that."

"
I love you," I breathe, turning my face up toward his.

"
And I love you." His lips meet mine, softly, reverently.

He's right. This is heaven.

He reaches for the glass in my hand. His fingers brush mine, squeeze gently, and then pry the crystal from my trembling grasp. That soft touch is enough to undo me completely.

I'm no longer frozen.

I'm drowning again. In want, need, and forbidden desire. It's too much and not enough. Every part of me begs to look up at him, to see him and make him see me. I force them closed instead, fighting for control.

My body begins to shake from my useless efforts.

"Jared would love it if you saved a dance for him tonight," Lexi says then.

My eyes spring open instantly and meet his.

Blazing green jade.

"I love you," he mouths when Lexi glances away, "forever."

The sob that's been building in my throat all night chokes me.

I just want to die.

Oh God… I said that out loud.

"I'm sorry," I whimper when his eyes widen in alarm and hers dart back to me. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Savan–" he starts to say and the look on his face… dear Lord, that look. It's love, pain, regret, and need.

It's him. It's me.

No, it's them. Her and him, together.

Oh, God.

I turn and stumble away, tears pouring down my face.

"Let her go," I hear her hiss behind me.

Jared's voice breaks on my name, chasing me from the room.

Let me go….

"You have to choose, Jared." Her blue eyes flash with hurt and anger. She points a finger at him, practically poking him in the chest. "You can't have both."

"Lex, please –" he tries to break in when a sob escapes my throat.

She's right. I know she is. He can't have both anymore. But hearing it from her hurts like hell. I cover my mouth with my hand as he stares at me, torment in his gaze, as if he knows this too. Every part of me screams for him to put his arms around me again, to lend me some of his strength and ease us both. I want to beg him to choose me… but I can't and I know that.

I have no place here. I never did.

"Don't 'Lex, please' me!" she snaps at him, actually poking him in the chest with one long, manicured finger this time. "You made a promise to me, Jared. To my sisters. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it means something to me, dammit!" he snaps right back at her, though his eyes never leave me. He's begging me silently to understand.

I want to tell him I do, but I say nothing. I'm not sure what will come out of my mouth if I open it.

"Then this has to stop now! You have to let her go, Jared."

Another sob rips from my chest when his shoulders slump, defeat and misery washing through cool green jade.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and my heart breaks. "I'm so sorry."

Memory chases me and I run until I can't run anymore.

I love you.

My legs collapse just beyond the back terrace, dragging me down to the cool, wet grass.

It's only ever been you.

I gasp for breath that won't come, sobbing and trembling.

You have to let her go, Jared.

Freezing rain pelts me.

I curl into a ball, tears and mascara running down my face, but I'm too far gone to care.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I love you. Forever.

My heart shatters in my chest a final time, and I know that this is what dying really feels like.

It hurts.

Everywhere.

Chapter Twenty-Six: Fade Into You

Part of me foolishly expects Jared to follow me – to pick me up and put the pieces back together again – so I'm not surprised when a pair of shiny black shoes appears in front of me while I tremble and cry in the grass. But when I risk a glance up, Jared isn't the one standing there. The shoes belong to the last person I expected to see here.

I have to blink a few times before I begin to comprehend.

"Toby," I mouth.

He stands there with his arms crossed. He looks like the devil with a grim smile on his face.

"Savannah," he says, and holds a hand out to me.

I don't take it. I just sit there, staring up at him.

He's handsome – I can't deny that. He's dark where Jared is light. But he's so much bigger and so much more frightening. The gleam in his eyes makes my stomach churn. Seeing me shattered on the ground amuses him.

"Come on, Sav," he says. "You're getting your pretty dress all dirty."

I hate that he's right.

Avoiding his hand, I drag myself to my feet. I don't want to touch him. Grass and dirt cling to my legs. My dress is soaking wet. I probably look like a drowned rat. Doesn't matter though. Toby doesn't get to see me broken again. And he damn sure doesn't get to break me.

I stand up straight, my feet planted.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"You got my note?"

"Your note?" I blink, confused again. And then I realize that he's the one who sent me the clipping.
He's
the one who wanted me to come here and see Jared and Lexi together. I should have known, but I didn't even consider the possibility. The thought that Toby knows where I live makes my heart race though.

"How did you find me?"

"I followed Katrina to your place." He smiles. "I knew they'd kick you out of here sooner or later."

"I left on my own," I snap.

"You left because you were fucking Lexi Talbot's fiancé and she found out." He sneers at me.

The way he says that – as if what I did with Jared is cheap and sleazy like it was with him – makes me squirm uncomfortably. And that pisses me off all over again. I'm not sure if that's because I think he's right or because I hate that he's reminded me that Jared didn't really love me, that he chose Lexi. But I realize that I really have changed because I'm not afraid of Toby. Right here in this moment, all I want to do is punch him.

I glare at him instead, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

"Come back to Italy with me, Savannah," he says. "I'll forget all about Corbit. We can start over."

He'll forget about Jared. As if I cheated on him. As if I'm the one who did something wrong. I didn't though. What he did to me isn't my fault. I stayed because he isolated me. He convinced me I had nowhere else to go. He abused me, manipulated and controlled me. And then he broke me and left me there – injured and in the hospital – to figure it out on my own.

That's not my fault. It's
his.

The truth of that realization courses through me, ripping away the guilt and blame I've buried myself under for so long. He can't hurt me anymore. Not now. Not ever.

God, why did it take me so long to realize that?

To admit that I didn't deserve what he did to me, that I didn't ask for it?

He abused me.

And it's over now.

Done.

He can't hurt me anymore because I won't let him.

Every last ounce of power he held over me disappears, wiped away by the truth. By the realization that I gave him the power to hurt me, and I can take it away again. Right here, right now.

I'm free of him.

And I don't have to stand here and talk to the son of a bitch now.

"Go to hell," I snap, and push past him.

"Don't walk away from me." He grabs my arm, spinning me around. His fingers are painful vises, gripping so hard I think I'll have bruises. His eyes flash, sheer hatred burning through them.

"Let me go, Toby." I'm so proud of the fact my voice doesn't shake.

"You belong to me, Savannah."

"I don't
belong
to anyone," I yell, ripping my arm free of his grasp. "Especially not to you. You make me sick!" I don't know why I say this when I know it'll set him off, but I can't stop myself. The strength coursing through me makes me bold. So much bolder than I've ever been before. Everything I've wanted to say to him boils to the surface, and I can't stop the words from exploding from my lips.

"You're an abusive, manipulative piece of shit," I tell him. "You spent two years torturing me, but you don't get to do that anymore. I'm free of you and I will
never
take you back. I will
never
be that person again. So you need to get the hell off of this property and go back to Italy where you belong because I'm
done
with you."

Toby reacts instantly to my outburst. Hatred flashes across his face again, turning dark brown a violent black color. He takes a step toward me, and lifts his hand to hit me. I'm still not afraid though. I'm furious.

How dare he come back here after everything he did to me and raise his hand to me? He has no right.

None.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?" I ask him. "Is that why you're here? Because you need someone to slap around now? Making me crawl to you on my hands and knees to suck your dick wasn't enough? Forcing me to let you sodomize me while I cried and begged you to stop wasn't enough? Leaving bruises on me and making me hate myself wasn't enough? Trashing everything we owned and making me feel worthless didn't do enough for you? Now you're going to hit me, too? You're pathetic, Toby."

"You little bitch," he snarls, taking a step toward me.

"Touch her and I'll kill you right here," Jared says from behind me. His tone is pure murder. He means every word.

Toby spins to face him, his hand still raised to strike me.

I turn, too.

Jared and Stewart stand side-by-side, their arms crossed over their chests. Jared's face is terrifying, pure murder stamped across every inch, but when he meets my gaze, his eyes soften.

"Come here, beautiful girl," he murmurs, holding out a hand to me.

And stupid me… I take it. I let him pull me to his side, away from Toby.

"You okay?" he asks me as if we're the only two people in the world. He reaches up and cups my face in his palm, staring at me intently.

Part of me wants to scream at him that I'm never going to be okay again and it's his fault, but I nod instead.

"Don't tell me you actually fell for the frigid little bitch, Corbit," Toby says, sneering at us.

I flinch, not because of Toby but because of the reminder that Jared doesn't love me. It hurts worse than anything Toby can say to me. He's just a sad, pathetic little boy. A coward.

Jared flicks his eyes past me to Toby and then back to me again.

"Go with Stewart," he says, his voice soft.

"Jared–"

"Go, Savannah."

I hesitate for a long moment, afraid of what he's going to do to Toby once I leave. I'm not afraid for Toby – he deserves whatever happens to him. But even now, I don't want Jared to get in trouble over him. Toby's not worth it. And even if Jared doesn't love me, he's a good person. One who would never put his hands on a woman or do the things that Toby did to me. One who would kill a guy like Toby if it kept someone else safe. He's not going to let Toby walk away from this scot free.

Toby might not live to walk away at all.

"You'll come crawling back to me when he's through with you, Savannah," Toby calls to me when I turn to walk away.

I don't even bother telling him that Jared's already through with me and I still haven't gone crawling back. I never will. As much as I want to hate Jared for marrying Lexi, I know I owe him for that. He helped me break free of Toby once and for all, showed me how I should be treated.

Toby doesn't deserve that explanation though, so I just shake my head and walk away.

Stewart walks a step behind me, a living wall between me and whatever's about to happen back there.