All of Me (20 page)

A featherlight touch tickled Faith’s arm, pulling her from sleep. Her skin was heated and she realized it was from the sun when she breathed in the scent of salt water. The steady thrum of the ocean roared in the background. Opening her eyes, she squinted to look up at Alec’s face as he sat on the edge of her chair, hip to hip.

“Hi.” She glanced around. Stretched. “I fell asleep.”

“Sounds like a nice way to spend the day, sleeping in the sun after a good book.”

She struggled to sit, bringing them closer. “How’s your manuscript? You were really going to town.”

He brushed a kiss over her lips, stirring her pulse. “It’s nearly done, thanks to you. And an even better story because of your insight.”

Warmth flooded her chest. “I’m glad.”

His smile fell a fraction. “I’m sorry I got so wrapped up.” He lifted her black panties, dangling from one finger. “I got your note. I’m about to make up for lost time.”

Before she could retort, he swooped her up in his arms and brought her inside. A rush of cool air hit her sun-kissed skin and she shivered.

As he carried her down the hall, his gaze raked over her body. “You’ve got the start of a sunburn, but I think I woke you in time.”

“I’m glad you did. Where are you taking me?”

Instead of going to the bedroom like she expected, he walked into the bathroom and set her on her feet. He turned on the water in the tub and grabbed a bottle of her body wash. Inhaling, he groaned and then checked the water temperature.

“Take a bath to wash the sunscreen off, and then I’ll rub some lotion . . . right here.” He kissed her shoulder and slid the strap of her bathing suit down her arm. “And here.” He kissed the other shoulder and removed her top with one slick flip of his wrist. He strode around to her back, trailing a finger down her spine. “And here.” He kissed the small of her back and crouched to slide her bikini bottoms down her legs. “Here, too,” he whispered, kissing her calves.

Air seeped from her lungs. Her heart pounded in anticipation. A sharp tremble tore through her core as the apex between her thighs throbbed. Yet she couldn’t move, no matter how much she wanted him. His touch was gentle, kind, where before it had always been needy and urgent. She didn’t know what to do with this side of him.

He rose and faced her. With slow, seductive movements, he tugged his shirt off and his shorts down, all the while maintaining her gaze. Heat and desire shone in his eyes, but there was something else there. Something tender she hadn’t seen before.

Her breath caught. “Alec?”

Naked, he stepped to her and held her hips. “Faith.” His voice was raw, a coarse groan of restraint. He nuzzled her neck, kissed her ear. “I want you.”

She whimpered and grabbed his solid arms. “Yes. I want you, too.”

“Get in the tub.”

She didn’t want to step out of his arms and break the connection, but she did as he asked and climbed in. He followed and sat behind her, his strong thighs on either side of hers and his erection pressing into her lower back. The warm water, scented with vanilla, slid over her skin, creating a delicious friction between them.

He reached for her body wash and lathered a small amount between his hands. Starting with her neck, he made his way down her shoulders and back before sliding around to her front. Every stroke was heaven and torment, all rolled into one bundle. His slick, soapy hands found her breasts and squeezed.

Her head fell back on his shoulder. She arched, seeking more.

“God, those noises, Faith. You like this?”

“Yes.” Her eyes fell closed, lost in his touch.

One hand kneaded her breast, circling her nipple, while the other trailed lower beneath the water. Over her stomach and right to where she throbbed for him. Only him.

His lips hovered by the curve of her ear. “I like touching you. Watching you is the most mesmerizing thing I’ve ever seen. You let go of your reservations and just feel. Me. You feel me.”

Each word sent her higher, closer and closer to completion, until she came apart blindly. Before her tremors subsided, he lifted her by the hips and brought her down over his shaft.

He stilled. Rubbed a slow hand up and down her back when she wanted to move. “No condom, Faith. Be careful how close you tease my restraint.

She loved how he filled her. Loved how there was no barrier between them. But the consequences of going unprotected were too great. She rose off of him, already missing him inside her body, and turned to bring them chest to chest. Splaying her hands on his shoulders, she ran them over the
ridges of beautiful muscle—down, down—until she could wrap her fingers around him.

He sucked in a breath and grabbed her wrists. “This is about you, not me.”

That gave her pause. Nothing had ever been just about her before. Unsure of what to say, how to feel, she cleared her throat. “Then let me touch you.”

He started to shake his head, but stopped. Looked in her eyes. The gray blue of his irises turned stormy, his eyes fixed and dilated on hers.

Keeping one hand around his shaft, she brought the other up to brush his lips with her fingers. His lips parted to take a finger into his mouth, and as he did, she stroked with her other hand. He bit her finger, not hard, but then released it right away, as if worried he might hurt her. Empowered, she stroked again.

“Mother of God.” His head hit the back of the tub.

She watched him closely as he came moments later, fascinated by the way his jaw clenched and his breath held and his body tensed in a pleasure-pain combination. And all because of her touch. That someone like her could satisfy a man like him had hope rising in her chest, pride swelling in her throat.

Still breathing erratically, he cupped the back of her head and drew her mouth to his, kissing her in a hot exploration that seemed like way more than a simple thank-you by the time he was finished.

Afterward, he dried her body, the soft terry-cloth towel lingering over each part of her like a caress, and then applied lotion to her skin. Slow, deliberate strokes of his hands made her heart race with the tenderness he exhibited. And when he was through, she didn’t have any air left in her lungs.

*   *   *

Because Alec had no idea if anyone else had thought to get Faith a gift while scrambling to pull off this last-minute
birthday dinner, he drove her into the touristy area of the strip and parked outside a store.

“I thought we were going to dinner?” Her wary gaze traveled over the building in front of them. A jewelry store.

“We are. After.” He opened his door. “Come on.”

She strode around the car and met him at the store entrance, still looking adorably confused. He took her hand and tugged her inside, wondering just what the hell he was doing. This kind of gift said you cared about someone deeply, and though he did care about Faith way more than was wise, he couldn’t help but think this would be impossible to walk away from. In the end, there was no other choice but to leave. He’d made his mistakes, and he had to live with them.

Yet even with all the doubt ramming his temples, the thought of what Faith might be doing today had he not figured out it was her birthday knotted his gut and tightened his throat.

“Pick out anything you want.” He gestured at the glass display cases lining the walls.

“What?” Her wide, panicked gaze met his.

“Pick out—”

“No, I heard you.” She waved a flustered hand. “Alec, no. I can’t.”

He stepped behind her and held her waist to lean down and speak into her ear. “Yes, you can. You just walk over to one of the cases and pick out whatever piece of jewelry catches your eye.”

She trembled beneath his hands. “Alec . . .”

“Had I known sooner, I would’ve picked something out myself. Happy birthday, Faith.”

“Can I help you folks?” A salesperson walked up to them, her perfume as heavy as her makeup.

“Give us a second,” he said, training his gaze back on Faith.

Not one word fell from Faith’s lips, but the tension in her body spoke volumes. He could’ve plucked her like a guitar string. “Any day now. We have dinner plans.”

She shook her head violently.

Frustrated, he stepped around to face her and found tears. A lot of them. Too many for her to will away like she’d done before.

“Faith. Please? I want to. It’s your birthday and I want to give you a gift.” He cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

Earlier, he’d had the odd thought that he’d slay a demon for her. He’d been wrong. He’d slay them all. Because the sight of her like this was killing him.

She blew out a watery breath and met his gaze. “How . . .” She cleared her throat. “How did you know it was my birthday?”

“I’m an author. Research comes with the territory.”

She nodded. “Thank you, but this is a bit much.”

“Then pick out something small if it makes you feel better.” He studied her face for a moment. “Why didn’t
you
tell me it was your birthday?”

She stared over his shoulder and shrugged. “I don’t know. It seemed presumptuous.”

He shook his head and laughed. Presumptuous? Faith? “Pick something out.” He kissed her forehead and stepped away to address the waiting salesperson. “Whatever she wants.”

The woman’s eyes widened with glee. “Of course.”

Alec backed off and stood by the register to give her some room. Faith hesitantly stepped to the counter with the rings, but quickly moved on. He bit back a grin and pretended to check his texts. Faith moved past the necklaces and earrings before stopping near him at the bracelets, the salesperson chatting her up the entire time.

“I used to have one like that, when I was a little girl.” She pointed to the top row, where a few charm bracelets were displayed on white felt.

He turned and leaned a hip on the case. “You like those?” He never would’ve guessed that, but then again, it suited her.
He ignored the bigger, gaudy ones. “Can she see the one on the left?”

“Of course.”

The saleswoman unlocked the case and set the bracelet on the counter, disappointment twisting her mouth. Obviously she’d been hoping a woman allowed to pick anything she wanted would go with a pricier bauble. She didn’t know Faith like he did.

“We have an assortment of charms to go with it. Here’s the book. Just find what you like and I can add them right away. They have tiny clips to add new charms and rearrange however you want.”

Faith tentatively touched the bracelet with her fingertips. “It looks a lot like the one I used to have. Hope had given it to me. I lost it at the hospital during one of her treatments.”

Well, that settled that. Alec leaned in close to Faith’s ear. “Go wait in the car. I’d like at least part of this to be a surprise. I’ll be out soon.”

Her round gaze met his. Through her amber eyes, gratitude and awe radiated. Wonder. To Alec, it seemed like she was accumulating one of her moments, storing it away in her memory to pull out at a later date. She must’ve seen something when she looked at him, because her gaze softened and a trace of a smile worked her lips.

The air all but crackled between them. For the first time in years, an unnamable emotion rose up to choke him, more powerful than anything he’d ever experienced. Blinding, deafening, and not altogether unpleasant. Like a fissure sealing.

She stepped closer and he had to force himself to exhale. “Thank you.”

Because his throat wouldn’t work, he nodded.

When Faith was out of sight in the car, he turned to the book of charms and ignored the saleswoman’s curious stare. He scanned the pages, waiting for something to jump out at him. He found a seashell and pointed to indicate he wanted
that one. The ocean meant a lot to her. He’d found her walking the surf, lost in thought countless times.

“I’ll get to work on this one, and you can let me know if you find more you like.”

Alec nodded, grateful for the minute alone.

The attendant returned just as he’d finished his selection. He pointed to an “H” to represent her sister’s name, and a little infinity symbol that had “friends” engraved on it, to represent Mia and Lacey, figuring those would mean a lot to her.

There was one last charm he was debating. “I’ll take that one, but don’t add it to the bracelet. I’ll take it in a separate bag.”

While the saleswoman clipped the charms and prepared the box, he texted Mia that they’d be there in under thirty minutes.

Package in hand, and the other charm burning a hole in his pocket, he stepped out into the fading light of day with his heart pounding. He was barely in the car when Faith pounced. She grabbed his arm and climbed halfway across the console.

“That was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” The gratitude in her eyes burned intense, surprising the hell out of him.

“I’m a nice guy.” Or at least he was when he was around her—she’d managed to bring out that hidden quality, one he didn’t know he possessed. She did all sorts of things to him. It had been years since someone looked at him like she did.

She grinned, a full watt brighter than he’d seen to date. “Thank you.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but her mouth crashed over his. He cupped her jaw and kissed back, letting their tongues mesh and the heat to nearly engulf the car before pulling away.

“I really like that particular form of thank-you. We’ll have to get more into detail after dinner.”

She brushed her fingers over her swollen lips. “Dinner is overrated.”

Tempting. The only thing he was hungry for was her. Normally, he’d agree and skip it, but their friends were waiting. Not that she knew that. “I promise you, after dinner, I’ll let you thank me however you want. All night.”

To keep her busy in the meantime, he passed her the jewelry box. He started the car and made his way down the strip. After a moment, he cranked the air to cool things down. It didn’t help much.

And when she tore her way through the wrapping, her gasp of delight was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard.

She was still staring at the bracelet, twirling it around her wrist, when Alec pulled the car up to her guesthouse. It was amazing. She’d hovered between tears and giddy laughter on the drive home. The charms were thoughtful and personal. Somehow, he’d worked himself into her life and had seen her better than anyone.

He was the only one who’d tried to see.

In a few short weeks the wedding would be over and he’d go back to New York. She didn’t know how she’d get through. What she felt for him and how profoundly she felt it was still a whirlwind inside her head. How could she stand on the beach and not think of how they met? Sleep in her bed without remembering their lovemaking?

“You ready?”

She lifted her gaze. “I thought we were going to dinner.” Instead, he’d driven her home.

“We are.”

They exited the car and walked across the crushed shell
drive toward Cole and Mia’s. He took her hand and rounded the house.

“Surprise!”

Faith gasped. Cole, Mia, Ginny, Lacey, and Jake stood on the back deck, the fading light behind them and a cake on the table before them. Ginny held a bunch of balloons. A small stack of presents littered a patio table. Cole turned to flip something on the grill. Chicken. Her favorite.

Since she seemed to be frozen, Alec leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Happy birthday. If you eat fast, we can get to the thank-you portion quicker.”

She pressed her hand over her face and laughed, long and loud. So long that she had moisture in her eyes by the time she was through. “You guys, this is wonderful. I’ve never had a surprise party before.”

Jake and Alec exchanged a look, one she couldn’t decipher, but held an enormity of meaning. Eventually, Jake nodded slowly and draped an arm over her shoulder. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

Ginny bounded over, bouncing on her toes, and clumsily passed her the balloon strings. “I picked them out. I got one in every color because I don’t know your favorite color so that way you aren’t upset. It’s a rainbow!”

Faith smiled. Shook her head. “I don’t have a favorite color, so your rainbow is perfect. Very thoughtful, Ginny.”

Everyone started talking a mile a minute until her head spun and Cole shouted, “Food’s done.”

It wasn’t just the best birthday—it was the best day she’d ever had. Good friends to hang out with, a nice guy who wanted to take her to bed later, presents picked just for her, and the ocean playing its own sort of melody in the background. Never in her wildest imagination had she thought life could be so sweet. So perfect. Her heart flipped in her chest. Swelled.

Jake and Lacey had gotten her a gift certificate for a spa,
and Cole and Mia a stationery set and candles scented like a sea breeze. Ginny had colored her a pretty, yet simple picture of them together on the beach, collecting shells. Faith promised to put it up on her fridge as soon as she got home.

They sat until long after sundown, cooled slightly by the breeze, chatting about the wedding and other miscellaneous topics. Easy conversation with easygoing people. Friends. It was great finally having them.

“Oh, my God, Lacey. This cake is so good.” Mia wiped her mouth with a napkin and waved off the margarita Jake held out. “I can’t wait for the wedding cake. Same bakery, right?”

“Yep.” Lacey sipped from her own glass. “Jake makes way better margaritas than me.”

Faith grinned and leaned back on the bench seat in the corner of the deck. “We won’t get nearly as drunk.”

Alec took the spot next to her and slipped his arm around her waist, encouraging her to lean against him. “And when, exactly, did Lacey get you drunk?”

“Yeah.” Jake’s gaze swung between them. “Why wasn’t I called?”

Faith laughed. “At Ginny’s slumber party. One sip and we were toast.”

“Yeah, but it was fun.”

“That it was. We’ll have to do it again, since Mia was gone the first time.”

“I’ll pass on Lacey’s margaritas, though.” Mia smiled and snuggled into Cole’s side while he kissed the top of her head. She looked at each of them expectantly. “I’m pregnant.”

A pause filled the space between them.

Lacey screeched and flew out of her chair, wrapping Mia in a fierce hug. “I’m going to be an auntie?”

“Yes, ma’am. And Ginny, too. Right, pretty girl?”

“Yeah! I get to read her stories and play with her. But not change diapers.”

They laughed.

“Remember we talked about this, Ginny.” Cole smiled at the teenager over Mia’s head. “It may not be a girl. It could be a boy. And no diapers if you don’t want to.”

Jake lifted his glass. “Right there with you on that one, Ginny girl. Congrats, you two. Very cool.”

“I’m already planning a shower.” Lacey hugged Mia again. “With little booties and clothes and stuffed bears. I’m so happy for you!”

“It’s still early. We’re not announcing yet.” Mia looked at the others. “Just our good friends and family.”

Faith stayed where she was, unsure if it was appropriate to hug Mia, too. “That is wonderful news. Congratulations!”

Alec lifted his glass. “Ditto. Here’s to the end of quiet nights.”

Cole laughed. “Got that right. Worth it, though.” He looked down at Mia’s face with such love that Faith’s heart thumped wistfully in jealousy.

They chatted another hour, the time flying discussing babies and names. Faith sighed happily, staring at her new friends. This night was so perfect, she wished it could last. But Ginny’s eyes were drooping and Cole yawned.

“Can I help you clean up, Mia?” Faith offered.

“No, no. It’s your birthday. Besides, there’s not much.”

They’d gotten most of it already, so she nodded. “Thank you again, guys. This was unexpected. I had the best time.”

Mia waved her over and took the initiative, wrapping Faith in a hug. “I hope you had a great day.”

Her throat grew tight. “I did. Thank you. And congratulations again. I’m so happy for you.” Mia and Cole had had a rough go trying to claim their happy ending. She was so, so pleased for them to start a new family. “You ever need a babysitter, you know where to find me.”

Mia grinned. “Thank you. I may make you regret those words.”

Faith laughed. “Doubtful.”

Alec took her hand, and they made their way to the beach. He was being unusually quiet, even for him, and Faith started to worry that something was wrong. He guided her toward the house, but she tilted her chin toward the water.

“Let’s walk for a bit.”

Nodding, he followed and stood by her side in the surf, staring pensively out to sea. A muscle bunched in his jaw. His shoulders were tense.

She wondered if she’d done something wrong or if he regretted giving her the bracelet. Maybe their relationship was hitting too hard and too close to home after getting together with friends. It was hard to tell with him when he got like this, lost in his own head. For all she knew, he was plotting a book.

“Do you want to call it a night and head back to your house? You seem like you need to be alone.”

Slowly, he turned his head and pinned her with those gray-blue eyes. Even in the dark their color was intense. The wind captured his black hair, making him look like a pirate.

His gaze dropped to her mouth before sliding back up to her eyes. “I should say yes. But no, I don’t want to be alone. I want you.” He looked back out at the ocean, a war waging over his face.

At a loss, she stood next to him as worry ate her stomach raw. “Are you okay?”

He nodded absently, then shook his head. “All this talk of babies. Just . . . I don’t know. I wasn’t ready for it, I guess.” He grew silent for a moment. “I should get used to the idea. Lacey and Jake will want kids someday soon.”

Laura’s miscarriage and the pain in his voice when he’d told her what happened kept her silent, fishing for the right words. She only had more questions. “Do you want kids? Of your own someday?” That would mean letting go of Laura and moving on, something she didn’t think he’d be willing to do. Or able.

“I did, once.”

Her heart hurt for him. Guilt was a terrible thing to live with, even if misplaced. But he wasn’t ready to hear that, so she sighed and offered what little she could. “Let’s head inside. I still have a lot of thanking to do.”

He breathed a laugh and looked at her. His smile never reached his eyes. Leaning in, he whispered a kiss to her lips. “I wouldn’t say no to that.”

They walked over the dunes and into the house, neither saying anything as they made their way to her bedroom. Quietly, she closed the door.

The sound seemed to kick him into gear, because instantly his hands were at her waist, tugging her shirt up and over her head. His mouth sought hers, hungry and desperate. He fought to take his own shirt off, tossing it across the room. She did the same with her shorts. Panties. His pants. Briefs.

He sat at the edge of the mattress and pulled her to him, his large hands holding her hips and their bare skin connecting. His fingers dug into her flesh as his gaze skimmed over her breasts, her belly. Lower. He sucked in air through his nose, as if trying to center himself. But whatever had him distracted wasn’t easing. Moment by moment his eyes grew lost, until he almost wasn’t in the same room.

When he dropped his forehead between her breasts and whispered her name, she made a vow to do everything she could to help him through his grief. Laura’s accident and the loss of his baby may have been years ago, but he was just dealing with it now. It was entirely possible he was starting to develop stronger feelings for her in their still-new relationship, but didn’t know how to handle them, which only compounded his guilt.

She slid her fingers into his hair with one hand and drew her other arm around his back, holding him to her chest. His arms instantly came around her body and squeezed. Held. She stroked his shoulders, his back. Slow, methodical circles to ease his tension until he was ready to face her again.

A minute or two passed before the wetness of his tears dripped onto her skin, hot and heavy. Silent tears. She said nothing, not wanting to hurt his pride or make him ashamed to cry. He needed to let go. She was just glad she was here when he did. When Hope died, there had been no one to hold her and help her understand. No one to lean on to absorb the endless pain. Her parents were too torn up in their own grief to see anything else. At least, for Alec, she could be that crutch.

He didn’t sob or shake, but his body started to sag against hers and it was becoming harder to hold him. Without a word, she gently encouraged him to scoot back so he was no longer at the edge of the mattress and straddled his lap. She held his head on her shoulder, his face buried in her neck, as his arms banded around her back. He’d stopped crying, but his breathing was shallow as he worked out the rest.

“Christ. I’m sorry, Faith.” He nuzzled her neck and let out an uneven breath.

“You’ve been sorry long enough.”

His head lifted. Brows furrowed, he stared at her.

“So have I. Maybe we should both stop.”

He cupped her cheek and drew in a breath. “I wish I could.”

She did, too, but hopefully that would come in time. “You’re tired. It’s late. Lay down with me?”

“In a minute.” He pressed a kiss between her breasts. There was nothing sexual in the move, just tenderness. His finger traced her scar, low on her belly. “Is this from your surgery?”

“Yes.”

“How old were you? I’ll bet you weren’t scared for a second.”

The problem was, she’d never stopped being afraid.

She climbed in bed and lay back, opening her arms for him to join her. He followed and pulled the sheet over them
before tucking her in the crook of his arm. They lay there in the dark as he ran his thumb over her shoulder. Her lids were heavy, her body exhausted, but she wanted to answer him.

“I was thirteen and I was scared. Terrified, actually.” She tilted her head up to look at him. “I’d given her bone marrow and several blood transfusions, but they were going to put me to sleep for surgery. All I could think about was who would help Hope if I didn’t wake up.”

“What did your parents say?”

She rested her cheek on his chest. “They didn’t know. They kept moving between my room and Hope’s, trying to be with us both. I put on a brave front so they could stay with Hope. She needed them more than I did.”

“That’s bullshit.” He turned on his side and faced her, propping his head in his hand. “I’m sorry to say it like that, but it’s true. You may have been conceived to save your sister, but she wasn’t their only child.”

“You’re angry again.” Just as before, she reeled at the frustration rolling off of him. She’d gone from being invisible to mattering so much in such a short period of time. “They did their best by both of us. They died a little when she did. Don’t be angry for me. It’s done. In the past.”

He stared down at her, his lips thin and his eyes fierce. “It’s not done. You’re still donating. Day after day, you’re waiting for them to love you like they did her. That’s their hang-up, not yours.”

“Alec—”

“No. Listen to me. You are not the sum of all your parts, Faith.” His gaze darted over her face, her hair. He tucked a strand behind her ear and sighed, his gaze softening. “You’re so much more than that.”

His words pierced her heart and made her realize that was exactly what she’d been doing. She’d been giving her parents pieces of herself in the hope that they’d love her a smidgen of how much they loved Hope. But if they didn’t by now, they never would. Still, it hurt. So, so bad it hurt.

When would she ever be good enough? She’d let Hope down. She’d let her parents down. Mostly, she was letting herself down. And Alec? He’d leave her behind soon, too. Because it seemed that’s all she was ever good for. A short blip of time until her services were complete.

He flopped to his back and drew her to his side. “I was supposed to be making love to you. Some finish to your birthday this turned out to be.”

The pensive, solemn mood had passed, and the stirrings of need started to swirl within her. Not greed or blind lust, but the need to soothe. To touch and be touched.

She draped her leg over his hips and slid over him. The thickness of his erection grew between their bodies as she stared down at him. He tried to flip her over and take control back, but she didn’t let him. Tonight wasn’t about the climax. It was about the path there.