All for This (13 page)

“Really?” Collin asks, staring at Hanna’s belly.

Hanna looks up at me, caution all over her face. “It’s true. They’ll be twins, like your dad and your aunt Janelle.”

Collin’s eyes go big. “I’ll have a brother and a sister?”

“I don’t know,” she says. “Maybe. Or maybe two brothers or two sisters.”

“Will you live with us in our house?” Collin asks.

Another look from Hanna, this one less cautious and more apprehensive.

I jump in. “No, buddy. Hanna lives here in New Hope, and we live in Los Angeles.”

“Then we’ll have to visit a
lot
!” Collin looks at me. “Can I go play some more?”

“Sure,” I reply. “Just stay where you can see me.”

Collin loves New Hope. He’s spent more than his share in the concrete jungle of cities, and he loves walking down to the river or even just going to the park, where the playground is surrounded by trees and filled with kids whose parents have never hired a nanny in their lives.

When he’s across the playground, Hanna expels a long breath. “He’s precious.”

“He’s my world.” I need her to understand. “Or he has been until now.”

She studies me for a minute. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Introduce me to your son. Tell him about my pregnancy.”

“He was my everything, Hanna. But the day I met you, my world expanded.”

“Nate—”

“Whether you’re going to be with me or not, you’re going to be part of my life.” I close the space between us and press my hand to her stomach. “
They
will be part of my life.”

“At least they’ll have a big brother who loves them.”

I swallow.

“Having three children in two different parts of the country is going to be a lot more complicated than what you’re used to.”

“My invitation stands. I would love to have you live with us in LA. I would give you anything you need, anything you want.”

“Except my life in New Hope,” she says softly. “You can’t give me that in LA.”

“Daddy!” Collin calls from the top of a twisty slide. “Look at me!”

I watch Collin slide down. “When is your next doctor’s appointment?”

She drops her gaze to her hands. “Three weeks.”

“I’ll be there.” And maybe by then she’ll have had enough space and time from her breakup to reconsider my offer. “In the meantime, promise me you’ll let me know what you need. Say the word, Hanna.”

I’
VE ALWAYS
felt a special bond with my youngest sister. She’s twelve years younger than I am, so we’re not super close the way I am with Liz, but we understand each other in ways our other sisters can’t.

Abby is petite, where I’ve never been, but we’ve both had to contend with the efforts of our fat-phobic mother our whole life. In my case, it was because I was actually overweight, but Abby’s love of dance gives Mom the excuse to harp about calories. We’re both a little screwed up as a result.

I find Abby in the basement doing a Zumba video, which, I must say, is a marked improvement from the running Mom used to make me do. At least Zumba is fun for kids.

“Hi, Hanna!” she says when she sees me. She grabs the remote and clicks off the TV then dries herself off with a towel. “No worries,” she says, still out of breath. “That’s my only workout for today and I ate breakfast.”

“Gotta have fuel,” I say softly.

After collapsing onto the couch, she grabs her water bottle from the end table and unscrews the top. “I hope you’re here to tell me your
news
.”

Well, I wasn’t planning on having this talk today, but I suppose she’ll want to hear it from me. “Sounds like you already know.”

She rolls her eyes. “I heard Mom crying to Carol about it on the phone. Is it true? Nate Crane is the father of your babies, and that’s why you and Max aren’t going to get married?”

“Nate Crane is the father,” I say carefully.

“How did that happen?”

How do you explain to your eleven-year-old sister that you’re a dirty ho-bag who was sleeping with one man while pretending to be with another?

“It’s complicated,” I answer. “Definitely not the way I intended to start a family.”

She sighs dreamily and leans her head into the couch cushions. “As if Max wasn’t amazing enough, now you have Nate Crane. I mean, come on! How lucky are you?”

“I don’t exactly
have
Nate.” Guilt twists my gut, but I smile and say, “But I’m not here to talk to you about that.”

“Okay, then what?”

“I’m trying to piece together what happened those last few days before my accident, and I’m wondering if you could help.”

She frowns. “How?”

“Your birthday party was that week, right? The girls told me I talked to you alone that day, and it seemed like it might have been something important.”

The smile falls off her face and she drops her gaze to study her hands in her lap. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Abby, would you tell me what we talked about?”

She shrugged. “I don’t want you getting mad at me again.”

My stomach squeezes in dread. “Why was I mad at you?”

“Because I was exercising too much and wasn’t eating, and you caught me stealing your diet pills,” she says in a rush. “But you don’t need to worry anymore. I’m being real healthy.”

Oh, God. I pull her into my arms and stroke her hair. “Because you saw me doing all that stuff, right?” I whisper.

She nods against my chest and sniffs before pulling away. “But you said being thin wasn’t making you any happier and your habits weren’t healthy.”

I bite my lip, emotion threatening to spill over. “They weren’t. Not at all. But I bet you’re the reason I went to the psychiatrist to get some help. I bet you’re the reason I decided to be better to myself.”

She gives a half-smile. “You promised you would. We both promised.” She leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her, hugging her again. I’ll have to keep an eye on her now that I know, but I believe what she’s telling me.

“It’s hard living with Mom, isn’t it?” I ask. “She isn’t the most reasonable mother around.”

Abby snorts. “I caught her researching Paleo diets and children. I know she means well but…”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was a teenager, I wanted to change the spelling of my name to H-A-N-N-A-
H
because the missing last
h
felt like she was trying to make me smaller from the moment I was born.
Everyone knows Hannah’s a palindrome.” I chuckle softly at the memory.

“Why didn’t you change it?”

“Because it makes me different.” I smile. “And I didn’t want to disappoint Mom. I make a lot of decisions because I don’t want to disappoint someone. I see you doing that too.”

Abby shrugs. “We talked about that already.”

“We did?”

She nods. “Yeah, and you promised me you’d always be here for me, whether I disappointed you or not,” Abby says. “You said you were going to stop traveling so much.”

My breath catches. “I did?”

“Yeah. You said you wanted me to be able to come to you when I was feeling depressed about my weight and stuff. Of course, then you had your accident, and I didn’t want to remind you that you were ever mad at me.”

“Well, I’m not
mad
,” I tell her. “Only concerned because I’ve been through exactly what you’re going through now.”

She sighs. “Yeah, and look at you now.”

I swallow. “Yeah. Look at me now.”

“T
URN AROUND
and close your eyes,” Hanna instructs.

I lift a brow. “And miss the show?”

She props her hands on her hips and points to the opposite wall of the doctor’s office. “Around.”

“Killjoy,” I mutter, and to make it clear just how much I resent having to look the other way while she strips, I rake my eyes over her before I turn.

Being in the doctor’s office with Hanna is bringing back memories of Vivian’s pregnancy. Only everything is different this time. When Vivian found out she was pregnant, we weren’t really even dating anymore. I was young and terrified, and I had no idea how much a baby was going to change my life—no idea that a child could change the very construction of my heart.

It’s different with Hanna, and not just because I’m experienced. It’s different because I’m so painfully in love with her that the idea of her and two of my babies all being in that one body nearly paralyzes me with fear. Keeping my distance these last few weeks was harder than I’d anticipated, but I knew she needed the time.

“Okay,” she says, and when I turn back to her, she’s sitting on the edge of the exam table, covered by an ugly, white-and-beige-checkered gown. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s avoiding my gaze. “Thank you for coming today.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it.” The words surprise me by catching in my throat, and she finally lifts her eyes to mine.

Anything Hanna was about to say is lost when the doctor walks into the room. She does a double take when she sees me. “Oh. Hi. Mr. Crane. Wow. Hanna’s told me a lot about you. I’m Dr. Reid, but you can call me Nix. I’m a friend and a fan.”

I grin as I take her hand. By her blush, you’d think I was looking up her skirt. “It’s always nice to meet a fan.”

She chews on her bottom lip for a minute, and when I’m convinced she’s completely forgotten the reason we’re here, she turns to Hanna. “Congratulations on making it to your second trimester. How are you feeling?”