All Involved (40 page)

My dad says, “That it?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” my dad says and heads for the truck.

When he gets to the bed, I watch my dad pull the cardboard box to him and open it. From inside, he takes out a glass bottle of whiskey three-quarters full, uncaps it, and stuffs a rag as far down the neck as it will go.

“Whoa,” Kerwin says and takes a step back. “Is he gonna—?”

I look behind us, into the street, to see if anyone's watching, but no one is. We're all alone.

I say, “Dad?”

But he's not listening as he walks past me—I hear liquor sloshing back and forth in the bottle as he goes—and when he gets to the porch that we reslatted by hand, he takes his clove cigarette out of his mouth and touches it to the rag.

“It's mine,” my dad says. “I can kill it if I want to.”

How I feel right now is confusing. I don't want him to do it, but I understand why. All the work he put in—
we
put in—and all that time we spent. Every bit of it goes up in flames the second the bottle hits that back corner of the library and catches on the newspapers
and the bottom of an inset bookcase, still empty after all these years.

I blink and my dad is back in the truck and starting it. The radio jumps to life as he guns the engine before sliding over in the seat and popping the passenger-side door. Halfway through a chorus, a Shirelles' tune pours out into the night, “Dedicated to the One I Love,” and my dad is yelling at me over the top of it.

“
Mijo,
get in the truck! Let's go!”

But I can't. I'm too busy watching the Victorian die.

“Kerwin, goddamnit,” my dad says, “get
in
.”

When Kerwin does, and shuts the door, my dad yells at me again.

“Don't make me
put
you in here!”

I don't feel my legs moving, but I must be walking because I'm up in the truck and into the bed, and then I'm sitting down with my back flush to the cab, just like Kerwin was before, and I hear him say to my dad, “He's in!”

The truck peels out in reverse and I watch El Segundo Boulevard race up to meet me as my dad takes the turn too quick and the right-side tires go off the curb. I'd bounce right out of the truck if Kerwin didn't have a hand on my shoulder.

I'm about to thank him when he says, “I got you!”

I'm looking back behind us, too busy wondering if this is the last fire of the riots, or if somewhere, for other reasons, people are doing the same things. I get my dad's logic. It's the one property he has fire insurance on, so he might as well, but burning the house won't break us even—the payout would never be enough to get us back to zero on all three properties—but right now it's the only way to lose by less.

It occurs to me then that maybe that's how these riots are for everybody around here. You know you're gonna lose, but you kick and fight to lose as little as possible. It could be property, or health, or a loved one like ERNIE, but it's something and when it's gone, it's gone for good. No one feels peace tonight, and we haven't for days. The curfew may be lifted, but it doesn't mean things are normal, or that they're fixed, or that they will be anytime soon.

In L.A., it only means that things are different from the last time you could go out at night, and from now on, when we talk about these days, we'll talk about what they did to us, we'll talk about what we lost, and a wedge will get driven into the history of the city. On either side of it, there will be everything before and everything after, because when you've seen enough bad things, it either breaks you for the world, or it makes you into something else—maybe something you can't know or understand right away, but it might just be a new you, like when a seed gets planted, yet to be grown.

Kerwin turns up the music, and the chorus hits as the boulevard spools out beneath me with its yellow dotted line racing alongside before falling away into asphalt blackness. I think about how the guy with a needle in his arm has a front-row seat to this as wind whips my face.

A warehouse next to the nearest burned apartment complex quickly blocks most of the Victorian from my view, and all I can see is the library window flickering orange like a winking jack-o'-lantern eye before we get too far down the road and that light is gone too. All that's left to see of the house then is where it's going, skyward, as a black tower forms above it. I'm hoping to see it better the farther away we get, to understand more, because maybe if I see the rest of the neighborhood and how it burned, if I see how other people were targeted and suffered too, I can understand, but right now all I can focus on is our house, and how much it hurts to see it go, and how the distance doesn't give me any perspective.

So I close my eyes.

I put both my hands palm down on either wall of the truck's bed and hold tight to metal and chipped paint as the rhythm of the street bumps me forward and back. Through the window behind me, I hear the song winding down. I hear it running into the wind, tangling with the whooshing sound of it, and I picture how things used to be. I see how the Victorian looked when I was fourteen, faintly blue in early morning light. I see underripe avocados in the grass, hard and green, the kind I used to pick and play soccer with,
and beyond the tree that dropped them, I see one of the apartment blocks stands tall like a sentry, its roof only just going orange in the dawn. Something turns heavy in my chest when I imagine my own neighborhood, the one I grew up in, intact again. I see Ham Park's wooden handball wall still up, kids playing on it and grown men too, and the thumping sounds of their Saturday games echoed for blocks, and as far away as Momo's house, it just sounded like a heart beating—and maybe it was even the city's heart, beating too fast. In my head right now, Momo's house is whole again, his car's parked out front and he's walking to it with keys in his hand, nodding a hello at me as I go by on my chopper, and that's when it hits me: my memories are the only places I'll ever see any of it again, and I wonder if this is what writers are supposed to do, rebuild places in their minds—places long gone, places that disappear, and I wonder if that's true, is it true of people who disappear too?

The song's fading out now. I hear the girls' voices melt into the bass line as what's left of their harmony gives itself up to the wind and the grumble of the truck's engine. For two good breaths, I don't hear anything but sirens far away. I don't hear anything but the truck worrying its axles. When a new song begins, a different kind, one with a loud drumbeat, I don't recognize it, and it's a small thought that hits me then, but I feel it rumble and grow with each building whipping past. With each block, I feel myself agreeing with it. L.A. has an engine too, and it won't stop. It can't. It's a survivor. It will keep going, no matter what, and it will push right through these flames and come out the other side of them as something broken and pretty and new.

Abuela/abuelo:
grandmother/grandfather

Adónde:
literally, “where at?”

AK:
assault rifle originally manufactured in the Soviet Union, and abbreviation of AK-47, itself an acronym of Avtomat Kalashnikova 1947—which is a combination of the weapon's automatic capability, its inventor's surname (Mikhail Kalashnikov), and the year it was invented

All involved:
slang for someone participating in gang activity

AO:
Apparatus Operator, a driver and operator of the ladder truck during firefighting missions

Bala:
literally, “bullet”

Banda:
a traditional form of Mexican music that incorporates brass, woodwind, and percussion instruments

Bomber:
graffiti term for someone who takes part in graffiti, often on clandestine missions; a bomber typically tags one pen name (e.g., FREER or JUKER) repeatedly, as opposed to executing more complex pieces

Bombing:
graffiti term for the act of putting aerosol on walls for public display, typically painting many surfaces in an area

Bonjuk:
a Korean stew, typically rice based, resembling porridge

C-Spine:
abbreviation of cervical spine, typically referring to a collar needed to immobilize the cervical vertebrae of the neck after an injury

Cabrón:
all-purpose vulgarity that can mean “swine,” “bastard,” or “fucker,” depending on context and tone

Carnicería:
a meat market or butcher shop that may sell groceries as well

Cerote:
a piece of excrement; in slang, typically used by Mexicans or Chicanos to denigrate Salvadorians

Chavala:
someone who acts or dresses like a gangster; a female child or young person, the diminutive form (
chavalita
) means “little girl”

Chichis:
female breasts

Chilaquiles:
a traditional Mexican breakfast dish made by quartering and lightly frying a corn tortilla before pouring salsa or molé over it; this dish can also include eggs or meat

Chola/cholo:
a Chicano gangster, typically favoring a style of fashion unique to Southern California: flannel shirt, wifebeater, and khakis

Chorizo:
a spicy pork sausage

CHP:
California Highway Patrol

Clica (or click):
a gang, or a neighborhood portion of a larger gang; in graffiti, the terms
click
and
crew
are most frequently reversed, with
click
meaning a smaller group and
crew
connoting a larger grouping

CO:
Commanding Officer

Compadre:
literally, “buddy” or “friend”

Controla:
literally, “control,” typically used in conjunction with a click and city name, signifying that said click controls the stated area

Crew:
in gang terms, a smaller grouping within a gang or click; in graffiti, the terms
click
and
crew
are most frequently reversed, with
click
meaning a smaller group and
crew
connoting a larger grouping

Cucaracha:
literally, “cockroach”

Culero:
literally, “an asshole”; used by Mexicans in reference to a “coward” or an “asshole”

Culo:
literally, “ass”

Dušo:
a term of endearment, literally “my soul” in Croatian

El rey ha muerto; viva el rey:
literally, “the king is dead; long live the king”

EMS:
Emergency Medical Services

EMT:
Emergency Medical Technician, someone trained to administer first aid and lifesaving procedures during emergency situations

Enchilada:
a Latin American dish of a corn tortilla rolled around a filling and covered with a chili pepper sauce; can be filled with a variety of ingredients, including meat, cheese, beans, potatoes, vegetables, seafood, or a combination of these

EOC:
Emergency Operations Center

Ese (or esé):
Chicano slang, typically used between men to express “dude” or “man”; can be used derogatorily (typically with the accent on the second
e,
as in
esé
) or in a familiar, nonthreatening manner

FCP:
Field Command Post

Fe:
literally, “faith,” but can also mean “intention” or “will”; although in the immediate aftermath of being shot and in shock, Big Fate mishears the word first as “Fate” and ends up taking his name from it

Felicidades:
literally, “congratulations,” typically used on special occasions such as a birthday, a wedding, or Christmas

Gabachos:
a derogatory term for English-speaking people of non-Latino descent

G/Gee:
gangster, or gangbanger

Gee'd up:
someone who recognizably dresses the part of a gangster

Goldarn:
euphemism for “goddamn,” most typical in the southern United States

Grip:
slang for “many” or “a lot”

Grito (or Grito Mexicano):
a high-pitched, often musical cry

Hijo de su chingada madre:
literally, “son of your fucking mother” or “son of a fucking bitch”; typically considered the worst insult in the Latino communities, particularly among Mexicans, due to its historical meaning (“son of a raped woman”); the verb
chingar
comes from a Nahuatl (Aztec) word meaning “to rape”; when Spaniards arrived in the Americas, their raping of the indigenous women was so widespread that
chingar
became a curse, similar to the word
fuck
in English

Hina:
a desirable girl or possibly a girlfriend

'Hood:
abbreviation of “neighborhood,” typically an area with distinctive characteristics relating to the residents' ethnicity or socioeconomic
status; often used interchangeably with “ghetto” or “the projects”

Huevos:
literally, “eggs,” or in slang, “testicles”

ICU:
Intensive Care Unit

ILWU:
International Longshoreman and Warehouse Union

Jefe:
literally, “boss”

Juice card:
slang for the most powerful or influential person in a given area; though it is not physically real, it is considered something that is held, similar to the way a boxer holds a title belt

Keys:
another slang term for power; similar to a juice card—though they are not a physical set of keys, they are considered something that is held, similar to the way a boxer holds a title belt

Kruškovac:
a Croatian liqueur distilled from fermented pears

La clica es mi vida:
literally, “the click is my life”

LAFD:
Los Angeles Fire Department

LAPD:
Los Angeles Police Department, the city's policing body

LASD:
Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, the county's policing body

Layup (or layup spot):
a consistently used temporary parking area, usually off a main bus route, where drivers park a bus in order to change shifts or leave a bus if it is in immediate need of maintenance and is not capable of returning to the nearest bus depot

Lengua:
literally, “tongue,” most frequently beef tongue cooked and served as food

Lentejas oaxaqueñas:
a lentil-based Mexican dish, typically spicy-sweet and meatless

Leva:
a traitor or sellout

Loca/loco:
literally, “crazy”

Machismo:
strong masculine pride, possibly chauvinistic in nature

Manflora:
Mexican Spanish slang for “lesbian,” or “gay”

Mayate(s):
literally a “black, dung-eating beetle,” it is slang most frequently used by Mexicans and Chicanos to denigrate dark-skinned people

Mi corazón:
a tear of endearment, literally, “my heart”

Mi vida loca:
literally, “my crazy life,” frequently used to describe gang life

Molé:
a traditional Mexican chili-based sauce that can be made with a variety of ingredients

Neo-Geo:
a popular 24-bit video gaming console developed by SNK; released in 1990, the system was discontinued in 1997

Neta (or la neta):
the absolutely true, or literally, “the truth”; also used interchangeably with “really?” or “seriously?”

O.G.:
Original Gangster, typically describing someone who has been in the gang life for an extended period of time

Ojos:
eyes

Pachuco cross:
often associated with gang involvement and tattooed in the webbing of the left hand between thumb and index finger, it is a cross symbol with lines radiating from its top

Packing:
slang for carrying a concealed weapon, most frequently a gun

Paisa (short for paisano):
literally, “countryman” or someone of rural origin

Palillo:
toothpick

Panadería:
a bakery that may also sell groceries

Panocha:
pejorative slang, literally means “cunt”

Papas:
potatoes, or sometimes potato fries

Pinche:
a Mexican Spanish curse and intensifier, similar to
fucking
, though not indicative of sexual intercourse

Plaqueasos:
lettered graffiti, most frequently done in aerosol on outdoor walls, often signifying a gang, a gang member, or gang territory

Por favor:
please

Pozole:
a Mexican stew, most frequently made with maize and chicken or pork

Prima/primo:
cousin, its masculine or feminine form depends on gender of relation

Prométeme:
literally, “promise me”

Puchica:
Salvadorian slang for “shit” or “damn,” derived from the indigenous dialect, Caliche

Pueblo:
an American Indian settlement, typically consisting of adobe buildings of one or two stories

Puta/puto:
an all-purpose vulgarity that can mean “bastard,” “asshole,” “whore,” or “son of a bitch,” and the insult can be intensified by changing the gender of the noun to the opposite of the person being targeted

Qué onda vos:
literally, “what's up, dude?”; Central American (especially Salvadorian) Spanish differs from Mexican Spanish in its utilization of the “vos” form, which is a second person singular pronoun and is used beside, or in place of,
tu

Qué pasa:
literally, “what's up?” or “what's going on?”

Queso:
cheese

Quincé (short for quinceañera):
literally, “fifteen,” or an abbreviation for the celebration in Latino communities where a girl becomes a woman, or reaches maturity, at fifteen years of age; it is similar to a cotillion or coming-out ball

Raza (or La Raza):
literally, “race” or “the Race”/“the People,” this term can also express unity and/or racial pride among Latinos

RN:
Registered Nurse

RTD:
Rapid Transit District, this government body overseeing public transportation in Los Angeles merged with the Los Angeles County Transportation Commission on April 1, 1993, forming the current mass transit body in the city—Los Angeles County Metropolitan Transit Authority, or LACMTA (also known as MTA)

Salsa:
literally, “sauce,” typically one tomato based, though it can also be green (
verde),
black (
negra),
or even made with an onion base

Salvi:
Chicano slang for someone from El Salvador, often derogatory; or a familiar, nonthreatening expression of identity between Salvadorians

Señor Suerte:
literally, “Mr. Lucky,” an iconic character composed of a stylized, mustachioed skull wearing sunglasses, a fedora, a fur
collar, and crossing its bony fingers; created by artist Chaz Bojorquez in 1969, he later ceased painting it altogether as it had been adopted as the primary symbol of the Avenues, an L.A. street gang

Sherm:
PCP (phencyclidine), also known as angel dust, a hallucinogenic drug; in reference to a joint or cigarette dipped in liquid PCP

Shotty (or shotties):
slang for shotgun(s)

Símon:
Mexican Spanish phrase meaning “of course” or “absolutely”

Slanging:
the act of selling or dealing drugs

STL:
Strike Team Leader

Tagger:
term used for graffiti artists who most frequently write their pen names on public walls to promote the individual graffiti writer, not a gang

Tamales:
a pastry made of cornmeal dough, typically filled with meat or cheese and baked in a corn husk

Tia/tio:
aunt or uncle, its masculine or feminine form depends on gender of relation

Tienes pisto:
literally, “do you have money?”; pisto is a Central American Spanish (especially Salvadorian) term for money

Toy:
term used by graffiti artists to either refer to novices, or graffiti done by novices

TRW:
abbreviation of Thompson Ramo Woolridge; an American aerospace and engineering corporation, it became the victim of a hostile takeover by Northrop Grumman in 2002

UCLA:
abbreviation of University of California, Los Angeles

Varrios (or barrios):
literally, “neighborhood”

Vato:
Mexican slang for “man,” there is a certain seriousness implied in the word

Veterano:
literally, “veteran”; an amount of experience is conveyed with the word, and when used in Latino gang culture suggests that such a person has frequently participated in criminal activities

Viejo:
literally, “old,” typically meant to refer to an “old man”

Wet (or getting wet):
slang for PCP use, or to add a dose of PCP to a cigarette or joint by dipping it in a vial of the substance