All Flesh Is Grass (7 page)

“That's what I did,” said Sherwood. “I was desperate. There was the business, this house, Nancy, the family name—all of it at stake. I took all of those ideas and I wrote them down and I called in my engineers and draftsmen and production people and we got to work. I got the credit for it all, of course. There was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't tell them I wasn't the one who'd dreamed up all those things. And you know, strange as it may sound, that's the hardest part of all. That I have to go on taking credit for all those things I didn't do.”

“So that is that,” I said. “The family business saved and everything is fine. If I were you, I wouldn't let a guilt complex bother me too much.”

“But it didn't stop,” he said. “If it had, I'd have forgotten it. If there'd just been this single spurt of help to save the company, it might have been all right. But it kept right on. As if there might be two of me—the real, apparent Gerald Sherwood, the one sitting at this desk, and another one who did the thinking for me. The ideas kept on coming and some of them made a lot of sense and some made no sense at all. Some of them, I tell you, were out of this world, literally out of this world. They had no point of reference, they didn't seem to square with any situation. And while one could sense that they had potential, while there was a feeling of great importance in the very texture of them, they were entirely useless.

“And it was not only the ideas; it was knowledge also. Bits and bursts of knowledge. Knowledge about things in which I had no interest, things I had never thought of. Knowledge about certain things I'm certain no man knows about. As if someone took a handful of fragmented knowledge, a sort of grab-bag, junk-heap pile of knowledge and dumped it in my brain.”

He reached out for the bottle and filled his glass. He gestured at me with the bottle neck and I held out my glass. He filled it to the brim.

“Drink up,” he said. “You got me started and now you hear me out. Tomorrow morning I'll ask myself why I told you all of this. But tonight it seems all right.”

“If you don't want to tell me. If it seems that I am prying …”

He waved a hand at me. “All right,” he said, “if you don't want to hear it. Pick up your fifteen hundred.”

I shook my head. “Not yet. Not until I know how come you're giving it to me.”

“It's not my money. I'm just acting as an agent.”

“For this other man? For this other you?”

He nodded. “That's right,” he said. “I wonder how you guessed.”

I gestured at the phone without a dial.

He grimaced. “I've never used the thing,” he said. “Until you told me about the one you found waiting in your office, I never knew anyone who had. I make them by the hundreds …”

“You make them!”

“Yes, of course I do. Not for myself. For this second self. Although,” he said, leaning across the desk and lowering his voice to a confidential tone, “I'm beginning to suspect it's not a second self.”

“What do you think it is?”

He leaned slowly back in the chair. “Damned if I know,” he said. “There was a time I thought about it and wondered at it and worried over it, but there was no way of knowing. I just don't bother any more. I tell myself there may be others like me. Maybe I am not alone—at least, it's good to think so.”

“But the phone?” I asked.

“I designed the thing,” he said. “Or perhaps this other person, if it is a person, did. I found it in my mind and I put it down on paper. And I did this, mind you, without knowing what it was or what it was supposed to do. I knew it was a phone of some sort, naturally. But I couldn't, for the life of me, see how it could work. And neither could any of the others who put it into production at the plant. By all the rules of reason, the damn thing shouldn't work.”

“But you said there were a lot of other things that seemed to have no purpose.”

“A lot of them,” he said, “but with them I never drew a blueprint, I never tried to make them. But the phone, if that is what you want to call it, was a different proposition. I knew that I should make them and how many might be needed and what to do with them.”

“What did you do with them?”

“I shipped them to an outfit in New Jersey.”

It was utterly insane.

“Let me get this straight,” I pleaded. “You found the blueprints in your head and you knew you should make these phones and that you should send them to some place in New Jersey. And you did it without question?”

“Oh, certainly with question. I felt somewhat like a fool. But consider this: this second self, this auxiliary brain, this contact with something else had never let me down. It had saved my business, it had provided good advice, it had never failed me. You can't turn your back on something that has played good fairy to you.”

“I think I see,” I said.

“Of course you do,” he told me. “A gambler rides his luck. An investor plays his hunches. And neither luck nor hunch are as solid and consistent as this thing I have.”

He reached out and picked up the dialless phone and looked at it, then set it down again. “I brought this one home,” he said, “and put it on the desk. All these years I've waited for a call, but it never came.”

“With you,” I told him, “there is no need of any phone.”

“You think that's it?” he asked.

“I'm sure of it.”

“I suppose it is,” he said. “At times it's confusing.”

“This Jersey firm?” I asked. “You corresponded with them?”

He shook his head. “Not a line. I just shipped the phones.”

“There was no acknowledgement?”

“No acknowledgement,” he said. “No payment. I expected none. When you do business with yourself …”

“Yourself! You mean this second self runs that New Jersey firm?”

“I don't know,” he said. “Christ, I don't know anything. I've lived with it all these years and I tried to understand, but I never understood.”

And now his face was haunted and I felt sorry for him.

He must have noticed that I felt sorry for him. He laughed and said, “Don't let me get you down. I can take it. I can take anything. You must not forget that I've been well paid. Tell me about yourself. You're in real estate.”

I nodded. “And insurance.”

“And you couldn't pay your phone bill.”

“Don't waste sympathy on me,” I said. “I'll get along somehow.”

“Funny thing about the kids,” he said. “Not many of them stay here. Not much to keep them here, I guess.”

“Not very much,” I said.

“Nancy is just home from Europe,” he told me. “I'm glad to have her home. It got lonesome here with no one. I haven't seen much of her lately. College and then a fling at social work and then the trip to Europe. But she tells me now that she plans to stay a while. She wants to do some writing.”

“She should be good at it,” I said. “She got good marks in composition when we were in high school.”

“She has the writing bug,” he said. “Had half a dozen things published in, I guess you call them little magazines. The ones that come out quarterly and pay you nothing for your work except half a dozen copies. I'd never heard of them before. I read the articles she wrote, but I have no eye for writing. I don't know if it's good or bad. Although I suppose it has to have a certain competence to have been accepted. But if writing keeps her here with me, I'll be satisfied.”

I got out of my chair. “I'd better go,” I said. “Maybe I have stayed longer than I should.”

He shook his head. “No, I was glad to talk with you. And don't forget the money. This other self, this whatever-you-may-call-it told me to give it to you. I gather that it's in the nature of a retainer of some sort.”

“But this is double talk,” I told him, almost angrily. “The money comes from you.”

“Not at all,” he said. “It comes from a special fund that was started many years ago. It didn't seem quite right that I should reap all benefit from all of these ideas which were not really mine. So I began paying ten per cent of profits into a special fund …”

“Suggested, more than likely, by this second self.”

“Yes,” he said. “I think you are right, although it was so long ago that I cannot truly say. But in any case, I set up the fund and through the years have paid out varying amounts at the direction of whoever it may be that shares my mind with me.”

I stared at him, and it was rude of me, I know. But no man, I told myself, could sit as calmly as Sherwood sat and talk about an unknown personality that shared his mind with him. Even after all the years, it still would not be possible.

“The fund,” said Sherwood, quietly, “is quite a tidy sum, even with the amounts I've paid out of it. It seems that since this fellow came to live with me, everything I've touched has simply turned to money.”

“You take a chance,” I said, “telling this to me.”

“You mean that you could tell it around about me?”

I nodded. “Not that I would,” I said.

“I don't think you will,” he said. “You'd get laughed at for your trouble. No one would believe you.”

“I don't suppose they would.”

“Brad,” he said, almost kindly, “don't be a complete damn fool. Pick up that envelope and put it in your pocket. Come back some other time and talk with me—any time you want. I have a hunch there may be a lot of things we'll want to talk about.”

I reached out my hand and picked up the money. I stuffed it in my pocket.

“Thank you, sir,” I said.

“Don't mention it,” he told me. He raised a hand. “Be seeing you,” he said.

4

I went slowly down the hall and there was no sign of Nancy, nor was she on the porch, where I had half expected to find her waiting for me. She had said yes, that I would see her later, that we had a lot to talk about, and I had thought, of course, that she meant tonight. But she might not have meant tonight. She might have meant some other time than this. Or she might have waited and then grown tired of waiting. After all, I had spent a long time with her father.

The moon had risen in a cloudless sky and there was not a breath of breeze. The great oaks stood like graven monuments and the summer night was filled with the glittering of moonbeams. I walked down the stairs and stood for a moment at their foot and it seemed for all the world that I was standing in a circle of enchantment. For this, I thought, could not be the old, familiar earth, this place of ghostly, brooding oaken sentinels, this air so drenched with moonlight, this breathless, waiting silence hanging over all, and the faint, other-world perfume that hung above the soft blackness of the ground.

Then the enchantment faded and the glitter went away and I was back once more in the world I knew.

There was a chill in the summer air. Perhaps a chill of disappointment, the chill of being booted out of fairyland, the chill of knowing there was another place I could not hope to stay. I felt the solid concrete of the walk underneath my feet and I could see that the shadowed oaks were only oaks and not graven monuments.

I shook myself, like a dog coming out of water, and my wits came back together and I went on down the walk. As I neared the car, I fumbled in my pocket for my keys, walking around on the driver's side and opening the door.

I was halfway in the seat before I saw her sitting there, next to the other door.

“I thought,” she said, “that you were never coming. What did you and Father find to talk so long about?”

“A number of things,” I told her. “None of them important.”

“Do you see him often?”

“No,” I said. “Not often.” Somehow I didn't want to tell her this was the first time I had ever talked with him.

I groped in the dark and found the lock and slid in the key.

“A drive,” I said. “Perhaps some place for a drink.”

“No, please,” she said. “I'd rather sit and talk.”

I settled back into the seat.

“It's nice tonight,” she said. “So quiet. There are so few places that are really quiet.”

“There's a place of enchantment,” I told her, “just outside your porch. I walked into it, but it didn't last. The air was full of moonbeams and there was a faint perfume …”

“That was the flowers,” she said.

“What flowers?”

“There's a bed of them in the curve of the walk. All of them those lovely flowers that your father found out in the woods somewhere.”

“So you have them, too,” I said. “I guess everyone in the village has a bed of them.”

“Your father,” she said, “was one of the nicest men I ever knew. When I was a little girl he always gave me flowers. I'd go walking past and he'd pick a flower or two for me.”

Yes, I thought, I suppose he could be called a nice man. Nice and strong and strange, and yet, despite his strength and strangeness, a very gentle man. He had known the ways of flowers and of all other plants. His tomato plants, I remembered, had grown big and stout and of a dark, deep green, and in the spring everyone had come to get tomato plants from him.

And there had been that day he'd gone down Dark Hollow way to deliver some tomato plants and cabbage and a box full of perennials to the widow Hicklin and had come back with half a dozen strange, purple-blossomed wild flowers, which he had dug up along the road and brought home, their roots wrapped carefully in a piece of burlap.

He had never seen such flowers before and neither, it turned out, had anybody else. He had planted them in a special bed and had tended them with care and the flowers had responded gratefully underneath his hands. So that today there were few flower beds in the village that did not have some of those purple flowers, my father's special flowers.

“Those flowers of his,” asked Nancy. “Did he ever find what kind of flowers they were?”